°Steven's POV°

''You know,'' Damien speaks, hesitation lingering in his voice, ''I can make you something to settle your stomach back in the penthouse, and you can stay in one of the guest rooms if you don't feel like driving home. I wouldn't mind, and I'm sure Cody would love to get some time to hangout with you.'' He offers.

I honestly wouldn't mind that. I mean it sounds like a really inviting offer. Which is why I'm not going to accept it.

I'm not worried about Damien trying anything. I saw the sincerity in his eyes when he promised to respect my choice and my situation. But not giving him false hope means not allowing myself to have any as well.

''It's probably best if I go home,'' I say quietly. I reach over letting my hand grip his arm, causing him to look up at me. I fix the seat, sitting up in it and facing him. ''Thank you though, Damien. Thank you for everything today. I needed it more than I would've admitted a couple of hours ago. And I'm glad...I'm glad you're back.''

''Of course,'' He says, offering me a smile. But I know he's upset by my decision. I know he won't express it though. ''And I know what you're going through with the baby situation and your drinking, I know it's hard Steven, but I'm gonna help you through this. I'm here for you, and I'd like to believe that I'm a lot more welcoming than a bottle of whiskey. So just call me. Anytime.'' He tells me.

''You're a good friend,'' I inform him.

The look on his face is something beyond hilarious. But the F word had to be used.

''I know,'' He says, smirking as he climbs out of the car as if he doesn't have a slick reply on his tongue protesting my use of the word 'friend'. I do the same and he walks me over to my car door. ''Text me when you make it home, so I can know you made it there safely.'' He tells me.

''Okay,'' I open my car door, getting ready to climb in before a realization comes to me.

I turn around, closing the distance between Damien and I before I make my way into his arms in a tight hug.

I don't have to be an asshole to emotionally restrain myself from Damien. I'm pretty sure I'm capable of keeping my feelings in check and letting him close to me as a friend again. This is far from the most difficult thing I'm going to be dealing with.

I pull back from Damien's arms, his hands lingering on my hips for a few seconds. He recoils them, taking a noticeable step back.

''Well come inside to say hi to Cody before you leave at least,'' He pleads.

I look up at him, noticing that manipulative charming little smile on his face that he uses to get what he wants.

It's working.

''Five minutes, Steven. It's not like you have a curfew, do you?'' He taunts.

I roll my eyes at him.

''Fine, five minutes Damien,'' I say giving in. He smiles triumphantly. I scoff.

Just five minutes so that I can see Cody, talk a bit maybe make some plans and then I'll leave.

I follow him as he leads the way into the penthouse. We enter the living room and he tosses his keys on the table next to the couch.

''Oh and before I forget,'' He says, turning to look at me, ''My jacket?'' He asks, giving me a serious look.

I laugh, putting my car keys in my pocket as I take his leather jacket off and toss it to him.

''Lawyer and thief wouldn't look good next to each other on my resume.'' I tell him.

He laughs.

''Yet they're there.'' He states. ''I'll go get Cody and put this up, I'll be right back.'' He says.

He makes his way up the staircase.

I linger in the living room for a bit before making my way into the kitchen. I open the fridge, pulling out a bottle of water and closing it back. Sitting on a stool next to the island I twist the cap off and down half the bottle.

Boredom succumbs me quickly as I find myself taking my phone from my pocket and going through my work emails. I should probably go back into the office tomorrow.

I mean Andrew is fully capable of handling things if anything important comes up on the random days that I do decide to take off. But that doesn't mean I shouldn't go check in every other day.

I make it through about twenty emails before I snap out of work mode long enough to realize it's been far longer than five minutes.

I sigh, standing up and attempting to find Damien's room. I make my way down the hall, upon taking a left I collide into Damien who smells freshly of soap. I nearly tumble back but he reaches forward and grabs my arm to steady me.

''You showered?'' I ask him angrily, eyeing the sweats and muscle shirt he was now wearing. You mean to tell me that I sat there for about thirty minutes while he showered? I could be at home, asleep.

He gives me a confused look.

''Um, yeah,'' He replies. ''You were talking with Cody, I figured it would be a S and C conversation,'' He says.

''I literally just spent thirty minutes in the kitchen going through my emails.'' I clarify.

Damien attempts to hide a laugh, running his hand over his mouth. He gives me an apologetic shrug.

''Look I told him you were here, I have no idea what he's doing. C'mon I'll walk you out. I know you're tired.'' He offers.

