•Steven's POV•

''Why are you still here?'' I ask Harrison as I enter the kitchen area of my hotel room.

I walk over to him, taking the bottle of whiskey from his hand before he can pour it into the awaiting cup.

He snatches it back, but seeing the warning look on my face he decides to twist the top onto it instead of attempting to fill the cup again.

''Are you good?'' I ask him seriously.

I'm not going to act like Damien pointing out how much Harrison has been drinking lately hasn't made me feel like a shitty friend for not noticing in the first place.

But the thing is that's just who Harrison is.

He drinks a lot, he parties too much and he spends way too much money at strip clubs.

He doesn't have a problem, he just has a lot of money and nothing else to do with it.

Nevertheless though, I still didn't even know that he sometimes ran off to Vegas to get blackout drunk.

I didn't know he took vacations to sin city to aid a crippling fucking depression he had.

But of course, I knew he had that depression.

He gets down sometimes. He hates being alone. He hates that he hates being alone. And he hates talking about or dealing with the fact that he hates to be alone.

And that's exactly why he has a different pair of tits in his bed every night.

But we've talked about all that. These are issues I know about and issues that I can't fix for him.

He's my best friend and I'd do anything for him but even he knows that he has to figure it out for himself.

I can't stop him from drowning in his past trauma, not if he doesn't want to help himself, all I can do is make sure that the water is shallow and that he can breathe whenever he decides to come up for air. And I always make him come up for air.

''Yeah, yeah,'' He hops onto the counter and nods to me, ''Are you? Cause you tongued Damien down the other day yet you haven't said a word about him since then,'' He questions.

I shake my head, shoving down the blush that was about to come as the memory of my lips against his again came to mind.

''First of all there wasn't that much tongue involved. Secondly, that's not what we're talking about. How are your parents doing?'' I ask him.

That's literally the only thing that can ever bother him to such a serious degree. I would have never figured that parents who were barely even around to raise their child could do so much damage, but apparently they can.

And they did.

''They're alive,'' He says with a shrug.

''Okay, and...?'' I ask expectantly. He knows that I'm not going to let up until he tells me what the problem is.

Harrison doesn't like to complain, or as he says it, to 'bitch and moan about the unfixable things in life'. But really that's just his excuse of wanting to keep all of the shit he's dealing with to himself instead of just talking to someone.

And it's not like he's going to go to therapy again after what happened last time.

''They ran into each other in Mykonos, probably drunk off their asses, and for some stupid, unimaginable, dumbass reason felt like they should give their shitty, unstable, toxic to humanity relationship another chance,'' He says, shrugging again as if he's unbothered. But I can tell he is immensely bothered. ''I guess six years is all it takes for her to forget that he fucked nearly every female escort in New York, and in their bed no less. Or for him to forget that she screwed his entire security detail and blew up the vacation home in Florida because he refused to admit that he fucked said female escorts.''

Harrison sighs, shaking his head.

''But me? I'm fine. If you let them tell it I'm the fucked up wild child who can't get his shit together, who's ungrateful for the amount of money they deposit into my bank account monthly, because ya' know, the only thing they've ever done for me is made sure I've had more than enough money to take care of myself because they damn sure never took care of me themselves.'' He vents.

I walk over to him, but he pushes me back when I move in closer to give him a hug.

''I said I'm fine. Sometimes I just need time to be sad, okay? I don't need a pat on the back or anything, I just need to take it all in.'' Harrison says.

''If you needed time to be sad—time for yourself, then why did you fly out here?'' I ask him, utterly confused.

''Because you needed me. And I wasn't about to leave you hanging. Look I can feel shitty about my life and take care of my best friend at the same time, it's not that hard to multitask.'' He states. ''I'm sorry for drinking around you so much lately though, I'm happy that you've stopped relying on alcohol as a crutch, I really am, and I'm proud of you.''

I step forward, hugging him despite his protest against it.

''You can take a mental health day if you need to, ya' know.'' I tell him, letting him out of the hug. ''I appreciate you being here and all but if you need some time, you don't have to put my shit before yours, you know that right?''

