"What is my mate doing touching another lycan?"

I panic. And when panic courses through my vein, the adrenaline makes me clumsier. When I try to stand up, my feet trip each other and I fall down on top of the trembling warrior. As luck would have it, our lips meet. Just for a fraction of a second.

The man freezes on the spot as I push myself away from his body, only to look up to find Lyall's darkening gaze. Oh, Goddess... don't tell me Lyall saw that?

My tongue freezes, too. I have never seen so many flames behind a pair of eyes before.

I stand up, this time, successfully. "Lyall, I..." I stop when I see Athena's gaze of warning. All the other warriors are bowing to Lyall, slightly exposing their necks, which is a sign of submission. The warrior who I just healed springs up to his feet too and immediately bows, lower than the others, his body is still trembling.

"Your Majesty, I... I..." and... he stutters too.

Applying the same sympathy I have for the people just doing their jobs in this kingdom, I blurt out, "It's my fault, I kissed him!"

The second the words are out, I swear the man next to me stops breathing. I hear a chuckle from Athena and gasps the other warriors too. That's when I realize what I have just done.

I cover my mouth in shock. "No, wait, that's not what I meant."

"You kissed this man," Lyall points his finger to the trembling warrior, "on purpose?" His voice is laced with a deep growl.

"No!" I hurry to answer, "It was an accident! But it was my fault."

"No, Your Majesty," the man beside me kneels and presses his face to the ground. "It's my fault. I didn't stop her from healing me and I couldn't catch your mate properly." The man sounds so defeated as if he is ready for a grave punishment and he thinks he deserves it.

Heck no. I will have no one punished on my name.

So when Lyall takes one step forward, I immediately step in between the two and hold out my hands to his chest. People gasp again–why do they gasp so much?–when my hands touch the king's chest. The hairs on my neck rise as the heat from Lyall's body spread through my skin. My wolf feels content that our mate is close. And I swear Lyall relaxes in that quick seconds.

"It's my fault," my voice is small, but enough for Lyall to hear, "I was being clumsy. Please don't punish him."

Lyall's green eyes soften but I could just be imagining it. He uncurls his fists but keeps his stern face to me. "Why were you touching him?"

"To heal him. He broke his ankle."

Lyall blinks. He then looks at Athena, who looks at him with a smug face. "Now I know why you were so adamant about keeping her hidden," she says to him.

A part of me is hopeful and thinks that there must be a reason for Lyall to keep me in his room. But another part of me calls the other part bullshit. I do, however, have connected the dots. Lyall keeping me in his room has something to do with my healing magic.

Is there something weird about my magic? Twenty-five years of being a healer in my pack and this is the first time I see people reacting to my magic like it's... something special.

"Albus won't like this," Athena says, "She won't like this."

The lycan king clicks his tongue in annoyance. "She doesn't have a say in what I do." The growl appears in Lyall's voice again.

She? Who is this she?

Don't tell me she is the boy's mother?

"This werewolf girl–"

"Only I get to call her that," Lyall cuts Athena off, still with a voice filled with deep growls. He seems pissed and territorial about the nickname he gave me.

My wolf likes it. I... kinda dig it too.

What? No. No, no.

'You like it, admit it,' my wolf says to me.

"This girl," Athena repeats with emphasis, "asked me to train her. You never told me that she always wanted to be a warrior."

He looks at me again. A glimmer of disapproval crosses his eyes.

Before he can say anything, I take a deep breath and blurt out, "Why didn't you do what I asked you to? You lied to me!" Then I nod at the man who is still kneeling next to me. "Also, let him go. He's done nothing wrong."

"He touched you," Lyall says slowly.

"It was an accident. It didn't mean anything. Not like when you kis–" I retract my hands from Lyall's chest to cover my mouth, but he catches my hands mid-air.

"Not like when I what?" He asks with a smirk. Oh, he is taunting me now. And I won't fall for it.

I shake off his hold, squint my eyes, chin up, and say, "It was also nothing when you kissed me. Don't get it in your head."

Athena gasps loudly, and I wonder if I am going too far. I keep forgetting that Lyall is the lycan king and I am... his personal muse, I guess. But Lyall keeps confusing me with how he acts. One moment he can exude this powerful and gripping aura, then the next he smirks and teases me and I feel annoyed. There are also times he makes me laugh and tug at my heart–

No.

No, no, no.

'You can't fight it, Mars,' Sasha, my wolf, whispers to me. 'No one can fight the mate bond.'

It's just too fast. I've only lost Ed recently. It feels wrong for my heart to move on this fast. It feels even more wrong knowing I am already carrying Ed's baby.

"Oh, my... is that a smirk?" Athena asks with her jaw wide open. All the warriors step closer to see Lyall's expression clearer. Even the kneeling man looks up without waiting for Lyall's instruction.

Lyall, however, quickly clears his throat and returns to his cold facade. "No," he lies. He turns to the kneeling man with dagger eyes, making the man lowers his body and face to the ground while trembling.