I step to the side allowing him to lead the way back through the halls. A wave of nausea hits me. I stop walking as I clutch my stomach. I could've sworn I left all of my lunch on the floor of the mall.

''Damien,'' I say hastily, having no idea where the bathroom is. He turns around quickly.

Seeing the look on my face has him rushing to me as he places his hand on my back and guides me to the nearest bathroom, ''If you would've puked on my floor I would have made you clean it up, I swear.'' He tells me.

I give him a look as I take a seat on the floor near the toilet. He gets a glass from by the sink and fills it with water, handing it to me as he takes a seat on the edge of the tub.

About two minutes go by and I slowly start to feel better.

''Are you good?'' He asks me as I began to get on my feet.

''Yeah, yeah I think it was just a moment of nausea.'' I answer him.

''Let me see,'' He says, taking a step towards me and placing the back of his hand to my forehead and then my neck. ''You feel alright,'' He confirms. ''I'll drive you home,''

''I can drive myself home, it's fine,'' I state. I move to turn around and I feel Damien's hand pulling me back. I'm swung around to find myself mere inches from him.

''Damien,'' I say sternly. I look up into his eyes, seeing the very blue depths of them. They were soaked with concern.

''You're tired, sick, and nauseated, and clearly a bit oblivious if you think I'm going to let you drive yourself home. We can take your car, I'll get a ride back.'' He insists.

I turn around opening the bathroom door and making my way down the hall with him.

''I find it sad that you're still so stubborn—''

''Persistent. I'm persistent, you're stubborn.''

''That I no longer even have the will to argue with you about certain things.'' I tell him.

We exit the penthouse, walking over to my car door I dig into my pocket and pull out the keys only to have them taken from my hand in a haste.

I turn around ready to yell, only to find even fewer inches separating us than there were in the bathroom.

''Seriously Damien, space,'' I say frustrated. He knows exactly what he's doing when he gets all up in my personal space.

''Geez, okay. I'm sorry but technically—''

''I swear to god if you do not step back before you give me one of your sarcastic little remarks.'' I groan out.

He laughs. The feeling of his minty breath hitting my skin has me frozen, goosebumps leap all down my arm. That's how close he is.

''Steven,'' He hums, practically pinning me to my car as he closes the small distance in between us. ''I'm starting to feel like...you're just denying yourself of your want to feel,'' He says, gesturing to us, ''Up here,'' He 'says, tapping my head with his finger.

''It's one thing to not want what we had again, but not letting yourself want it because you can't accept that it may just be everything you need...well that's something else completely.'' He tells me.

I open my mouth to disagree.

I open my mouth to tell him to shut up.

I open my mouth to remind him of the respect that he promised to give me.

Or did I open my mouth to welcome his approaching lips?

I couldn't quite remember as his lips clamped down over mines. A tingling feeling of anticipation shot up my spine. My whole body had that euphoric feeling that you get right after you take the first bite of a meal you've been craving for days. Craving for years.

My hands grip his shirt. But as I will my hands to push him back I find no muscle in my body wanting to do so.

His hand comes up to cradle my cheek, traveling to grip the back of my neck as he pulls me closer and begins a long-awaited dive into my mouth. And I feel all of my resolve melting as his tongue blends with mines.

Pulling back from the kiss abruptly, leaving me panting for air, he looks me in my eyes.

''I don't know if I should be ecstatic or worried that you haven't stopped me yet,'' He whispers against my lips.

''Both?'' I attempt to offer him an answer, but my own uncertainty makes it more of a question.

He leaves neither of us anytime to deliberate, letting his lips swiftly connect with mines again.

I feel his hand on my hip, and he lets his lips travel to my neck as he moves me over, opening the back door of my car and pushing me inside before he tumbles in on top of me.

''Car sex? Classy Damien, very classy,'' I say, starting to question what the hell I was doing.

''Hush, we're not having sex, we're doing other things and my bed is too far away,'' He states, silencing my reply with his lips.

My body jolts forward, sweat heavy on my forehead, as I open my eyes to find myself in my living room on the couch.

''Jesus,'' I groan, wiping the pool of sweat from my forehead as I try to catch my breath and calm down. The uncomfortable situation in my pants eventually settles down after a few minutes.

I sigh, shaking my head. Well this is new.

Now I'm having sex dreams about Damien?

Great.

Just fucking awesome.

