I closed my eyes when the air brushed softly against me. A smile tugged at the corner my lips as I remembered all the good memories since I was a child.

I wished I can turned back time and live my life happily if my future will be became like this. The smile on my face disappeared with the hand on my sides fisted as I thought about him.

"Please baby let me explain. But I can't tell you everything. Just not now. Not for this time. Not until the right time comes."

Why?

Why can't he told me?

I'm his wife.

I deserved to know the truth to understand his life. If he can't told me then I will kept misunderstood about him. A sighed escaped my lips when I didn't know what to do about it anymore.

I didn't know what was he thinking. I didn't know why he wanted to keep it as a secret even I already knew some of them.

I'm his lawfully wife. Then why he doesn't wanted to tell me. It's been three days he ignored me, avoiding me like I was a poison.

Yes maybe I am a poison to him.

The more I thought about it, the more crazy, mad and disappointed I am.

I shook my head, feeling dejected at his behaviour. I stood up from the bench before walked inside our house-no his house.

"Zahra? Do you want to eat something? You know you should take care of yourself and the baby."

I stopped on my tracks when someone called me. But then I realised something, I forgot that I am actually pregnant.

My hand unconsciously touched my flat stomach when I remembered about the baby. I can't believed all of this. Yesterday, I tried the pregnancy test to make sure that I was right after Katherine told me that I was really pregnant.

Both of us were a doctor so we knew all of that but it seems I can't believed it. And the test showed that I am pregnant.

Why must this time I'm pregnant?

Why must right now?

"Zahra?"

I snapped from my thoughts when Maya touched my shoulder softly. I wiped quickly the tears that I didn't even realised dropped at the corner of my eyes before before she can saw it.

I smiled at her,"Come on let's eat. I'm hungry." I tried to talk cheerfully but then Maya just looking at me before I heard her sighing.

She held my hand, squeezing it as if she wanted to give me her strength to face all of this. I smiled at her, feeling my tears almost dropped again but I shook my head before pulled her hand towards the kitchen.

I pulled the chair before sitting on it. Maya put a plate of delicious food in front of me making my stomach grumbled. My hand unconsciously patted my stomach, rubbing it softly.

My baby is hungry.

A smiled tugged on my lips when I remembered that this scene was happened once ago. The day that Maya and Emily thought that I was actually pregnant with his child and now their words became true.

We didn't know how future works. So you just have to face everything. It's your choice, decisions on how to make your life more happy.

I ate a scoop of the food as a satisfied moaned escaped my lips."This is so delicious Maya!" I told her making her smiled.

"Thank you, Zahra."she replied, sounded happy when she saw me smiling ear to ear.

Well who can resist Maya's food?

I savoured the taste of the food until my plate almost finished before a small sound came out from lips. I smiled innocently at Maya as the sound became loud making her giggled.

She shook her head, taking my plate but I stopped her and picked it up to wash it on my own.

"Maya?" I asked with my hand started washed the plate. She hummed, standing beside me and helping me wiped the plate.

I was hesitated to ask her questions about him because I know Maya take care of him, baby sitting him since he was still a child. I wanted to know more about him.

Maybe it was too late, long ago I didn't wanted to know anything about him but when all of this already happened I should know more especially his dark past.

I know it's not my place to know his past but I wanted to understand about him, about his life. I don't think all of this happened without a reason.

Especially when I was his wife, I should helped him not avoiding, ignoring him. I should care about him. I should comfort him.

I should love him.

"What is it?"she asked as if she knew I was hesitating to ask her question,"Is this about Damien?"

I gulped when she said his name but then I nodded,"Ummm..."I wiped my hand with a towel before turned my body towards her.

"Did you know his past?"

Maya smiled when she heard my question."Did you mean how was his life when he was a child?"she pulled my hand as we sit on the stool. I smiled weakly, nodded my head at her question.

"This is not my place to tell you about him. But I know his behaviour, he doesn't share his problems with anyone. He just kept it by itself even it's hurting himself."

I frowned when Maya said those words. He was really a secretive. He was someone who doesn't share his problems. He was suffering inside.

"When I first met Damien, he was still 3 years old. I remember that day his father bring him home with those pure eyes staring at me."Maya smiled, as she began the story.

"Maya, take care of him."Damien's father pushed him from his legs towards Maya roughly.