''Yeah, but your shit is a really good distraction from mines, so I'm gonna pass on that.'' He declares.

''You need to deal wit—''

''I've dealt with it,'' He defends, ''I've accepted the fact that they're gonna try to play family again. I've accepted the fact that I no longer want to be apart of that family portrait anymore, and that because of that they're probably going to threaten to leave me high and dry with not even a single dollar to wipe my ass with. The public may see them as icons but they're fucking monsters. And I've accepted that, so therefore I've dealt with it. I just don't want to think about it for a while. Cool?'' He asks.

I nod.

I guess I can respect that.

He's going to have to face it eventually, but I get it, and I won't stress him about it when he's trying to find some relief from it.

As long as that relief isn't all alcohol. But knowing him he'd just as easily trade that bottle of whiskey for the first pretty girl that he lays his eyes on.

So I know I don't really have to worry.

''But back to the reason we're here,'' He says, raising a teasing brow at me.

I roll my eyes, walking out of the kitchen. I can hear him following behind me as I walk into the bedroom.

''What? I saw those old polaroids of you two that you've been hiding under your pillow these past two days.'' He teases.

''Yeah, okay I wasn't hiding them and what happened to that conversation we had about my privacy?'' I ask.

''What privacy?'' He asks.

''Exactly,'' I say laughing as I take a seat on the bed. He walks into the bathroom.

''Why am I paying for my own room in this hotel if I'm always here?'' He asks, beginning to brush his teeth.

''I literally have been asking you the same question since we got here.''

''But anyway, tell me what else happened between you guys when I left the room,'' Harrison insists.

I shrug. ''Nothing else happened, and he didn't kiss me back either.''

Harrison laughs. ''Well did you expect him to? He does have a boyfriend Steven. Or did you forget that part?''

I roll my eyes.

Harrison walks out of the bathroom, letting his body fall back onto the couch in the far corner of the room, pulling his phone from his pocket, and sinking his attention into it.

''I wish I could forget that part,'' I sigh. ''I feel bad for saying this, but I really don't care about the relationship he's in at all.'' I tell Harrison.

''C'mon man, that is kind of messed up, clearly he's happy—''

''It's obviously just for fun though and not long term at all, I feel like he's wasting his time.''

''But what if what he wants is a little bit of fun? Some relationships are meant to be a waste of time. It's called 'dating in your twenties'.'' Harrison defends.

I look at him seriously.

''Okay, so are you with me or...?'' I ask him, since he clearly has something to say about everything that leaves my mouth.

''Don't get me wrong, I'm on your side always. I'm just trying to get you to see it from his side so just in case he doesn't want to pursue something with you, you can understand why and get where he's coming from. That way you two can at least end this on a good note and still be friends.'' He explains.

''You're so insightful when you're not day drinking,'' I tease.

My phone rings and I look over to the nightstand where it's resting on the charger.

I groan, rolling over on the bed before sitting up to grab it. I see Mariana's name flashing across the screen.

''Fuck,'' I grumble to myself.

''What?'' Harrison asks, even though his attention is still solely on his own phone.

''For a moment I forgot I had an ex fiancé and all the stresses that come with her.'' I admit.

''Mmm, you forget you got a kid on the way as well?'' He mocks, laughter following his words.

''No actually, did I ever tell you we found out the gender?'' I ask him.

There's a knock on the door, just as my phone finally stops ringing.

''Yeah but you never told me what it was,'' He says.

''I'll tell you about it later, can you grab the door? I have to call her back and make sure everything's alright.'' I ask him.

''Sure,'' He mumbles, reluctantly climbing off of the couch.

I grab my phone, hitting the redial button and holding it to my ear as it begins to dial out.

Surprisingly enough my relationship with Mariana has improved so much these past few weeks. I attribute all of it to me moving out of the apartment with her and moving in with Harrison.

She's finally over—or at least I think she's finally over our relationship ending. But the resentment that she felt towards me because of that is fading which is doing wonders for our relationship as co-parents.

We really just needed space. I mean I needed my space for sure, but I know she needed time away from me as well.

And I'm happy that things are working out for us now. That we're finally smoothly carving out a path that'll give our child the feeling of a stable home despite us not being together.

