Tom's P.O.V

After I had left the kitchen, I had texted Pat about going out to their house since I know he won't answer a call while at work and will answer me when he has the time.

"You Good?"

I looked up from my phone at over at Matt who sat on the couch with his legs crossed, "Of course I am. Just making plans with Pat. Why?"

Matt shrugged, "You just look tired is all."

"Well it has been an eventful day..." I said airily, "But I'm fine. Promise."

Raising an eyebrow at me, Matt patted the spot next to him. Sighing I went over and sat down, "Is Tord making you do anything?"

I froze with shock before I shook my head, giving Matt a frown. "The Hell are you talking about? Tord isn't make me do a single thing. What gave you that idea?"

Matt rubbed the back of his neck, "It's just you are doing things you normally wouldn't do. I just wanted to make sure everything was okay. You were mad at each other this morning and I was worried. Plus... I walked into your bathroom earlier-"

"YOU WHAT?!" I hissed, remembering I had shattered my mirror this morning.

Matt grabbed my shoulders, "Tom I was terrified you were planning to do something! I don't think you understand just how relieved I was when I saw not a single drop of blood! I thought... I thought you were reverting back to your old habits and I didn't know what to do..." Matt dropped his head to look down, "What happened...?"

I shook Matt's hands off my shoulders, hating the feel of the action. "I had hit my mirror with my comb. It was an accident." I lied for Matt's sake, "Please don't worry... Tord also saw and already harped me about it. I just hadn't the time to clean it this morning." I took Matt's hands into my own and gave them a reassuring squeeze, "I'm fine Matt... I'm not going to do anything rash. And Tord is not making me do a single thing. We for the most part fixed everything. I just... Really want to do this for Tord..."

Matt glaced at my, "Well that's a relief..." He sighed, "I'm glad it was done with no intentions... And you don't need to worry about the mess... I had cleaned it up and replaced the mirror with one of mine."

"Oh you didn't have to do that..." I groaned, "How much do I owe you for it?"

Matt held up a hand and waved it nonchalantly, "It's quite alright, Honey. There is no need to pay for it. I have plenty of mirrors so loosing one is no big deal. As long as you're okay."

"Are you sure..." I asked still wanting to pay back for the gesture.

"Of course!" Matt smiled, "You already paid me by saying everything is alright. As long as you are okay, that's enough payment for me." He gave me a side hug, "But if Tord treats you bad in any way, tell me and I'll have a pitchfork ready to shove up his arse."

I let out a snort and nodded, "You got it."

Matt chuckled and squeezed me tighter to his side, "Can I do a touch up on your nails?"

Looking down at my nails, they had grown out, my natural nail peaking out from the bottom of the black acrylics, "sure-"

"OH MY FUCKING GOD!"

Tord's yells rang throughout the house causing both Matt and I to jump. My arms wrapped around Matt instinctively as he gripped the back of my shirt. We both wore the same face of shock, confusion, and slight fear as Tord rarely yells this loud unless he's pissed.

To bring us more of a horror, Tord's yells followed with him storming out of the kitchen and straight towards us. Matt held onto my tighter, as if he was tempted to take me and run. But before Matt made the decision, Tord grabbed the back of my neck and pulled me out of Matt's hold.

I let out a shriek as Matt stood quickly, ready to use any of his surroundings as a weapon if needed.

Tord glared down at me, his grey eyes making me quiver in his grip. Suddenly he leaned down, his arms wrapping around my shoulders and pulling me to his chest. His face buried into my hair as he held me close, "Please..."

Matt's arms fell from a defensive position and I felt my body relax, "What...?" We asked at the same time.

"Please cook more often..." Tord grumbled out against my head, his deep voice making his chest vibrate against my cheek.

Matt snorted out a laugh and an 'oh' as I felt heat rise up to my cheeks. "I told you to not underestimate him, Tord." Matt teased, "I've been friends with Tom much longer than you've known him. Tom's a fine cook but hates to do it."

I pressed my palms against Tord's chest and softly pushed him off me, him complying to my silent wishes and let me go. I shoved my hands in my pockets and looked down at my feet, "Why do you hate cooking?" Tord asked softly, "It's a great skill to have." He placed his hand on my head, his fingers tangling into my hair.

