After making sure that my baby is fed, I ask Myria to watch over her while Ed brings me to a vault deep under Mason's house. It's the basement the pack uses to keep political prisoners, or, as history entails, it was where the previous alphas keep their rebelling mistresses in order to tame them.

No pack members were ever allowed to enter the Alpha's house unless they were betas. But not all betas were allowed to enter the basement. Ed told me that he frequents the basement to deliver rogues, vampires, and all kinds of dangerous enemies. He used to tell me about the 'monsters' he had to deliver to the dungeon in a horror fashion at night. He'd tell me the details of what those 'monsters' did, and each was so terrifying that my hair always stood. I am pretty sure that Ed exaggerated the details a lot to make me cuddle to him closer every night.

I know he laughed at me while he hugged me.

Why does this have to happen to my Ed? Why does he have to change like this? Of all men, he was the sweetest. Of all men, he was one of the best.

He was...

I look at the man walking next to me. The way his nose is bent slightly, the way his lashes curve, the sharpness of his jaw, the way he walks. All of them are Ed's. Yet this body is just a shell of the man Ed was. The person inside this body... Can I really call him Ed?

Ed strengthens his grip on my hand. He carried me all the way from the hospital to the basement, but when I saw how the pack members were looking at us, I made him drop me. Ed couldn't understand my being uncomfortable being seen by the pack members being carried by a vampire, yet he fulfilled my wish. In exchange, he wouldn't let go of my hands. Thank the Goddess that my legs have been strong enough for the walk.

His palm is cold. "Your hand used to be warm," the words tumble out of my mouth just like that. My voice is small, barely a whisper. But his hand tensing a little let me know that he heard me.

"Is it too cold for you?" He stops to ask me out of concern. He is genuinely concerned for me. Then his lashes droop down. "I'm sorry. This body is not made out of warmth."

He looks so sad that I feel bad for ever voicing those words. So I shake my head gently. "No. I was just stating things."

Without letting go of his hand, I nudge him to walk deeper into the basement hall. The room is dark and there are iron cells on each side of the walls. Those iron bars are rusty. I can smell rats' feces and hear spiders crawling in every corner. It looks abandoned, or perhaps deliberately abandoned, as another form of torture for anyone who gets put here.

Ed walks a few feet in front of me since he is the one who knows where to go. We pass the rows of cells and reach the edge of the basement. A wall of black bricks is in front of us. Before I can ask, Ed has pushed one of the bricks on the lower right side of the wall. Then the wall breaks into two and slides open to reveal another dark room in the basement.

There is a huge tree growing on the other edge of the room. The roots of the tree cover the entire walls and floor, even the ceiling. There is no space for light and there is definitely no source of water from outside, yet the tree stands alive and healthy. Fireflies surround the trees. They grow brighter the more steps we take inside the room.

Underneath the tree, there is a small pond. And when I look into the pond, my breath is taken away from me. Because there is a woman lying unconscious on the water. Her body floats on top of the shallow pond in a flimsy white dress. Her dark hair fills almost half of the pond.

She looks like she is sleeping peacefully.

"Luna Gina," I call the woman's name. Without thinking, I let go of Ed's hand and kneel on the edge of the small pond. My hands reach out to Gina's face, but I do not dare to touch her. "Is... is she... alive?"

"She is," Ed answers coldly.

I look back quickly at Ed, holding his gaze as I ask, "What have you done to her?"

Ed shrugs as if whatever he is about to say is not a big deal. "Vampires have this hypnotic skill. So, I put her to sleep and preserve her body in this pond so her body would not degenerate from sleeping for a long time. Werewolf bodies degenerate quicker than humans because we are so used to being so active all the time."

I blink. He explained that to me as if he was explaining something so ordinary that I should have known. His tone is so casual that it unnerves me.

"W–why would you do this?"

He sees my face twist and shortly after his cold face changes into worry. He crouches down next to me slowly, his eyes look lost as if he didn't expect I would be upset seeing Luna Gina like this.

"I need to make Mason listen to me," Ed explains, "He wouldn't take any action to retrieve you because of what the Moon Goddess had said."

I blink again.

"But why keep a living person in this state when you could have sent a message to me?" I am baffled. I truly am.

My Ed could never have done something like this to anyone, especially his Luna.

"The lycans could easily destroy my message. And they could easily forge a message with your name too," Ed says with a smile. "The only way for me to stop worrying is to get you back myself. And somehow the universe heeds my call when they give you back to me last night."