''Are you busy?'' She asks me as soon as the call picks up.

''No,'' I answer. ''Is everything okay?'' I ask.

''Yeah, yeah I'm fine. Me and the baby are fine, but that's not what I called about.''

''Okay, what'd you need?''

''You left town and you didn't tell me you were leaving.'' She states more than asks.

''Um,'' I don't see why it matters, but in attempt not to piss off the hormonal pregnant woman carrying my child, I'll play along. ''I don't plan on being here more than a week or two so I didn't think it was a big deal to mention it.'' I tell her.

''Alright. But anyway I just wanted to let you know that your mother has been blowing up my phone with calls, messages, voicemails, even Facebook messages demanding to know what happened between us, telling me that, and I quote, 'I'm going to become a whore if I don't stay with you for this baby, and that I'm already on the path to whoredom since I'm having a baby out of wedlock'.

''She's also accusing me of ruining your life, saying that had you never met me, and these are her words—not mine, had you never met me you wouldn't be such a disappointment to your family. Plus a bunch of other stuff that I simply refuse to repeat because it's honestly taking everything in me not to call her and tell her the fuck off.''

I sigh, running a frustrated hand over my face and letting my body fall back on the bed. I close my eyes, holding the phone to my ear again.

''Mariana I'm so sorry,''

''You don't need to apologize, I know how your parents are.''

''Yeah but you shouldn't have to deal with them. They're my problem. And I don't need them stressing you out. You can block all of them, my mom, my dad, and most definitely my sister.''

''I like your sister,'' She says.

''Most definitely my sister,'' I repeat. She laughs, but the only thing funny is that I had to repeat it because I was most definitely not joking.

''Anyway though, I just wanted to see if you'd be up to doing some baby shopping with me. I need to get a lot of things. You know I'm about to be six months in a couple of days right?''

''Yeah, yeah of course. What else do we need? Didn't we just buy a bunch of stuff?'' I ask her.

''That was like two weeks ago. And we only bought clothes. We do still need things, you know like a crib for example, and a car seat, a bath, a sit up chair, a—''

I cut her off, a laugh leaving my lips.

''Okay, I get it. We need to get a lot still. I can be there in a few days and we can do it then. Does Wednesday work for you?'' I ask her.

''No Suzanne planned a little spa week getaway for us since I told her I didn't want a baby shower, so we're heading out Wednesday morning. Can you be here Tuesday instead?''

''That works. Figure out where you wanna go and text me the address and what time you wanna meet up,'' I tell her.

''Okay,'' She replies. We say our goodbyes and I hang up the phone.

A groan leaves my lips as I toss my phone across the bed, closing my eyes.

We have a little over three months until our child is born and a part of me is impatiently awaiting the day and the other part can still barely even believe this is happening.

But I'm excited for it, nonetheless.

Excited and nervous as hell.

And we still haven't discussed any names. I mean I'm sure she's discussed names with her friends, most likely Suzanne but not me.

I honestly don't have any ideas anyway. I know that I'm over thinking it but how do you even decide what to name your child?

I don't like any name well enough to say it for the rest of my life.

Hell, I barely like my own name.

I shake my head, sitting up on the bed.

I'll just leave that part to her to figure out.

There's a tap at the door. I look over to see Damien leaning against the doorframe. He has this half smile on his face and his eyes are full of intent.

I can feel my heart taking on a quicker beat. The excitement of seeing him is undeniable and it's probably showing brightly on my face.

''I wasn't eavesdropping,'' He says immediately. ''I just didn't wanna interrupt your conversation.''

I nod, not really caring if he was in fact listening to my conversation with Mariana. We weren't talking about anything that I wouldn't tell him if he asked.

''So, what brings you here?'' I ask him curiously.

The upbeat look in his eyes drop and is replaced with a much more serious stare. He clears his throat and speaks.

''We need to talk,'' He answers.

''Those words are never good to hear,'' I say, scooting over and gesturing towards the space next to me on the bed. ''Unless of course you're here to talk about good news.'' I say.