"I always thought it was too much of a feminine hobby for a male..." I said quietly but quickly looked up, "But if you like it I'll do it more often! Every day for every meal even, if you want it!"

Matt gave Tord a confused look but Tord easily ignored it, "Tom, it's not a feminine hobby. It's a basic life skill. And please... I don't want you to do anything you don't want to. I've already said that you should do as you wish. What I want has nothing to do with what you do."

"Wow I'd have to agree, Tord." Matt hummed impressed with how much freedom he was trying to give me knowing full and well Tord could have me do anything if he wanted, "You are your own person. Just because Tord likes something doesn't mean you have to instantly match. If you don't want to do something; it's okay to say no."

I shifted uncomfortably with the thought of telling Tord 'no'. Noticing how I was not okay with it, Tord placed a hand on my cheek, making me draw my attention to him, "Okay how about this..." He started, "We take turns cooking. One day I'll cook for you and the next you'll cook for me. On Fridays or something we can cook together. But if you have to do something for work on one of the days you cook, you will make no excuses as to why you can't do your job. Your job comes first. Does that sound good?"

I thought about it for a minute. Deep down I knew I'd have to tell him no at some points so he could stop making rules. My human morals and pride were clashing with my instincts, "Okay..." I forced out.

"See? All settled. So much progress between your communication skills in such little hours. I applause you for a good effort." Matt hummed.

Tord and I smiled at the compliment. Pulling my hands from my pockets, I reached out for Tord's arm and hugged it, "I had made extra food, Matt. If you were hungry that is."

Matt smiled and gave a short nod, "Yeah I'll go get some in a bit. Thanks."

I looked up at Tord, "Did you finish eating or did you come scare the shit out of us to just tell me you thought the food was good?"

Tord's face tinted red as he looked away, "The latter..."

Matt and I let out laughs from Tord's embarrassment and I dragged him back to the kitchen with Matt following close behind.

"Go ahead and sit." I told Matt, "I'll serve you. Tord you finish eating."

Matt gave an eager nod while Tord nodded like a scolded child.

Grabbing a new plate, I filled it up with food untill it was nearly over flowing. Humming I set the food down on front of Matt and he gave me a weary eye, "Tom... This is too much... I cant eat all of this..."

"Of course you can!" I smiled brightly, "It's low in calories and high in protein. And since it's so low in calories, you'd normally have to eat a lot to just to reach your calorie intake for that meal."

"Oh uh...." Matt scratched his head, "I mean... It's more than I usually eat..."

"It's low in calories?! Really?!" Tord yelled excitedly and shoved the remainder of his food into his mouth and shoved his plate to me, "Morph phease!"

I gave a small chuckled and took Tord's plate while Matt kicked Tord's shin. Tord let out a howl of pain as Matt scolded Tord for talking (let alone yelling) with his mouth full and how it was indecent and disgusting.

I smiled at the two happily as I made my way back over to the table with Tord's second plate. It brought me joy to see my best friend and my mate bonding. It was shown in an odd way but I knew that both would be upset if something happened to one another.

"Why you smiling?" Tord asked as I slid the plate over to him.

Picking up a napkin, I brought it up to the corner of Tord's mouth and cleaned up the bit of food off, "Why? Is it wrong for me to smile? I'll stop if you want me to."

Tord blushed at my actions as Matt groaned and slapped the back of Tord's head, "My goodness Tord, he feels like he can't do anything with you!"

I shot a glare at Matt for hitting Tord and sat down, "That's not true so shut it." I huffed and picked up the fork and took a bite from Tord's plate.

Tord snatched his fork back when I held it out to him and stuck his tongue out at me playfully before leaning over and catching a quick kiss, "Both of you shut up. I was just asking because you never smiled before." He told me, "You normally only smiled when you were planning something or if something happened that hurt others. I'm not saying it's bad. In fact it's great that you're smiling. You look so beautiful wearing one. It's just going to take us time to get used to seeing you do things you'd never did before."

I nodded understandingly and Tord smiled softly before going back to eating.

Humming I propped my elbows up on the table and intertwined my fingers and rested my chin on top of them. Silently I watched Tord scarf down the food like a starving child and Matt daintily eating as much as he could.

The front door opened followed by a loud grown. A faint smile played at Matt's lips before they fell into a frown, "Edd's home...". I raised my eyebrow at Matt but he just shrugged and looked down at his food. I narrowed my eyes at Matt, who shifted uncomfortably under my stare.

