•Damien's POV•

I put my car in park, resting my head against the window, allowing a sigh to leave my lips.

It's cold, per usual.

I hate the airport.

I travel so much that I don't go as long as a week without being in one. It's tiring, being in the same place so much.

My phone vibrates against my leg. I take it out of my pocket, noticing that it's only six in the morning. I fucking hate waking up this early.

A message from Cody appears on the screen.

-Where are you parked? I'm walking out now. - Cody

-I'm right on the curb by the middle exit. You better have a fucking jacket on. - Damien

-Of course not, I just came to New York to catch pneumonia. – Cody

I roll my eyes at his sarcastic ass remark, putting my phone back in my pocket. I zip my jacket up, climbing out of the car.

I walk around to the front of the car. My eyes pierce the large crowd of people that began to emerge from the airport.

About eight minutes went by and I glance at my phone again to make sure I don't have any missed notifications.

Considering he told me he was walking out I haven't seen him yet.

I click my phone back to life, preparing to dial his number.

''Chill the fuck out!'' I hear my brothers voice scream.

Panic fills my body immediately. I turn my head in the direction his voice came from, my feet moving quickly as I break through the crowd.

''Give me your phone! I'm not playing with you.'' I hear another voice yell.

A familiar voice.

''Cody!?'' I call out. I push people out of my way, earning glares that I couldn't care less about.

I finally make it to the small clearing in the crowd to see Cody and...Skyler? They are pushing each other, and Cody has his hand above his head holding his phone away from Skyler.

Which is actually kind of funny considering they're about the same height.

I step in between them, reaching over Cody to take the phone from his hand.

''What's going on?'' I ask, looking at Cody.

He shrugs. I turn to look at Skyler, who's looking at Cody like he's just about ready to kill him.

Oh, I know the feeling.

''Your brother is giving out his number to grown ass...-'' Skyler starts but then his voice fades off when Cody attempts to throw a punch.

I catch his fist before it reaches its intended target.

''What the hell is your problem? I can give my number to whoever I want to. You're giving me major Scarlett vibes right now.'' Cody says to Skyler, his voice chill despite the fact that he just attempted to sock the kid in his face.

''You're not funny. Shut the fuck up.'' Skyler warns Cody.

Cody rolls his eyes. He reaches for his phone from my hand but I swat his hand away, clicking his phone to life and putting in the password.

The screen lit to the contactAddison.

''Sounds like a blonde,'' I say, tossing his phone back to him. ''How old is she?'' I ask.

''Try brunette, try mid-twenties, try the same—''

''Mind your fucking business Skyler,'' Cody snaps at Skyler.

I sigh, shaking my head as I lead the way to the car. I'm dealing with enough shit, I don't feel like dealing with stopping these two from fighting for a week.

Why is Skyler here anyway?

I don't want to sound like an asshole by just flat out asking Cody right here in front of him so I guess we'll talk about it later.

This is piling more and more onto the list of shit that Cody and I have to talk about.

He just had his tongue down this kids throat at the party and now they're on a week long trip to New York together.

I'm not fucking stupid.

I could care less what gender Cody decides to be with, obviously, but I do care about him communicating with me.

I know he reserves the right to sort out shit in his mind if he hasn't yet figured it out, but nevertheless I hate sitting here in the dark.

I need to know what's going on with my baby brother.

I unlock the car doors, climbing into the drivers' seat. They put their luggage in the trunk and then race to the side of the car.

''Are y'all going to be like this all week?'' I groan, watching as they fight over the passengers' seat.

They ignore me, continuing on.

Teenagers.

''Ow, fuck!'' Cody groans, clutching his jaw. In the next second Skyler is climbing into the passengers' seat, putting his seat belt on and pulling his phone from his pocket like he didn't just engage in World War III.

''Language,'' I warn.

Cody gets into the back of the car, putting his seat belt on and rubbing his bruising jaw.

I start the car, driving in the direction of the penthouse.

''So Skyler,'' I start, reaching to turn the radio down.

''It was Cody's idea,'' He blurts out before I can even get my question out. I mean I wasn't even going to ask him that but okay, I'll roll with it.

''Cody?'' I ask, looking at him through the rearview mirror. He glances up from his phone for a second. Literally, then his eyes are glued once again to the screen.

''What? You're going to be busy. He'll keep me company.'' Cody answers.

''Mmm,'' I hum in response. Yeah, there's more to it than that.

''Anyway Skyler, I was going to ask how your sister is doing.'' I say.

''I'm the one who got the shit slapped out of him, ask me how I'm doing,'' Cody complains.

''The bruise she gave you is only justfading,'' I say, laughing, '' I know how you're doing smart ass.''

''It's really bad tension in the house, you know? She hasn't talked to me since the party and its tearing me apart. She has every right to be mad, I get that, but she's my sister, mytwin.

You go seventeen years of your life talking to someone for everyday and then there's just an abrupt silence. I didn't mean to hurt her in anyway, some things you just can't control.'' Skyler mumbles.

I glance at him to see the sadness seeping over his facial features as he stares out the window.

Before I focus my eyes back on the road I see Cody's hand come out of nowhere and smack the back of Skyler's head.

These are two little abusive assholes.

''Way to get so fucking grim, Sky.'' Cody says, sitting back.

Skyler turns around in his seat, swinging back at Cody but missing.

''The blame is 50/50, so shut up you little bitch.'' Skyler replies to Cody.

''I swear to fucking god if you two don't stop cursing I'm going to kill you both.'' I threaten.

I park the car, turning the engine off as we make it to the penthouse.

''Eh, double murder isn't an easy charge. I'll kill him for you if you help me hide the body,'' Skyler offers.

I shake my head, feeling a headache coming to me as I climb from the car and head towards the house door. I unlock the door, stepping inside and leaving them outside to get their luggage from the car.

I take my jacket off, placing it on the hook by the door.

Tossing my keys onto the table in the dining hall, I enter the kitchen, heading straight for the fridge.

I open the refrigerator, pulling out a couple of breakfast burritos and throwing them into the microwave.