I don't feel the need to elaborate. By good news I clearly mean him finally realizing that he should give our relationship a shot. He wanted it so badly just over a month ago and I know one person can't change that in such a short amount of time.

It's just impossible.

He walks over to the bed, taking a seat next to me and releasing a sigh from his lips.

''I told Otto about what happened,'' Damien says.

I look at him confused.

A part of me feels bad that I'm not more concerned, but he's not looking too sad about it either so.

''And how'd it go?'' I ask. My voice is void of any emotion but I'm sure it's more than clear what my tone would've been and what I want his answer to be.

Not that I wanted to end his relationship by kissing him.

Besides I didn't even think he'd tell his boyfriend.

But I kissed him because I wanted to. I wasn't thinking about the effect that it'd have on his relationship because if my actions haven't made it obvious, I couldn't care less.

And I know this makes me a selfish person.

But I have my sights set on what I want, and I refuse to be bothered by any collateral damage.

''He was pissed, obviously,'' Damien says. ''But more at you than me. Of course, I should've stopped you from kissing me, but Steven you really shouldn't have kissed me in the first place. I told you that I was in a relationship, and I told you that I was happy.''

''Wait, wait,'' I say, holding my hand up before he can say anything else. ''I'm not going to apologize to your boyfriend if that's where this conversation is headed. I'm not sorry that I kissed you. The only thing—''

''Well then how about you apologize to me then? For putting me in suck a fucked-up position.'' He demands.

''Like I was saying, the only thing I'm sorry for is that it took me so fucking long to accept that I still want to be with you. That's all I'm sorry about.'' I tell him.

He sighs, shaking his head.

''You've got some nerve,'' He says, a strained laugh leaving his lips. ''I'm still in a relationship by the way, because I know that question is burning a whole in your self-centered mind right now.''

I scoff, brushing off his insult.

''If anything my mind is Damien centered, but nice try.'' I remark.

''Not that my intent was to break you two up or anything,'' I say honestly, ''But why'd he get so worked up about it if he didn't plan on breaking up with you?'' I ask.

Damien looks at me.

''Are you fucking kidding me?'' He asks. ''I'm not about to entertain you. You're way too smart to be asking these dumb ass questions.'' He says getting up from the bed.

''He doesn't want me to talk to you anymore.'' Damien states, folding his arms across his chest as he stands a few feet away from me.

''So you're here because your nineteen year old boyfriend gave you an ultimatum?'' I ask him, attitude clear in my voice.

''Okay first of all he's twenty, and that's not even that far from our age so—''

''Yet it's closer to your little brothers age than it is to yours,'' I say with a shrug. ''Anyway though, let's focus on this ultimatum that he gave you.''

''It wasn't an ultimatum.'' He defends.

''Oh really? Were his words not 'Cut Steven out of your life or we're over.'?'' I ask him.

Damien sighs. ''Are you finished? Because if you're finished, I'll say what I came here to say.'' He asks.

''Sure,'' I respond, looking at him impatiently.

''I just wanted to make you aware of how he feels about you now. And like I was saying, he doesn't want me to talk to you anymore because he doesn't know you well enough to trust you, yet you've given him plenty of reason not to. So, I told him I'd put some distance between you and I but I'm not going to just cut you out of my life Steven.

''Because I do know you, and I trust you. I know this thing that I have with Otto isn't permanent. I know he's probably just a rebound from you rejecting me so damn hard, but I am happy with him. And all I want from you is to be happy for me right now. I just want you to respect my relationship and respect what I tell you I want.

''When it's time for you and me, and trust me we will have our time, I want it to be something that we can both freely dive into. I don't want it to start from you trying to push someone out of my life so that you can take their place, as if you don't already have a place in my life...in my heart even.

I love you Steven, okay? And when we get together we're gonna build the future we've always wanted to and then some. But I just want to have fun right now. And that's what I have with Otto. That's why I'm staying with him. And I'm trusting you to respect that.'' Damien declares.

What does that even mean?

I mean—yeah, I get what he's saying, but why?

Why do we have to wait until this relationship that's going nowhere very slowly has run its course?

