Maria longed to remove herself from the confines of her bed. She wanted to walk towards the window, but the tubes from the machine attached to her made it impossible. She resorted to a sitting position where her legs dangled over the side of the bed. It was difficult and laborious, but she made it. She may have been weak in the eyes of many, but she was never one to give up. Throughout her life, she fell and rose back with bruises, cried, and almost begged for death, but that did not mean she was weak. No, she just knew how to keep her sanity and emotions healthy by letting it all out. If she had chosen to keep it inside and hide her tears, she would have lost her mind a long time ago.

Yes, no one ever saw this strength she believed to have had, but it was there, and apparently, one man saw it clearly. She had no intention of releasing the letters from her hands, so she went on to read the next.

***

Dear Maria,

When you arrived in front of the hospital, I immediately noticed the shaking of your body. You had an indifferent expression painted on your face. What was wrong Maria? What were you thinking? Why did you make a scene in front of the hospital?

It was chaos, wasn't it, my love?

I was there, and I wanted so much to wrap my arms around you and whisper that it was okay. I will make it all better, but once again, I didn't have the courage to walk up to you and it would have destroyed my plan.

Your husband went to see you, didn't he? He came down from the fifth floor and yelled at you, with the woman he was then living with, clinging to his arms. He denied knowing who you were. He spat on you and pushed you aside. He even allowed his mistress to slap you.

I wish I knew how you felt after leaving the hospital. Did you get an ice pack for your cheek? Did you apply disinfectant to the scrapes on your knee?

***

Maria once again allowed her tears to fall. She remembers that day as if it were yesterday. The pain was far beyond the things she had endured in the previous years of her marriage. It was the first time she truly felt unwanted. Trash, that was what she was, in the eyes of her husband.

But how could she blame her husband?

It was a marriage instigated by her mother. Her mother forced the marriage upon the family of Maria's spouse. See, Maria's father died to save the life of her husband's father.

Yes, her marriage was not out of love. It was her mother's desperate attempt to save face.

Her mother may not have said it out loud, but she was ashamed of Maria's pregnancy. She begged Maria to get rid of the child in her womb, but Maria refused, reasoning that the child was innocent.

How could Maria ever say it out loud?

But she hoped, she wished, and she prayed that her husband would learn to love her, but he never did.

He hated Maria for the chain she had bound him in. He hated her for bringing him down with him. He loathed her for forcing him to sign the Birth certificate of a child that was not his.

But despite it all, did he have to treat her like trash? She allowed him to engage in a relationship with whomever he wanted, as long as he kept their marriage peaceful.

What Maria didn't expect was the sudden change of her in-laws upon her mother's death.

They started to treat her like dirt. They stepped on her pride as much as they could. They degraded her, abused her, and worst, wanted to use her they quote, sin-born child, for their own advantage.

Maria smiled when she remembered how Benjie killed them. Yes, they deserved to die. It was evil to find joy in someone else's misfortune. Maria was aware of that, but she couldn't help it. She agreed with Benjie. They were demons.

Willing her thoughts away, Maria proceeded to read the rest of the letter.
***

(Letter Continuation)

After you left, I was consumed with anger. I couldn't allow it to go further. I had to kill him, I had to! Even if it costs me my life, I was ready my love. I want you to know that.

I was prepared to die, to get caught, and to live the rest of my life in jail.

Do you understand Maria? If I had lived inside your head, out of anger or pity throughout these years-please know, I was ready. It was all for you.

There was nothing anybody could have done to change my mind. But please, don't think that it was an easy decision to make. I pondered about it for a long time Maria. Leaving you alone without protection scared me. If I were to live my life inside a prison, who would watch over you? Who would clear your path? Who would see you through?

And in those nights of endless thinking, I realized that maybe I needed you more than you needed me. I felt that way because, despite it all, you were a strong woman.

Did you even need me, Maria?
***

Maria had to stop reading. How deeply did Benjie love her? Was it even love or obsession?

But why? Why didn't he approach her? Why stay in the shadows?

Why?

The old woman laid back on her bed, wondering. If she had shed a tear in front of him, he would have wiped it dry without a second thought.

Maria realized that Benjie placed her on a pedestal, upon a peak that caused him everything.

Was it a good thing? Maybe not for the man, but Maria is grateful.

She laid the letter over her chest, and surprisingly, the pain in her heart, which had so long consumed her, received a reprieve. She is not a perfect person, but knowing that someone had lived his life in hopes of bettering hers, made everything alright.

Maria is not dumb to believe that she will last a little longer. Her death is soon to come. She raised the letter towards her face and read the rest of it.
***

(Letter Continuation)

When afternoon came my love, I followed your husband's vehicle. Why was he driving towards your house?

Merry Christmas my love! Is the food ready? Are the gifts wrapped and laid under the tree?

Love Forever

Your Silent Knight
***

Maria smiled and whispered, "I never missed a single Christmas without a gift under the tree."

A painful constriction beneath her chest sent the old woman gasping for air. Unwilling to pass out before finishing the last of the letters, she got back to a sitting position, took the final letter, and began to read.