I lean against the counter, closing my eyes.

I can't remember the last time I ate an actual meal. And that's sad considering how much I love food.

I have to start hitting the gym soon too, it's been nearly a week since I've worked out.

My whole schedule has been fucked up.

But for right now all I'm focused on is whatever the hell is going on with Cody, and of course Steven.

Wow.

Sounds like high school all over again.

The timer on the microwave beeps, snapping me from my thoughts. I walk over to the microwave, reaching up and grabbing a plate from the cabinet.

I put them on the plate, grabbing one and taking a hungry bite from it.

Damn, I really miss food.

I eat another burrito and then head for the stairs.

Of course they would pick the rooms on the second floor. I personally only sleep on the first floor because I hate this long ass walk and these tiresome ass stairs.

I reach the top of the stairs, following the sound of their yelling until I reach the room they're in.

Cody is on the floor, redecorating the room as he tosses the clothes from his suitcase all over the place. Skyler is on the bed, scrolling through his phone.

''I can't fucking believe I left my controller. How do you remember the game console but forget the controller?'' Cody asks, continuing to throw his clothes from his suitcase.

''I don't know, but I don't care. I have my controller, bro. So this sounds like a you problem.'' Skyler says.

''Oh, keep playing. I'll fucking jack you, Skyler.'' Cody warns. Skyler laughs.

''Yeah, off.'' Skyler replies.

''Food,'' I say, entering the room and making my presence known. I wanted to know what was going on with my baby brother, but not like this.

I'd rather he tells me, than me snoop. Not that I was snooping.

''Thank god,'' Skyler groans, leaping up from the bed and walking over to me. He grabs two burritos from the plate I'm holding and then lays back down on the bed.

''Well I guess I'm god. You're welcome.'' I say.

Cody gets off the floor, making his way over to me. He takes the last two burritos from the plate, shoving one in his mouth whole.

''We're about to go to GameStop. Is that cool?'' He asks.

''Yeah. I need to talk to you before you leave though.'' I tell him.

''Okay, just let me unpack first.'' Cody says. I nod, turning to leave the room.

Taking on the stairs again I find myself on the couch in the living room. I stretch out, resting my head on a couch pillow as I doze off into a quick nap.

I swear it feels like the next second that I'm being shaken awake. I open my eyes to see Cody standing above me.

''I thought you wanted to talk.'' He says.

''Yeah, I do.'' I groan, sitting up on the couch to give him some room to sit down. He takes a seat next to me.

''Your long pause is making my nerves bad, Damien.'' Cody complains. I turn my head to look at him. His eyes are filled with worry.

''I'm sorry, I'm just trying to find the right words, um...,'' I take a breath, ''Steven is in New York.'' I say, feeling my heart racing from simply speaking his name.

''Holy shit! Seriously?'' Cody asks.

''Stop fucking cursing. And yes, seriously. It's a long story, but to make it short we had a run in at a photoshoot and he didn't want to talk to me. He literally ran from me.

I know...I know I never told you about him and I...I don't know how the hell you know but --''

''Steven told me,'' Cody blurts out, ''When you left, he told me.''

''What?'' I ask. Confusion soaking over me. Cody sighs, looking up at me with guilt in his eyes.

''I didn't want to tell you this, because I didn't want to bring him up and make you upset when we had just reunited. About a month after you left he started coming over and helping me with my homework, taking me to the games and stuff.

He'd let me stay over when things got bad with dad. He was really there for me Damien. And when I asked him why he said it was because he loves you, and he knew you'd want him too.

And I'm not stupid Damien, I knew something was going on with you. I guess I was just too young to think it was that. 

Eventually he graduated and left but if it wasn't for him, I wouldn't have survived those first few months. Dad...dad completely spiraled after you left. It got worse Damien...it just, it just kept getting worse.'' Cody reveals.

I feel my eyes burning. I hate thinking about how I abandoned my brother.

And I keep telling myself that I had no choice.

I know for a fact that if I would've went back to my house my sorry excuse for a father would have killed me.

And I know that both Cody and I wouldn't survive being homeless on the streets.

I keep telling myself that I did what I had to do, the only thing I could'vedone by leaving.

But is that even true?

Am I just lying to myself to take the edge off of some of the guilt?

''I'm so sorry,'' I apologize to Cody, the tears finally hitting me like a ton of rocks as they water my face, ''I'm so sorry for leaving you in that house.''

Cody wraps his arms around me, pulling me into a side hug.

''Hey, calm down. I don't blame you for it Damien. I've never blamed you for leaving. I know what it was like in our house, I would never make you feel bad for leaving.''

''Yeah but I never wanted you to have to go through that Cody! I should have took all the hits, not you! Not—''

''It wasn't your war to fight alone! Damien, we both dealt with it! All for that ungrateful bitch—''

''Cody don't—''

''No, Damien. I don't care! I don't care if she's our mother. She stood there and watched. She watched as we both got abused by this man andnever did anything to help us. We were only kids Damien.

That's a part of our lives that we're never going to get back and she let him take it. So fuck her. We got damn near every bone in our body broken to protect her from him but what did she ever do to protect us from him?

She doesn't love us, Damien. She's a selfish bitch and I've accepted that. Now you need to too. I don't have a mother and I don't have a father, but you're sure as hell my brother and nothing that I went through in that house will ever be your fault.''

His words hurt every part of me.

Not because I didn't agree, but because I understood exactly where he was coming from.

But I never wanted him to see our reality like I had to.

He's right, he's right and no matter how much he denies it I'm so fucking wrong for not protecting him from it.

I wipe the tears from my eyes, reaching my hand over to wipe his tears away as well.

''I don't want to talk about this anymore,'' He mumbles, ''Is this what you wanted to talk about?'' He asks, looking me in my eyes.

I shake my head.

''No, I wanted to talk about what's going on between you and Skyler.'' I admit.

A sigh leaves Cody's lips.

''I'm not gay, I told you.'' He says, his nose twitching giving his lie away.

