[one month after ''Stop Leaving Me'' takes place]

*Steven's POV*

''What is that?'' Mariana graces into the kitchen, her voice soaked heavily in curiosity.

I crumble up the piece of paper in my hand, tucking it away in my pocket.

''Nothing,'' I answer, clearing my throat as I get up from the table. ''Do you want me to make you something to eat?"

''Well firstly, no thank you I'm not really hungry, and secondly; you've been staring at it and putting it away every time I enter the room for the past month now. And I was going to mind my business but honestly now I'm worried. So, either you're lying, or you're lying.'' She retorts, walking over to the fridge and pulling out a bottle of sweet tea.

I walk over to the fridge, pulling out the cartoon of eggs and some shredded cheese. I grab a bowl out of the cabinet and began to crack open the eggs.

''About what?'' I ask her, in a voice that's as nonchalant as I can muster.

''This,'' She replies, I don't even sense her presence behind me as her hand seeps into my pocket, pulling the piece of paper out before I can grab her hand to stop her.

I turn around quickly, reaching for the paper as she attempts to un-crumble it.

''C'mon, this is really childish Mariana,'' I sigh out, frustration emitting from me as she takes a step back out of my reach.

''What? It's nothing right?'' She teases, a smile hanging from her lips. I roll my eyes, reaching forward again to grab the paper from her, but she snatches her hands away quickly, her eyes beginning to analyze the words.

''And you wonder why I spend a majority of my time at Harrisons house lately, thanks for respecting my privacy,'' I groan out. I watch her as she reads the note that Damien left for me a month ago. I see the pain as it seeps into her eyes even though she attempts to conceal it.

And a part of me can't help but feel like she did this to herself. Respect seems like a constant thing that she failed to have for me in our engagement and now in our co-parenting relationship, and even in our living situation.

"I'm still in love with you, but you knew that already. And I was even willing to put my feelings for you and my burning desire to get you back by any means necessary to the side just to help you out with the shit that you were going through. But again, you knew that already. But now I have to put the shit that I'm going through first, Steven. My brother needs me right now and I can't give him 20% while I give you 80%.

I need to be there for him 100%. So, I can't chase you around New York anymore. If you want something with me, something real and a million times stronger than what we had when we were teenagers then I need you to act like it. And I don't expect this from you, so don't feel pressured. I expect you to stay there and most likely forgive your ex-fiancé and for you two to build a beautiful family while you continue to fake your happiness.

And since I don't have enough time to write down a list that'll dispute the one you're most likely making up in your head of why you're happy with her, I'll just leave you with this; I want you in my life Steven, but what I want more is for you to want to be in my life. Find me when you figure out what you want. And if I don't hear from you in two weeks, I'll respect your choice. I'll leave you alone and let you live your life.''

Mariana finishes reading the paper out loud and looks at me with suppressed rage in her eyes.

''Can I have it back now?'' I ask her. She balls up the paper, tossing it to the ground as she storms from the kitchen.

''Are you ready to head out then?'' I ask, following behind her. I hear a scoff float into the air.

She enters the living room, grabbing her purse off of the couch.

''I'm going by myself,'' She says, slinging her jacket across her arm and heading for the door.

''Like hell you are, just because you invaded my privacy and hurt your own feelings in the process doesn't mean I'm going to let you take this moment away from me.'' I tell her seriously, walking ahead of her and blocking her path.

''Well I don't want you there,'' She yells at me. She takes a deep breath, bringing her hand up to her forehead to rub in an irritated manner. ''Look I'll tell you the gender when I get back, okay? I'll even take a video for you, just give me my space today.''

''No, what the hell is your problem?'' I demand.

Yeah, I get that her feelings are hurt but she did that to her fucking self. And honestly these mood changes of hers are getting harder and harder to deal with on the daily.

It's like she's already pissed at me for ending our engagement but on top of that there's added pregnancy hormone rage and it's become suffocating.

''Who is she? Who wrote that letter to you?'' She demands.

''It's none of your business,'' I tell her.

''If you think she's about to be playing step-mom to my child then it damn sure is my business!''

''Oh my god!'' I yell out, exasperated. ''It's none of your fucking business! Okay? Whatever or whoever I do with my time now, it's none of your business.''

She finds any and every little thing to fuss about and just goes there with me. It's been like this for the past couple of weeks and I thought that I could just stick it out for the duration of her pregnancy but I can't.

I can't deal with this.

I'm at my tipping point with this entire situation and I'm just about to pack up all my shit and move out.

I keep allowing myself to believe that if I'm not tethered to her throughout this entire process that it's going to make me seem like a bad father, but no.

Clearly, we need our space from each other.

Her picking a fight with me everyday isn't good for her, our child, or me. Neither of us can benefit from me living with her any longer.

''I'm moving out,'' I tell her, walking past her and grabbing my coat from the hook. I open the front door, turning around. ''You're not taking this moment from me, and I'm not about to stand here yelling about it, so let's go.''

She releases a strained sigh from her lips, shoving past me. I shake my head, closing and locking the door behind me.