Seconds later Edd trudged in, "It smells like cookies and pasta in here."

I quickly stood up and took both of Edd's hands into my own. Almost instantly I could feel Tord's glare bore into the back of my head. Looking over my shoulder, I flashed Tord a loving smile and pulled Edd over to a seat, "Matt baked cookies and I cooked some pasta. I'll serve you some!"

Edd's face wore shock, "Uh... Sure...?"

I gave him a big smile and turned to serve him before giving Matt a mischievous smile and stopping by Tord and planting a kiss on his cheek, "Calm down... Just mention Pat or something... I got an idea." I whispered into his ear.

Tord hesitated, "I- uh-..." He grabbed into my hips and pulled me closer to him. I squeaked and felt heat rush up to my cheeks, "Thomas... I'm jealous... You're only supposed to be serving me."

This made Edd frown. His eyebrows furrowed as he scowled at Tord, "He's not your slave, Tord."

Tord shot Edd a cheeky smile, "Of course he's not. I'm only messing with him. He's already served me twice."

Rolling my non-existent eyes I shoved my hand against Tord's face to push him off, "Stop it." He's so stupid. Can't even follow a simple request. Can't he see that I am trying to accomplish something?

Tord chuckled and held me tighter to keep me close, "Never, my love. Anyways... Didn't you wanna talk to Pat? You've been talking about calling him all day."

Ah so he did catch on.

"But you already called-"

I quickly cut Matt off, "Oh yeah! Thank you for reminding me!" I jabbed my elbow into Tord's cheek.

"Ack!-"

Tord let go of me and I stepped away from his line of reach and clasped my hands behind my back, "Matt, can you get Edd a plate please?"

"Woah Tom, don't you think that was a bit rash...?" Edd spoke frantically as he looked over at Tord who was cradling his cheek in his hand.

I didn't spare a glance at the Norwegian behind me, "Nope. He got what he deserved." I hummed, "Matt, can you do that for me please? Before I forget to call Pat again?"

Matt looked over my face, trying to decipher my intentions. I gave Matt a closed eyes smile that screamed 'please?' Finally understanding my intentions Matt gave me a thankful smile, "Yeah of course..."

My smile grew, "Great! I'm gonna leave now. Come Tord! You should be the one to call Pat. I'll talk to him but he's going to get excited that you called."

I skipped out of the kitchen, leaving a highly confused Edd behind. As soon as I was out of sight, I stopped and listened in.

The chair scraped against the floor as Tord stood and mumbled out a spew of words I didn't understand.

"What's up with Tom...?" I heared Edd ask.

Tord's mumbled stopped and he sighed, "Get used to it." Is all he said before he came into my view.

"Get used to it?" I questioned quietly with a small glare.

Matt voice floated from the kitchen, "Tord and I came to the conclusion that this is who Tom really is. Or at least we think. Tom is still trying to figure things out. Nothing much to it."

"Oh... Okay I guess that makes sense..." Edd hummed

Tord gave me a shit eating grin and I stuck my tongue out and looked over his face, "Let's get some cream on your cheek." I reached out and gently touch the bruising cheek.

Tord flinched at my touch. Retracting my hand from his face, I grabbed his hand instead and pulled him to my room.

Shutting the door behind us, I gripped onto Tord's hand tighter and looked up at him, "Sorry..."

Tord's free hand still covered his cheek. Tilting his head to the side he questioned me, "Why are you sorry?"

"I didn't mean to hit you that hard... I just wanted to get Matt alone with Edd." I dropped Tord's hand and wandered into the bathroom for a first aid kit.

Tord followed me and leaned against the door frame, "Eh... It's fine... I mean... I guess I should've let you go the first time. Just don't sweat it. In the end... It got us out of the kitchen faster."

Kneeling down, I rummaged through the drawers. "Yeah... But we would've been out even faster if you didn't joke around or act so possessive..."

Tord's lips upturned to a cocky smirk, "How else am I supposed to embarrass you then?" Pushing himself off the frame, he walked deeper into the bathroom and stood next to my kneeling body.

Chewing the inside of my cheek, I pulled out a small white box, "Can you sit down please?"

