Chapter Fifteen

Ed groaned silently as the person in front of him leaned their chair back. He really had no right to complain, considering his own chair was leaned back, but he couldn't help but be annoyed that he now had less leg room. Though it wasn't the first thing to annoy him in the past two days; ever since the Eiffel Tower, he found himself sunken deeper into this hole of not being sure what to do now that Samantha was gone.

Harry had texted and called him fourteen times, not once did Ed answer. He could tell that Alexi was also depressed, and he knew why. Since he had done such a good job in the past weeks, she thought that maybe - just maybe - she would see the real Ed.

The one that wasn't ridden with undeniable pain and loss, the one that never cared what anyone said. The one that Harry had told her about, who could talk for hours on the silliest things and would enjoy life. 

She had seen a shimmer of that old person, and she had grown hopeful that he was learning to grow past the things that had happened. But once the sun had peaked out behind the clouds, it started raining once again.

As Ed closed his eyes, thoughts of what life would be like if Samantha hadn't died, if nothing had changed. 

The wedding would have been splendid, both families and friends gathering together to celebrate one of life's most treasurable moments. Her mom would be dressed up to a tee, her father out of his comfort zone of a t-shirt and jeans, and her friends would gush about how handsome the best men were. 

Harry would of course be one, smirking and whispering things into Ed's ear. The moment that Samantha would walk down the aisle, looking just as stunning as she always was, Ed would think about how damn lucky he was to have this perfect woman. 

The honeymoon would be, needless to say, perfect. The days afterward would be perfect, knowing he'd get to wake up next to her beautiful smiling face. She'd come to most of his concerts, holding up goofy signs and screaming the lyrics along. 

"Ed, d'you want a drink?" Alexi's voice brought him out of his reverie, his eyes blinking rapidly as he tried to ward away the pain that settled over him almost immediately. An extremely smiley flight attendant was standing beside them with a cart full of drinks and Ed attempted to clear his throat.

"Uh, yeah, a coke." His voice came out raw, almost broken. 

"Are you ever going to talk to me about what's going on?" Alexi sighed once the flight attendant was asking the people two rows back what they wanted. 

"My fiancé is gone. That's what's going on." Ed replied back, barely tilting his head to look at her.

Alexi was shocked into silence, slumping an inch down the seat and grabbing ahold of the can of cranberry juice in front of her. She took a sip and tried to imagine what it would like to be in Ed's position. Surely she would do everything he had done - at least, she would be depressed and unmanageable. But she thought he was getting better, that maybe he was learning to heal. 

The door slammed shut just before she got a few steps in.

Before they knew the seatbelt sign was lit and they could both feel the knot in their stomach as they descended on the airstrip. Not one more word had been spoken since the drinks and Alexi could only imagine a very awkward trip in the American state. She even contemplated calling Harry, maybe he would be able to bring back the small bit of Ed she had seen.

"Make sure you got everything," Ed said once they had reached the terminal. Alexi nodded wordlessly, not wanting to upset him any further.

The deboarding process didn't last long, since they were close to the doors and before they knew it they were on their way to the outside area to catch a cab. They only needed two days worth of shots,  since their returning ticket was marked for Thursday. Stuart, and the rest of his crew, were anxious to get him back into the groove of his business. He was scheduled for a concert in only two weeks, and Ed was sure that if he tried to cancel it, he'd be on the out for the rest of his life.

The cab arrived and soon they were off to their hotel, and Ed tried so hard to not remember the last time he was there.Unfortunately for him, the memories did not listen.

December 3rd, 2012

"The sun is shining, it's a bright and humid day in December. How strange is that? It's so gorgeous here - Ed, have you ever thought about moving to LA?" Sam asked as her head rested on his shoulder.

"If you want to," Ed replied, trying his best to ignore the urge to shrug. Shrugging while someone is leaning on you is not really a good idea.

"It's just so… Pretty," Sam sighed with a faint promise of a smile. "It's a bit too busy for us, though. We do best in small cities, where there's a coffee shop within walking distance and we know our neighbors."

The park bench seemed like something out of a movie, with the couple sitting close together watching as life went on. It was a moment that they captured and framed in their mind. "We definitely need our coffee."

"And tea!" Sam added.

"And tea," Ed concurred.

"Ed," after a short silence, Sam took her head off his shoulder and looked deep into his eyes. "Promise me one thing."

"Okay."

"Promise me that you'll never lose your child-like heart, because it's the thing that I fell in love with. Don't ever grow up." She spoke so seriously, although she also seemed as though she was teasing.

"Promise."

Present Time

The thing he had promised her, the thing that she had loved most about him, had slowly dissipated since she had died. It was like he grew up over night, losing the child-like wonder that came with his job and his life. 

The worst part was that he didn't know how to get it back.

©MyHeartsMistake

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