My knees ache and my back hurts from the unending trampoline effect of the water. I desperately want to stop bouncing. The mirrored surface of the ocean makes it impossible to see through, and that's more unnerving than before when it was totally clear. Jonah said that nothing can break through, but how can he be so sure?

We walk for a long time. There's nothing around for miles. How far will this voyage take me? Are we walking to an island? A boat? Anything at all? And if we aren't traveling toward something, why are we walking at all?

I want to ask Jonah these questions and more, but I don't want him to think I'm complaining, so I keep them to myself. Fortunately, with each new question my shaking decreases, and soon I'm so focused on the fact that we're going nowhere that I forget I'm scared.

My brain is in a loop, repeating all of my unanswered questions. Why do we have to walk out this far? Am I supposed to be thinking about the Orb and stuff? Is Jonah required to talk me into something? If that last question is true, I'm in trouble because we haven't spoken for several hours.

These questions are making my jitters come back and when Jonah touches my shoulder, I jump and let out a yelp. I'm so embarrassed by my reaction that I can't look at him. He waits for me to recover but when I don't, he loses his patience, grabs my shoulder again and turns me to face him.

"This is as far as I can go. You must do the rest on your own." He says this so deadpan that I think I must have heard him wrong. There's no way he could believe I would go anywhere without him.

"What?" I'm already shaking my head even though I'm not sure what he wants me to do. "I'm not going anywhere alone. What if that thing comes back, or maybe one of its friends? You should come with me."

Jonah smiles and squeezes my shoulder. "It'll be fine. I won't move from this spot. It's essential that you do this part of the voyage alone."

I forcefully pull away from him as a buzzing in my ears, like a swarm of furious wasps, fills my soul. I've been tricked. "Why didn't you tell me this before we left the beach?"

"Would you have understood if I did?"

I hate it when he answers my questions with a question. "I don't understand now, so no, I wouldn't have, but you should've tried. I don't want to go alone. I don't want to be by myself."

"I'll be here waiting for you. Nothing bad will happen. This is your voyage and you need to be the one to take it. I can't do it for you."

We stare at each other for much longer than I'm comfortable with. I wish I knew how to convince him that I just want to be off the ocean and that I certainly don't want to be on it alone.

I should've never gotten into a staring contest with him because I know he's going to win. I pull my burning eyes away and examine my pathetic reflection in the silver water.

He keeps a hand on my shoulder. It's a reminder that I have to do what he wants. How did I end up here, alone, in the middle of the ocean with the Grim Reaper? My throat tightens, but I won't cry again. I can't remember the last time I cried before I came to this place. It's been years. Jonah makes me cry a lot.

"That monster will eat me." I barely choke the words out. It's the only argument I can think of and it's not a good one.

"I'll be here waiting for you. I promise, I won't move."

What am I doing? I can't swim. The thought of what's lurking below my feet is making my chest hurt. I'm not strong enough to do this, especially alone.

"Agatha," Jonah whispers, squeezing my arm. "Please trust me. I'll never let any harm come to you. I wouldn't ask you to do this if it wasn't important. I promise you, when it's over, you'll be very proud you did it. And you'll be pleased with yourself for being so brave."

Brave? There's nothing brave about walking by myself. And it's certainly nothing to be proud of. People walk by themselves every day. It shouldn't require bravery. If I weren't such a pathetic coward, this wouldn't be an issue.

I give up. I can't fight Jonah, he always wins. It's just walking. I'll go where he wants and then I can go back to the shore and get this whole stupid voyage over with.

"Where should I go? What do you want me to do?" I say it with a deep sigh so Jonah knows how upset I am. Hopefully he'll make this part quicker than it normally would've been.

Jonah turns me around to face away from him and points over my shoulder. "Walk until you find yourself."

"What!" I spin around. Now I'm just mad. "That makes no sense! Does everything have to be a riddle? Just tell me what I'm expected to do. And let's do it and get it over with. I want to be back on land. Apparently I'm a creature of the land. So just give me a straight answer for once."

Jonah shrugs his shoulders and narrows his eyes. "I'm not sure what you're asking. I gave you a straight answer. Walk that way," he points again, "until you find yourself."

"I'm right here!" I wave my arms around. "Found! Can we go now?"

Jonah's eyes slant in anger, and I stop my temper tantrum. He's very scary when he's mad. He catches himself, takes a deep breath and returns his face to the half-smile he usually wears. "I don't know how to explain it better," he says gently. "I can't go. This is your voyage. If you commence walking, maybe it will make sense."

I don't want to be on the water alone. I want to scream uncontrollably until a helicopter comes and plucks me from this terrible ocean. But no rescue is on the way, and knowing that makes me even more frightened.