We climb into the car and I make the drive to the doctors' office a quick one.

We ignore each other the whole time and when we were finally out of the car and in the examiners room, she decided to break the silence that I had so soberly settled in to.

''Why?'' She asks me.

''Are you kidding me?'' I retort. ''Have you forgotten what just happened in the kitchen?''

''I'm trying,'' She pleads.

I bite my tongue in an attempt to not let anything malicious slip free from my lips. Because I'm at the end of my rope with her mood swings.

''I'd be lying if I told you that I've seen you try at all,'' I say to her.

''Steven that's not true, c'mon,''

''Me c'mon? Mariana we literally just got into it last week because I wouldn't sleep in the same bed with you. I told you that I wouldn't feel comfortable with it and you told me that I didn't give a fuck about your needs or our child.'' I remind her.

''And I apologized,'' She adds in quickly.

I laugh. A real fucking laugh because she has got to be kidding me.

''That's not even the point,'' I sigh out, ''Look, we just need our space from each other, okay? I'm always going to be there for you, alright? Just not under the same roof. If you need anything you can call me and I'll drop everything you know that.''

So, for the entirety of the rest of the appointment I got the cold shoulder from her. She wouldn't even let me touch her when we found out the gender of our baby.

I wasn't about to let her ruin my mood though.

I'm elated.

We left the doctors office without a word. And here we are now sitting in the car in front of our house.

''You know I'm not doing any of this to hurt you right?'' I ask her.

She rolls her eyes, reaching for the door handle. I grab her arm.

''I'm being serious, just listen to me okay? Have a talk with me.'' I say.

''I don't want to though. I want to know who wrote you that letter that you've been obsessing over for the past month. I want to know why it's so hard for you to throw that letter away, but so easy for you to throw our life together away. That's what I want.'' She says, climbing out of the car before I can get another word in.

I can feel the anger building in me before I even recognize the emotion. And the part that bothers me the most is that I'm more hurt than angry.

I don't know why it's so hard for me to throw that fucking letter away.

Yes, Mariana broke my trust so I cut her off. I ended our engagement and our relationship.

But this asshole, this asshole broke my trust and my heart. And left me yet again alone in a bed with nothing but a fucking piece of paper with rushed words scribbled on it.

So why can't I cut him off?

Why can't I just end this cycle of heartbreak that I'm so blindly putting myself through again?

Why can't I just accept the answer to those questions?

I start my car, driving off.

The fact that Harrison and Damien don't get along is still interesting to me. They both have their own opinions about each other, but in truth they're so similar I have no idea how they don't see it.

They're the only two people who are bold enough to tell whatever the fuck I need to hear to get my head on straight, no matter how I'll take it.

I haven't even looked at a bottle of alcohol since Harrison decided to shower me in it.

I mean I'm still pissed at him for how he went about it, but he got through to me inevitably in his own way.

I park my car in his drive way, getting out headed for his front door. Before I can even insert the key into the lock the door swings open and out come a very beautiful blonde woman.

''I had fun,'' She says, turning to face him and planting a slow kiss to his lips. He wraps his arms around her, pulling her in close as he, in no regard for my presence, begins a full on make out session with her.

I slip past them and into the front door. I make my way down the hall and to the guest room that's practically mines at this point.

I take my coat off, tossing it on the floor as I let my self fall back on the bed.

I'd be making a failed attempt to fool myself if I say that I haven't been thinking about Damien this past month.

I didn't appreciate waking up in an empty penthouse, an empty room, another empty bed.

But to look over and see that letter laying on the nightstand made my breathing stop.

His actions made me feel like he didn't give a fuck about how much what happened seven years ago hurt me, scarred me.

But the letter, the letter made me feel the exact opposite.

It made me feel like he wasn't the only one in the wrong here. Like I should've handled how I treated things with him differently, how I talked to him, how I handled him.

And I knew in some ways I was leading him on, I knew I was crossing boundaries that people who were just friends wouldn't cross and I knew, I fucking knew he would read into it.

But I didn't really care. Not completely anyway. Not enough.

I was just being an asshole. Getting a little bit of satisfaction out of him chasing after me like moth to a flame.

I enjoyed it, I did.

But what can I say? I'd waited for him to chase after me, to come find me for five years after he left.

I mean of course that doesn't justify it.

But damn.

''Knock knock,'' Harrison says before entering the room.

''I'm not sure doors work like that,'' I reply, sitting up on the bed.

''What's got you looking like shit?'' He asks, coming to sit next to me.

I scrunch my nose in distaste.

''You smell like sex,'' I complain. I scoot away from him on the bed.

''Yeah that's not new, stop avoiding my question,''

''Life,'' I answer him.

He lays on the bed. ''Oh, are you talking about the thing that Damien wrote you?'' He asks casually.

I give him a hard stare.

''You read it?'' I demand from him. He shrugs, pulling his phone from his pocket.

''Yeah, of course I did. I read it while you were sleeping, about three weeks ago.'' He admits.

