•Steven's POV•

''Mariana! Mariana where are you?'' I called out. I walked into the dinning room. The table was drowning in wedding planning books. Scott, our wedding planner, was sitting next to Marina as they went over the details of our up and coming wedding. We were getting married on January the 5th, our anniversary, and we had five months left to get everything together.

''I'm about to go out with the guys to grab a drink. Do you need anything before I leave, honey?'' I asked, walking over to the table.

She got up and met me halfway, wrapping her arms around me and tucking her small frame into my much larger one. She tilted her head back and I leaned down kissing her soft lips.

''I'm fine.'' She said, opening her eyes and looking at me. ''Oh our mothers are coming over today to help with the planning. What would you like to eat for diner?'' She asked.

I thought for a minute. Mariana wasn't the best cook in the world, but she tried at least so I did appreciate it every time she cooked for me.

''Seafood pasta?'' I suggested. She smiled up at me.

''Sure sweetie, anything you want. Are the guys coming over for dinner too?''

''Maybe, I'll text you.'' I laughed. ''I don't think I want to invite Harrison over for dinner though, he eats like a fucking pig.''

''Language!'' Mariana said, laughing as well as she lightly punched me in the chest. ''I'll see you when you get home, I love you.''

''I love you too.'' I said, grabbing my coat before I left the house. Me and the guys, my friends, Harrison, Kenneth, Andrew, and Gareth, were going to go out to a pub and just chill a bit. They were trying to talk me out of my wedding, feeling like I moved a little to fast. I climbed into my car and headed towards the pub we were meeting at.

Truthfully, on a certain level I agreed with them. I had only known Mariana for eight months when I proposed to her, and don't get me wrong I do love her it's just in the past when I thought about my future I thought I'd at least wait a few years and get to know someone before I married them.

My parents had other plans though. They met Mariana and instantly took a very strong liking to her, for some insane reason convinced she was my soulmate. They put pressure on me to marry her and settle down soon. I've never grown out of letting my parents control my life or living to please them, I'm afraid of the disappointment I'll face, so of course I did what made them happy.

I didn't really mind emotionally seeing as though I did have strong feelings for her, and I did see a future with her, it was just down the line that I wanted all of this.

I guess seeing her all excited about the wedding made me happy on a certain level. I mean she seems really ecstatic to want to spend forever with me. I know her love is genuine, she's not using me like my parents are. That's why I won't be a background in the planning process.

If it's important to Mariana that my opinion is expressed on certain things then I'll express my opinion, but if she wants to do certain things without me, like today for example, I'm perfectly fine with giving her the space she needs.

I parked my car, turning the engine off and getting out. I headed into the pub tucking the keys in my pocket and spotting my friends immediately as they were the only ones causing a scene in the bar section.

''Whoa, I need to see ID.'' The guard at the door said. I rolled my eyes as I dug into my pocket pulling my wallet out. One thing I really hate is how I never seemed to grow out of my youth. I'm twenty two and I still look seventeen. I absolutely hate getting ID'd at the store or at clubs or bars. It pisses me off so badly.

I took my wallet out of my pocket, sliding my ID out and showing it to the man, who then let me enter. I slid my ID back in and put my ID in my pocket, walking over to my friends and grabbing a seat at the bar.

I flicked Harrison off as soon as his joke ready eyes landed on me. ''Not even in the mood.'' I said, brushing him off.

''Five shots of Hennessy, ice, with chasers.'' Gareth ordered. ''What crawled up your ass and died, mate?'' He asked with his deep Aussie accent, turning to look at me.

''I can already feel myself succumbing to you guys trying to talk me out of the wedding, so I'm going to sulk about it while we get wasted so I don't have to do it while we get coffee at a diner right before I go home just so that my fiancé doesn't know I got plastered while reconsidering our future together.'' I vented out in a rush.

I grabbed a shot as soon as the bartender placed it on the contour, downing it, feeling the light liquid burn my throat as I reach for two more doing the same.

''Ahhh,'' I groaned, feeling the burn seep down further, invading the pit of my stomach. I looked over to see everyone staring at me. ''What?'' I asked.

''Nothing...it's just we've never seen you so eager to have fun, or just let go.'' Kenneth answered, picking up his shot and drinking it.

''Well fuck don't question it, let's just go with it before he snaps out of it or something.'' Andrew said, smacking Kenneth on his back, before everyone took their eyes off of me and went back to what they were doing.

We joked around at the bar, then moved over to the tables, ordered some food and proceeded to play darts.

''How about this, Stevie,'' Harrison said in a teasing tone. The only person who calls me 'Stevie' is Mariana. I knew exactly where this was going. ''If I win, I get to bang your fiancé before you two officially tie the knot, but if I loose I'll stop jerking off to the thought of her.''

