*Damien's POV*

''Do you wanna drive?'' Steven offers me.

I turn to face him. I look down at my hands. I sigh, consciously relaxing them from the fists they were previously in.

I'm angry.

I'm angry and I'm really trying my best to contain it because I don't want to snap at Steven.

Actually, I don't even think I'm mad. I'm not on edge anymore and my blood isn't boiling with the temptation to punch something...or someone.

I'm hurt.

After everything that we've been through together. I'm not his best friend?

Really?

I mean I know it's been seven years and I'll admit that I'm much, much closer to Julia than Steven right now but if either of them were to ever ask me which one of them are my best friend...

I would pick Steven.

No questions, no hesitation.

It doesn't matter how close me and Julia get. Steven will always be my best friend.

There's just too much history between us to call what we share anything less. Although I wouldn't mind calling it something more.

And in no way am I trying to undermine my relationship with Julia. She's a sister to me, irreplaceable by all standards.

''I don't think I should,'' I say to him.

The last thing I need to do is get behind the wheel with the way I'm feeling. I'm liable to zone out and have us both end up in a wreck.

I walk around to the passenger side of his car, climbing in when he unlocks the door and putting my seat belt on.

''So,'' He says. He starts the engine and cranks the heat up in the car. ''Where do you wanna go?'' He asks.

My phone rings, saving me from giving a response.

Home.

I want to go home.

Alone.

I take my phone from my pocket. Javier's name is flashing across the screen. I quickly hit the answer button, bringing the phone up to my ear.

''Hey, how'd it go?'' I ask him.

''It went well. I had to practically drag him from the penthouse. He went into a fit the moment the word therapist left my mouth.'' Javier tells me.

A stressful sigh slides free from my lips.

''Okay...okay well how'd the session go?''

''After about an hour of him, Dr. Taylor, and I sitting in a room filled with stale silence he finally spoke. He...he talked a lot about you Damien. It was mostly all about you. About how he never went more than a couple of days without seeing you all bruised and beaten. And about how...well-well I think you should just talk to him about it.''

I close my eyes. Squeezing them as tight as I can to force the tears away.

I never wanted Cody to see me in pain.

But it's not like I could hide it from him. It happened so much. And at the time he was old enough to figure out what was going on. So, I couldn't lie to him about it.

''Is he back at the penthouse?'' I ask Javier.

''Is everything okay?'' I hear Steven ask me.

I glance at him briefly.

I'm not in the mood to let him in right now.

There's just too much that I have to deal with.

''Everything's fine,'' I answer, giving my attention back to the phone call.

''Yeah. He's packing. He said he wanted to go home and I didn't fight him on it, I think it's a good idea. And I think you should go with him. I'm on my way to catch my flight and you know he won't be comfortable there alone.'' Javier says.

''I know. I think it's about time that I head back anyway. Did you book the flight already?''

''I did. You can take the jet it should be fueled and ready in about two hours. Are you okay son?'' He asks. His voice is lathered in concern.

Probably because just a few days ago I was refusing to leave New York and now I'm going without a fight.

But regardless of the fact that I think I need some space from Steven even if I didn't feel this way I'd still get on that plane for my brother.

''I'm fine,'' I reply to him. ''I'll talk to you later,'' I say, clicking the button to end the call before placing the phone back into my pocket.

''Can you drive me home?'' I ask Steven.

''Um, yeah, sure. Do you want to chill there for a while?'' He asks.

''I have to go back to California,'' I tell him.

I refrain from looking in his direction, although it's killing me not to know his reaction.

To know if he even cares.

He doesn't say anything, taking a U-turn and heading in the direction of my penthouse.

The ride is enclosed in a very fixated silence until we're about ten minutes out from the penthouse. And then finally, he speaks.

Pulling out the question that I knew he'd want an answer to.

''Why?'' He asks at last.

A part of me wants to be a dick and tell him to respect the privacy of my life just like he wants me to respect his. A very stubborn part of me wants to do that.

But deep down I know that I don't want to pick a fight with Steven.

''I have to deal with some family stuff,'' I tell him.

And I really wish I could just let him in. Tell him all of my fucking problems and let him comfort me in ways that only he can.

But he's made it very clear he doesn't fucking want to.

And I'm not going to force him.

''Is everything okay?'' He asks immediately.

I'm honestly getting whiplash from the amount of worry he's showing me right now.

Just a few moments ago at Harrison's house I could've sworn he didn't give a fuck about me but now that it's just him and I alone, I seem to be worthy of his concern.

''It will be,'' I say, answering him vaguely.

