I wasn't sure how to react. Instead, I returned to the house, closing the front door gently as I closed my eyes in disbelief. I just couldn't understand my situation anymore.

Nick must have heard me because he was soon exiting the kitchen. "Everything alright?" he asked, cheerfully smiling as he combed his fingers through his blonde hair.

I nodded, not bothering to deliver an excuse as to why I had embarked outside the house. "You didn't tell me you were going out tonight," I said, changing the subject and hoping to settle my mind from the mini episode of jealously I'd seen displayed from Shane just then.

"Yeah, I was going to tell you but things...got a little bit---" he paused, his grin hinting at the intimacy shared between us moments ago.

"Who you going with? Jim from work?" I suggested.

"Er, no. I'm meeting Regina. We're going over some work stuff and then just generally catching up," he replied, leaning against the wall.

I froze. Regina. He was meeting a female? I mean I knew I could trust him because Nick was just Nick. He was more faithful than forty saints combined in a room together. But it didn't mean it completely settled my nerves. I was now beginning to just decide that I didn't like the idea of Nick going out. Instead, I wanted him here, I wanted him here with me. And I wanted to be here than where ever Shane was planning for us to go.

"Well, maybe, you could stay here and—and I could tell Shane I'm not feeling up to it. We could just have a quiet night in, watch a movie and just relax," I replied, anxiously rubbing the palms of my hands together. It was starting to become a habit every time I felt on edge.

Nick frowned playfully. "What? I mean, hon, I'm down for that any day but you can't just fall back on your promise now. And besides, I promised Regina tonight that I would come out. We can watch a film tomorrow or the next day."

I was a little surprised by his response. My brows raised sceptically as I failed to find the will to respond. I shook my head as I began to head towards the bottom of the stairs.

"Oh, hun. Don't be mad," Nick whined, "of course I love spending time with you. You're my wife for heavens sake. Rose, c'mon," he grumbled as I climbed the stairs ignoring him stubbornly. He called out again, but I heard no footsteps following after me as I went into my study. That was also a little disappointing.

I wasn't quite sure why I was beginning to distant myself from Shane, nor could I understand this sudden attachment to Nick despite failing to feel any lust earlier either. It seemed like I was stuck in concrete, even more confused as to where my feelings were wanting to be homed.

I sat down in my study chair, feeling completely lifeless as I dropped my head into my arms onto the desk. The sound of the computer awakening drew my attention towards it as it became more apparent, I had nudged the mouse provoking it from its dormant state. The manuscript was up on the screen, with the pending cursor awaiting for my interaction. I pulled a face of grimace as I aggressively closed the document, huffing aloud. I don't want to see you, I hissed to myself. I can't stand to look at you.

I was certain I was going to send the computer back into its slumber when the sight of ConFESS minimised within the browser sent a shiver running down the back of my spine. I had forgotten about that. It must have only been a couple hours or so since I had confessed the entirety of my situation anonymously to random---no licensed therapists, just random folk to judge my confession. I glanced behind me feeling sweat beginning to surface upon my forehead and decided hastily that I wanted to lock the door.

I did. Before I returned and slowly slid myself down onto the padded seat. Gulp. I wasn't so sure I liked the idea of having let random strangers judge me. What had they said? Would the comments say I'm a cheat? A whore? A marriage-wrecker? The devil in disguise? Who knew? I just knew deep down I wasn't so sure I liked the idea of being insulted even if my identity was safely masked behind the curtains of anonymity.

But I deserved it, my conscience sneered. I couldn't argue against it.

I clicked open the browser. My heart was thudding like beating drums.

Just as I expected I had been greeted with several comments or so offering an opinion. I read through them all, surprised that the majority weren't insulting me and instead offering me advice or sharing their own tales of martial affairs that were similar to mine:

User213: Honey, I wouldn't even worry. Most people are cheating nowadays. I've been cheating on my husband for three years now with his brother. I can't leave him because his brother doesn't want his relationship to be ruined with my husband. I can understand that. So, I stay with my husband, just so I don't ever have to lose him.

User234: Sounds like you're in a pickle. I mean, you've got a husband who loves you dearly. It just doesn't make sense why you'd be cheating on him, but it happens. You've got to make your mind up. I can tell you're someone who doesn't like a guilty conscience. So, you either stay with the man or lose him for the guy you really want.

User325: I'm a married man, I've been cheating on my husband with our yoga instructor. He's charming, funny and great in bed. I can leave my husband. Nothing is stopping me from. I'm no longer in love with my husband but I think I like the adrenaline associated to sneaking about. Maybe, you do. Just have the best of both worlds.

User345: You need to decide. It ain't healthy to be stringing around two men. You gotta face the consequences. If you don't love the guy, then dump his ass. Stop being a coward and make the amends you gotta make.

I paused, sighing as I sat back in my chair. It made sense why the majority weren't insulting or calling me out because the site itself was designed to allow the infestation of cheaters to confer positively, share their secrets like trophies on a shelves. Maybe, consciously I had known I wouldn't receive backlash. Maybe, I knew what the purpose of the site was for. I just didn't want to have to face facts.

KNOCK. KNOCK. I flinched as I heard the door alongside Nick's plea. "Babe, open up, would you? I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that. I-I—you know I didn't. C'mon, you can't just lock me out," he said.