''Dude, you're so fucking disgusting. If I was a bit more sober I'd punch you in your fucking face, but since I'm not, you're on.'' I said laughing, causing everyone else to laugh.

Harrison sucks at darts and it's not like I'd let him do it even if he did win. I'd knock his fucking teeth out if he even tried but being in this moment with the guys made it funny to joke about.

We had a few more drinks and then headed out to a club. Andrew drove since he was the least buzzed. He had a really high tolerance for alcohol and even so he didn't drink more than two shots so he'd still be legally sober.

We stopped at this clubbed called 'Haze'. It was the best in the city. It opened at four pm and didn't close until four am, proving that it was never too early or too late to be drunk or hype.

Once we hit the door all the guys scattered to go find them a DTF girl for the night, but I didn't need that. I felt the alcohol start to hit so I went to the dance floor.

I started moving to the music. I didn't dance with any girls. I know where that leads and I'm really not that type of guy. I mean I know my friends are, but your crowd only defines you if you let it. My friends are cool, they're fucking awesome but they are fucking assholes and they know and respect that I'm not.

I looked at my watch seeing that it was eight thirty. Since we work late nights, we always have diner at nine. I found the guys telling them I was about to head out. I had danced all the alcohol off so I didn't feel uncomfortable about driving home.

I climbed into my car, starting it up and heading home. I texted Mariana to tell her that I was on my way home and that it would just be us for diner tonight.

I made it to the house quite quickly. I could've just hung out in the den but honestly I had to go out because I just really didn't want to see my Mother. Mariana knows I have a rough past with my parents so she understands. I've never really went into detail with her about my youth. But we're about to spend forever together pretty soon, so I guess it'll be brought to light when I'm ready to open up to her about it.

I got out of the car, a sudden rush of memories hitting me.

''Damien.'' I mumbled, a set of ocean blue eyes appearing in my head. I felt my eyes prickling with tears and had to lean against the car to sustain my stability.

I've been thinking about my future all day, now I'm getting this weird feeling as if my past is about to come back to hunt me.

I had this long three year period during college where I couldn't stop thinking about...him. He was my every thought and I would imagine that one day he'd pop up on campus and tell me that everything was fine now ya'know. That since we were finally away from our parents we could be together again.

But that never happened. He never showed up.

I wasted three years of my college life an introverted, depressed, bitter hope filled mess.

Anyway.

I regained myself, putting my car keys in my pocket and walking into the house.

There was only one way I could possibly get him out of my mind now, and that was to put myself in a position to where I could only think about Mariana. I felt bad sometimes, fucking her to get him out of my mind. But I'd do anything to not have him in my every thought.

''Hey, hone--'' Mariana said, turning the corner but I cut her off, catching her off guard as I slammed my lips onto hers, gripping her waist with my hands as I pinned her against the wall, hearing her moan into my mouth.

''No dinner?'' She asked in between kisses. I felt my way up her shirt, unclipping her bra. Quickly helping her remove that and her shirt.

''I suddenly have a taste for something sweet.'' I said, aggressively sucking on her collarbone, feeling her melt beneath me.

I picked her up, she wrapped her legs around my waist as I began to carry her up the stairs. I walked into our bedroom, laying her down on the bed, stripping my shirt off and immediately connecting my lips with hers.

She ran her fingers through my hair, gripping the strands tightly. Looking at her, and hearing how softly she speaks you'd never guess that she was into anything rough, but she lives for it. And so do I.

I trailed kisses down her neck, spreading kisses over her breasts and down her stomach. I pulled her panties off running my hands down her sexy thighs, before I spread her legs and began to work my tongue skillfully.

She's the only woman I've ever ate out. I've slept with one other woman before her but that was just an on and off hookup, nothing serious. She gave me head, yes, but I didn't reciprocate. Not like I do with Mariana.

By the time I was done, her moans were bouncing off the walls and she was reaching for my pants trying desperately to get them off of me. I pulled my pants and my briefs off.

I let my lips fall on hers again. Her nails were clawing at my back, trying to pull me closer to her, trying to get more contact, trying to do everything so that she didn't have to come right out and just say 'fuck me'. Inwardly I laughed.

I gripped her thigh in my hand squeezing hard before I slid into her. Her moans floated in the air.

The sex was great. It always is. But it always leaves me feeling empty. It's not enough.

Mariana had passed out shortly after, she was laying on my chest and I was staring up into the darkness of our bedroom.

I'm not happy.

I'm content, but I'm not happy.

∆A/N∆

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Posted: Nov. 24, 2016