"Oh ignoring my question now?" Tord joked but hissed as I punched his shin. "Okay... Fuck... Alright I'll stop..."

Tord shuffled over to the toilet and shut the lid before sitting down. I gripped the edge of the counter to help hoist myself up. Tord leaned back on the tank of the toilet and looked at me, the bruise on his cheek starting to go yellow and purple.

I averted my eyes from his gaze and hesitantly stood in front of him. Reaching out, Tord gently took my hand into his, "Hey... I already said it's okay... Don't feel bad about it... Think of it as payback for holding you in a death grip just a few hours ago..." His free hand tapped my bicep where he was gripping and shaking me. I flinched at the touch, a soft shock of pain going through my arm. Tord frowned at my reaction, "Take your shirt off..."

My head snapped up, "What?"

"Take it off. Your shirt. Now." Tord said seriously.

"No!" I squeaked out, "I'm working on you right now." I twisted the cap off the cream, "Now hold still." Tord scrunched up his nose and took hold of my wrist with the cream, "let go." When I didn't get a response, I forcefully ripped my wrist out of his grip, "God damnit, Tord stop acting like a child! Let me put this on you!"

"No." He stated calmly, "I want to see your arms first. Let me see them."

Sighing I'm defeat, I set the cream on the counter and grabbed the hem of my shirt. Pulling it up and off my body, I quickly covered my chest and stomach with my arms. Tord pushed my hands down and kissed my chest, "Stop that. You're beautiful." Almost instantly I felt heat rush up to my face and I looked away. Even without my eyes on him, I felt Tord smile.

Slowly he peered at my biceps, "Jesus Christ..." He mumbled.

"What...?" I moved away from Tord to look into the mirror. My breath got caught in my throat when I saw Five bruises that were deep purple and blue with red rings around in the shape of fingers on both arms.

"Tom..." Tord choked out and stood up.

I ripped my gaze away from the mirror and smiled, "Ah it's fine! Let me get that cream on your cheek."

Urging Tord back down, I stood between his legs. But I was caught off guard as he wrapped his ankles behind mine, locking my feet in place as he grabbed the bruising cream. Just as I was about to protest, Tord shot me a glare, "Shut up." He started to apply the cream to the marks on my upper arms, "You don't get to apologize to me. You don't get to say it's fine. I shouldn't be handling you in such a manor. I shouldn't be leaving rape level bruises on you. So don't you dare apologize for hitting me. Understand?"

I gulped and gave a soft nod, "Understood..." My voice came out as a whisper and I stood still while he finished up.

When he did finish, he gently ran his thumb over the other scars on my left arm from the Kyle incident. I shivered at the feeling and took a step back, "Alright... Give me the cream so I can put it on your cheek..." I mumbled out and lifted my shirt from the floor, quickly putting it back on.

Tords hand dropped to his lap, "Nope. I'm not allowing that. I'm not allowing you to treat me. I'm taking it upon myself to make this a self punishment for handling you badly."

"Tord-"

"I said no!" Tord shouted and I flinched at the sudden volume change in his voice, "Damnit Thomas, I don't want you to be okay with me hurting you! Your instincts be damned! I don't give a fuck what you feel about the matter! I care! I fucking care I hurt you! So let me punish myself without you telling me it's fine! So shut the fuck up and let me do this to myself!"

His grey eyes held a look of pure fury and rage. But it wasn't directed at me. I knew that much... So I forced my shaky arms to move and wrap around Tord's shoulders. One hand rubbed soothing circles on his back as the other was gently placed on the back of his head. Carefully, I pulled his head to my chest and I rested my chin on the crown of his head, "Calm down Tord... If you really don't want it... I won't treat the bruise and I'll keep quiet about it... But that's not going to keep me from feeling guilty..." I felt Tord's body start to relax against mine, "I'm sure you already knew that though... So let's just take some deep breaths and let's go watch a movie... Yeah...? What's done is done and the past is the past... So let's just put it behind us and let's enjoy the rest of our evening..."

Tord took slow deep breaths and nodded against my chest, "Yeah... Yeah I know you're right... I just... Don't want to do anything like that to you again..."

"I know..." I hummed and pressed my lips to the top of his head, "Come on... I'll give you that massage I promised you while we watch a movie..."

"M'kay..." Tord sighed softly and let me pull him up with a soft grunt escaping my lips. A small laugh grumbled out from Tord, "What...?"