Now I sigh.

''You don't have to lie to me, Cody. I'm obviously not going to give you any shit if you are. Just be honest with me, please.'' I beg.

He closes his eyes, running a hand over his face before making eye contact with me again.

''I love Scarlet...but I've known Skyler longer, and...and I love him too. I know this sounds crazy—''

''You don't sound crazy Cody. It's okay to be attracted to both genders.''

''I know it's okay, but I don't want to be. I want to only love Scarlet. I don't want to have to pick between them two, and most of all I don't want to pick Skyler.

I want to have children and I want a happy home and a happy family with a woman. I want—''

''Stop,'' I tell him. I know what he's doing and it's not healthy. I should've gotten him help as soon as I got him out of that house.

''You don't have to build your life around fixing our fucked up childhood. If you get married to Scarlet and you do everything right, and you don't beat her and you don't beat your children it's not going to change what happened to us Cody.

We had a fucked up childhood, and we can't go back and fix it. And we can't spend the rest of our lives recreating it and getting all the loose ends perfectly tied. If you love Skyler more then that's that. Accept it. And I'll help you deal with it.''

''It's not that simple...''

''Trust me, it is Cody. Just figure out how you feel and figure it out fast, because you're tearing Skyler and Scarlet apart right now. And I know it hurts you, but it hurts them more, you have to understand that.'' I tell him.

''I don't want to pick between them Damien, I know it's selfish, but I don't. I met Skyler, and he is the most charming, funniest person that I know. We have the same sense of humor and it's so easy to just be around him.

But then I met Scarlet...and it's almost the same. She's so beautiful and compassionate and she makes me feel like I'm not alone when I go to my dark places. She can make me smile just by looking at me.'' Cody sighs.

''Straight people have it easier,'' Cody mumbles out, ''I hate being bisexual, I hate hurting the people I love.''

''Damn, you've already labeled yourself? Where have I been?'' I joke, looking over at Cody to see him frowning at me. ''What?" I ask.

''Nothing. Tell me more about this Steven situation.'' Cody says.

''You're a bad liar bro, just come out with it. What'd I say?'' I ask. Cody sighs, shaking his head. ''It was a joke, Coden. Whatever I said, I was joking. Okay?''

I didn't mean to say anything to hurt his feelings. I just sort of have this sense of humor that's sometimes unintentionally insensitive.

''No, no it's not that. It's just that I feel bad. You were here the whole time Damien and I was just being an idiot keeping it all to myself, thinking that I had to handle it on my own.'' Cody admits, he sighs, ''But we've talked about me, lets talk about you.''

''I just need to see him before I leave New York,'' I say.

''Damien,'' Cody says in a serious tone.

He wants me to tell him more, but I honestly don't want to talk about it that much. I just want him to know what's going on, that's it. But I can't be a fucking hypocrite like that.

''He hates me for leaving, and I don't blame him. He wanted to stay and deal with all the hate, harassment, and abuse that was to come together. It's just that I felt like he was being so over-analytical like the smart little asshole that he is, approaching everything as if it was an equation that had a solution. I needed to be realistic for the both of us and I knew that in reality, that would never work.

Dad would've killed me if I had come back home after telling him that I'm gay. And no one in that goddamn town would've tolerated it. It would've been so horrible for us both and I know it.

I left him so that he could have a future, even if it wasn't a future with me. And I feel so bad right now because I know that it's wrong of me to just try and force my way back into his life but I'm still in love with him.

I've never stopped being in love with him. We're both adults now and I just feel like...I feel like...'' I trail off, shaking my head.

I'm going so deep in my emotions I can practically feel myself drowning.

''You feel like it isn't over?'' Cody asks. I nod my head.

''It never ended for me.'' I reply.

''Well I support you,'' Cody says after a few minutes of silence, ''Go get your man bro.''

I laugh, shoving him away from me on the couch.

''You should get going before the morning traffic, just text me if y'all decide to go anywhere else. Oh, and stop by Javier to say hi while you're out.'' I tell him.

''Of course,'' He says standing up from the couch. ''Can I—''

''No, you can't take the Audi.'' I say before he can even ask. My phone rings. I reach into my pocket, pulling my phone out and looking at the unknown number flashing across my screen.

''That's not fair, c'mon bro.'' Cody whines.

''Buy your own Audi and make it fair,'' I reply, shrugging.

''Two words,'' He mutters, walking away from me. I roll my eyes, laughing.

''And they better be 'thank you'.'' I say, glancing at my phone again to see it still ringing.

I sigh, clicking the answer button and bringing the phone up to my ear.

''Hello?'' I say, frustration seeping from my voice. I'm not in a talking mood, especially for random ass numbers calling my phone.

''Come pick me up,'' A familiar voice says.

''Steven?'' I ask, but before I can even get a reply the line is dead.

I look at my phone to see a message with an address pop up on the screen of my phone from the same number.

My mouth goes dry, my palms beginning to sweat. I go to grab my phone in my other hand and it leaps from my hand falling to the floor.

I sigh, breathing in a deep breath of air. I wipe my sweaty palms on my joggers before reaching down to get my phone from the floor.

I walk to the front door, getting my jacket and putting it on, grabbing my keys and leaving the house.

I don't care why he called, I don't care if he's just playing fucking mental games with me considering yesterday he sped away from me.

I don't care, the only thing on my mind is going to this address to get him.

I get into my car, starting it up and heading in the direction of the address.

I ran two red lights and almost got t-boned on the intersection but in under fifteen minutes I'm pulling up to the curb where I see him leaning against a building with his arms crossed.

He's wearing the exact same clothes he had on at the photoshoot yesterday. Brown boots, denim jeans and a red long-sleeved turtle neck. I know he's freezing.

I honk the horn, seeing his eyes snap in my direction. He stays there for a minute before heading for my car.

I unlock the doors. I pull at the sleeve of my jacket with my hand, removing it from my body.

He climbs into the car, putting his seatbelt on.

''Here,'' I say, offering him my jacket. He looks at the jacket in my hand and I examine his face.