My arm springs towards him and I punch him square in the face. Not that hard. But hard enough.

''Does no one respect my fucking privacy?'' I sigh out, getting up from the bed.

''Aye, I was just concerned,'' He groans out, rubbing his jaw, ''You didn't wanna tell me what was bothering you so I had to figure it out for myself.''

''But that's my business, Harrison. My personal business.'' I explain to him. I know my eyes were fixed in a death glare. One that he fully deserved.

And honestly, he's lucky I'm not more pissed off at him.

''Steven it doesn't fucking bother me if you're gay or not. I don't give two fucks. But I feel like you do. I feel like you care way too much.'' He states.

''I'm not gay,'' The words leave my lips way too quickly and I already know he's about to be a pain about it.

''Okay, bi sexual, whatever the hell you identify as, I don't care.''

''Human. I identify as a fucking human.'' I make clear. ''And I don't want to talk about it anymore.''

''That's fine,'' Harrison says, ''Just remember that before you can answer to anyone else, you have to answer to yourself, Steven. Damien lives a very public life, and unless you're ready for the entire fucking world to know your preference in...humans, I suggest you take a moment and think about it.''

''Who said that would even be an issue?'' I question him. ''You read what the letter said, and apparently, he wasn't joking. Two weeks was as long as he could wait for me to figure my shit out. And it's been a month.''

Two weeks.

And I waited five fucking years.

''Wait so I'm confused,'' Harrison continues to speak, breaking me and my thought apart. ''Do you want to be with him now or not?'' He asks.

''I mean,'' I frown, my words all jammed on the tip of my tongue, afraid to leap off.

''Steven,'' Harrison sighs out, shaking his head.

''What?'' I demand. I can't even fucking think. I feel like he's talking every other second.

''Nothing,'' He says quickly, ''It's just that I do still stand by my opinions about the situation. I don't think you should be backtracking into your past, especially with everything that's going to be in your future now. But with that being said, you're a grown man. And I'll support you no matter what you decide, that's what I'm here for after all.''

''I feel like you're saying you'll support me but it's going to come with a bunch of opinionated bullshit that I'll have to hear,''

''Well yeah, honest support is the only kind of support I know how to give.'' He says. He sits up on the bed, putting his phone back in his pocket. ''So, um...'' He stammers out. I look at him confused.

''What?'' I ask him.

''Oh, nothing,'' He replies with a nervous laugh, ''Nothing at all...It's just,'' He scratches the back of his head, then looks up at me with pity in his eyes. ''Have you googled him in a while or anything?'' He asks.

''No,'' I answer. And suddenly I'm worried like hell. ''Why? Did something happen?''

He pulls his phone out again. ''Oh something happened alright,'' He gets up from the bed, walking over to me, ''Here,'' He says, handing me his phone.

''Otto Seppalainen? Who the hell is Otto Seppalainen?'' I can feel my heart taking a blow, an actual pain develops in my chest as I continue to scroll through the article, seeing pictures of Damien and this bleached blonde guy kissing and holding hands.

''Damien's new boyfriend,'' Harrison say quietly, giving me the answer that I didn't even want to hear spoken aloud let alone said at all.

What the actual fuck?

What is this?

''I thought he was pretending to date that...that actress girl,'' I say, furiously scrolling through the pictures.

Is this what jealously feels like?

Because I don't even know this guy that's so comfortable in Damien's embrace in these pictures but every fiber in my being fucking dislikes him.

He doesn't deserve what I waited half a god damn decade for.

But then again I can't stand here and act like I'm not the one who pushed Damien away.

I give Harrison his phone back, pulling mines from my pocket. I go to my contacts, finding Damien's name and swiftly hitting the call button.

Without even a ring it went to voicemail.

I call back.

I call back about five fucking times and get nothing but his voicemail.

''That sonofabitch blocked me,'' I say through a breath of air, feeling my chest tighten. My eyes began to burn and I refuse to let them water.

Why?

Why cut me off again? Did I not make it clear to him how painful that was for me the first time?

''I think you're over reacting, let me see,'' Harrison says, ''He probably just changed his number,'' He dials Damien's number, putting the call on speaker phone.

After the call picks up and a couple rings go by, I immediately know for sure that he blocked me.

Wow.

Damien answers the phone after a second, and I feel myself about to lose my shit.

Harrison looks over to me, holding his finger up to his lips trying to shush me.

''What the hell do you want Harrison?'' Damien's voice booms through the phone. Apparently, he isn't in a pleasant mood.

''Whoa, whoa, I just hit the wrong number. Good day to you too though, what're you doing?'' Harrison asks.

''Hanging up,'' Damien says.

Ending the call just likethat.

<<A/N>>

Ya'll I know...I know, it's been a minute.

I'm juggling school, work and I got engaged (crazy af ik, but omg!) so also planning a wedding, but don't worry! We're going to finish this story I swear!

:)

But no really, it's really been a while, how have ya'll been?

Also, thoughts on this chapter? 

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Posted: September 27, 2019.