"What's with the table and the chair?"

I turn to observe the two items I have brought into the room. A simple and small table with a foldable chair that I took from the academy classroom.

"Uh... I'm setting up my office." I have practiced saying this confidently, but what comes out of me is more like a mumble. Somehow, Lyall can still understand me well. Maybe because the entire room is so quiet. Or perhaps lycans with their better hearings than werewolves can pick up what I say just fine. Or maybe Lyall just has a keen ability to read lips.

Goddess, I am thinking too much. My mind is going millions of miles per hour and I can't stop it.

"Here?" He arches his eyebrows as his smirk grows a bit wider.

"Here." My voice is still small, but at least it's not a mumble anymore.

"And why would you need an office?" His tone is light, but I've gotten to know him well enough that it hides amusement. He finds this funny.

"Because from now on I am going to do my academic work here," I say, "I have done the fieldwork for the month. And what's left is to make some papers, and this is me being too ambitious, but I'm going to make a proposal for a research study."

Lyall raises his eyebrows higher, silently asking me, 'But why here?'

"Those things don't need me to be present in the academy all the time. I only need to go to the academy at least once a week to give a report to Ganesh. And I'd rather do my work... with someone who is also working hard... so I can be motivated as well."

His head tilts a little to the side. Definitely, he is finding this even more amusing. And it is making me more nervous instead.

"And you need some reminding that I am here," I tread lightly with this sentence, "that I am still your Muse or whatever they call me as."

Lyall's smirk turns into a grin. "How did you get past my knights? I told them to forbid you from coming inside."

"Oh, that's Ganesh's and Naver's doing," I say, "They can be quite intimidating but still comedic at the same time."

It's a good sign to have his grin widen, right? That means he is enjoying our banter, right?

"So when I turn my back on you," he says slowly, "you've made two of my council members as your people?"

"Shhh." I put one finger on the lips, not caring to answer his questions anymore because there is a bigger and more urgent lump hiding inside of me. I need to get it out. "Ten minutes of shutting up, remember?"

He is fully smiling now. Even his chest is rumbling a little from soft laughter. "Yes, yes," he chuckles, "And then I can do whatever I want to you, right?"

I gulp, realizing that the words sound so wrong coming out of Lyall's mouth. When I said it before, I intended it for stuff like; maybe he wants to banish me from the kingdom, or maybe he wants to give me back to my old pack. All I need is to tell him first, and then whatever his response will be, I will think of a backup plan later.

In my mind, I repeat the words; I am not stuck. And I am not alone.

Gripping the handkerchief Naver gave me tighter and biting my lower lip, I take deep breaths to gather more courage. My foot keeps moving on its own because of restlessness. I find myself not being able to stare at him straight in the eyes.

Why is this so hard? It's so difficult to be brave all the time, to speak my mind. Why can't I be more assertive and just say it?

Say it! I am even scolding myself, but still, no words come out of my mouth. My tongue is glued.

And that fear? It has once again spread its roots deep within me, making me unable to move or to think. All I want then is to run.

Just like the day I ran away from my old pack.

I want to run because I am scared.

"Something wrong?" Lyall stands then walks to reach out for me. But when I take a step back, he stops. At last, he settles to lean on his table. His hands grip the sides of the table hard that I can see veins popping out from his tight white sleeves.

'Mars, he is worried about you,' Sasha finally comes out from her hiding spot, 'Don't be afraid. If he doesn't accept our baby, fuck him. We'll figure it out. We always do. No cage will trap us. Not then, not now.'

Sasha hasn't talked to me ever since Lyall stopped seeing me. Ever since she spoke of that one lie. But now? Now, her words are what I need. I am glad that werewolves have two minds in one body. It makes me feel I am never alone, though we are one and the same being.

With Sasha here with me, I raise my face to the lycan king. I can see his body is tense. So am I. My reflection in his emerald eyes is like seeing a small, scared rabbit in front of a predator.

"I have been thinking," I start slowly. By now, none of us care or even remember about the ten minutes limit. "And I don't care what others call you. But I... I... don't want you... as my villain."