There's a slight redness to his eyes. He's either exhausted or he's been crying.

Or both.

''I'm fine,'' He says, reaching for the heater nob in attempt to turn it up more but it's set to as high as it goes already.

''Steven, take it,'' I say, dropping the jacket in his lap before he can object again. I hear him sigh.

I pull off, driving back to my penthouse. I glance at him discreetly to see him putting the jacket on. I fight down the smile that wants to appear on my face.

My heart is beating what feels like a hundred miles a minute...a second.

What do I say?

As much as I want to I can't just blurt out the words, 'I'm still in love with you. We're adults now, lets give us another try.'

He'd probably run from me again if I said some shit like that.

''Thank you,'' I say finally, looking in his direction briefly. He's staring out the window.

''For?'' He asks. 

''Agreeing to talk to me, to let me explain.'' I answer. 

''I have a lot going on right now. I have to deal with this, get it out of the way or it's never going to leave my mind.'' He replies.

''You can talk to me about what's going on with you, I'll listen.'' I say, hope filling my voice.

''Damien,'' Steven says with a dismissive sigh.

''I'm sorry, too fast. We can just focus on our situation right now,'' I reply quickly.

I want to say more but the silence isn't as awkward as I feel trying to start another conversation.

I'm driving as fast as I legally can, and unfortunately, we're still ten minutes out from the penthouse.

''I'm not trying to be rude Damien. I just don't feel comfortable talking to you about my life, it kind of...kind of feels like talking to a stranger.'' Steven says.

A mix between a scoff and a sigh leaves my lips before I can even attempt to silence it.

A stranger?

Talking to me about his life would be like talking to a stranger?

That hurts.

''Okay, Steven.'' I reply, brushing the sting from that away. I just need to focus on staying calm and explaining myself, and not going the fuck off on him.

''There's no need to get like that,'' He says. I can feel his eyes on me.

I glance at him shortly, putting my eyes back to the road.

''Get like what?'' I ask.

''Don't get mad because I told you how I feel. I feel how I feel Damien.'' He replies.

''Look, no one's getting mad. If you ask me, I'm calmer than you right now. I said okay and I let it be, you're dragging it on, you realize that?''

''Yeah, okay.''

''Geez, Steven. Don't pick this fight with me. I just want to talk to you.'' I say. I finally make it to the penthouse. I pull over, turning the car off.

''I said okay,'' He replies seriously. I look at him and he's smiling at me. ''You see what I mean?'' He asks, humor in his eyes.

''Yeah, alright I get it wise guy. My okay was hostile.'' I admit, climbing out of the car. 

''Oh hostile? That's new. Freshened up your vocabulary?'' Steven teases. He follows me into the penthouse.

''Look I can't do to you what I use to when you'd make fun of my vocabulary so chill,'' I say, laughing as I toss my keys onto the table by the door.

''Thinking about abusing the defenseless Asian kid again?'' He says, closing the front door behind him and following me into the dining room.

''Defenseless?'' I question. I take a seat in a chair, resting my elbows on the table as I wring my fingers together.

We're talking...

He's not running...

These are all good signs, right?

I mean I'm in the same fucking room as him and we're cracking jokes at each other.

''I recall you kneeing me in my gut because I gave you a compliment.'' I state.

''Say it again and I'll knee you again,'' He threatens quickly. He sits in front of me, on the opposite side of the table.

I raise my hands in surrender, shaking my head.

''Aye my lips are sealed,'' I reply.

I look up, my eyes locking with his. His bold brown eyes stare right into me it feels like. And even though I'm not thinking about kissing him, I swear, I can't help but let my eyes roam down his features to his lips.

And suddenly it's like a ghost is in the room with us because I can feel his lips on mine like they once were. The feeling is so real that I have to avert my eyes from his face, I can feel the blush working its way up into my cheeks.

Fuck.

''Sealed lips don't make you blush Damien,'' I hear him say, a smirk hanging on his tone.

I look back to him, watching as he shakes his head.

''I'm sorry, that was inappropriate. I shouldn't have said that.'' He apologizes.

I smile.

''No, no you're fine. I mean you don't say things like that to a stranger, but it's cool.'' I tease.

He groans, rubbing his head. I arch my brow, looking at him worriedly. What? What'd I say?

''Are you okay?'' I ask when he groans again, a look of agony appearing on his face.

''Sorry, yeah, I just have a headache and it's pounding at my skull.'' He says, running both of his hands over his face.

''Do you want an aspirin?'' I ask, moving to get up from the table.

''Can you fix me a drink?'' He asks abruptly causing me to look at him oddly.

What?

Who drinks at this hour. It's like nine in the morning. 

''Like alcohol?'' I ask for clarification.

''Preferably. Do you not have any?'' He asks me.

''I mean I do...but I'd rather we both be sober while talking about this. I just want us to take this seriously. Maybe after—''

''It's just a shot Damien. I haven't had an easy day.'' He says, cutting me off.

He's really trying my patience with this. I'm not completely against drinking despite the fact that my father loved to get drunk off his ass and beat the fuck out of me, his wife, and my baby brother.

I'm not exactly pro-drinking but I don't think it's so bad to do in moderation. But not so early in the fucking morning. And especially not when we're trying to discuss something so serious.

I'd think he wouldn't even ask for something as crazy as alcohol knowing what I've been through.

This is the first real conversation we're about to have in the past seven years and he needs a drink to get through it?

Bruh.

Hell no.

''So again, do you want the aspirin or...?'' I offer. The slightly annoyed edge in my voice isn't so obvious but if he still knows me like he use to I'm pretty sure he'll pick up on it.

''Fine, can I at least have a beer to wash it down?'' He asks. I give him a hard stare, to which he stares right back at me.

I forgot that he's the only other person besides Cody and Javier who has the balls to stare me down when I'm serious.

''Beers are fine,'' I give in, rolling my eyes as I walk out of the dinning hall.

