[TW] XXVII. Loving is Not Enough

It was suppose to be a regular Saturday night after a month of promotions. One without interruptions from the idol life. I planned and daydreamed about coming home and laying next to Minjae. Watching a foreign movie together. That's wasn't what happened...

Otherwise I wouldn't be driving aimlessly through the midnight drenched streets, tears revealing unforgivable marks of truth under layers of lies that makeup concealed.

My fingertips freezing cold to the touch without the warmth of home and the promise of love.

I knew the moment he set his sight housing disgust onto me that he would make me regret whatever I did wrong to him.

Minjae's cynical stare sent ripples of uneasiness up my spine. The luminous light in them muted in pools of consuming darkness.

"Why are you late." It wasn't a question, it was a hidden demand.

"They wanted to celebrate..."

No matter what I did. I couldn't do anything to bring back the light.

Every tug and shovel I would endure from Minjae. The faults and shortcomings in me that he would ruthlessly roar on about on repeat. I would, in the end, endure despite myself because of love.

I bound myself to this pain for the sake of love in fruitless hope of loving the fury away from him.

The blunt force of the ground colliding against my side left me shattered.

The invisible broken eggshells I've been carefully walking around, pierced my fraglie skin.

It's no use fighting back because the more I resisted him, the more the infliction carried on.

I gnaw on the inside of my cheek. The metallic taste of skin tearing dancing on my tongue. I surpass the cries.

A lump grows heavy in my throat that I feel like I'm drowning. The weight of him bound at my ankle, sinking me further into the depths.

"How much longer can I endure the hate in your heart?" I thought.

"How much..."

I can hear his footsteps leave. The words he is shouting, distant. The breath I was keeping, breaks from my dried lips.

My vision blurs from tears streaming down my cheeks. The purple markings that were fading away on my milky white skin reappearing, growing in size, color, and number.

I dig my broken fingernails into the coarse carpet. Is my love not enough?

I force myself off the floor, the pain surges through my body. I spot the keys I laid down on the counter a few feet away from me. I drag myself towards them to grasp them.

The shower knob squeaks on. The droplets patting against the porclein resounds through the closed bathroom door.

Guilt tugs on what's left of my heart when I finally reach for the front door with the keys dangling from my hand.
Loving will never be enough.

This took me what seems like forever to write. I had three drafts for this chapter since I couldn't decide what I wanted to do. The words in the description from the story were finally used.

The last line is beyond true. You can't love the abuse away. In a fantasy you can but not in reality. Taeyeon has left the apartment, this doesn't mean the end though. The next chapter will show a different POV from one of our characters for a change then we will be back on Taeyeon's. Thank you to the designer who made the cover for me.

-Jiselle

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