"Lyall... I mean, Your Majesty," I plead, "Please don't punish him."

Now everyone's gaze is on me. I feel like an animal in a zoo. It feels highly uncomfortable and all I want to do is to make myself smaller, more invisible. But I am in the center of the circle with Lyall.

"Fine," Lyall says in a deep tone to the kneeling man, "Get out of my face." The warrior looks up to me with tears in his eyes, making me wonder if I hadn't stepped in, would Lyall truly hurt this man out of nothing? The man then bows deeply to Lyall and quickly puts on his boots, then gets in line with the other warriors. His friends are patting his back and smiling as if he just survived a gruesome battle.

My sight of the man is cut off by Lyall gripping my hand and pulling me to follow him. Instinctively, I yank his hand away as hard as I can, then catch his fiery gaze as I stand my ground.

He squares his shoulders as he sneers, showing off his protruding fangs. I take a step backward. Fear has rushed through every vein in my body. But as soon as Lyall sees my eyes, he retracts his fangs. Just like the time before I jumped down his window to get Ed's ashes. Seeing that washes out almost all the fear within me.

Lyall doesn't like seeing me scared. Perhaps my fearful face gives him an uncomfortable feeling?

Before the fear comes back, I blurt out, "I'm staying. And I'm learning self-defense with Athena. So you don't need to worry about me being outside of your room."

For a fraction of a second, Lyall's lips form a sneer, but he stops, then furrows his brows.

"It's not like you were worrying about me, anyway," I continue to say, "And I can't go anywhere else. But I am not staying locked up in your room for another Goddess damn day."

"Please..." Damn it. I can't help the tears welling up in my eyes. My sight becomes a little blurry, but I swear I see Lyall furrowing his brows even more.

"Mars, stop that."

"Stop what?"

"Stop giving me those puppy eyes." He groans in frustration. "Fine." Lyall looks at Athena intently. "But you're training her yourself and you should never ever let her go out of your sight."

I blink. Athena does too. But the warrior female recovers from her shock quicker than I do and bows to the king. "Your wish is my command, brother." As she rises up, she winks at me.

Lyall stares down at all the warriors on the field. There are a dozen of them, both men and women. Yet all of them do not dare to catch the king's gaze. "None of you shall speak of what happens today."

"That won't be a problem," Athena says in a louder voice, "My warriors know snitches get stitches and,"

"end up in ditches," the warriors cry out in unison. All of them put one hand on their chest as a form of respect for Athena.

"Good," Lyall says. "But if I find out the snitch myself, he will get more than stitches and no one will find him even in the darkest ditch in this kingdom."

Athena nods at Lyall. "As you wish. But you do know others will find out soon enough that I am training your mate. This will eventually get to her ears and her followers without my warriors and me opening our mouths."

I have a bad feeling about this 'her.' And my chest feels like sinking, as it is becoming even clearer that Lyall has another woman in his life. I guess that was why Lyall looked so underwhelmed when he first saw me. The mate bond took us both by surprise. I have my baby to prioritize and he has... a family with another woman and a son? Yet things seem really odd. Why have I never seen Lyall's family during my stay here? Even the boy has to visit me in secrecy. And the way Lyall and Athena speak about this 'her' makes it seem like the woman is their enemy.

Lyall looks at me again and sighs heavily. "I don't think I can win with your puppy eyes, werewolf girl."

"Stop calling my gaze like that." It's condescending to compare a werewolf's eyes to puppy eyes. It can be cute to say that to a human child, but not to a werewolf. Though my wolf is wagging her tail when Lyall is obviously affected by our gaze.

"You don't need to train," Lyall suddenly says, "I'll put someone as your personal bodyguard and I promise you can be free to roam everywhere you want as long as the bodyguard is with you. You don't need to learn self-defense."

I blink.

When I don't answer immediately, Lyall adds, "I swear on my sister's life I'm not lying."

"Hey!" Athena barks her protest, but none of us pay attention to her.

Honestly, that is not a poor offer. I don't mind having a bodyguard. In my old pack, Ed sometimes asked a warrior Delta to accompany me whenever I want to go somewhere. I never dared to walk out of my house alone. And I was fine to live like that for years.

But now...

I look at Athena from head to toe. Then look at the other women warrior in the pack. They all look radiant, not in a feminine way, but they shine with confidence. They stand side by side with their male colleagues. They look strong and, precisely because of that, they look beautiful.

Now I have the chance to protect myself instead of being protected. Now I can choose.

"No," I tell Lyall confidently, "I want to train."

"I want to be strong. And whoever this 'she' is, I want to be ready to face her if I need to because I've decided to stay here and lead a better life. I'm going to be whatever I want here. And nobody will tell me what to be or how to live my life anymore. That's including you."

I only realize I have been pointing my finger at Lyall after I finish saying those words. A heavy burden seems to be lifted from my shoulders, yet at the same time, I can't believe I just said all that to the King!