I walk down the hall and into the bathroom. I open the bathroom closet, getting two tablets of aspirin out of the little bottle and placing it back on the shelf.

Leaving the bathroom and entering the kitchen I grab two beers from the fridge, heading back into the dinning room.

His phone is ringing, yet he's simply holding it in his hand while staring at the screen.

''Do you need to take that?'' I ask, referring to the call as I place the aspirin on the table next to him, putting his beer down as well.

I walk over to my seat on the other side of the table, popping the cap off of my beer and sitting down.

''No,'' He says. I watch as he turns his phone off, placing it in his pocket. I shrug, deciding to mind my business.

Not really though. I'm too fucking nosey.

But anyway.

''I don't really know where to start to be completely honest with you,'' I say, feeling my anxiety climbing.

He pops the cap off of his beer, swallowing the aspirin pills and taking a swig from the bottle.

''I have a question, if you don't mind it being a little intrusive. But with the nature of this conversation I kind of feel like I have the right to ask.'' He says. I shrug.

''Ask away,'' I reply.

''How does your girlfriend feel about you talking to me about...this?'' He asks. He must have seen the confusion on my face as he spoke again to explain. ''I was at the interview yesterday...you talked about her, Adrian Peters, right?''

''Oh! Ariadne? She's not my girlfriend.'' I tell him, a smirk painting my face. ''Why, are you jealous?'' I ask.

I'm joking, of course. Not that it doesn't seem like he is. Why the hell does he remember Ariadne? I barely remember her half the time. Not trying to be rude or anything, it's literally all business.

''I don't understand,'' Steven says. He takes another sip from his beer.

Before I can explain the situation to him he speaks again.

''Is she your beard?'' He asks, looking me dead in the eyes. I frown at him.

''You're being fucking rude kid, no she's not my beard. And no, I'm not in the closet. Her manager and Javier are building her star cred off of me. Her and I are good friends and I agreed to help her kickstart her career.'' I explain.

''For money,'' He states more than asks.

''It's just business. Are you judging me?'' I ask him.

''I'm just trying to understand you Damien.'' He says.

''Hmm,'' I hum, sipping a bit of my beer.

The asshole is judging me.

But I'm just going to let it roll off my back and get back to the reason we're here.

''And I'm not a kid,'' He says a minute later, just noticing that slipped from my mouth. ''I'm twenty—''

''You're twenty-two, I'm twenty-three, I know kid.'' I mock, seeing him frown at me. I laugh.

''But seriously, I want you to know that leaving that hotel room was the second hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life—''

''The second?'' He asks quickly. I look into his murky brown eyes, seeing the confusion, the slight hint of anger.

''Leaving Cody in that house with my father will always be my biggest regret above everything else that happened. I don't want you to think I'm belittling our situation or anyth—''

''No-no I get it. I-I um, I want you to know that I tried to help him as much as I could when you left. I made him practically live at my house for the rest of the time that I was there,'' Steven runs his hands over his face, when he looks up at me again I can see his eyes misty with tears.

Fuck, he's going to make me cry.

''I know I wasn't there for long, but I tried Damien...I did what I could.'' He says, a heavy sigh leaving his lips.

''I know. I know you did. Steven, I just—There are just some things that I feel like I'm never going to be able to thank you for. Like just saying thank you isn't enough. You didn't have to let me, and my brother sleep at your house on those nights, you didn't have to watch him after I left, but you did. And I appreciate you so much for that.'' I confess to him, feeling my face become heated as I push back tears.

''Appreciated,'' He attempts to correct me. I shake my head.

I said what I meant.

''I appreciate you, Steven.'' I repeat.

''Steven I never meant to hurt you. I didn't leave to let you take the heat alone. I just, I wanted you to have everything that you wanted, and I knew that with me beside you, you wouldn't be able to have that.'' I say.

Steven looks away from my eyes for a minute, I can see a sad smile appearing on his face, but it's gone by the time he turns back to me.

''All I wanted was you though,'' He says, gripping the beer bottle tightly in his hands. I could see him fighting with the tears this conversation was trying to pull from him. ''I just wanted you Damien.''

''I just couldn't handle you hating me in the long-run though. I would have loved to stay there with you and fight the world, but I knew the damage it would have caused. The stuff we would've had to deal with.''

''We could've dealt with it together.''

''But I didn't want you to have to deal with it at all—''

''Well that wasn't your choice to make!'' Steven screams at me.

I close my eyes, taking a couple of deep breaths, trying to keep my emotions at bay because this man in front of me is about to bring me to tears.

And I fucking hate crying.

I was just trying to protect him. I love him, I didn't want him to go through any of that homophobic bullshit.

''I'm sorry—I'm sorry for screaming at you but it wasn't your choice to make Damien. It was mines, and I made it, and it was you. My choice was you over my future and you had no right to take that away from me. You robbed me of that. How am I supposed to feel about that?''

''You're supposed to feel how you feel. You have every right to be angry at me Steven. And as much as it pains me to say this you have every right to hate me for leaving. I'm not going to tell you, you shouldn't feel these things...I feel these things.''

Steven laughs bitterly.

''First you awaken these feelings inside of me, then you leave me with them. You make me fall in love with you, then you leave me with none of your love. You take my virginity, then you leave me alone. You know, I don't think you want to know the things I feel towards you.'' Steven says.

He grabs the beer to take a sip but his hand doesn't move fast enough to wipe away the tear that seeps from his eyes. Seeing it slide down his face breaks me.

I pinch my eyes with my thumb and forefinger, feeling the salty liquid slip free anyway.

''I didn't mean for it to happen like that. I would've never slept with you if I had known in that moment that I was going to leave. I swear I would've never done something like that to you intentionally,'' I reveal to him, ''I know it made it harder for you to let go...it made it harder for me to walk away. I broke down right outside the hotel, leaning against a tree, praying that you would wake up and stop me from leaving, stop me from doing what I felt was right.''

