Peridot's Pov

Space has always enamored me. And endless abyss of dark nothingness forever. I would lay awake at night in the dark just thinking about how much I'd love to be there. Until I was there. Because space is freezing and lonely, and you can't breathe. That's what being with Pearl was beginning to feel like.

The more I thought about Pearl, the less I cared about her, at least in the romantic sense. To be honest, I couldn't even remember why I'd fallen for her in the first place. She had feelings for Rose, I had feelings for Lapis. I tried compiling a list of pros and cons of being in a relationship with Pearl. The cons greatly outnumbered the pros, even if some of them were reaches. A decided that if I was reaching for issues with my relationship, no matter how much I cared for Pearl, I had to end things.

Pearl refused to speak to me about important things, most importantly our emotions. At first, I'd greatly valued it, not having to open up or be openly emotional. But as time went on and I'd learned to open up, Pearl just seemed to freeze up.

I'd voiced my concerns to Amethysts via video chat the night we returned to Beach City.

"Wow P, that sounds rough." I sighed.

"But what should I do? Every time I try to talk to Pearl about this she stops talking altogether. It's as if she refuses to feel any emotions. And..." I hesitated.

"What's up, dude?" Amethyst asked. She was sipping on a juice box.

"Well... Is it bad that I'm happier talking to you than I am talking to Pearl?" The juice box dropped from her face.

"Um, dude? Kinda." I groaned and buried my face in a pillow.

"God damn it."

"Listen, dude, I've never been in a relationship before, but I know you're supposed to be the most happy when you're talking to them. Nobody else. Not even your totally awesome best friend Amethyst. I was still upset, but I couldn't help but smile.

"You are rather awesome." I sighed. "I know what has to happen."

It was my first full day back from the Bahamas when Pearl asked to visit. I'd accepted her offer because I felt bad, but we sat silently on the couch.

"How was your trip?" She asked.

"Fine," I said quietly. We were silent. What could I have said? I felt nothing about being with her anymore and anything I said about Jasper might've caused her to clam up. But more importantly, what should I have said?

"What's wrong?" She finally asked. Aside from the obvious?

"Nothing." I can't connect with you. "It's... fine." You're so far away. She sighed.

"Peridot, I know things have been... difficult lately, but I want to fix it. We can talk it over once more and-"

"We can't."

"What?" I looked up at her, she'd clammed up again. I knew she would.

"Tell me, Pearl. Tell me everything that's wrong and how I can reach you." Silence. "See? We can't. There's too much space between us now." Pearl drew a deep breath.

"I want to. I want to tell you everything. But I can't. At least... not yet." I sighed.

"In that case... I think you should come back when you can." She sat there in disbelief.

"What?" I inhaled sharply again.

"I'm sorry Pearl, but I don't think I can do this anymore. I know I've said this in the past but I just don't feel like we have enough of a bond anymore. I've been learning to be more open with my emotions and share them with those I love. And honestly? I've been so much happier ever since then." I smiled briefly but frowned again. "And unfortunately, I need to share these things with you. I feel comfortable talking about these things with you. But you don't. You can't seem to share your own emotions and you freeze up when you hear mine." Pearl sighed.

"I'm sorry, Peridot. I know I'm not the best with emotion. I try to limit myself and then I become intolerant to them." She turned to me. "But I can work on this. You just need to give me some time to myself and I can become better! Peridot, I promise you that I can improve!" I shook my head slowly, fighting to hold back tears.

"Pearl... no." She was taken aback slightly. "I've given you so many chances to let me help you so we could improve together. But you didn't want to and... I just don't think I can give you any more chances. Because deep down, I think we both know that what starts as some time to yourself will end with us being right back where we started." I took a deep breath and blinked approaching tears from my eyes. "We improve together or not at all." I could sense that Pearl was becoming more defensive with each passing moment.

"Peridot, what do you mean? I'm offering to improve myself for you and you're saying that I can't? Why shouldn't I?"

"Pearl, this isn't about me! It's not and it never was! I didn't want you to improve for me, I wanted you to improve for us! For you! And for everybody who loves you who wants to help but just can't, because you won't tell them how!" Pearl was breathing heavily and wiped tears from her eyes.

"They found out, Peridot. My mother and Opal went through my phone and they found out everything that Jasper's been saying to me. They've found out everything she's done." I had no words.

"Pearl, that's-"

"Don't say that it's good!" She commanded. "For my entire life, they've treated me like someone who was fragile and helpless all because of the bullying, especially ever since the accident! I was fine. I thought that if they didn't know that she was at her old antics again they wouldn't treat me like a child anymore! I was finally being treated like I was a normal teenager and now my mother is considering homeschooling me! And you can't seem to think about how I'm impacted."

"If you're so upset about it, then why don't you leave! Leave, and come back when you're ready to accept that people care about you!"

She stood up and gathered her things, and began to leave. Then as she was reaching the door, she turned back hesitantly.

"Peridot... I love you." I nodded, still almost crying.

"You're like a dream, Pearl," I said. "And if you haven't become a nightmare yet," I drew a shaky breath. "Don't wake up."

"What's wrong, Peridot?"

"It's over." Yellen looked at me as if I were crazy. 

"What's over?"

"This whole 'deal' thing. Jasper's not bothering me anymore, so I don't give a shit." She took off her reading glasses and placed them down on her bed, sitting up.

"What the hell Peridot? You don't just get to suddenly decide that your friends being bullied isn't an issue to you." I shook my head.

"Well, what are we doing about it? I took your advice, Yellen. I broke up with Pearl.  She wouldn't open up about her problems and neither will you. Do yourself a favor, Yellen. Go tell Mom that Jasper's calling you a bitch or whatever and be done with it." Yellen grumbled and stood up, coming towards me with a fierce glare in her eyes.

"Is that what you think this is? That she's teasing me and calling me names? Think a-fucking-gain, Peridot. She's blackmailing me. She knows shit and she's benefitting from it. And I'm not talking small shit either. I've stolen over two hundred dollars from Mom for Jasper! All because she knows what I've been doing and she knows who I am!" I took a second to process the information.

"Yellen, what the fuck? What does Jasper know that's that serious?" She crossed her arms and turned away.

"I don't want to fucking talk about it."

"You're the one who brought it up!" I protested. "You're lucky Mom's not home right now or I'd-" She turned back to me.

"Or you'd what, Peridot? Tell on me? I thought we were past this!"

"Well maybe we were, but this is serious, Yellen! You'd better tell me what Jasper has on you, or I'll go to Mom!" Yellen took a deep breath and uncrossed her arms.

"Fine. I won't tell you what I've done, but maybe I can tell you why I've done it." 

"Well then please, don't let me stop you." And that's how I ended up at Rainbow Quartz's house.