Chapter Eight
Greg appeared in the doorway of his office. I froze in place, couldn't move. My throat was clogged with the tears I refused to shed. I wouldn't cry for him. I was determined to endure, I wouldn't let him see me shattered, he wouldn't know what he really did to me!
I inhaled through my nose, trying to ease the pain just a little bit and kept watching him.
First he looked to his left only to find no one there, and when he turned his head to the right his gaze bore into me. His eyes widened. He stepped forward unsteadily and turned to face me. Inevitably, my gaze drifted over his body, but not because he was so handsome, at that moment the last thing I saw in him was his attractive physique. No, I merely scanned him. And painfully discovered that his shirt was gone, as well as the belt of his trousers.
"Ah, the imprudent me! I had interrupted their intimate meeting in the heat of the moment. Tut-tut-tut, bad Rose!" I noted bitterly in my mind, driven by the ire his appearance provoked in me. I allowed that anger to dull the pain that was eating me up inside.
And finally, my gaze landed on the shapeless pile that had once been my scarf and lingered there for a moment before returning to Greg's face.
There was uncertainty in his eyes, and I could tell by his strained expression that he was trying to come up with a plausible excuse for his appearance. I nodded down and he followed the path I had drawn seconds ago until his eyes reached the scarf. His body went rigid. Greg stared at the blue pile for what seemed like ages before he bent down and picked up the scarf. His fingers closed around the soft fabric. He stood up, still looking at the lapis blue cashmere mess he was holding, then he looked up at me and stepped forward.
"Ah, no no no! That ain't happening! You won't come near me!" I thought and I snorted indignantly, then I took half a step back and looked at the elevator doors."Why didn't they close? I'd been standing inside for quite some time, it should have been..."
And then I remembered what the obnoxious guy from the 15th floor told me. My eyes instantly went to the dashboard, and of course, it wasn't lit. I hadn't pressed the button!
I reached out but hesitated when my fingertip touched the cold surface. I turned my head forward again and looked at Greg. He sensed my intention, braced himself and quickened his pace. But to his bad luck, my ex fiancé didn't see my coat, tripped and fell. I would have laughed, but the anger was strong enough to keep me standing on my feet, and not enough to call forth any mirth in me. So I just kept on watching him, hand ready to press the button at the right moment.
Greg got to his feet picking up the coat I had discarded. His eyes fixed on mine. And the guilt written all over his face infuriated me.
Anger fueled my will and drowned out the pain so much I could barely feel it.
I raised my chin and kept my eyes on his, challenging him to act, to do something, to say something. In that moment, Greg's grey-blues seemed to me like pieces of ice flickering in regret. His face was contorted in pain. And if he hadn't hurt me, I would've felt sorry for him. But he broke me when I expected better of him, he shattered the prefect world I had built for myself. He did what he did, so now he wouldn't get any sympathy from me, all he deserved was to face a demeanor as icy as his eyes.
He accepted my challenge and walked towards me again. I let him approach me, get closer, close enough for him to calm down a little, for relief to soften his features, and then... without him being able to see me, my finger sank with the button into its socket in the dashboard and the mechanism was activated. Just in time so when Greg had already decided he had a chance to make a difference, the doors closed in his face, leaving him without hope, just like he did to me.
Tears sprang to my eyes when Greg's face wasn't in my sight anymore. Nothing remained to feed the anger, and it abandoned me. That's when I felt the heavy burden of the pain, pain caused now by Greg, and pain piled and collected and inhanced over the years. My head dropped in defeat, my shoulders slumped forward, and I could almost physically feel the ruins of my life dragging me down down down. No will, no energy, no nothing left in me, just a hollow shell of the woman I was when I entered the building.
Two tears eased down my face and crashed to the floor. I shut my eyes in quiet anguish.
***
The elevator stopped on the ground floor and I walked out of the building stumbling every step of the way because my legs were shaking uncontrollably. Dean had called my name, but I'd just waved vaguely and kept walking.
Outside, I stopped in front of the building and took a deep breath, but because of the heaviness in my chest, I didn't feel it reach my lungs. Everything in front of me became blurred images because of the tears that overflowed my eyes. And my hands were trembling, I barely could control them.
Control. What control?
No control, no confidence, no hope, no nothing had left inside me! Only pain! At that thought I completely lost the grip on my emotions and the quiet tears were replaced by sobs.
I sucked a sharp breath between the sobs and struggled to dig my phone out of my bag. I pulled it out and after several failed attempts, I finally diled my boss.
"Angel," I said on the phone with shaky voice. "I won't be coming. I'm not fine. I'm..." I sucked another sharp breath before continuing, "I'll call you la...later." The last word escaped my mouth almost like a whisper, my hand got too heavy and fell beside my body.
From then on everything's a blur.
I got to my apartment not knowing how or when I got there.
The world was unrapped with darkness and the only clear thought in my head was:
It ended.
It all ended.
Greg's betrayal changed the course I had set for myself!
But it was only the beginning of the big changes. The wheel had started spinning in an unexpected direction for me, and I couldn't do anything else than follow the path and make the best of it.
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