''Well I broke down when I woke up to an empty bed. I broke down when I read that fucking note. I broke down alone for three fucking days in that hotel room until the owner kicked me out and I had to go back home and-and lie. I had to lie about us Damien. I had to say horrible things about you and being gay and-and—'' His words trail off and as he covers his face with his hands I realize he's breaking down too.

Wiping the tears from my vision I question whether or not I should comfort him. I want to. But I don't want to touch him if he doesn't want to be touched, I don't need him running from me again.

But I can't fucking take him crying in front of me like this and me not doing anything.

I get up from my seat, walking around the table and over to him.

I grip his arm in my hand, pulling him up from his seat and into my arms.

He surprises me, willingly wrapping his arms around my neck as his tears soak into my shirt, but I think he's too deep in his emotions to care that he's touching me.

I wrap my arms around his torso, pulling him in closer to me and hugging him tighter.

I can feel his body shaking in my arms. At this point I'm no longer trying to fight the tears escaping from my eyes.

What can I say?

What can I do to stop the tears? To stop his tears.

And in the most inconvenient of moments my phone begins to ring.

I groan mentally.

I reach into my pocket, pulling my phone out and keeping one arm wrapped tightly around Steven.

Javier's name flashes across the screen as my phone continues to ring.

To answer or not to answer...?

Fuck.

I press the answer button, placing the phone to my ear.

''Javier I love you so much, but now really isn't the time.'' I say seriously.

''Okay son, I love you so very much too but now most definitely is the time considering we have a therapy appointment in an hour.''

''Fuck,'' I mumble.

''Mhmm. Damien you're not getting out of this. Get in your car and make your way up here right now.''

''I can't.''

''Damien I'm not playing with you. I will drag you here if I have to. We had a conversation about this...''

I sit my phone down on the table, suddenly feeling Steven go limp in my arms.

''Steven?'' I say, wrapping both my arms around him, to hold him up.

A grunt leaves my lips as I lean down, scooping him into my arms. This man may look as light as a feather, but he is not.

I walk out of the dinning room into the living room. I lay Steven down on the couch.

I did not expect him to pass out in my arms. I guess that was exhaustion I saw in his eyes.

I need to know what's going on with him. It's literally eating away at me to not know what's keeping him up at night.

Is it me?

I'm not trying to sound conceited or anything, but I need to know if the thought of having this conversation with me stressed him out this much.

I grab the sheet from the back of the couching, draping it over him.

I walk back into the dinning room. I pick my phone up from the table, surprised to see that Javier is still on the line.

''Look I know I promised, but I'm sorry Javier I can't do it right now. Just reschedule, please,'' I beg.

''What's more important than your health, hijo?'' Javier asks, his voice full of stress.

Before I can answer his question, I hear him cursing followed by him sighing.

''He's there with you right now isn't he?'' Javier asks.

''Yes,'' I answer him, running my hand through my hair.

''Damien,'' Javier sighs.

''Javie I'm fine, really. I didn't steal his information from you. He texted me. He agreed to talk. We're just talking.''

''Hijo this isn't healthy for you,'' Javier says.

''I'm an adult, Javier,''

''I know, and I respect your decisions so please respect my opinions.''

''I do, I do,'' I sigh into the phone, rubbing my puffy eyes. ''Look maybe I can pass over there for just twenty minutes.''

''Without him,'' Javier states.

''Of course without him, he's passed out on the couch.'' I inform Javier.

I pick up the beer bottles off of the table, making my way into the kitchen.

''What Damien?''

''He's tired, something's eating away at him. We talked, we cried, he passed out.'' I explain to him, emptying the beer bottles in the sink, tossing them into the trash after.

I look around for my jacket, only to remember Steven is still wearing it. I make a trip to my bedroom, going into my closet and pulling another jacket off of a hanger.

I put the jacket on, walking back to the front of the penthouse.

I walk into the living room, going over to the couch. I gently dig into Steven's pocket, pulling out his wallet and his cellphone and putting it into my pocket.

I know I'm being such a creep right now, but I don't want him to wake up and leave.

Who's going to leave without their wallet and cellphone?

No one.

Especially not Steven. He's going to stay so he can curse me out for taking them.

I grab the notepad and pen on the table near the end of the couch, scribbling down a note for him incase he wakes up before I get back. Hopefully he doesn't. This whole thing should take no more than forty minutes, an hour at the most.

-'Finishing our conversation is really important to me. Know that I wouldn't leave unless it was an emergency and I really have to deal with something for Javier. Please stay.'-

I fold the note, sliding it into his pocket.

''Okay Javier, I'll be there in about fifteen minutes.'' I say, ending the call. I grab the keys on my way out the penthouse, locking the door behind me.

I climb into my car and with my current way of defying the laws of traffic I make it to his office in ten minutes. I get out my car, giving my keys to the valet and rushing into the building and over to the elevator.

I step off the elevator on the correct floor, giving courteous smiles to the people who wave and speak to me.

I'm not trying to be rude but I'm in anything but a talking mood unless the person I'm talking to is Steven.

Javier is the exception right now.

I enter his office, seeing my therapist, Dr. Taylor, occupying one of the two small couches in Javier's office.

''What's up Dr. Taylor,'' I greet him. He stands, offering a hand shake as Javier get up from behind his desk.

We both take a seat on the couch across from Dr. Taylor. I look at the watch on my wrist to see that the time reads 12:17.

I'm leaving here before 1:00 whether this session gets completed or not. I already feel bad for leaving him alone again while he's sleeping.

It's like the worst type of déjà vu.

So fuck me for that. I'm an asshole, I know.

''So Javier tells me you had a moment when you blacked out. You lost your grip on reality for a second. That hasn't happened in a while. Describe it to me, the moments building up to it too. Take me over the same bridge you crossed.'' Dr. Taylor says, leaning forward on the couch as he uncrosses his legs.

I lean back, closing my eyes as I rest my head on the back of the couch.

''I did black out for a minute, but it isn't like it was other times when it would happen often. Usually I can feel it building up to that and I could at least walk away or try to calm myself down, but this happened so suddenly that I don't really know how to even explain it.