The sound of Mariana's voice has me nearly jumping out of my skin. I look up to see her in the arch way of the corridor.

''You didn't have to sleep on the couch like we're strangers to sharing the same bed Steven,'' She says, the pain in her voice apparent.

''It's really not like that, I just got in late last night—''

''You've got in late plenty of nights and still found your way to our bed, you're not even wearing the clothes you left the house in...you should've just stayed with whoever made you so tired last night.'' She says walking away.

I hop off the couch to follow behind her.

Of course I'm angry. I'm pissed.

This is the second time this cheating thing has come up with her and despite the random sex dream I just had, I've never cheated on her.

I drove straight to the office after I left Damien. I didn't have anything of urgency to do but if we're being honest, yes, I stayed as long as I did because I didn't want to come back here and deal with this drama.

Mariana and I's last conversation didn't exactly end on the happiest note. And I had this gnawing feeling that it would pick back up in the same disposition it left off on.

I wasn't wrong.

But approaching an argument with the intent to go back and forth doesn't get you anywhere, so I'm going to attempt to keep my chill.

''Mariana I'm not cheating on you,'' I pause for a moment, recalling everything, ''And firstly if I had been with someone last night it wouldn't have been cheating because we're not together anymore, but just to clarify I would never do something like that even then.''

I follow her into the kitchen. She neglects to reply, instead filling her mug with coffee that I'm not sure she should even be drinking.

''Okay well since we're on this topic, and I seem to be the only one with anything to say, I don't think we should sleep in the same bed. Not if it's going to be like this. Not if you're going to assume that I just hooked up with someone every time I come home late now. This situation obviously isn't ideal Mariana and I'm trying to handle it as best I can without hurting you, you could try and help me with that you know? Talk to me. Make sense of all of this.'' I speak, watching as she turns around to face me, leaning against the counter.

''The doctors' appointment is in an hour, you should get ready,'' She says. She gives me this look of hers that means this conversation is at its end.

I'm not about to do this today though.

In a sense I feel like I'm not going to ever be okay with her reasons for doing what she did but I still want to know, I want to understand. I don't believe everything that she's telling me. She knew I would've given her the family she always wanted so using the fear of not getting that as an excuse is complete bullshit.

She's keeping something else from me and I just can't figure out what it is or if I even want to know.

''Really?'' I ask her, arching a questioning brow at her. ''Whether you feel like it or not Mariana I'm really trying to do everything in my power to not get to the point of me just saying fuck it and not wanting anything to do with you. And I know that's harsh of me to say but that's the position you're putting me in. I know my decision for us to split is a lot for you to take in, but damn don't you think this entire situation is a lot for me to take in?''

''I do—''

''You don't! You don't ask. You've never asked. You've never once asked me how I feel about this. About my feelings on this situation. And that's all I've did for you. This whole entire time all I've been trying to figure out is what the hell you were thinking, what you're thinking now even because every time you actually participate in our conversations you always bring up us, but it's not about us anymore, it's about...it's about our child Mariana.'' I say.

''I'm well aware of that Steven. But that's just it, I get it, we're screwed and ironically the only thing that's keeping you here is a child that you didn't even want to begin with.'' She snarks back at me.

''It's not fair of you to say it like that and you know it. Yes Mariana, I've made it very clear many times that I don't want children right now in my life. Hell I'm only twenty-two. But that doesn't mean that I'm not going to want my child, it's not their fault they got put into this fucked up situation,'' I remark, watching as she gives me a look that shows me she couldn't care less about anything that I just said to her.

You see that's one of Mariana's problems. If it's not exactly to her liking or exactly what she wants to hear then it's basically nothing to her. Her sudden malicious word choice and budding ignorance is about to make me lose my patience.

''So that's it? You're okay with us being how we are now? Not being together?'' I ask for clarification.

''It was your choice, not mines, it doesn't really matter if I'm okay with it or not does it? Will me being heartbroken about it change your mind in any way? Okay then.'' She says, sipping from her mug.

I walk up to her, taking the mug from her hands, ignoring the annoyed look on her face as I dump it into the sink. I move over to the stove, putting a pot for tea on and turning back around to look at her.

''Just because it was my choice doesn't mean I'm okay with it. I was in love with you Mariana, and you broke my trust and everything that came with it.'' I enlighten her.

Mariana sighs, shaking her head at me. Her long black hair swaying from side to side.