I don't know what's going through Stevens head right now, not that he'd tell me if I asked, but I don't like it.

I know that after everything that we've been through I can't just outright demand a place in his life, a title.

But I thought he would've at least considered me important enough to him to not just let someone talk shit about me right to his face.

I would never stand for it if it was the other way around, that's what pisses me off so much.

A few minutes later we pull up in front of the penthouse. He turns the car off, removing his seat belt and turning to face me.

I sigh, taking my seat belt off.

''I can help you pack,'' He offers, ''If you want,'' He adds quickly.

And that's a good offer.

And I want his company.

Just not right now though.

Lately I've been pushing all the pain that I have from what happened between us and even what's happening now, to the side.

I've been focusing on him and giving him the benefit of the doubt each and every time he's done something that's hurt me slightly.

But I thought him telling me that he couldn't talk to me because I was like a stranger to him would be the worst thing I'd have to endure.

But he fucking hurt my feelings today.

And for some reason my mind isn't just letting me push that to the side so easily.

''No, I think I'll be good,'' I tell him. I open the door, climbing out of the car and shutting it back.

Before I even make it halfway around the car, he's opening his door and getting out.

I look at him, confusion covering my face.

''Damien, I'm sorry,'' He says. He runs a timid hand through his hair.

I sigh, shaking my head.

''Steven, I don't want your apology,'' I tell him honestly. I wanted to be worth defending to him.

That's what I wanted.

But it's too late for that now and honestly, I'm not looking to dive back into a conversation about it.

''Well what do you want me to say?'' He asks, raising his voice. Another sigh leaves my lips.

He needs to keep his voice down. He's really not one to make a scene, so I don't know what the hell he's doing.

''What do you want to hear from me Damien? You're fucking angry with me, I know!'' He yells.

I roll my eyes at him.

There's no way in hell he's this oblivious.

''You know what I wanted you to say. And you didn't, so just forget about it,'' I turn to walk away, but then stop abruptly and face him again. ''And for the record I'm not angry with you Steven, you hurt my feelings. But that's even worse.''

I turn back around, heading for the penthouse door.

''Don't walk away from me!'' He calls out.

I groan, my shoulders tensing up as I slowly turn to face him again.

I'm trying to control myself...to control my emotions. I'm trying to keep my composure in check but he's making it really damn hard.

''What do you want? What do you  want from me?'' I demand.

He opens his mouth, but shuts it just as quickly. His eyes fall from mines and he locks his gaze on the ground.

''I...I don't know, Damien.'' He stammers out.

''Well I have my own shit to deal with Steven. So, when you know, give me a call.'' I say sharply.

As I go to step away from him, he hurries in front of me. Blocking my path to the door. I take a deep breath. Calming myself.

He's really starting to piss me off.

Now  I'm angry at him.

Can't he see that I clearly have enough shit going on? I don't need this right now.

I really don't.

I gave him his space when he asked for it. I didn't bother him until he called me. I respected his wants.

Why can't he just do the same for me?

''I-I just. Damien!'' He tries, but I shake my head, trying to push him to the side but I don't succeed.

''Move, Steven,'' I say seriously. I glance around us and notice a few people gawking at us, a couple of them snapping pictures, of me of course.

''Either tell me what you want, or move.'' I say to him in a calm tone of voice, despite really wanting to scream at him to get the fuck out of my way.

''I want you to stop leaving me! Stop walking away from me!'' He snaps.

I take a step back. I watch as the hurt and pain floods his hard-brown eyes, draining slowly onto his cheeks.

Leaving him?

I'm not speeding off in a car telling him that I don't want to talk to him, now am I?

''I'm not leaving you, Steven.'' I clarify.

''Yes, you are,'' He erupts again. He wipes away the fallen tears, attempting to regain his equanimity. ''Stop it, stop being so fucking smug about this! Stop trying to be emotionless.''

''Emotionless? Me? I've told you how I felt since the moment that I saw you. I told you what I wanted from you. I've been upfront about everything. I told you that I'd compromise and be there for you as just you're fucking friend! But me? I'm emotionless?'' I retort.

I push him out of my way.

''Like that would've been enough for you, like you would've been happy!'' He yells after me.

I turn around, despite the little voice in my head telling me to just go the fuck inside before this escalates, I turn around.

''Exactly! That's my fucking point  Steven. I probably wouldn't have been happy. But I would've done it, for you.'' I attempt to explain to him. But I doubt it gets past that thick layer of ignorance that surrounds his brain.