I rise to stand. Looking down at him, who is still crouching on the ground, I ask calmly, "Don't you think perhaps I am meant to stay in the Lycan Kingdom? After all, the Moon Goddess herself told you and Mason to let me be."

His smile fades instantly. His face darkens. "What are you saying, Mars?"

Gulping hard, I force my voice to be steady. "Ed, I am happy with my life in the Lycan Kingdom. The Moon Goddess was right. I bloomed in that kingdom. I became the person I never thought I could."

He rises too, towering over me. That warmth I saw before has disappeared. He stares at me with so much intensity, with thick intimidation. Ed never looked at me like this before. Although I know he used to show this side of him to his warriors. But he never showed it to me. Not once, even when he was angry. He would cool himself off first before talking to me when we had heated arguments.

"And... I..." I stutter in front of this version of Ed.

When he takes a step toward me, I can't help but take a step back. Seeing that, Ed's gaze only becomes more intense.

"And you what?" He takes another step toward me, and in response, I take another step back. My feet stumble upon a large root of the tree and I fall down, sitting on top of another large root. Ed keeps on taking steps toward me, knowing that I can't move away anymore. He hunches down, then puts his hands on either side of my body on the tree root, caging me with his own body. His blue gaze only gets colder as time passes. And despite his paler skin, I can see the rage brewing inside him.

I can feel his anger... and disappointment, without even touching him.

"And I...," I have to be brave. Mason is right. Ed still listens to me. If I can just carve my words carefully, he might... "I'd like to go back to my life in that kingd–"

I scream as soon as Ed punches the tree root just inches away from my body. The blue veins pop on his arm and with his newly found power, he manages to create a perfect hole in the tree. The entire root shakes, or perhaps it is just me trembling. The sound is explosive and sudden, which is why I am screaming. I close my eyes when I feel the splinters grazing my skin.

Deep down, Sasha tucks her tail under her legs too. But she lets me know she is ready to fight.

When I open my eyes again, those angry eyes have not subsided. In fact, the rage has only become clearer on his face. His nostrils are flaring, his lip line curves downward, and his gaze seems to breathe fire.

"Does our history together mean nothing to you?" I didn't expect his voice to break when everything about him suggests he is furious. "You can't expect me to just let my wife and child live with a... lycan! Even thinking about our child calling a lycan with 'Father' disgusts me! How could you do this?"

"Ed–"

He doesn't give room for me to speak. "Did they threaten you?" he asks me, "Did they brainwash you?"

"N–No–"

"Then how could you kick me, your husband, and the father of your child, to the curb?" He raises his voice. His face is so close to mine. I can't stand the intensity of his gaze anymore, can't stand his firestorm burning me because I can understand his emotion. I can see what he's feeling, clear as crystal. A vision of a sky crumbling into a storm of fire fills my mind. That's what Ed is feeling right now.

Right then, without Ed knowing, a surge of energy, an electrical impulse pricks my palm. It comes from the tree. The vision of Ed's emotion changes into the vision of a beautiful woman cupping my face, giving me the warmth I so needed. She hugs me and stares me straight in the eye.

Another vision flashes in my mind. One of fire, screams, tears of agony, and blood. I can sense the horror of the scene so vividly. It crawls under my skin, taking roots inside me. When Ed showed his claws to the entire pack, he made the werewolves obey him out of fear.

He is a tyrant, blinded by love.

'Don't let him break you,' Gina says, pulling me out of the vision. Her chocolate gaze is pure, full of strength. But even the strongest person can still look so tired. Luna Gina is conversing with me through the trees. She is awake, mentally, but not physically. It must have been torture to be awake for months and yet she can't move or open her eyes. 'You are stronger than you think.'

'Mars, Ed is still blocking your mate bond,' Gina says, 'He made Mason order the healers to put a crystal inside you while they operated. The same crystals he made Adina order her seamstress to be put on your wedding dress. I heard it all. Ed liked to brag about his plans to me, thinking that I was not awake. But I have been awake all this time. That crystal acts as a potent barrier between your bonds. It messes with your mind.'

I draw in a sharp breath without knowing. Ed thinks I am scared of his anger only. He doesn't seem to realize that Luna Gina is talking in my mind right now. His eyes are on me. He is waiting for my answer.

'H–how do I take out the crystal?' I ask Gina.