''You know I've been thinking. I really hate the decisions you're making regarding us right now Steven and in some moments, I even hate you for making those decisions, but not for one second do I ever find myself falling out of love with you. Not even for a second. Love doesn't just go away in a matter of days. No matter what the circumstance is. Either you love me, you're in love with me, or you never loved me at all. It's one of those, but it can't be all three.'' She gives me an inquiring look, as if she's trying to draw the truth from me.

I stare right back at her with a matching expression.

''We're going to be late if we don't leave now.'' She sighs out after a minute. Removing the hair tie from her wrist she captures all of her hair together, making a messy bun of it atop her head.

''Text me the address,'' I tell her, crossing my arms .

''Really, Steven?'' She demands.

''Just text me the address, please. I don't feel like arguing with you the entire car ride, Mariana. I'll be right behind you.'' I repeat.

I make my way down the hall and up the stairs. Walking into our bedroom I head into the closet, finding a change of clothes and quickly slipping into them.

I kick off the boots that I've been wearing for about four days now and swap them out for a simple pair of black shoes. I grab the leather jacket that I have little intent to return, putting it on.

I run into the bathroom for a quick shave, snatching a black beanie off of the shelf and putting it on my head before leaving the bedroom.

Making my way down the stairs I hurry into the kitchen, grabbing a canteen mug from the cabinet, I grab a tea packet, placing it in the mug and filling it with the hot water from the stove. Twisting the top on tightly I turn the stove off and leave the house.

After I've got the car running and the heater blasting I input the address she reluctantly texted me into my cars GPS and started in the direction of the Doctors Office.

I don't know what piece of mind I'm going to get from this. I don't think I'm going to get any at all really.

But I know I can't sit back at all and pretend as if this isn't actually happening. I have to get my shit in order.

I know I can't sit around and argue with Mariana for the next couple of months because it wouldn't be healthy for the baby, it wouldn't be healthy for any of us.

We just need to sit down and have one open, honest conversation so that we go about the rest of this focused and on the same page.

But if I'm being completely honest with myself, I'll sooner see that dream I had coming true before I'll see Mariana opening up to me.

So basically never.

Or at least that's how she's got me feeling.

I pull into the parking lot, finding an open spot next to her car. I grab the mug from the cup holder, turning my car off and getting out. I head into the office, not seeing her anywhere in the waiting room.

I walk up to the window with the clerk behind it.

''I'm here with Mariana Wen,'' I inform her once she slides the window open.

''Yes, you're going to go right through that door, she'll be in room seven.'' The clerk says, pointing to a door behind me.

''Thank you,'' I say. I follow her directions and walk through the door, finding room seven and entering.

''Did I miss anything?'' I ask Mariana, handing her the mug.

She's laying on the examination bed, previously preoccupied by her phone until she reaches forward to take the mug from my hand. I take a seat in the chair next to the bed.

''No, I just got in here.'' She replies, thankfully in a calmed down tone which I'm grateful for. The last thing I wanted was for the argument to follow us here. ''Thank you,'' She says, before sipping the tea from the mug.

''Of course,'' I reply to her. ''Look,'' I start, but just then the doctor enters the room.

He's a grey-haired man, the name Dr. Avery written in black thread on the pocket of the white lab coat he's wearing.

I stand up, offering him my hand.

''Nice to meet you, Dr. Avery. I'm Steven Yeiun.'' I introduce myself as he grips my hand in a firm handshake. He nods, offering me a warm smile.

''Nice to meet you as well. Would I be correct to assume you're the father?'' He asks.

''Yes,'' I answer, trying to figure out why the hell that's even a question to be asked.

''Okay then, let's see how your little one's doing,'' He says as he starts to put on a pair of gloves. Mariana hands me the mug of tea, putting her phone away and relaxing on the bed as she lifts her shirt to uncover her stomach.

''How're you handling the morning sickness?'' He asks, getting the ultrasound machine set up.

''It's gotten better, I have been losing my appetite a lot lately though. I don't know what it is, I thought I'd be craving everything by now.'' She shares.

A bit of guilt still lingers in me for not noticing even the smallest of changes in her, like her not eating as much anymore. But it's not like we're around each other every second of everyday.

We both have very demanding careers, not to mention she has two. That's still no excuse though.

''That tends to happen sometimes in your first trimester, it should pass as soon as all of the morning sickness leaves.'' He states. He grabs the tube of gel he needs for the machine, squeezing a bit of it onto her stomach.