I was arguing with Julia and she just kept saying shit that I disagreed with and then she threw Steven under the bus. She has a right to her opinion, everyone does, but she has no right to degrade someone she doesn't even know especially when she knows how much they mean to me.

Even though it was what she said that threw me over the edge it was also the fact that she said it. I never thought she would say something so hurtful to me.'' I say.

''Do you mind telling me what it is that she said to you?''

''She basically said that if I feel like Steven had a right to do what he did to me then he's not too far from being able to screw me over too.''

''Too?''

''Like my parents.''

''Do you think you reacted the way you did because deep down you feel like there's some truth to what she said?'' Dr. Taylor asks. I open my eyes, looking at him like he's grown a second head.

''Hell no. I reacted the way I did because what she said was fucked up. Steven saved my life. He saved my life and my brothers life. He's nothing like my parents and she had no right to even put them in the same sentence together.''

''But Julia still doesn't know about your abuse, does she?''

''Julia is a very smart woman. I've never come right out and told her about the shit my parents put me through but she's bright enough to know it's something serious, especially if I can't talk to her about it.''

''Do you want to talk to me about it more?''

''No,''

''Damien I've known you for about five years now. At some point we're going to have to scratch more than just the surface of your abuse.''

''Look Doc, I respect you. You're really good at your job, and you've helped me a lot. But I'm not about to talk about this with you. I've already told Javier everything, and I'm never repeating any of it ever again in my life. So ask Javier.''

''Yes, Damien I know. But Javier telling me isn't going to help you, now is it?''

''Ask me something sarcastic, I reply with something sarcastic, Doc. You know how this goes.''

''Damien,'' Javier says in his warning voice. I shrug my shoulders.

''What? He knows. Five years bruh.'' I groan. I glance down at my wrist to see that it's 12:40 already.

''I have to go,'' I say to Javier. I stand up. I turn to Dr. Taylor, shaking his hand. ''Thank you, Doc.''

''Damien,'' Javier calls out as I'm almost to his office door. ''Call me when he leaves okay? Talk to me about it.''

''I will,'' I reply, leaving his office and basically running out of the building.

I tip the valet, climbing into my car, putting my seatbelt on and driving off. It's exactly 1:00 when I come to a stop in front of my penthouse.

I rest my head on the steering wheel. I take a deep breath, trying to handle all of these fresh emotions from that session.

I get out of the car, unlocking the front door and walking into the pent house. Tossing my keys on the table near the door I take my jacket off and hang it on the hook next to the door.

I walk into the living room to find the couch empty. My heart beats faster, worry filling my body.

I walk around the whole fucking penthouse in a haste, finding him in the one place I was hoping he wouldn't be.

The bar.

I walk over to him until I'm only about two steps away.

His back is to me as he sits on a bar stool. The whiskey from the shelf is beside him on the countertop. A wine glass next to that.

''You and your notes,'' He says after a minute, sliding the note that I wrote over so that I could see it.

I sigh, sitting on the stool beside him.

''Can I have my stuff back?'' He asks.

''Yeah, of course,'' I reply. I dig into my pocket, taking out his phone and wallet and placing them in his hand.

A few more minutes of silence follows. He reaches for the bottle of whiskey and I grab it before he can, grabbing the whine glass from him as well.

I get up, walking behind the bar. I put the glass down in the sink, placing the bottle back on the shelf.

I turn around to look at Steven. He's looking at the note.

''Do you have a drinking problem?'' I ask him, unintentionally very bluntly.

I don't mean to sound rude.

Me of all people know the signs of a drinking problem. Of course, I didn't just jump to the assumption that his headache was from a hangover or that him badgering me for a shot was him going through withdrawal.

Steven is the last person I would expect to be going through something like this.

''What? No, Damien. I told you, I just haven't had an easy day.'' He replies.

''Have you been having a lot of un-easy days lately?'' I ask him.

''Damien don't,'' He says to me. He looks at me with a glare in his eyes.

''What? I'm being straight forward with you. I have a right to ask Steven, don't act like I don't.''

''You really don't. You made the choice to not be apart of my life, don't just demand answers from me and act as if I have to answer you. I don't owe you anything Damien.'' He says.

I sigh, shaking my head as his words hit my heart. But the pain is slightly numbed by the fact that he's wasted.

And whether he's ready to accept it or not I can tell from just spending a partial morning with him that he has a drinking problem.

And I'm not cool with that.

I'm going to help him through this though.

But I have to take Javier's advice and worry about myself too.

I just need a few hours to think, and clearly Steven needs a few hours to sleep the liquor off.

In his own house.

''You're drunk,'' I state. I walk back to the other side of the bar, standing beside him.

He turns on the stool so that he's facing me.

''Damien—''

''It's fine. I'll drive you home, c'mon.'' I say.

I help him up from the stool, throwing his arm over my shoulder as I wrap my free arm around his torso, leading him through the house.

I help him out of the house and into the car, putting his seat belt on and then climbing into the drivers seat. I put my seatbelt on, starting the car.

''Damien—Damien I'm sorry, I know how important this talk was to you, I—I just have a lot going on right now.'' He mumbles. I glance at him, seeing him falling asleep with his head against the window.

''It's fine,'' I sigh out, reaching over to get his wallet from his pocket. I take his ID out, looking at the address on it.

It's about a block from where I picked him up at this morning. I put his ID back in his wallet, placing it back into his pocket.

Twenty minutes later I'm pulling up in front of his house. I turn my car off, taking my seat belt off as well.

''Don't-Don't tell h-her about the whiskey-y,'' Steven mumbles. His eyes are still shut, his head resting against the window still.

''Tell who?'' I ask him. He's out again though.

Who the hell am I not telling about the whiskey?

I sigh, reaching over into the glove compartment box and pulling a stick of gum out of my pack. I take out the small bottle of cologne, holding it in my hand. I shake Steven gently.

''Here,'' I say, holding the gum out to him when his eyes open. He takes the gum from my hand, putting it in his mouth. ''Give me your house keys,'' I say.