He looked scared, terrified at the new surrounding. He wondered where was his mother? Why he was here? Why his mother didn't came along?

"Hi. What's your name?"Maya asked as he looked around with those tearful eyes.

"Since that day he was under my watch, he never talked to anyone including his father until he did something to Damien."Maya sighed, squeezing my hand.

"Look at me when I'm fxcking talking and stop crying!"His father shouted at him, slapped his sweet chubby cheeks making the 3-years old child fell to the ground.

"That's not the worse, a months later he said something cruel at him. He's been abused since that. Not only physically but also mentally. His father told that his mother doesn't want him anymore. He told Damien that his mother left him for money. Leaving him alone."Maya wiped the tears that spill on her cheeks.

My heart aches when I heard that, he was still a child when his father said that. How could he? How could he said that to his son?

Maya continued,"I remember when Damien was already 9 years old, trying to gain his father's attention by having excellent grades on his examination. His eyes fill with happiness telling me that he wanted to show his father...."she shook her head.

"But it was just a waste, his father throw them away and want to stop him from school. If I not beg his father from stopping him then I don't what will happen with him."Maya let out a sighed.

I felt my heart clenched, as if feeling his painful memories. I didn't believed that his childhood doesn't have any bright side. He was suffered since he was a child.

🔥🔥🔥

I kept walking to the upstairs, towards my room. My head still thinking about his childhood story that was Maya told me. I didn't know he was abused since he was still 3 years old.

My mind thought about the scar on his back. Was that because of his father doing?

My heart clenched when I think about him. I saw that his life was perfect, he have everything. But deep inside we never know how was his life actually.

My leg stepped the first stair, but I stopped when I realised that I was going upstairs, towards the third floor. My hand gripped my shirt tightly as my body can't moved from stepping away the stair.

I breath in deeply, deciding to make my way upstairs. I wanted to pick some of clothes to change before I go to sleep.

My legs felt heavy as I took another steps before stopped in front of a door. I let out a breath that I was holding before turning the knob of the door.

There was only darkness when I opened the door. I switched on the lights when I heard the sound of someone grunting in pain echoed the dark room

I gasped at the sight before me, I saw he was there. Laying on the ground instead of the warm bed without any clothes.

He's been here for all this time?

I heard him groaned, wrapped his arms around himself.  My eyes widened when it caught something. His knuckles were red, bleeding making me walked towards him.

"Damien?"I asked, when my hand touched his bare arms a gasped escaped my lips.

His body was burning.

My hand touched his forehead, his neck feeling his temperature. I felt him shivered under my touched before he moved slightly.

"Baby?"his voice sounded rough, hoarse against my ears.

"You're sick."I told him, feeling disappointed at myself. I can't even take care of him.

The corner of his lips tugged slightly, before his bloody hand grabbed my wrist that wanted to move him towards the bed.

"I'I'm sorry."he whispered as he intertwined our hands before he brought towards his chapped, dried lips.

I sighed when I heard the words again,"Come on you shouldn't sleep on the ground when you have fever."I grunted when I pulled his heavy body up to lay him on the bed instead of the cold ground.

I cringed at the side of him when he was already laying on the bed with the quilt up to cover until his stomach. Pale face. Dried, chapped lips. Dark circles under his eyes. Bloodied knuckles.

He smiled, let out a small chuckle when he saw my face. I shook my head, turned my body around to walk towards the bathroom but suddenly he grabbed my hand.

"Stay."

Just one word, enough to make my heart clenched. I sighed, squeezing his hand, "I just wanted to take the fist aid kit and some water."I said before put his hand back on his side when he kept silent.

I walked towards the bathroom as soon I entered it, I gasped when I saw the mirror was shattered on the ground with bloods on it.

He's punching the mirrors out of anger.

Carefully stepping the floor making my way towards the drawer to take the first aid kit and small towel with a basin of warm water.

I put the basin of water and the kit on the night stand. My hand touched his hand, before doing my work with his knuckles. I can felt his deep stare on my face but I ignored it and continued my work.

After done with his hand, I dipped on the towel on the water, pressing it before wiped his forehead. My hand stopped when our eyes met, I can felt his eyes looking at me with loved, admiration.

I looked away from him before brought downward the towel to his neck.

"I wish I wanted to always have a fever if you're taking care of me."he said, making my hand stopped wiping on his collar bone.