I stand next to the bed, watching the monitor as he picks up the wand that's clamped onto the machine.

''Have you two thought of any baby names yet?'' Dr. Avery asks, running the wand over the gel on her stomach.

I can feel Mariana's eyes on my face for a quick second. I take a glance at her and she then diverts her attention back to the screen.

''No, not yet.'' Mariana, answers. She tucks a stray strand of her hair behind her ear, smiling as the image comes through on the screen.

''Okay so you're about two and a half months along. I think I have an idea of what you're having, but I don't want to say a gender now and be incorrect so we'll just wait two weeks for your three month checkup...''

The sound of the doctors voice fades away as I stare at the initial tiny little makings of a baby appearing on the monitors screen. I find my breath escaping me as I take in the astonishing sight.

And it all hit me in that very moment.

It hit me just how real this all is.

And how much it hurt to hear Mariana say that she didn't tell me because she thought I'd make her take such a beautiful thing out of this world. I could never be that kind of person to force a choice like that upon her.

But seeing my child, my beautiful unborn child on that monitor erased all the fights between Mariana and I and all the negative energy and thought from my body.

I'm happy.

Of course I knew I'd be happy when my child was born but I have months until then, yet the feeling that's consuming me while looking at him or her is absolutely captivating.

It's a feeling that has me wanting the next six months to fly by.

That has me wanting to hold my baby in my arms already.

A feeling that has me suddenly feeling ready for something that just moments ago scared the hell out of me.

Parenthood.

''Steven? Sweetie,'' I hear Mariana's voice, her hand giving mines a tug.

I focus my attention back onto what's going on in the room, pulling myself from the trance that so thriftily engulfed me.

''Yeah?'' I answer her, looking down to see her smiling face. She reaches up, allowing the sleeve of her sweater to cover her fingers as she wipes beneath my eyes, removing liquid that I hadn't even realized was there.

''Seeing your child for the first time, it's a powerful moment, just wait until you hold the little bundle of joy in your arms. You'll never want to let go.'' Dr. Avery says.

A genuine laugh sees its way from my lips, my hand rubbing the side of Mariana's stomach as I give my attention back to the monitor. ''I don't want to let go now,'' I hear myself say.

''Everything looks good, I'll be right back with a few copies of the ultrasound.'' The Doctor says. He turns off the machine, putting everything away and excusing himself from the room.

I walk over near the sink, grabbing a few pieces of paper towels and using them to help Mariana clean the gel from her stomach.

''You're happy?'' She asks me, excitement floating in her voice, but secreted deep in her voice I could hear her concern for my answer.

''I'm really happy,'' I answer her honestly. ''I knew I'd feel some type of joy but I didn't think it'd be so surreal.''

''So you want this?'' She asks me, and before I can quickly agree she repeats her question, ''Do you want this with me?''

And in my mind I knew that question was going to creep into this moment. I shake my head, not ready to ruin this pure version of this emotion I was feeling.

''Mariana I want this, and as much as I would love to have it with you...I don't trust you, I don't—I don't feel how I felt about you before all of this came to light. And I can't pretend that I do, not even for our child. Our child should get the chance to grow up in an honest home. That doesn't mean I'm going to just leave you though, I'm going to be by your side every step of the way.'' I let her know, seeing the sadness smother the smile on her face.

She deserves to know the truth though.

And no matter how many times she asks me, or how many different situations we go through I don't see my answer changing.

I can't allow myself to give her false hope the same way I can't allow myself to give Damien false hope.

From this moment forward my priority is my child, and no ones feelings are changing or getting in the way of that.

Not even my own.

I hear two knocks at the door, then Dr. Avery appears, closing the door behind him. He hands me the envelope in his hand that contains the pictures.

''Shouldn't she be showing by now? I mean even a little,'' I ask him before the question slips my mind.

Mariana has had a slim figure ever since we've been together but she's a professional ballet dancer so that's understandable. But I just need clarification that I'm not crazy for not noticing any changes in her for the past two months. She looks exactly the same as she always does. I didn't even notice the change in her appetite.

''It's completely normal for athletic women to carry small during their first pregnancy. Mariana has a long torso and very strong stomach muscles that'll most likely keep her stomach looking smaller than most women for the duration of the pregnancy. I've had patients who didn't look like they were at least four months pregnant until they hit their 7th or 8th month.'' He explains.