I quickly douse him in a few spurts of the cologne.

''That's is my face, Damien!'' He groans out, half in a slur. I roll my eyes, putting my cologne back in the glove compartment box.

''Well your face smells like whiskey, and apparently we're not telling someone.'' I reply to him. I take the keys he's handing me from his grip, getting out of my car and walking around to the passengers' side.

I open the car door, leaning in to unclip his seatbelt. I help him out the car and to his feet.

His hand comes to clamp onto my arm, steadying his balance. He drank half the bottle, it surprises me that it's kicking in so late.

I shut the car door, walking with him to the front door of his house.

''Steven who am I not telling about the whiskey? Is she inside? Does she live with you?" I ask, my curiosity not being able to stay contained. I need to know.

He nods his head.

''Is it your girlfriend?'' I ask quietly, hoping he says no. Even if it's a drunken lie. This would be the moment I need him to lie to me. Just like he lied to me in that parking garage.

Steven nods his head.

''Mariana,'' He slurs out, much to my dismay. I sigh, tightening my grip on his torso as we keep in the direction of the door.

I unlock the front door, opening it and helping him inside.

''I can't carry you up the stairs bro. Where's the living room?'' I ask him. I kick the front door shut with my foot.

''Left,'' He replies.

''Are you cool? Do you need to puke before I lay you down?'' I ask. We walk through the arch way into the living room.

He shakes his head.

I lay him down on the couch.

''Where's the kitchen?'' I ask him. He mumbles something that I can't understand.

''Bruh,'' I groan out. I walk out of the living room, going down the halls until I found the kitchen. I go through the cabinets finding a large pot because I'm a hundred percent sure this kid is going to hurl when he wakes up.

I get a glass, filling it with water before making my way back into the living room.

I sit the glass cup down on the table in front of the couch, putting the pot down on the floor right next to his head.

''Who are you?'' A female voice asks.

I turn around to see a cute little Asian woman standing a few feet away from me with her arms folded across her chest and her eyes giving me a cold hard stare.

I take a step forward extending my hand out to her.

''Sorry, I'm Damien Vitalé. I work with your boyfriend now, he's the new media manager for Javier Stark.'' I explain.

She steps forward, tediously taking my hand in hers and accepting my hand shake.

''I'm Mariana, Steven's fiancée,'' She says, making me avert my eyes to her hand where I notice the very large engagement ring sitting on her finger. ''And yeah, he's told me about that. The graphic design job, right?'' She asks.

''Right,'' I answer.

My heart is beating out of my fucking chest.

He can't possibly love her.

I don't care how mean I sound right now. This is all so fucking stereotypical, and Steven is not a stereotype.

Steven hates stereotypes.

There's no way he's about to settle down with this woman, marry her and have children and play the perfect little Asian family. Nothing against Asians, I'm just saying that the road it looks like he's going down remind me exactly of his parents and it makes me sick.

I hate his parents, he hates his parents.

Next thing you know I'm going to find out he's a doctor or a lawyer or some shit like that. I swear to god...this is not what he wanted for his future.

What the hell is going on with him?

''Well the team was out celebrating and Steven joined us an—''

''And got wasted,'' She interrupts, distaste in her tone. I suppress the glare I have working up for her.

I'm guessing he left here when he texted me so clearly whatever happened between him and her is what made him get wasted. And if that's true it pisses me off that she isn't showing more concern.

''It was a celebratory occasion, everyone got wasted.'' I state dryly.

Now I get why I'm not supposed to tell Mariana.

''You should go get a cool wet towel,'' I say to her. She looks at me with confusion in her eyes, ''For his forehead, so he won't have a headache when he wakes up.''

''It's a hangover, he's going to have a headache regardless.'' She responds.

I arch a questioning brow at her.

'Well bitch, don't you want to at least attempt to prevent it?' Is what I was about to say to her.

Thankfully she heaves out an annoyed sigh, walking out of the living room and down the hall before those words have a chance to leave my lips.

Steven sure knows how to pick them.

I glance around the room until I spot a pen and something to write with on a book shelf. I walk over, grabbing the piece of paper and the pen.

Notes seems to be reoccurring thing with me lately.

I shake my head, proceeding to write on the paper.

-'For starters, just puke in the pot bro, she looks like the type to get pissed if you mess up her carpet. But anyway, you were at a celebration breakfast for work. You got plastered. Rule #2 Learn Your Lies. -Damien'-

I fold the note up and put it in the pocket of the jacket he's wearing. My jacket.

Wait.

This is my favorite leather jacket.

I sigh, deciding against stripping it from his body. I just hope he doesn't get puke on it, because I might cry if he does.

I sit his house keys down on the table next to his glass of water. I make my way towards the front door, walking out of the house and closing the door behind me.

I get in my car, putting the seatbelt on and starting the car up.

And in that moment, I feel everything I've held in all day hit me.

It hit me like a bag of rocks, stopping me from taking my car out of park as tears clouded my vision.

I wasn't ready for all of this.

•°A/N°•

Okay so we fell off the update wagon...but! Here we are! Back again with an update! And it didn't take more than a month! Well...kind of.

So anyway, I need more baby name suggestions! Go to the A/N on the last chapter and comment your favorite names!

How do you feel about this chapter?

This chapter was super long but I'm sort of upset that I didn't find a place to squeeze a flashback in.

What was your favorite moment in this chapter? Least favorite?

Are you as worried as Javier about Damien's mental health with his constant attempts to have Steven back in his life again?

Omg Cody! Thoughts on Cody's situation? It's hard enough to have to acknowledge and accept your sexuality so young and now having to pick between two people you love...

How do you think the conversation between Damien and Steven went?

Feelings on Steven getting drunk when him and Damien were supposed to be talking?

 What do you think Damien means at the end when he says he wasn't ready?

This is all hitting Damien hard. I actually feel bad. :(

What do you guys think about the tense moment Damien and Mariana had when they met?

Please leave a comment and tell me what you think of the story!

Please Vote!

Posted: June 9, 2018.