49. Twenty-Eight Letter (February 14,1998) Maybe
(West Wing)
After he left the confines of the East Wing, Rashid's feet brought him to the second floor of the west wing. Earlier, when his cousin failed to return, he decided to go to the west wing on his own-which he presumed, Rudolf and the others would most likely be, and despite the hidden fear of crossing paths alone with a convict or a guard, he decided to move forward.
Rashid was not stupid, he moved stealthily without making himself known to whoever might cross his path.
He was perhaps obsessed with the idea of love-which was what his cousins always assumed to be the cause of his weakness-he still moved like an able gangster.
His longing for a normal relationship was not what made him weak, it was what forced him to survive.
Rashid believes that love is not a weakness but an inspiration. He had sworn to himself numerous times, that if he ever finds the right girl, he will settle down. Unlike his cousins, Rashid kept all his money in a safety deposit box. He is prepared, just in case, he finds the one.
A smile graced his lips when he heard footsteps descending from the third floor. The man almost ran in the direction of the sound, believing it to be that of his cousin, but his excitement faded when he saw a man in a guard's uniform, clearly agitated, walking towards his hiding place.
Rashid immediately placed his right hand in the holster of his gun as the guard approached the spot where he was hidden.
But surprise engulfed him, when instead of a gun, what his fingers landed on was a bare leather holster. His gun was not on him. He clicked his tongue and decided to squeeze himself further to the back of the vending machine which served as his cover.
The guard barely glanced at his surroundings, he only walked past Rashid, which shocked the criminal in the process. Yes, Rashid was hidden, but if it were him or his cousins, they would have spotted him in an instant.
What a lousy guard, Rashid thought to himself. He was about to leave the confines of the small enclosure when two more guards appeared from where the first guard came from.
Without a gun, Rashid felt naked and vulnerable. He cannot die without finding his true love. He smiled and then called himself stupid by his later thoughts. When he no longer felt threatened, Rashid slowly pushed himself out from the back of the machine and motioned to run away from where the guards were headed when a noise suddenly caught his ears. It was the scream of a woman.
It didn't take long for him to realize that the voice was coming from above him, so he made his way up the stairs and stopped in front of a door that had the word, Warden, printed on it.
***
(North wing)
Protacio and the guards were faced with a problem. Despite wanting to shove the criminals back inside their cells, they couldn't risk having them turn on the guards. The Warden had spoken to each of the prisoners in front of him and created a bond with them in the previous years, but still, he remained cautious. Some he could continue to trust while the others, probably have a time limit.
"Let's get this prison opened," Protacio commanded, but before they could make a move, multiple gunshots resonated from the other side of the walls.
***
(South Wing)
Sheldon, still unbelieving, despite 247's letters, had argued with Oscar for almost four minutes, before Kennedy took one of the letters and began to read.
***
Dear Maria,
I spent the entire day outside-Still within the prison walls of course-and strolled along the grounds where most of the inmates lounge. I thought it would be a great day, given the weather was windy, but the warden decided to use that time to talk to me.
He kept asking me about my case. I never said a word of course. But something weird happened while we were talking. His phone kept ringing so I asked him to answer it. What an amazing thing the cell phone was. No cord to tie it down anywhere!
Anyway, he answered and then bolted away. He didn't even say a word as he left, he just ran.
I didn't see him for a couple of days after that. But when he finally returned to prison, he looked different. He carried a weird smile on his face. I don't know how to explain it, but it's as if he was forcing himself to smile.
I kept my eyes on him whenever he went to the library, and after a week, I finally realized what that smile meant. He was broken, Maria. How could I have missed something so obvious? It's a mask that I too, wore every day. Did I get too acquainted with it, that I failed to see its gravity on someone else?
I wanted to talk to the warden and ask what happened, but I never got the chance. He changed Maria, he looks fake, pretentious, and weird. He is not the warden I once knew. He turned into a different man. The spark in his eyes whenever he came to check on the prisoners is gone. I see him standing there, but he is far, from the present.
I can't help but wonder, is how I see the warden now, the same as how he and the others saw me?
Is that what I look like?
Is that how I am?
Were those my eyes too?
Is that smile, the same as mine?
Why am I even asking, it is Maria?
But the warden recovered in time, his smile slowly returned to normal, and so did his demeanor. The life in his brown orbs came back-not as bright as before-but enough to say he has returned to the living.
How about me Maria, will I ever have that chance?
Will I ever get to smile like him or the others?
How do they do it? How can I have that too? What can I do to ease my pain?
Who can give me the answers?
Where can I find the answers?
Maria, do you remember when your family finally returned from their vacation? How did you do that? How could you have lived like a lifeless doll, then returned to a happy-looking woman in a matter of seconds?
I saw how solemn and defeated you were, before you went to sleep that night, or before you heard the slow parking of your in-law's wagon in front of your house. How did you do it? One minute you were dead and then lively on the next?
How can all of you do it? Have I lived my life in the shadows far too long, that I missed out on how to do those things?
Hi Maria, it's the month of September. Today, the warden allowed a couple of us to watch a movie in the prison auditorium. We watched a film called Titanic. It was such a marvelous movie! It made me cry and laugh, but it also made me question one thing. Are people who love dearly, not meant to find heaven on earth? He did everything for her, but in the end-he died Maria. Why would they allow a love so powerful to end with death?
They were free, but why did it have to end that way?
It confused me so much. That movie kept me up for many nights. It won't leave my head. Did I take the same path? Are we the same?
But he is not a criminal. So he would probably have a better life in the hereafter. As for me, I will probably burn and never get a chance to see you again.
Maybe the universe will turn me into the lowest form of creature if reincarnation is true.
Most probably in the next life, I'll meet the people I've killed and suffer the same faith I've bestowed upon them.
Maybe, I don't deserve to pray for your safety and love.
Is this what's been written on the day of my birth?
I am nothing but a man who loved but never deserved to be loved.
Merry Christmas!
Maria, do you remember when you and your kids stood outside your house to watch the fireworks on new years eve? That time when only you and your kids were home, your husband had to work out of town and was not able to come home.
I watched it with you and the kids. I stood under the big maple tree, two houses down from yours. The sky was simply outstanding. A beautiful round moon hung high on the ebony sky, which was magnificently dotted with millions of twinkling stars. Multiple hues lit up the darkness around you, every time a firework was released towards the sky. The explosion of colors was breathtaking, wasn't it? But all that while, my attention was not focused on those amazing displays of colors, no Maria, it was on you. How I wished, you were clinging to my arm, instead of the picket fence of your front lawn. I longed to walk up to you and say-your beauty far exceeds the fireworks in the sky.
Start the year right and stay safe!
Love Forever
Your Silent Knight
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