My fear makes me angry and I'm taking that anger out on the only person I don't want to be angry with. I jerk away from Jonah and attempt to stomp off, but I forgot how bouncy the water is, so instead I do a ridiculous staggering hop. When I regain my footing, if not my dignity, I look back and shout, "I think I'm found now. Yep, here I am!"

Jonah's eyes slant again. "Just go."

I turn around and walk, normally this time. With each step, my confidence grows. I can do this. Nothing is jumping out at me and everything is peaceful. Just keep stepping, I tell myself.

Being alone has never been an issue. I prefer my own company. However, I've never done anything new and I certainly have never done anything this challenging. Thoughts of Jonah make me feel guilty about how I treated him. I look back to make sure he kept his word and sure enough, he's right where I left him. That puts a smile on my face. I know that when I return from whatever it is I'm doing, he will be in the same place, watching me.

This is what trust feels like. I've never had to depend on someone before, or more accurately, I've never had anyone to depend on before. I've been through a lot in the last few days. It's almost unbelievable that just last week I was in math class doodling in a notebook. I check to make sure Jonah is still watching me, but he's too far away to see.

My heart jumps to my throat, and my palms sweat. I can't do this alone. How long am I obligated to walk? Maybe I'm just meant to be in the peace and quiet until my head clears or something. I take a few deep breaths and concentrate on putting one foot in front of the other. My thoughts stray to Auntie, my life in Queens, and the kids at school. I'm so profoundly different from that girl I was, but I've only been gone a few days.

Am I doing the right thing by thinking about my life and stuff? I'm out here to make a decision, but I don't want to think about that. How am I supposed to embark on a journey that killed my parents when I can't even walk by myself for a few hours?

"Okay, so I have to decide if I'll search for this key." I say it aloud, hoping it will help me think more clearly. It's nice to know there's no one around to hear me sound so stupid.

"I don't want to." Admitting that is extremely liberating. It's as if the weight of the world is lifted from my shoulders—make that two worlds.

"Who are they kidding? I'm no hero and I have no desire to be one. Apparently, I was perfectly happy being a prisoner.

"I've been walking for two days and it might kill me. Everything on my body hurts and all I've done is walk. How do I fight an army? I couldn't defeat a single soldier, let alone all of them. Then there are the creatures, like the dragon the King made. If Jonah hadn't chased off the sea serpent, it would've easily eaten me. I'm just one human, and not a very good one."

My lips swell and my throat hurts; tears are on the way again. "Why me? I'll fail and when I do, I'll take everyone else down with me. I can't do this."

I can't! I scream in my head as the flow of tears increases. I give into my self-pity and drop to my knees, forcing myself to cry as hard as I can now that I'm alone. The stress of the last few days overwhelms me. How can they expect someone so ordinary to do something so extraordinary?

"I can't." It's more of a plea. I curl into a ball and hug my knees. I wish someone would remove this burden from me. I'm just not strong enough.

"I can't. I'm too weak. I just can't," is what I thought I said. But the voice isn't coming from within me. And I'm no longer crying.

"I can't. I can't," the voice that sounds like mine says. It's not mocking. It's woebegone and pathetic. It sounds exactly like me.

I stay face down, curled in my protective ball, but I turn my head to the side to see the source of the voice. Just to my left is me. A taller, fatter version of me, but me, lying in the same balled-up position. It's like gazing into a funhouse mirror. It's me. It's in the same position, wearing the same clothes, only it's bigger and plumper.

"I can't. I can't," it repeats. It sobs, then turns its head and sees me. It jumps to its knees startled and shouts, "What are you?"

Immediately, another version of me emerges directly in front of the actual me. This one looks exactly like me, only it's sitting with its legs crossed.

"That's Fear," it says.

I push myself out of my balled-up position to rest on my knees as another version of me appears to my right and asks the real me, "Who are you? Why are you there? Why do you look like me?"

"Why am I not talking?" Fear shouts.

The me that's in front of me, points to the crying me and says, "That's Fear and that one over there is Curiosity. I'm Reason."

"What? No, this isn't right," snorts another me that pops up next to Fear. This one is much taller than the real me.

"Ah, Doubt," Reason says. "I was wondering when you'd show up."

"I don't like this. This is weird. I'm going crazy," Fear announces.

"If you're all out there, then who's in here?" Curiosity asks and the real me points to my chest.

"That's just weird," Doubt says, and I agree.

"I don't like this." Fear declares. "I want this to stop."

"Agatha, try to complete one thought at a time," Reason orders me before turning to Fear. "You need to be quiet. Let me think clearly. We have nothing to fear yet."