''So just because you're not getting what you want from me, you're going to cut me off again? Just abandon me like you did last time?'' He picks at me.

Knowing damn well this is nothing like that.

Knowing that I had little choice in what happened seven years ago.

Knowing that I gave up more than him by leaving.

But you know what?

As much as every fiber in my being is begging me to say some pretty fucked up shit that would absolutely break him, I'm going to take the high road.

He's lucky though.

Because I wouldn't do this nice shit for anyone else.

''Steven that's not the case, and you literally just missed the whole point of what I said. Don't paint me out to be the bad guy, because I'm not.''

''Is it really not the case though?'' He continues on, ''Tell me that you'd be saying these things to me if I'd jumped back into your arms these past couple of days,'' And as much as I try not to show it a part of my soul leaps from my chest because I can hear his voice breaking as he speaks, ''Tell me you wouldn't be hearing me out right now if that was the case?''

But he's making me seem like I only agreed to be his friend because I had an ulterior motive. And that's not the case.

Yes, eventually I saw our friendship advancing into something more but I would've never pushed him past his comfort level.

I respect him.

But that's not even what this is about though.

''You put me second to an absolute stranger Steven! I bet he doesn't even know about half the shit that you went through. Was he there helping you through it? Picking you up and restoring your confidence each and every time your parents knocked it out of you? No, I was!'' I inform him, because he's acting like he fucking forgot.

But trust me, I haven't.

I'm not the only one that's fucked up.

Steven's just better at hiding it.

''Just because you don't know him doesn't make him a stranger Damien and you know that's not fair; he's helped me through plenty.'' Steven defends.

He fucking defends Harrison.

Wow.

Fucking wow.

I'm done.

I'm absolutely done.

''But does it equate to what I did for you? That's all I'm asking.'' I demand from him, ''And just because he doesn't know me doesn't make me 'just' and old friend. You need to be honest with your friends, and yourself Steven. Because I sure as hell didn't suck all of my friends off seven years ago.'' I hit back at him.

I turn around, unlocking my door, going inside and shutting it behind me.

I lean against the door.

Deep breaths.

Deep fucking breaths.

I think he just needs to figure out if he even wants to give me a place in his life, because clearly, it's not something I can just take.

He needs to figure that out, and he needs to figure out what it is he wants me to be for him. Not just in private, in public too, around his friends.

He needs to figure out if defending my character is something he's capable of.

Just as I go to kick off the door I hear a lot of noise going on outside. I raise my brows in confusion, reaching for the door handle and pulling it open.

Steven practically falls inside the house, a swarm of paparazzi cornering in on him until they notice me.

I pull Steven completely inside the house.

''Get the fuck off of my property,'' I tell them, ignoring the questions they were yelling at me as I shut the door in their faces, locking it.

''I'm sorry about that,'' I say to Steven, not exactly making eye contact with him. ''You can stay here until they leave but I don't want to talk anymore.'' I tell him.

I walk off before he can reply.

I figured the paparazzi would show up the moment people started to take pictures of me. I've actually done a pretty good job of keeping my bullshit and party nights out of the media so I know that they were just eager to get their hands on something like this.

And in about ten minutes the head of my PR team will be reaching out to Javier, who in return, will most definitely be giving me a very intense phone call.

Hopefully he's already in the air though.

Because whatever they're going to print on their fucking magazines is the least of my worries.

I walk into the living room, seeing Skylar and Cody both sweeping up glass.

I clear my throat to get their attention and Cody's eyes lock with mines immediately.

''I'm so sorry,'' He says quickly, dropping the broom and dustpan. He brushes his hands on his pants as he makes his way over to me. ''I didn't mean to break anything, Damien. I just...I just kind of lost it for a second,''

''It's okay,'' I say.

''No, it's not, I shouldn't have let it got that far. He broke things all the time Damien, he broke our home. I don't want to be like him,'' He says. The fear that's in his voice makes my heart ache.

And when he's finally close enough for me to pull him into a hug I notice how red his eyes are.

He's been crying. A lot.

''You're going to be okay,'' I tell him, hugging him tighter as he breaks into tears in my arms. My wall falls down then. My own puddle of tears began to leap from my eyes uncontrollably.

''I broke a lot more shit than this, okay?'' I say, attempting to cheer him up through my shallow breaths, and blurry tear stained vision. I finally resolve to just closing my eyes as the tears refuse to stop. ''You're going to be fine,'' I assure Cody.

''C'mon,'' I say, releasing him from the hug, ''Have you packed yet?''

He shakes his head, cleaning his face with the palm of his hand. I do the same.