I shrugged nonchalantly and straightened Tord's shirt, "Nothing... You're just as heavy as a cow is all." Giving Tord a cheeky smile, I pulled him from the bathroom, "But you look good so I won't complain. Why would I complain about your physique when I'm completely enthralled by it?"

"My oh my... Is Thomas Rockwell flirting with me or seducing me?" Tord teased, "Either way I'm so happy that I can kneel down and obey your every wish."

I choked back a laugh and pushed Tord back on the bed. Some stuffed animals fell off the bed at the impact and I look down at Tord with hooded eyes, "Now now... Isn't my job to please you?" I asked as I watched Tord's entire face go red and look up at me with shock. Climbing on the bed as well, I sat between Tord's legs. "What? Cat got your tongue, sweety?" I let out a soft laugh, "Funny idiom to use..." I moved up to sit on his lower stomach, "Considering the fact..." I leaned forward so my lips grazed his, "That I have feline genetics in me..." Playfully, I swiped my tongue over my lower lip and I felt Tord's hand make their way to my hips. Gripping them softly, he jerked me up a bit and I felt his hot breath hit my neck.

I shivered at the feeling but I pulled away at the soft touch of Tord's lips on my neck. Sitting up I gave Tord a smirk even though fear pang through my body, "Sorry... A kitty gotta tease every once and a while." I hummed and tried to get off him.

Tord's grip on my hips tightned and he looked deep into my eyes, "Not if I can help it..." He said huskily, making my breath catch itself in my throat.

In a blink of an eye, I felt my back being pressed against the mass of stuffed animals on my bed.

Above me, Tord sat with one knee between my legs, pressed against my crotch and both my wrists in his grip above my head, "I should let you know... I don't really like a tease..." Tord's low voice grumbled out and his grip on my wrist tightned as a gasp passed my lips, "I wouldn't be able to hold myself back, min elskede....~" I bit the inside of my cheek and turned my head. A low chuckle rumbled out from Tord, "Oh... look who's gone silent now... What...? Cat got your tongue...?" He repeated what I said to him in a hummed tone and leaned down, nipping at my neck softly.

I let out a shaky breath fear and anxiety rising in my chest, "T-Tord...."

"Hmmm...?" Tord hummed in acknowledgement and kissed down to the crook of my neck were it aligns with the shoulder.

I shut my eyes tightly and tried with all my might to hold back a whimper. This felt all too familiar. Two little puncture wounds still sat on my neck where Kyle had bitten me. Unaware by my reaction, Tord softly bit down on the skin, "No!" I cried out and tried to pull my hands out of Tord's grip and attempted to kick him off ,"Stop it! Get off me!" My vision started to blur from the tears building up and slipping down my cheeks, "Don't touch me! Please!" I knew Tord meant no harm to me, but I just felt like history would repeat itself. Being touched like that only makes me think of Kyle.

Quickly Tord let go and I did my best to shove him off me by the shoulders. But with no avail, he stayed put against my struggles. Calmly he sat up and looked at me with pity, "Tom.... Calm down..." His accent was heavy with his quiet toned voice, "I'm not going to hurt you..."

I pushed my self back from Tord. Burying myself deep between my pillows, back pressed against the headboard. Knees pulled up to my chest with both my hands pressed against the light mark on my neck. Sobbing quietly. Two thumbs pressed gently right under my eyes and pushed the tears aside. Despite knowing it was Tord, I still flinched at the contact only fearing the worst. I pushed an alpha, let alone my mate, away from me. Pushed away an alpha that was expecting me to preform to his expectations. A major act of disobedience. One that deserves a painful punishment. Of course I was scared as to what was to come.

Tord leaned over me and kissed my forehead softly, "Thomas... Please... You aren't with Kyle... And you aren't in any danger... Look at me... Look at me and take some deep breaths..."

Shaking my head vigorously, I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to block out Tord's voice Tord let out a strangled sigh and looked back down at me, "Look at me...?" He asked quietly. Still shaking my head, I felt Tord shuffle around before a familiar worn down fluffy bear was urged into my grip. Hugging Tomee bear close to me, I buried my face against the stomach of the stuffed bear, "Why not...?"