"Technically, you still have to obey our King–" Lyall's smile cuts Athena's words off.

A genuine smile.

This is not the first time I've seen him smile, but it is the first to everyone else in the field after years. They all cover their mouths and gasp in shock as if they have just seen a miracle.

"So, it's true," I hear someone whisper behind me, "The girl can really bring back the king's feelings."

As always, Lyall quickly hides his smile with his usual cold face, but it's too late. Everyone has seen his smile.

Lyall clears his throat. "I will give you the permission to train, mate," he says with a stern voice. "When training, Athena is in charge of you. After training, I expect you to go back straight to my room."

I nod almost immediately and give him a big, sunny smile. "Deal."

I swear I see his lips twitch upward to form a smile, but he covers it with a cough. He takes steps toward me, closing the distance between us so easily. Then he kisses me so fast that I can't even register what he is doing.

"Keep doing this, werewolf girl," he whispers to my mouth.

"Do what? The puppy eyes?"

That causes Lyall to chuckle, to which Athena and the warriors gasp–these warriors gasp an awful lot, by the way. Lyall clears his throat to cover his smile but fails. He can't hide it anymore. He doesn't even try to.

"Be hopeful. Demand things for yourself. I won't always agree, but I like seeing this side of you. It's sexy."

The combination of his husky whisper voice, his fiery touch on my chin, and his hot breaths fanning my skin make me blush under his eyes. I have goosebumps after his words.

Before I can respond, he steps back from me and looks at Athena. His gaze has changed a hundred and eighty degrees to menacing. "If anything happens to her," Lyall threatens his sister, "you'll pay, Athena."

But Athena waves off her brother's threat like it is nothing. "Yeah, yeah. Just focus on suppressing that woman's faction. I'll help your mate to defend herself."

Lyall then stares down all the warriors on the field one by one again. "Remember, snitches will get worse than stitches. They will deal with me directly."

All the warriors bow to the king, slightly showing their necks.

"Now," Lyall says as he grabs my hand, "You'll need to have training clothes, right?"

He pulls me to follow him again. This time I don't fight back.

"She can just borrow my clothes," Athena says as I pass by her. Lyall doesn't stop, which means I can't stop.

"Nonsense," he shouts back at Athena, "I'm calling the royal seamstress to make her several sets today."

"Just admit you want to see her dress up for you," Athena shouts behind us, making me blush even more. "Mars, don't let him see too much!"

We are already passing the first hall and taking a left turn when Lyall mutters under his breath, "I've seen all of her, anyway."

My cheeks burn with embarrassment.

.

.

–the boy–

Father never loves me. Ever since I was born, he has hated me with every fiber of his being. And it's understandable.

Because even though I am his blood, I am not his real son.

My mother created me with dark magic using the King's blood at his vulnerable moment. I was made to follow the blood pattern of my donor, so I am a lycan. But I gain a little dark magic in the process too.

I grew up without a name. Every day, I hope for my mother to finally give me a name. But she said she would only give me a name when Father has started to love her again.

He has not. And he probably will never.

So, I will never have a name.

But when Mars offered to give me one... I... Nevermind. My loyalty is to my mother. Only she can give me a name that will give my existence in this world a purpose. If I accept the name given by Mars, it will mean I am pledging my loyalty to Mars and betraying my mother.

I walk past the familiar dark room with a tray of food. The maid that is supposed to feed mother always only puts the tray at the front door and lets mother starve. For years, I am the one taking the tray to her room and feeding her myself.

Mother is chained to the bed with a powerful spell. She can't move more than a few inches.

"Lyall?" She always asks for Father whenever she hears someone entering her room.

"It's me, mother."

Her pale, pitiful face becomes a frown as her eyes focus on me. "Oh." She always sounds so disappointed to see me. I swallow that prickly feeling in my chest and bring the tray of food to her bed.

"Have you thought of a way to make Lyall love me again?" She always asks me that.

"Mother, the King still doesn't know I survived that night."

Mother screams her frustration at me. Her voice echoes in the entire room. She yanks the chains binding her arms hard, but it can only let her lean a few inches. Her angry face is so close to my own.

I have to hide my feelings, not letting my mother see how scared and sad I am seeing her treating me like this. Seeing my emotions will only make mother angrier.

I do know one thing that will make mother less angry at me.

"But I have been visiting his mate lately."

Mother blinks several times. She calms down, though her lips droop in an ugly manner. The mention of Mars disgusts her.

"Can you plot to kill her?" I know she will ask me this. "Get Albus or any of my followers to help you."

My brain reminds me of the time Mars said sorry to me, and the time she taught me how to play chess. I know she let me win several times. Then I remember she promised to give me a strong name.

I squeeze my eyes shut, in the hope I can shut those memories, too.

"If you can successfully kill her, I'll give you a name." The words taste so sweet in my ears.

I gulp the heavy lump in my throat.

–to be continued–

Copyright @ Karasmara, 2021.