Immediately, I closed the browser and got up. As much as I would have loved to have been stubborn, Nick hadn't done anything wrong. It was me who was continuously lying to his face. I was tearing this marriage a part without him knowing.

I unlocked and then opened the door, greeted by my husband, slouching his arm against the framework of the door and timidly smiling. "Hey babe," he muttered.

My immediate response was wrapping my arms around his torso as I fought aside my nagging guilt. He squeezed and held me back tight muttering sweet endearments against my hair.

"You know I love—"

"---I know," I cut in, "I'm just being silly. I guess I'm just tired and grouchy from that lousy manuscript," I replied, lying through my teeth.

"You'll finish it, love," he encouraged, "I know you will."

***

I was applying my sliver hoop earring in my left ear as I heard the door go. Shane. It was time. I stood up straight as I glanced at myself in the full-length mirror, admiring the effort I had put in even if I was wishing I wasn't leaving the safety of my house. My hair was clipped up in a loose bun, with tendrils of hair framing my face, I had opted for a mid-length black bodycon dress paired with Louboutin heels and accessorised with sliver jewellery to finish the look. I felt like temptation, feeding Shane as if he were a school of sharks, and I knew deep down I liked that thought.

"Rose!" I heard Nick bellow from downstairs. "Shane is here. Are you ready?"

I sucked in air before exhaling, and then quickly applying the red lipstick I had been graciously gifted by Shane.

He stood there at the bottom of the stairs looking up to me. That hidden dangerous smile beneath the surface of his deceit. My legs felt like jelly as I descended down the stairs. Lust was filling every inch of my bones, I couldn't help it.

"You look beautiful," Nick complimented, kissing my cheek as I reached the floor. My fingers were clenching my clutch desperately as I felt those eyes admire me from afar. I wanted him. I wanted him here and now. My feelings of guilt dispersed as I felt warmth at the core of my stomach tingle. 

Shane cleared his throat. "Shall we?" His feet worked in motion to the front door. I turned and kissed Nick before following after him feeling sickened to the stomach suddenly. I had fooled my husband again.

We didn't usher a word as I climbed into the passenger seat and Shane started the engine. It seemed almost wicked to confess what we both felt until we had safely driven off from my driveway. Nick stood on the footstep waving goodbye. I had told him to expect me back around eleven, maybe twelve. Not even a word of suspicion from. Nick trusted me.

"You're making me so hard right now," Shane muttered, his gravelly, deep tone sending butterflies through to my toes. I bit my bottom lip wondering on how earth I had forgotten how this man made me feel. I wanted the same. I had been lying if I thought I didn't want to spend a night with him.

"Patience is a virtue," I teased quietly, glancing out the window.

I felt his hand suddenly on my thigh. "Don't tempt me."

"Where are we going anyway?" I piped up, trying to distract the tingles of delight prodded from the way his hand was massaging my inner thigh. I was begging for it.

"A jazz bar I know downtown. But I could re-route," he said suggestively, "I'm more than tempted to pull over this car and take you in the backseat."

I bit down on my bottom lip harder. I didn't say a word. It's not like I would have objected. The sexual tension between us both was thicker than lead metal.

"You're wearing it."

"The lipstick?"

"Yes," he replied.

"Do you like?"

"You do it more justice than any woman could ever," he said. I noticed that he was slowing down the car before we completely came to a stop once he pulled up onto a side street. The neighbourhood was quiet, lit up only by the orange polluted street-lights and the odd light in the front room of houses. It was dead silent between us both however my heart was hammering and the lust inside was intensifying. It felt like a circus inside my head as I anticipated his next move.

"I don't...like the thought of him with you," he muttered. I squeezed my thighs together yearning for him. I didn't want to wait. I felt like a rocket about to explode.

"I-I-I don't---I want you Shane," I begged, turning in the seat as I reached out for him. He didn't respond. He seemed almost too calm and collected for my liking as if he was contemplating whether he would. My fingers nimbly pinched onto his suit jacket. "I want you Shane," I almost screamed, feeling tremors disperse throughout my body.

He licked his bottom lip and closed his eyes. "Seeing you...seeing you that afternoon. Hurt me, Rose," he said, his tone frightening me a little as I relaxed back. There was a long pause. The complete thickening silence was like torment. I wasn't sure what was happening or what he was about to do.

Shane opened his eyes and turned slowly in his seat. I sat hooked on his every move as he stared me full in the face and said not a word. What was going on? I was starting to feel frantic. No longer aroused for a second as I tried to work out what he was hinting at.

I flinched when I felt his hand clamp onto my thigh. "I," he began, calmly slithering his hand down to the end of my dress. "Never." And then slowly peeking under the fabric and teasingly working across my skin. "Want." I was beginning to hyperventilate, begging for his touch as I felt aroused suddenly again, completely drawn to his touch. "You." He slid his fingers against my black lace knickers, pulling them to the side exposing flesh.

"Shane," I gasped, gripping my hands on his shoulders.

"With him again," he finished, as he aggressively shoved his finger in. I shrieked, before panting as he worked harder and harder. His touch felt like gold. My body couldn't help but shuffle, dig my nails into his shoulders as I felt lust completely propel me.

"Shane!" I begged.

"Promise me, never again," he whispered darkly.

"I promise!" I moaned.

"Cum for me, Rose," he demanded. "Only me. Nobody else."

I was totally consumed.

I obliged feeling the rush of ecstasy shatter through me.

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