I didn't answer and silently let my tears soak the bear. Tord finally got off the bed, giving me some sense of relief but quickly my anxiety spiked up again at the feeling of being grabbed. A muffled sound of fear came from me and I dug my face deeper into Tomee bear as Tord's strong hands lifted me and moved me to aside.

The area next me dipped down and my bear was pulled from my grip. Shutting my eyes tightly, whimpering out pleas of forgiveness. I was lifted again and then set down, what I'm guessing was Tord's lap, my legs on either side of his waist, "Thomas... Shut up..." Tord wrapped his arms around me, pushing my chest against his and my chin on his shoulder, "Im not going to punish you... I never will..." He soothingly rubbed my back, " I didn't know that would trigger a memory... I'm sorry... But don't ever for a second think that I'm going to take advantage of you... That I would get upset for you denying me making a pass at you... It's your body... If you don't want me touching you yet, that's fine... I understand why you wouldn't want me to touch you like that... We will work at your own pace... We will do something when you are comfortable doing it... So don't apologize to me... You have nothing to be sorry about. You went through a traumatic experience and I wasn't even thinking about how you'd feel about this kind of stuff. So just go ahead and cry Tommy... I'll always be here for you to have a shoulder to cry on... For you to talk to... So just take all the time you need..."

I hugged Tord back tightly and pressed my forehead to his shoulder, "I-Im just... Scared... So... So scared, Tord..." I sobbed out, my tears instantly soaking his shirt.

Tord placed a soft and loving kiss on my temple and hugged me closer to him, "I know, baby... I know... And I'll do all I can to help you... Even if that means putting my life on the line to save yours from that wolf..."

A whimper passed my lips at the thought of Tord dying and I tightned my grip around him, my hands clenching the back of his shirt.

"Tom... I... I love you..." Tord said hesitantly and nervously.

My body tensed at the words but slowly relaxed. Last time he said those words, we were at the carnival and I didn't exactly say it back. I joking said it but I only said I liked him. But now? Now I can say it for sure, "I love you too..." I mumbled out, trying to get my emotions under wrap. Tord's body seemed to relax as well and I just knew he was smiling. Sniffling, I attempted to wipe away my tears and pulled away from Tord. My eyes were puffy and red and my nose was a bit runny, "I'm sorry... I ruined our evening..." I managed to hiccup out.

Tord reached up and pushed some of my fallen hair behind my ear, "You didn't ruin anything, baby..."

I gave Tord a weak smile at his new name for me, "Baby is a new one..."

"Do you hate it...?" Tord asked worryingly.

"No..." I let out a light laugh and rubbed my eyes, "Not at all... I love it..."

Tord smiled back at me, "Well baby, the night is still young... How about I break out a tub of ice cream from the freezer and we can watch a movie like we originally were gonna do?"

I nodded but then looked up at Tord, "Oh you're massage!" And once again my anxiety bubbled up at the thought of not being able to go through a promise to an alpha.

Waving me off, Tord shook his head. "Oh no... It's fine. You don't need to do that..."

"But I promised... "

Tord sighed, "It's okay Tom... I don't need it."

"But I-"

Tord raised an eyebrow at me, cutting me off. "Promised me? Yeah you already said that and I said it was fine. Acting like that isn't going to make me say yes, you know." My shoulder dropped to a hunch and I looked down. Tord face palmed at my reaction and gave in, "Okay okay... How about tomorrow when I get off work? I have usually get tense after a long day in the shop."

I shot back up straight and nodded happily, "Okay!" I chirped, bringing me some joy to be able to help Tord in someways that doesn't require any sexual contact.

"Alright. Now how about you pick a movie and I'll be right back." Tord hummed as he slipped me off his lap.

"Alrighty then." I reached over to my night stand and plucked my laptop off it. Crossing my legs, I set the laptop in front of me and opened it.

Tord chuckled as he ruffled my hair. Looking up, I gave Tord a small close eyed smile. "Cute." He said to himself and kissed my forehead before leaving.

As soon as the door clicked shut, my shoulders slumped forward and I let out a sigh, "I'm so stupid..." I mumbled, "I should've let him continue... It's what he wanted..." My eyes glimpsed over the list of movies we could watch and carelessly picked one, "He's probably disappointed in me... Of course I had to fucking cry about it... Can't even please the man that I gave my life to..." The door opened and I quickly fixed my posture, smiling at Tord as he walked in.

