"It must be some kind of prank. Maybe some of Greg's friends decided to joke with him. I don't know. But it can't be Megan who called to cancel the reservation. No, it must be somebody else, something else!" I thought while the elevator was moving downwards.

The pressure from all the nonsense was getting higher and higher and I felt dizzy. I shook my head to clear it, but to no avail.

Suddenly the walls around me seemed too close and slightly out of focus. Heat waves started rising inside me and it was getting hot in here, too hot.

I was short of air.

It must have been because of the scarf, I put it too tight around my neck and that's why I couldn't breathe now. But as I reached up to unwrap it, I found out I hadn't wrapped it in the first place. It just hung loosely on either side of my neck and yet... I was suffocating.

I yanked the scarf and stared at it angrily as if it was the reason for all of my problems, then clenched the delicate material in my fist utterly annoyed by everything, including myself. I shouldn't have put it on at all!

I only added it to my outfit this morning because it was a gift from Greg and he asked to go out to dinner tonight, and I knew he'd love to see me wearing it. In general, if it wasn't for him I wouldn't have put it on, I didn't need a scarf. The cold wasn't a problem for me for quite some time simply because I was already used to always feeling cold even in the hot summer months in Rathleigh. Yes, even when the temperature would reach the unbearable 34 degrees Celsius, I was still cold. Hence I didn't pay much attention to it anymore.

But anyway.

The elevator dinged to a stop on the ground floor, the doors opened, and I stepped out. Grateful to be outside of it and have ample space at last, I took a deep breath and savored it. The hot waves were slightly ebbing away, and I felt a bit better.

I headed to Kelly, the reception girl, and asked her to call me a cab because I was too distracted to drive to Greg's office myself.

"Right away, Rose!" She said with a friendly smile and started scrolling down her phone looking for the number.

I shifted my gaze to the street, the speeding cars in opposite directions and the people walking past the entrance to our office building, through the transparent doors of which everything was at a display, and they were a perfect distraction for my sight while my mind drifted away. Thinking and thinking and thinking about things that I shouldn't.

"If I had known that this wedding would cost me so much effort and nerves and time that I could devote to my work, I wouldn't have accepted Greg's proposal," I thought, fueling my irritation. "We could just live together and that's it. As most people do nowadays."

Great! This wedding planning had not only sucked all of my energy but it also had turned me into a sullen, constantly-angry woman who now hated weddings.

Now.

Yes, now!

It wasn't always like that. I sighed wearily. I wasn't always like that. No, not even a slightest. Before...

"Ha," I laughed gloomily to myself.

I used to look at weddings as a fairy tale came to life before.

Furthermore, I used to dream of growing up and marrying the one I loved on the shore of Lake Lustus which is near our hometown, surrounded by people we love, and with nature as our greater witness. I used to imagine this magical fragment of time, of our lives, when we would have our great fairy tale ending, marking our new begginning. Our unearthly happiness would've been pouring out of us as we shared our love with relatives and friends, with nature and the world, making our beloved place even more special than it already was.

It was always so nice to indulge in these happy and vivid images that my mind created, images of a wedding on the shore of Lustus where we loved to spend a whole lot of our leisure time - playing, laughing, swimming, bathing in sunlight or simply devouring the beauty of nature while enjoying each other's company. This place, our place, had witnessed many years of our lives and it was so natural to imagine our wedding there. It was so natural the lake also to become a witness of this huge and wonderful event in our life - us starting family on our own, me and Ste... Ah! No! Nonono!

"Don't go there! Just don't!" I shook my head to discard all of these... wrong thoughts. They didn't have a place there. No, no...It's all in the past now. It's all in the past!" I breathed in and let the anger come in charge, "What was I thinking, remembering all of these stupid things!? These were just childish dreams. Nothing more! Nothing!"

"Come to yourself, Rose, come to yourself!" I scolded myself through gritted teeth.

The fairy tales remained behind me! I stopped believing in them and in this beautiful dream of a wedding a long time ago. Even before I came here in Rathleigh. Ha! No. It was even before I decided to leave my hometown because these childish dreams died one school afternoon, in February, when I saw... No!

"NO!" My inner voice shouted, warning me.

But it was too late!

My breath caught. I couldn... I couldn't breathe...

I put my hand over my chest, surprised by this sudden panic attack. Though I shouldn't be, considering the noxious thread of thought I let lead me. And it brought me right in the face of pain. These thoughts, memories, were my enemy and I was foolish to let them resurface and remind me of what I lost and how much it still hurt despite the years past. Yes, time heals, but some wounds are too deep to be healed!

I tried to restore my breathing fast because my lungs were protesting already. But it wasn't that easy.

"Rose, the cab is here," Kelly said but then apparently saw me, and run to me from behind the counter. She asked worriedly, "Rose! What's going on?"

"Wa... water... need... wa...water," I replied between every little breath, none of which actually got to my lungs.

Not that I really needed water, I just wanted to send her away, so to try to handle the situation on my own. As always.

I closed my eyes and took a deep and long breath, then let it out slowly, very slowly.

After the fifth repetition of this exercise the tension in my chest loosen, and I could almost hear my lungs crying "Finally! What took you so long!?" If I could I would've replied "Sorry, it hadn't happened for quite some time, I'd lost practice!" But no!

No! It was enough back then. I didn't need to learn how to fight these panic attacks again. I was better now, and so far everything was as I had planned it, so no need remembering these skills! No! Just no!

I wouldn't let neither the stupid wedding, nor the silly childish dreams sabotage my progress! I was better than that! I was stronger now!

Yeah, I thought so. Silly me, I would say now, but you'll see for yourself.

I had suffered enough. I battled with it and won. The panic attacks hadn't come in more than two years, and they were most certainly not welcomed now.

I breathed in and out slowly once more and opened my eyes just to see the scared Kelly before me.

Her presence startled me, but I controlled my reaction and remained calm. I was better. I had regained the control of my emotions.

"I'm good now," I said, more to reassure myself than her and reached for the glass she was handing me.

I drunk the water in long gulps, and felt good for real. I had overcome the panic attack quicker than ever, which brought me a hefty dose of false serenity and helped me return to my normal state of control and confidence, something achieved with lots and lots of practice.

"Thank you, Kelly!" I smiled at her.

"Are you sure you're okay?!" She asked in voice trembling with concern.

"Of course, honey!" I replied more lively than I felt, and tapped her arm. "Everything is fine! It's just... a little too warm in here, that's it! Is the cab already here?" I asked so to change the subject though I vaguely remebered that she said it was.

"Yes, it's outside. But are you really okay?" Kelly asked again.

"Sure sure. No worries!" I replied with a bit forced smile, and hurried to the exit.

I waved at her, and stormed out of the building before she could say anything else, then burst into the car, scaring a little bit the driver. I excused myself and told him the address.

And we set off.