I shivered when one of his hand tucked the strands of my hair from my face to the back of my ear. I gritted my teeth at his words, deciding to just ignored him and work faster wiping his body carefully.

I didn't wanted to cry in front of him. I didn't wanted to show that I'm weak in front of him. I didn't wanted him to saw that I'm worried about him.

I put down the towel in the basin, cleaned all the messed before got up from the bed and walked towards the bathroom. I walked carefully, doesn't wanted to step on the glass.

I washed my hand on the sink, my heart clenched when I remembered that there's so many scars on his body.

Why I didn't realised it before?

I closed my eyes, inhaled deeply shutting off the water then walked out from the bathroom. As soon I stepped out, I saw that he wasn't laid on the bed but sitting at the side of the bed as if waiting for me.

"Baby?"He asked, looking at me before standing up with a groaned escaped his lips making me sighed.

I walked towards him, "You should take a rest." I demanded, pushed his body softly to lay back on the bed and covered his body with the quilt.

"Don't go."he said when he saw I wanted to get up.

I sat back on his side, "I just wanted to cook some food for you."I told him but he shook his head before taking my hand.

"I don't want food. I want you."he gripped my hand tightly but not hurting me and put it on his chest.

"Damien--"

He closed his eyes, doesn't wanted to hear anything from me with hugging tightly my arms to his chest. He wouldn't let my hand go even I pulled it so I just let him did that.

I waited him until he was already asleep before cooked food for him. I saw the corner of his lips tugged slightly when he felt that I stopped pulled my hands away. I smiled at his behaviour, he looked cute when he did that.

I waited for another minutes until he fell asleep. My hand unconsciously rubbed his hair with him leaned into my hand making me smiled.

How can he hide all those painful memories?

How can he live with all those?

Why I didn't realised all of it?

Why I never saw that he was actually in pain?

After checked that he was already slept, I pulled slowly my arms and stopped when he moved slightly. I stood up but I put the pillow on his side and he unconsciously hugged it tightly making me smiled.

I went down towards the kitchen to prepare food for him. My hand worked fast because I didn't wanted him to awake and searching for me.

"Zahra? What are you doing?" Someone interrupted my worked as I looked over my shoulder to see that Katherine and Emily entered the kitchen.

"I want to cook chicken porridge for Damien. He have a fever."I told them, continuing to cook the porridge.

"He sick?!"Katherine gasped, sounded worried about her brother.

I nodded my head at her question, tasting the porridge when it's almost cooked. I put the porridge into a bowl, with water and some panadol for him on a tray.

I saw Katherine ran upstairs, maybe towards his brother's room. I picked up the tray and made my way to his room with Emily trailed behind me.

"Zahra!"

I heard Katherine shouted, calling my name making me walked faster.

"What's wrong?"I asked worriedly before I heard groaned, grunting echoed the room.

"Damien!"Katherine said, pointing at him that was trashing on the bed.

I put down the tray quickly on the night stand before sat on his side. He body was shivering, sweating as his body moved side to side.

"Damien?"I grabbed his shoulder, shaking his body wanted to wake him up from the nightmare.

"Please..."he gasped,"No!"

I slapped his cheek, shaking his shoulder, but he won't awake. He really have a nightmare as he always muttered,"Don't leave me."

"He have a nightmare Zahra."Katherine said, shaking his shoulder.

"Damien?"I shouted his name, but it seems he didn't heard it.

I decided to slap his cheek to wake him up. He gasped out loud, with his eyes widened after I slapped him to wake him.

Our eyes met, his hand touched my cheek,"Baby?"He asked, before pulled my body towards his chest. Hugging me tightly as if doesn't wanted to let me go.

I sighed, rubbed the back of his head. I heard him his shoulder shook slightly before I heard a sobs escaped his lips. I looked over my shoulder when Katherine tapped it.

She pointed to the door, saying that they wanted to leave us in privacy so I just nodded my head.

When I heard the door opened and closed, Damien broke into tears making my heart clenched. I can felt my shirt soaked on the shoulder.

I have ever seen him in this vulnerable state.

Lifeless.

Hurt.

I rubbed his back, the back of his head. His body shivered under my touched.

"Don't leave me."he whispered against my shoulder. His voice was shaky.

"I won't."