Why can't he just have fun with me? Because honestly, I'm a fun ass person to be around.

Or has he forgotten about that?

''You get where I'm coming from, right?'' He asks after a couple minutes of silence has fallen between us.

I'm tempted to lie and nod my head. Go along with this ideal timeline he has laid out for himself and his relationships, but my mouth has different plans, as the words leave my lips before my mind agrees on them.

''No, not really. But I'm guessing that the role I get to play isn't exactly negotiable...or optional for that matter.'' I say to him.

''Not unless you're willing to write me out of your life completely, which I know you won't do. You're just gonna have to deal with it, deal with me.'' He replies.

''And you can't kiss me like that anymore,'' He says seriously.

''Then how can I kiss you?" I ask in response, my tone just as serious. ''I'm joking,'' I say quickly, before he can reply.

He's made it very clear that he wants fun and not Steven.

I got the message loud and clear. No need for a repeat.

''I'm not playing with you, if he finds out that we were even in kissing proximity he'll end it, and that's not what I want. So just—for me, just be cool. Okay?'' He pleads with me.

I shrug. ''I mean what he finds out is completely up to you.'' I reply suggestively.

He gives me a stern stare, but I can see the amusement in his eyes.

And he claims I'm no fun.

''I'm sorry, there's no off switch to my sense of humor.'' I explain.

He rolls his eyes. ''When your sense of humor is present.'' He mocks.

''So since you're here, I'm guessing you don't have anything to do toda—''

He raises his finger, cutting me off as his phone begins to ring. He reaches into his back pocket, pulling it out and staring at the screen for a minute.

''I have to answer this, sorry,'' He says before turning around and holding the phone to his ear.

''Hey baby, what's going on?'' He speaks into the phone.

A deep breath of air leaves my lips, and my expectations for the rest of the evening hit the pit of my stomach.

''Where? Um...Why did you wanna meet up somewhere?'' He asks.

Despite the fact that he's only mere feet away from me I'm not eagerly listening to his conversation, but it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out his boyfriend just asked him where he is and he just completely avoided the question.

''Sure, I can be there in about thirty minutes. Do you need me to pickup anything? Okay, I'll see you in a little bit.'' Damien hangs up the phone and turns around towards me.

''I have to go, he's not feeling wel—''

''It's fine, go.'' I say, making sure my words sound encouraging despite the pain this situation is making me feel.

''If you're serious about sticking around we'll hangout soon okay?'' He assures.

I nod.

He smiles, leaving the room.

I lay back down on the bed.

''It's getting old you know,'' I say when I hear what I'm sure is Harrison entering the room a few minutes later. ''Always having to let him go. It's getting old.''

''Let's skip the part of the conversation where we pretend not to know that I was listening to everything you two said. But really though, there's nothing you can do about it. He sounded pretty serious.'' Harrison says.

''Yeah, he looked it too,'' I agree.

''Look, let's just go back to New York. You live your life and let him live his. He's a celebrity so we'll know for sure whenever he's done having fun with this rebound relationship. You can reach out then. But you can't just stay here and be his standby guy. You can't forget to live too, Steven.'' Harrison expresses.

''I can't,'' I say.

My eyes burn, because deep down I know already how everything is going to play out.

Unless I do something about it.

''Damien is,'' I say, my voice cracking a bit, ''Damien and fun is like a moth to the flame. And it's endless for him. He loves it. Who knows when he'll be over this guy.'' I shrug.

''Well you sticking around and thinking about him night and day isn't going to speed the process along. It'll only have him building his walls up even higher to keep you out.''

''I disagree.'' I say, opening my eyes and staring up at the ceiling. Warm liquid seeps free from the side of my eyes. ''The only reason he's building his walls up is because he knows how easy it is for me to knock them down. He's trying so hard to keep me out because he knows that if he stops for even a minute I'll slip right in. I'll get under his skin and he'll never be able to shake me. He knows it.''

I sit up, looking over at Harrison.

''And apparently I'm not fun,'' I say, unable to stop the laugh that breaks through my tears.

He rolls his eyes, laughing as well. 

•••A/N•••

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Posted: May 06, 2020.