•Steven's POV•

''What the hell are you doing?'' Harrison's voice echoes against the empty walls of the den. I can feel his judgmental gaze seething into the back of my head. I roll my eyes, continuing to fill the shot glass in front of me with some clear vodka.

I'm calming my nerves, clearing my mind. That's what I'm doing.

''Why are you always home all of a sudden?'' I ask him curiously.

I remember when he used to be out from midnight to noon partying. I miss that.

I bring the glass up to my lips, but before the cool liquid can slide down my throat Harrisons hand is snatching it away from my mouth.

I turn to face him, eyeing him irritably.

''Seriously Steven? It's nine in the morning.'' Harrison says, judgement laced heavily in his voice.

''I'm an avid supporter of day drinking,'' I retort, attempting to get the glass back but he yanks it away. I stand up, pushing the stool aside.

''You need to get your shit together,'' He tells me.

''I think I'm fully aware of what I need to do, but thanks for the life advice." I circle the bar and grab another bottle.

He's on my heal, reaching for the whiskey though I barely picked it up. I snatch it away quickly. "Drunk me is currently better than sober me, so I'd advise you to let me indulge."

I know I said I wouldn't.

And when I said that I really meant it. But that was when I said it.

Now I'm going through emotions quicker than Harrison goes through women. So, I'm sure he'll understand.

I'm happy, I'm over the fucking moon about getting to the ultrasound of my child this morning.

I'm in pain, I'm hurt even now by the fact that Mariana did what she did. Even though I couldn't be more recklessly ecstatic and nervous about bringing this kid into the world.

My world.

I'm upset, I'm completely pissed at Damien...no, no I'm pissed at myself. Because even though I understand his obligations to Javier, I can't figure out how to turn off this burning jealously inside of me.

I'm ashamed...of myself. For wanting all of Damien's time and attention in the first place.

I have no right.

And I wish my brain would just process that so that I can hurry the fuck up and stop feeling the way that I feel.

"There's a difference between indulging and obsessing." He mumbles bitterly. "Give me the bottle." He demands.

I raise a brow. Who the hell gave him permission to take that tone with me? "I'm not in the mood for—''

''For what? For life advice? For someone who actually gives a damn about you trying to stop you from fucking up your life?'' He barks back out at me.

''For judgement, Harrison,''

''Well too fucking bad. I'm going to judge you until you feel as though you have a problem. Because you do.'' He remarks.

''You're really one to speak,'' I tell him, giving him a warning gaze.

I'm done with this conversation.

He's one of the last people that I'd consider qualified to give me any type of shit about my problems.

''Yeah, so it should mean something coming from me. If you're getting more fucked up than me on the regular then that should tell you something,'' He continues.

I take the ultrasound picture from my pocket, sliding it towards him on the bar.

He looks it over for a minute. A quiet sigh leaves his lips as he slides it back to me.

''That's no excuse Steven,—''

''I never said it was an excuse,'' I defend.

''If anything, it's a reason not to drown yourself in this,'' He says, ''Trust me I've seen the end result of attempting to drink your problems away and it's not pretty.''

I get up from the stool, making my way around the bar. Before I can even grip the neck of the bottle I'm reaching for in my hand, I feel a cold liquid soaking my back.

''What the fuck?'' I yell, turning around and eyeing the bottle of vodka in Harrisons hand. My arms extend in front of me, shoving him back harshly.

''You wanna drink your life away so badly, go ahead,'' He goes on, waving the bottle in my direction again. This time the cool liquid hits my face. Soaking the front of my shirt as well. 

''Do you wanna drown your sorrows Steven? Or do you wanna drown in them?'' He questions.

I lunge towards him, attempting to snatch the bottle from his grip but I fail as he rushes backwards, extending his arm again to douse me in alcohol.

''Harrison I'm not playing.'' I tell him through clench teeth, wiping the alcohol from my eyes once again.

What the hell is he doing?

What the hell is wrong with him?

I'm all for his little failed insult game of an intervention but it's really taking everything in me not to punch him in his fucking face right.

''Does it look like I am?'' He asks seriously. He drops the now empty bottle of alcohol, going for the bottle of whiskey that had been abandoned on the bar top moments ago, quickly twisting the lid off of it.

I try to avoid him completely, walking around the other side of the bar to leave the room but he beats me there, and another coat of alcohol is suddenly drenching my clothes.

''Get the fuck!'' I yell, snatching the bottle from his hand and tossing it across the room. I hear it smash against the wall, breaking as all the pieces shatter to the floor.

As I go to step away from him, he stands in front of me, blocking my path. ''Move Harrison, I'm not playing,'' I warn him.

He shoves me. My back collides with the wall and a second later I'm back in his face. My hands gripping tightly at the fabric of his shirt as I push him away from me. ''I'm not playing with you back up!''