She is quiet for a while, which makes me panic. I don't want to be left alone with this version of Ed. My fingers are trembling when I feel a sudden warmth enveloping my palm. Without Ed realizing it, a thin branch from the tree reaches out to my hand. It's as if Luna Gina is holding my hand, giving me strength.

'Mars,' she whispers, 'I'm sorry, but it's best for you to stay for the time being–'

"Answer me, Mars!" Ed bellows, cutting off Luna Gina's words in my mind.

There must be a way for me to go home, right? There must be.

I calm myself down. My brain needs to think clearly. There must be something I can do to get back to Lyall. There must be something I can do to fight for the life I want.

"Marsha," Ed says in a low tone, glazed with darkness, "I will kill every single life in this pack, werewolf or vampire until you agree to stay with me."

What?

I blink. Then blink again.

"I just want my old life back, Marsha. And my life isn't complete without you," he says in an exasperated tone. Then the darkness returns to the timbre of his voice. "I'm serious. I can, and I will kill every living being in this pack if I must."

I blink for the third time. His serious expression has not changed. The horror finally settles within me. It matches the horror I felt when I saw the vision Gina gave me.

"This is not the right way, Ed!" I cry out. "This is not you!"

"I don't care," he returns to his cold voice, "All I care about is to have you and our baby back."

Then his face softens, and his gaze is pleading with me. "Just give me time, Mars. Give this version of me a chance," he begs, "Please... we were great. We can go back to–"

"I don't want to go back, Ed!"

"But the pack is better now," Ed argues, "Females can enroll in higher education and Mason has made it possible for females to be warriors too. You can be the person you're meant to be beside me, too. You don't have to go back to that lycan to fulfill your dreams. I can make your dreams come true."

"I–I'll give you all the books you want. I know you were sad for some time after I took away all your books before the war. I'll teach you to be a warrior. You're free to do whatever you want, be whatever you want," his voice cracks, "just... just do it by my side."

I take in all of his words, his meltdowns. His threats and then his pleas. The branch that is holding my hand tightens, reminding me of Gina's words, 'You're stronger than you think.'

For a while, I only stare at Ed in silence, wondering if the man I married has already gone too far for me to reach in this foreign body. I wonder if perhaps... my power can bring back the Ed I used to know. Would that be possible?

"It's funny that you said the pack is better in treating females," I say slowly, "yet look at you now, trying to chain me to your side."

Ed's face twists into coldness yet again. His gaze darkens as he leans closer to me. I can feel his breath on my face. "What is it that lycan has that I don't?"

Then he says the one thing that strikes me at the core. "Do you really think he will accept you back once he knows you can never conceive again?" Ed scoffs. "His kingdom might not have different standards for women, but he is still a king who has to answer to his people."

He looks down at my stomach, where a horizontal suture line is present under my dress, proof that my womb has been taken out, proof that I shall never conceive again. Then his gaze flickers back to mine. "The least you can be is a concubine, no matter how great his love is to you. He would have to marry another female who he can crown as his queen, who can give birth to his heir."

I don't think I am breathing when Ed is talking. My entire body freezes on the spot.

"His people will never approve of you as their queen. Especially when you already have a werewolf pup from another male."

Out of the blue, I feel like being drowned in a sea storm. There is an anchor pulling me down into a trench deep in the sea. My lungs are suffocating, they are burnt with seawater. Yet I can't swim to the surface. Doubts have taken hold of me as anchors, weighing me down underwater.

I can't breathe. I can't take off the doubts. I didn't even know these doubts have attached themselves to me. But once I realize them, it's too late. The surface of the sea only gets further and further away from me.

'Mars!' I hear Gina calling me. She reaches out to me under the sea. But I can't... reach her. 'Snap out of it! It's the crystal. It's messing with your mind, making you more susceptible to baby blues. Don't fall for his trick.'

It's too late. My mind and emotion are a mess now. They are jumbles of incoherent doubts and fear and anxiousness. Ed's words have triggered it all. Because deep down, ever since I woke up, I have this dread that I have let Lyall down due to my inability to conceive. And deep down, I have always feared that I won't be enough for the kingdom, and for Lyall.

Ed smiles when he sees my expression. He says, "That lycan will grow weary of you, eventually. You know best that love is not enough for a relationship. We need more than just love and passion."

He is right... I have nothing to offer. And I am not fertile anymore. There's the power they keep saying I have. But... truth be told, I can't even control it properly.