''Although you should stop any vigorous workouts or training that you may be doing because you are naturally so slim, I don't want you to work off any weight that you may gain for the baby. Just focus on eating healthy and your body will do the rest.'' Dr. Avery advises.

''Any other questions or concerns?'' He asks.

''She shouldn't be drinking coffee for the time being right?'' I ask for clarification.

''Now usually it's okay to have a small amount of coffee here and there during pregnancy, but in your case I don't want you to have any at all. I want you to get your weight up not only for your safety but for the baby's health and safety as well, therefore I can't allow you to do anything that could affect that.''

''Not even decaf?" Mariana asks jokingly, hoping off of the examination bed.

''Not even decaf,'' Dr. Avery replies. ''Okay, I'll see you in two weeks. I better hear some names the next time you're in hear.'' He teases.

''It was nice to meet you,'' I say, shaking his hand on our way out of the room. We head back into the front waiting area. I hold the exit door open, letting Mariana leave the building first as I follow behind.

''I want you to be happy no matter what,'' She blurts out as I reach forward to open her car door for her. She turns around to look me in my eyes. ''But I want to be happy too Steven,''

I sigh. I break eye contact with her for a second, looking for an answer anywhere but in her direction.

Of course I want her to be happy too.

But why does everyone seem to think that the answer to their happiness is somehow with me?

''And you will be, just give yourself time Mariana.'' I reply.

I mean what else can I say to her without hurting her?

''Have you told your parents yet?'' I ask her. She shakes her head. ''Okay,'' I sigh out. I take my beanie off, running a hand through my hair before putting it back on.

''Okay well do you want to just keep the trip to California and tell everyone then?'' I ask her.

She looks at me as if I just took out a permanent marker and wrote the word stupid on my forehead.

''Tell them what? Wonderful news along with the fact that we're not getting married anymore because of it? No. No that's so embarrassing, Steven!'' She argues.

I can't refrain from rolling my eyes at her.

''That's not the reason, and you know it and I'd appreciate it if you'd stop throwing it in my face like that. But we're going to have to tell them all eventually, so you need to make up your mind about how.'' I tell her.

I go into the envelope in my hand, taking her copy out and giving it to her.

''I'll call my parents, you call yours?'' I offer, attempting to make things easier for her, for us. I can see why she doesn't want to be in a house full of people who want a certain thing from us considering we're doing the exact opposite.

''Okay,'' She agrees.

''And can you try not to make me seem like the bad guy in all of this? I know it's my decision for us not to be together but it's not like I just woke up with that on my mind one day. Your actions played a very large part in that decision.'' I explain.

''I understand,'' She replies, climbing into her car, ''It's nobody's business but ours anyway.''

''Damn,'' I say, shutting the car door for her, ''I think that's the first thing that we can actually agree on today.''

She laughs, starting the car up. She rolls the window down.

''Seatbelt,'' I say, pointing to it. She puts her seatbelt on and I lean into the car, placing a quick kiss to her forehead. ''I might sleep by Harrison tonight, I'll let you know.''

I make my way to my car, getting in hastily and starting it up. I fiddle with the heater as I put my seatbelt on.

I stop myself as I go to take my car out of park.

I don't have any plans for today.

Reaching into the pocket of my jacket I pull out my phone, connecting it to my cars Bluetooth and resting it on the dashboard holster as it places the outgoing call I select.

''Hey,'' A female voice answers the phone, causing me to furrow my brows in confusion. I know this is his number, I literally just used it the other day.

''Uh, hey. Sorry, I must have the wrong number.'' I apologize, going to press the hang up button.

''No, you're calling for Damien right? Hold on a minute,'' She says.

My curiosity was doing backflips in the back of my mind. I mean I just assumed that Damien went to sleep after I left his penthouse. But of course he's cool to do whatever he wants. He's an adult, if he wants to hook up with people he can.

It's really none of my business. I don't even know why I'm thinking about this.

About a minute later, a minute in which I debated whether or not to hang up but decided against it, I hear a familiar voice in the background.

''Hey, I thought you'd be knocked out until at least twelve,'' Damien's voice speaks into the phone.

I clear my throat. Trying to cover the tension that I know is in my voice.

''I would've been, I had something to do though,'' I say to him. I glance at the time on the dashboard of my car. ''Hey so look I don't have anything to do today. I'm about thirty minutes away from your place, how about we grab breakfast and talk. I have something I really wanna share with you.''