Slowly but steadily, my voice grows. I stop jittering. That scared rabbit in Lyall's reflection has turned into a werewolf girl with a purpose.

"I don't want you as my villain," I repeat the words.

Lyall only stares at me. The intensity in his arms has faded. His entire body relaxes, but I can't tell the expression on his face.

"I also want to stay here," no time to falter on words now, "I've started a life I could never dream about in my old pack. And I don't want to lose it." My throat chokes on its own, my nose becomes stuffed, and my eyes are turning hot.

Still no answer. He instead pinches the bridge of his nose, his hand covers half of his face, so I can't make out the expression he is making.

"Whether you tell me about what happened in your past, I don't want you as my villain, because I want to stay here," I continue, my heart paces quickly with growing nervousness, "And I'm–"

"Wait," Lyall raised one hand to the air, stopping my words. "Wait." He shakes his head slightly, then lets out a long sigh. "I'll tell you."

I can only blink.

"I'll tell you what really happened if you'll listen," he says, "After that, you're free to judge for yourself. But judge me after you hear the entire story, that's all I ask."

It's my turn to stay silent and put on an unreadable expression. My entire body calms down while Lyall's hands can't seem to stop moving. It's funny, how the tide changes quickly.

I take one step forward, still keeping his gaze on me. With my eyes, I tell him, 'I'm ready.'

"My mother, Siera, was the previous king's, my father's, fated mate. But when he found her, he had already been married to the previous queen, Miranda," he starts his story, "I told you this before."

Nodding, I say, "Yes, you told me while washing my hair, and then you locked me in your room."

He cringes when I remind him how he despicably locked me up like I was a pet. Then he continues his story.

"When my mother became a concubine, Miranda was already pregnant with Athena. But because of the bond, Father couldn't stop his attraction to Mother and soon, she was pregnant with me too."

Lyall points to the sofa in the middle of the room for us to sit. I follow his lead without letting go of his gaze.

"Our kingdom isn't like your pack," he says, "It doesn't matter what gender we are, the firstborn will take the crown prince or princess title."

He sits about two feet away from me on the long sofa. Lyall breaks our gaze first. He dips his head between his shoulder blades. Looking down at the floor, he sighs heavily.

It's a hard tale for him to tell about. I realize that.

"But when I was born, Father immediately announced that I am the Crown Prince. That's when everyone, including Miranda, knew that Father favored Mother. And then things unfolded as I told you in the bathtub." He kneads his knuckles as he continues to tell me about his past. "Miranda tried to kill herself. Father stopped her, saying Athena still needed her. And then Miranda locked herself in her room for a few years while Father's and Mother's love blossomed."

***

-Lyall-

When I was eight, I could never understand why Miranda and Athena hated me. I had always tried to be nice, to be polite with them. So I couldn't understand why Miranda sent poisonous food, venomous animals, and even assassins, to hurt me while I was growing up. I couldn't fathom why Athena would bully me with other noble children in the royal academy as well.

I only stopped caring to play nice with them when I was twelve. Because that was when I met Adina.

Adina Stronghold from the famous Stronghold Family.

She saw me being bullied by Athena and her friends, then saved me from them with just a few words. It was incredible how she controlled the situation without having to resort to physical strength.

Adina was the one who filled me in on information my parents hid from me. She told me about the hatred that Miranda bore to my mother and automatically to me. Whenever I am with her, Athena and her gang almost never bothered me. That was how powerful Adina was, even at a young age.

Because of her, I got to have private warrior training with her father, Marcus Stronghold, one of the best lycan warriors of the time. Because of her, I found my confidence and power as the Crown Prince.

She was my first friend. My first ally.

And eventually, as she pushed me to become stronger physically and mentally, she became my first love.

One night when I was fifteen, I sneaked out of my room to visit her. I jumped onto her balcony and surprised her. Then I kissed her for the first time and professed the love I had been carrying since the moment I met her.

It was the happiest day of my life.

Yet it was also the worst day of my life... because, on the same night, Miranda killed my parents.

–to be continued–