''Okay you two go pack, we leave in two hours,'' I say, nodding towards Skylar as well.

I never want my brother to feel like he's losing his fucking mind.

Even if he is at times.

I know how it feels; we'll get through this together.

As soon as I turn around, trying to head in the direction of my room, I'm enveloped by strong arms.

Steven hugs me tightly, and despite every part of me that's still pissed at him, I can't find the strength to push him off of me.

I need this.

I need his comfort.

I burry my face into the crook of his neck, taking a deep breath as I wrap my arms around his waist and pull him closer to me.

And we stand like that for a while.

He doesn't complain about how closely I have him pulled to my body or how low my hands are wrapped around his waist.

He just lets me hold him.

And I can't choke up the words to tell him how much I appreciate it.

I let go of him, walking around him and making my way down the hall and into my room.

He's right behind me.

He lays on my bed, staring up at the ceiling as I walk into my closet.

I grab my suitcase, tossing mostly leather jackets and shirts into it. I grab whatever else I don't feel like buying again once I get back home and throw it into my suitcase before zipping it up.

He sits up as I walk out of the closet. I roll my suitcase over to my bedroom door.

I lean against the wall, crossing my arms as I watch him staring at me.

''Come lay down with me for a minute,'' He says to me.

I quirk a brow at him.

''You're not funny,'' I tell him seriously.

''Well I'm not kidding,'' He says.

''Steven don't do that,'' I beg him, taking my eyes off of him and looking at the floor.

I don't like having my feelings played with. Especially when he explicitly knows what I want.

''Do what?'' He asks innocently. I refrain from scoffing.

''Don't give me what I want just because you feel bad for me,'' I tell him. ''I don't need your pity,''

He stands up, walking over to me. He stops in front of me.

''Good,'' He says, gripping my wrist in his hand, ''Because I don't have any to give you,''

He drags me over to the bed. And to be honest I'm not resisting this nearly as much as I should be.

He pushes me down on the bed, shoving me over and climbing in next to me.

I rest my head against a pillow and he rests his on my chest. I let out a deep breath of air.

What the hell is he doing?

We lay like that in silence.

And I won't lie. I'm loving it.

Maybe even a little too much.

''Stay,'' He pleads, pushing me back down when I go to lean up.

I sigh, anxiously placing my hand on his back as I lay my head back on the pillow.

''I have to go soon,'' I tell him.

About an hour had gone by.

One hand was tucked behind my head on the pillow, the other gently caressing his back.

He was lightly drawing circles on my chest with his finger.

''I know,'' He answers softly.

I honestly don't know what this is.

One minute he's screaming at me and the next he wants me to cuddle with him.

Not that I have a problem with the cuddling part, but I kind of feel like I should.

I don't want him to think that it's cool to lead me on and I don't want to hurt myself even more by falling for his mixed signals.

But how do I stop something that feels this good?

Having him in my arms...

I've been wanting that for the past seven years now.

''I got to see my child today,'' He says, breaking the silence. He reaches into his pocket, pulling out a picture.

''Yeah?'' I say, taking the ultrasound photo from his hands to get a better look at it. ''How'd it make you feel?'' I ask him.

I examine the photo, seeing the beginning makings of a little person on it. I place it on the nightstand to my right.

''Euphoric,'' He answers, ''Like it was all I've ever wanted and I didn't even know it. Also scared shitless though.''

''What're you scared of?'' I ask him.

''Fucking up,'' He replies somberly a moment later.

''Don't be,'' I say with a chuckle, ''I got you,'' I promise him.

I let us carry on in the comfortable silence for a good thirty minutes before I absolutely had to get up.

''Steven,'' I say, as I go to get up but am weighed down by his sleeping body. Small snores vacate his mouth as I gently move him off of me.

I climb out of the bed, removing my phone from my pocket and texting Cody and Skylar to get ready to head out.

I dig into my nightstand drawer, fishing out some paper and a pen.

I scribble a few things down on the paper.

I grab the ultrasound picture I had placed on the nightstand earlier, putting it into my pocket.

I find myself turning around before I'm even halfway to the door.

I walk back over to the bed, leaning down and placing a kiss to Steven's forehead before grabbing my suitcase and heading out of the room.

••A/N••

Lmao I have no idea what's going on with Damien or Steven today.

:)

What do you all think of Steven's actions towards the end?

What about Damien and Steven's argument?

Tbh I feel so bad for Cody.

Please leave a comment a tell me what you think of the story!

Please Vote!

Posted: July 2, 2019.