He stumbles a bit and then regains his balance.

''It's all fun and games until you become what you consume, isn't it?'' He taunts. ''Alcohol is a cowardly way to deal with your issues, Steven. And you know what that makes you?''

''You have issues,'' I tell him. I make my way to the door, but of course he follows me there, pushing all of the self-restraint I have left in me to the maximum limit.

I would really hate to put my hands on him. But at this point I feel like Harrison is begging for it.

''No, no I have a broken home and terrible role models for parents. I know what I have. And I haven't shoved it all to the back of my mind and suppressed my pain. I've accepted it. And I wear it with no apologies. It's you that needs to figure your shit out.'' He says.

He finally steps aside and I don't hesitate to shoulder him as I leave the den.

I strip out of my shirt as I'm climbing the stairs. I make my way to the guest room that I'm staying in, tossing the alcohol inundated shirt to the corner of the room.

Walking into the bathroom I reach into my pocket, removing the ultrasound picture and setting it down on the counter to dry.

It's not too wet, only damp.   

I rid myself of the rest of my clothing before turning the shower on and climbing in.

And then I proceed to bawl my fucking eyes out.

Because you know what?

Harrison is right.

About everything.

What am I doing to myself?

Where do I even think drowning myself in alcohol is going to get me?

How is it going to fix any of my problems?

But the question that really had the tears pushing. The one that had me gasping for air as I clutched my knees to my chest, I imagine resembling that sad pathetic man that I am, nearly broke me.

''Why am I like this?''

I gave myself about twenty more minutes to wallow in my misery before getting out of the shower.

I don't know what I'm doing to myself.

And I don't even know why.

Alcohol has just always been the easier choice. Only because when I get drunk, when I get plastered, I don't feel anymore.

I don't feel the pain; I don't feel the regret or the loneliness. All I feel is the poison in my system, fucking up my life one sip at a time.

And for some reason I like it.

I get dressed in some clothes I had left over here from another night, running the towel through my hair again before tossing it on the bed.

I look around the room for my phone, only to realize I had left it on top of the bar in my hurry to get the hell away from Harrison.

I don't know if I should apologize to him or not.

On one hand he gave me this reality check that I know I needed, but on the other he was a complete asshole while doing it.

I walk out of the bedroom, heading down the stairs and back towards the den.

I hear voices going back and forth as I approach the corridor.

As I get closer, I recognize the person whose voice is arguing with Harrison.

It's Damien.

How the hell and why the hell is he here?

But mostly how.

I lean against the corridor and neither of them seem to take notice of my presence. So, I simply stay silent and observe their conversation.

''Look, I don't know exactly how you know Steven and I don't want to just divulge my best friends business out to anyo—''

''Your best friend?'' Damien asks, interrupting him, and clearly unable to hide his amusement with the words that just left Harrisons' mouth.

I mean he isn't wrong. Harrison is my best friend now.

I definitely would not let anyone else call me out on my shit in such an aggressive way and allow them to not walk away from it with a black eye.

''Yeah,'' Harrison says seriously. ''That's what I said,''

I can practically feel the tension in the room and I'm not even apart of the conversation.

''Well you're wrong,'' Damien states firmly.

''And you're hilarious,'' Harrison replies. ''But I'm right.''

Damien rolls his eyes, untwisting the cap on the water bottle and taking a feeble sip from it. I can tell he's biting his tongue. I can virtually already hear a petty remark seeping from his lips.

''So,'' Harrison speaks, ''You haven't told me how you know him.''

And there it is. That look he gets on his face before all hell breaks loose.

I cut in quickly before he can even open his mouth to reply.

''We're old friends,'' I say, answering Harrison's question.

''The understatement of the century,'' Damien says in response.

Yeah, tell me about it.

I arch my brow in confusion, taking a few steps into the den as I glance between Damien and Harrison.

I wave my finger back and forth between the two of them. ''So how do you two know each other?'' I ask curiously.

''We just met,'' Damien replies quickly. Obviously lying.

''Liar,'' Harrison hums, confirming my thoughts, he stands up, tossing me a water bottle. 

I catch it, turning to look at Damien with an inquiring look.

He turns and looks at Harrison.

''Well go on then, tell the story. Every strictly straight detail of it,'' He encourages Harrison, sarcasm trailing in his voice.

What the hell is he talking about?

Harrison then looks at him with a tight-lipped smile.

''Then again, technically we did just meet,'' He agrees, shrugging.

''Are you ready to go?'' Damien asks me.

I remove the cap from the water bottle, bringing it to my lips and taking a generous sip from it.

''Where?'' I ask him, a bit hesitant to even hear his reply.

I thought he was busy.

And I'm not even trying to be a dick. I just genuinely had already mentally prepared myself for not being able to spend today with him.

Not that I wouldn't have enjoyed being with him.