I look down at my white dress. What is wrong with me? Sasha has scolded me to get myself together. But... it's not like I have control over this. It's not like I can switch what I'm feeling off like a lamp. I don't choose to be overwhelmed like this. These fears and doubts just take control of me entirely, like a hurricane.

And I... am losing myself. I can't swim to the surface to breathe.

Tch. For someone whose power is to see and manipulate emotion... this is pathetic, right? I guess Ed, out of all people, would know that the same power is also my weakness. He uses my own emotion against me, with the crystal he has implanted inside me.

I keep telling myself that it's not me, it's the crystal. But still... I am drowning.

'Mars,' Gina repeats the words, 'You're stronger than you think.'

But am I?

Because I don't feel like it. It feels so heavy to try to fight the doubts drowning me. The more I fight them, the more my chest feels burnt, and the more suffocating it becomes.

Besides, how can I live a great life in the Lycan Kingdom at the expense of every life in this pack? How can I live peacefully when I know I am the reason for dozens of people dying unfairly when I could have saved them all? I can appease Ed's anger and save everyone. I can maintain peace for everyone.

How will I face my daughter in the future if I let everyone down?

I am just one werewolf girl, after all. What is my right to be happy when I know everyone else would suffer?

But I refuse to stop fighting for this one thing, at least.

"The baby is not yours."

I see Ed blinking twice. My words have taken him by surprise.

"I lost our baby, and I was in a vulnerable state," I whisper, "I got pregnant with a lycan knight due to a night of misjudgment. But the baby is innocent."

Biting my inner cheek, I pray to the Goddess for Ed to believe me. Werewolf children only acquire their wolves when they are around sixteen years old. Before then, their scents are the same as ordinary humans. Lycan children, as I have read before, have the same phase. So I am praying that Ed would not know the truth. At least not now.

"So... she is not mine?" Ed breathes out the question.

I am about to answer, but I stop when I see his eyes glimmer with tears. It shocks me because right now he looks so much like the Ed I used to know. Ed drops his face on the slope of my neck, breathing in my scent as his shoulders tremble slightly. He is crying.

"Our baby died...," he sobs quietly, "I'm sorry... It must have been tough for you."

My chest feels tight. Hearing him cry makes my eyes feel hot, too. I am conflicted between wanting to hate him for messing up my emotions with the crystal and feeling guilty for lying to him.

In the end, I sob with him, too. "Just let me give the baby to Lyall," I finally say, "I'll... stay with you."

Then I sob louder. For the life I know I just sacrificed, for my conflicting emotions. I sob because I am angry and sad and frustrated and confused and... on top of it all, I feel useless. Helpless.

The branch holding me has loosened. Even Luna Gina has given up on me.

I keep on drowning in the sea of my own making. Soon after, I hear a dull thud. The anchors have reached the bottom. The anchors have won.

Ed might think I don't know, but I can feel him smiling while hugging me. He knows he has won over me. He knows I won't be able to go anywhere.

He has anchored me down. Caged me underwater, not caring that I cannot breathe.

"You can give the baby to him right now," Ed says on my shoulder, "The lycan and that... shadow thingy is outside. Tell them yourself that you're staying here."

Why am I like this? Why can't I fight back?

Everything feels like a blur. It's like I am walking in a nightmare that I cannot wake up from. I want to scream at myself to wake up, I want to cry for feeling like this.

I hate feeling like this. I hate myself for not being able to reach the surface.

Why am I so pathetic?

Even now, when I am holding my baby and walking toward the gate, when I finally inhale the two scents I have missed the most... when I want so badly to run to them, I can't free myself from these anchors. Especially when Ed is walking next to me. Every time I look at Ed, I am reminded of the horrible vision Gina showed me. The vision is in contrast with the state of the village I see now. I realize that the pack members, even the vampires that are hiding in the shadows... They all are looking at me hopefully. Mothers, children, warriors. Everyone is begging me with their eyes to save them.

"Hello, Lyall," I greet the man I have come to love in a short time, who has given me a chance to bloom on my own. He is in his lycan form. I'm worried that when he transforms back into his human form, he will have a hard time like last time.

"Sky," I greet the boy that I have come to care for. He has blood all over his body, but other than that, he looks fine.

"I have decided to stay." Ed is the only one smiling at my words. He looks triumphant.

I didn't think that I could be dragged further down in my imaginary deep sea. But I just did.

–to be continued–