I know Damien is placing himself in an uncomfortable position helping me with my problems. Not just because of the past he has with people in his life abusing alcohol but also because he wants something from me that I can't give him.

But he's putting his self through it anyway because he feels as if he owes me it.

The only thing Damien has ever owed me was an apology and an explanation. And I've got both of those things from him without even having to ask.

I'm not going to lie to myself about this, and I'm never going to admit it to him but I barely remember anything from the conversation we had about our past at his place.

I was still partially drunk, majorly hungover, and way past overly emotional.

It just wasn't a good day for me to say the least.

''Damn, that actually sounds like an amazing ide—'' His words are cut off by the sound of someone taking a fall to the ground. I hear him mutter a curse followed by some shuffling on his end of the phone.

''Are you okay?'' I ask, more humor than concern could be heard in my voice. Damien has always been clumsy, if it hasn't killed him by now it never will.

''Yeah, yeah. I'm rushing to get dressed, I just got out the shower. But look Steven, I would love to grab breakfast with you but I can't. Remember that dinner I was supposed to have with Javier today? Well he has business that came up so now it's a breakfast.''

''Oh,'' I say, feeling a pang of sadness lace my emotions. I in fact really did want to see Damien and share my new feelings about my Mariana situation with him.

But I get it.

Javier is important to him and he made a promise that he has to keep.

And I'm not going to be an asshole about it, I just wish...nothing.

Anyway, I get it.

''Well that's fine, I just wanted to get a chance to pay you back for lunch yesterday,'' I lie, knowing damn well he wouldn't have let me pay for this meal either despite the fact that I had extended the invitation to him and not the other way around.

But what's the truth?

I don't know.

I'm just happy, I'm in a good mood. I wanted to see him...share that with him.

''We can grab lunch as soon as I'm done, anywhere you'd like.'' He offers, but I find myself shaking my head as I put my car in drive and make my way from the parking lot.

''No, it's fine. You're about to eat there you don't need to stuff yourself with lunch right after.'' I protest.

''Cody get ready!'' I hear Damien yell. I'm thankful the phone wasn't to my ear because then I'd be deaf. ''Steven, I honestly don't care if we don't eat at all, I just want to hangout with you. So I'm coming to pick you up as soon as this breakfast is over. Okay?''

''No,'' I state.

''Why? Don't bullshit me either, you've already told me you don't have any plans for today.'' He counters.

''I should let my friends know I'm alive,'' I say, starting to drive in the direction of Harrisons house.

''Yeah, okay. I'll pick you up as soon as I'm done. I need my jacket from your house anyway.''

''That's just your excuse to see me,''

''At least I can make up an excuse. You can see your friends at anytime Steven. I'm your friend, see me. I'm leaving New York in four days and I don't plan on spending any of those days without seeing you.''

''I'm hanging up now, Damien,'' I say before clicking the button to end the call.

I mean I think I was successful at not being an asshole.

I don't know why but I felt this emotion that should've never entered my body.

From the moment Damien told me he had to go to the breakfast for Javier, the feeling slowly coated my mind, gliding it's way into my inner thoughts.

No, no it was from the moment the phone was answered. The breakfast just intensified it all.

And to be honest feeling it has me beyond pissed. I shouldn't feel it.

Okay so Damien had company over last night.

It's his business.

So he'd rather go to a breakfast with someone who –I know he has immense respect for but who he sees everyday rather than going with me.

It's his fucking life.

And I'm usually not the one to feel this type of way. I'm not this insensitive. I understand other peoples situations and don't just try to look for my gain in them which is exactly how I know what's making me feel this way.

I'm jealous.

And for absolutely no reason at all.

Who am I jealous of anyway?

A one night stand?

A man whom Damien considers to be his father?

That's completely fucking ridiculous. Damien can give his time to whoever he pleases.

He's trying to make time for me and I see that.

But unfortunately as I park my car and get out, entering Harrisons house, I also see myself headed straight for the bar.

¥•A/N•¥

Whoever lied to me and told me that juggling college, work, a relationship, and friendships was easy, screw you.

Smh my struggle is so real you guys.

Buuuuuuuttt we'll get through this, lol onto the actual a/n.

The beginning of this chapter honestly made my entire day as I was writing it.  I forgot how much I missed Damien and Steven "together" *wink wink*.

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Posted: February 5, 2019.