''Anywhere,'' He offers, getting up from the stool. ''C'mon, grab your jacket.''

I look over at Harrison who's eyeing me suspiciously. Clearly wanting to tell me something, but just not wanting to say it in front of Damien.

''I'll meet you at the door,'' I tell him.

''Okay then, I'll see you...whenever,'' Damien says, nodding to Harrison.

''So, what's up with that?'' Harrison asks me. I shrug, making my way over to the bar next to him. I take a seat on one of the stools.

''What do you mean?'' I ask, pretending to not know what the hell he was talking about.

I know how Damien gets about me.

And I know how it must've looked.

I mean it looked exactly how it is but that's more than I'm ready to admit to Harrison.

He's my best friend and I trust him and all but some parts of my life -of my past- are just my business.

''C'mon Steven, I'm not an idiot. You wanna know what this looks like to me?'' He asks.

''Not really, no,'' I reply.

''Okay fine, just be careful then. Look rebounding isn't—''

''Rebounding,'' I laugh, shaking my head. ''Is that what you think I'm doing?''

I'm not rebounding from Mariana with Damien in any way, shape, or form.

Damien and I are friends.

Just friends.

And besides I would never let myself rebound fuck Damien.

Never.

''No of course not—I think you're hanging out with someone who parties harder than me so that you can get your shit straight,'' Harrison remarks sarcastically.

''Harrison, I know you're worried, but honestly I think you're over analyzing a bit. Can I get my phone back?'' I ask, attempting to end this conversation as quickly as possible.

''Me overanalyzing? Steven, I found you at my bar about to drown yourself in alcohol this morning.'' He reminds me. Not that I ever forgot.

''Okay,'' I remark.

''Okay?'' Harrison asks, his voice raising. ''And what's with Damien acting all jealous and possessive towards you? I told him you were in my shower and his hostility from that point on could've fucking suffocated me.''

I sigh, bringing my hand up to run through my slightly damp hair.

A moment of silence swallows us.

''Look I'm not gonna give you hell about this because I know you're already stressed, but don't do anything stupid Steven.'' Harrison says, breaking the stale air that has formed around us.

''Like?'' I inquire, wanting to know what the hell he was alluding to.

''Like rebounding with Damien, because I'm 100% sure you're going to regret whatever the hell he's coaxing you into. Whatever 'history' that you two clearly have, is history for a reason. And you're just not at a time in your life where you need to be backtracking.'' He advises.

I sit there in front of him, refusing to admit how right I think he is.

I'm not at a time in my life where I have the privilege of even attempting to try something with Damien, just to end up getting even more emotionally fucked up in the end.

But I'm just going to keep that to myself.

''My phone?'' I ask him again.

He reaches into his pocket, retrieving my phone and placing it in my hand.

I get off the stool, making my way towards the corridor of the den.

My eyes meet Damien's the moment I step foot through the corridor.

Of course.

Of course, this asshole was eavesdropping.

I examine his face, seeing the anger flooding his eyes.

''Damien don't,'' I say, grabbing his arm as he goes to take a step into the den.

I can feel the angst radiating off of him right now. And if I had to guess, I'd say Harrison expressing his opinion about what he thinks I should do concerning our history is what has him pissed off. 

''What?'' He asks him, attempting to writhe his arm loose from my hold. ''So, he gets to say whatever the hell he wants about me but I don't get the same courtesy?'' Damien demands.

''No, no not when you're eavesdropping,'' I tell him.

There's no calming Damien down when he feels as though his actions are justified.

And I know that's exactly how he feels.

But I can't just let him go off on Harrison.

I can't just let that happen. 

''Still doesn't excuse him telling you to leave me in your past.'' He tells me.

I look at him with a warning stare as I release his arm from my grip.

''Well he's my friend, Damien. So, I would really appreciate it if you'd back off.'' I say simply.

I don't want it to look like I'm choosing sides, because I'm not.

Yes, a part of me actually does agree with what Harrison said. But still, I see where Damien is coming from.

Even with that though I can't just let them go at each other's necks.

And over me no less.

''Your friend? Your best friend?'' Damien asks me.

And I can see that the anger in his eyes is now directed at me.

Does he really think I would say that?

That I would tell him to his face that Harrison is my best friend?

I would never hurt him like that.

I can't.

''Let's go,'' I tell him, turning around and walking to the front door.

•°A/N°•

This chapter is really short compared to the others, I know!

I'm just really happy that I was able to work through whatever writing blockage I had in such good time!

Also Happy Pride Month everyone!

Do you all think Steven was right to keep to himself about Harrison being his best friend now, in order to not hurt Damien's feelings? Or should he have just been honest?

Also, how would you guys feel about me entering this story into the Wattys?

I'm contemplating it heavily!

Please leave a comment and tell me what you think of the story!

Please vote!

Posted: June 5, 2019.