If I can't give him what he wants sexually, then I can at least do things for him in other ways. One day I'll force my body to do something for Tord despite it not wanting to. It's not right for him to have to wait on me. He's supposed to get his way with me and I am to accept that because it what would make him happy. Yet at the same time I'm so grateful he's not taking advantage of me. That he is willing to work at my pace. That he understands my feelings and wants to help me through them. I fucking hate my instincts clashing against my conscience...

"Tom..?" Tord shook my shoulder gently. Jumping at the contact, I slowly looked up at him, "You okay?"

"Yeah... I'm fine. Just thinking." I assured the foreign man.

Rasing an eyebrow, Tord sat next to me. "About...?"

Easily I lied through my teeth, "Oh, on how I'm gonna work on thinking as one person and not two identities." But it wasn't a complete lie. I do want to learn to do it so I can stop this constant fucking battle of morals and ethics.

Tord seemed to buy it and leaned back on the headboard, "How do you plan on doing it then?"

"That's the thing, Tord. I don't fucking know how I'm going to do it! Literally what I just said. Listen to me, damnit." I huffed out.

"Ha, now that was the most 'Tom' response I've heard today." Tord smirked.

"Fuck you." I hissed but quickly shrank back, "Sorry..."

Tord held a spoon to my face, his smirk not fading, "Love you too. And don't be sorry. I'm just screwing with ya. Get it through your pretty little head that I'm not gonna hurt you intentionally."

Hesitantly taking the spoon, I nodded. "Okay..."

"Now don't shut down now, baby." Tord pushed the tub of ice cream to my lap, " We have a movie to watch. I don't want you worrying about things that aren't going to happen. Alright?" I gave Tord another simple nod, "Okay... So what are we watching?"

I glanced at the screen, finally looking at the movie I picked. My eyes winded slightly and a smile tugged at my lips, "Sweeny Todd: The Demon Barber on Fleet Street."

Tord raised an eyebrow and looked over the screen "Sweeny Todd, huh?" He said looking over the movie cover and description, "Oh this is the one about the serial killer, right?"

"Yeah! It's a musical too! It's produced by Tim Burton and so many great actors like Helena Bonham Carter and Alan Rickman. And Of course the famous Johnny Depp!" I said excitedly, clenching my fist in joy.

Tord laughed at my clear excitement, "I take it you like the movie?"

"Oh my fuck Tord, I LOVE this movie!!! It's my absolute fucking favorite!! How the hell have you not watched this yet?!" I gripped Tord's arm and shook it, "You'll love it! Helena is one hell of a woman. Sexy as fuck."

"Oh didn't think you looked at woman in such a way." Tord smiled, amused with me.

Rolling my black eyes I punched Tord's arm, "Hey! I might be gay, but I know a hot lady when I see one. I'm not fucking blind."

"Okay okay I believe you. Damn you sure are cussing a lot." Tord commented, unfazed by the punch.

I cranked the lid off the tub of ice cream, "I'm excited! I could never get sick of this movie. In my eyes it's a cinematic masterpiece." Smiling widely, I pressed play and shoveled out a scoop of the frozen dairy. Shoving the spoon into my mouth, I spoke with a full mouth. "It really is a wonderful movie."

Tord chuckled quietly happy to see me talk about something so passionately, "I'm sure it is, baby. If you love it, I'm sure I'd enjoy it as well. Now lean forward."

I had my eyes fixed at the screen already, "Why...?" I asked but did so anyways.

Tord pushed some stuffed animals out of his way and sat my pillows upright against the headboard. He slid in behind me, setting me between his legs. I felt heart rise in my face and leaned back against Tord's chest, "Comfortable...?" He asked and set his chin on my shoulder.

"Mmhmm... You?" I asked pulling a blanket over our legs.

Tord's hands snaked around my waist and hugged me from behind, "As comfortable as I'll ever be..."

I turned my head and gave Tord a quick peck on the cheek before looking back at the laptop, the intro almost done playing.

This is all I can ask for. A boyfriend willing to take the time for my bullshit. A person I can be completely myself with, even though I'm not sure who I am myself. Just someone I can love and who loves me. It's a comfort and reassurance I've never felt before. I'll try my damnedest to keep this relationship. I don't ever want to loose this feeling.