Fear stops crying and silently studies the crowd.

"Agatha," Reason says again with a wave toward the others. "You are working out a problem and each of us is helping you. What's left in there..." Reason points to my head, "is everyone who doesn't possess any answers."

A tiny version of me appears to my right, next to Curiosity. "Okay," she warbles pathetically.

Reason looks to her right and then to her left. "Agatha, do you see how big Fear and Doubt are? Now turn to your right. Over here is Curiosity, which is pretty healthy, and Trust, which is very small. Is there no one else in there that can help?"

"No," both Fear and Doubt say in unison.

Reason shrugs. "Okay, fine. We'll work with what we've got. We have a problem. We're the only one who can read this Orb."

"I can't," Fear whimpers.

"Fear, shush!" Reason demands. "Agatha, control yourself!" She takes a deep breath. "We are the only one who can read this Orb. We are in danger whether we choose to search for the key or not."

"Jonah said he'd hide us if we didn't want to search for the key," declares a small me that appears between Curiosity and Trust. This one is only about six inches tall and looks like she's starving to death.

"Hope! We have Hope!" Reason exclaims. "Good, we contain a little Hope and a tiny bit of Trust, some Curiosity and a lot of Doubt and Fear. Let's talk to you, Hope."

"We don't have a lot of Hope," Doubt mutters.

"But let's see what Hope has to say," Reason encourages.

"Well," Hope whispers, "I like Jonah."

"I don't like Dathid," Fear says.

Hope ignores Fear and keeps talking. "I like Ashra, and the faeries, and Jonah. We'll be safe as long as we're with him."

Doubt snorts. "That's ridiculous! He's just one man—or curra, or whatever. He's not here now and he can't watch me every second."

"But he said he would train us," Hope continues and grows a bit taller.

"Have you seen us? What is there to train?" Doubt asks.

"Everyone has to start somewhere. We don't need to be a superhero. We just have to know enough so that if Jonah or Dathid aren't around, we're not helpless," Hope argues.

"I don't like Dathid," Fear says again.

"I think I should search for the key. I like this place and I like everyone we've met and they need my help," announces a new me on my right. She's tall and strong.

"I knew we had Courage in there somewhere!" Reason exclaims. "Agatha, look at Courage. See how strong she is. You always relied on her, and she's here now."

"Courage isn't big enough," Doubt mutters.

Everyone is silent as we study each other.

"Are we seriously thinking of nothing?" Doubt asks.

"Quiet!" Reason orders. "Let's see who else shows up."

Fear sits up and scans the crowd with frightened eyes. "We can't do this. We're too small. We're too weak and we'll get everyone killed. We can't!"

"Yes, we can. We are not weak. We just have to be trained!" Hope fires back.

"We're weak!" Fear shouts while growing bigger.

"We can do this!" Hope yells back.

The two argue for a moment and then Doubt joins in the fray. Both Doubt and Fear grow and get stronger with each word, and Hope starts to fade.

Then an enormous Auntie appears directly in front of me and shoves Reason out of the way. "Who do you think you are!" she screams in my face, but her voice is mine. "You are nothing! You are too weak! Too stupid! And too scared to do anything! Look at this!" She snorts while she turns in a circle, assessing the crowd. "All you are is Doubt and Fear! How can someone like you take on a powerful specter, an army and Lord knows what else? You are worthless and pathetic! There's no way someone as insipid as you could ever hope to succeed! Give up now before you embarrass yourself and get the only friends you have killed!"

The big Auntie steps back as soon as she finishes spitting her rage. Reason comes forward, but the Auntie looms large behind her.

"Even though she's using our voice, those words sound different when they come from outside our brain," Reason says calmly and then points at Auntie. "These aren't even our thoughts. Get rid of her."

I try, but Auntie doesn't move. I give up and turn to the sound of Fear groaning. Another me has appeared to my left. The newest me is normal-sized but lying on her side with her knees to her chest. "She's right. I'm worthless and pathetic. I only have one friend, and it'll be my fault when he dies."

"Agatha, we don't have time for Self-Pity," Reason says. "Both of you go away. You're not helping." With that order, both Auntie and Self-Pity disappear.

Reason turns to Hope. "Hope, if you argue with Fear, you'll weaken yourself and make Fear stronger. Fear, you promised to be quiet until you were needed. Agatha, you must control yourself."

"I want to help my only friend," Courage announces.

"We'll get killed," Fear fires back, but she's getting smaller.

"I want to help my only friend," Courage says again with increased fervor.

"They'll train me. Make me strong. I can do this." Hope is regaining some of her strength.

"Jonah and the others will do everything they can to make me and themselves safe," Trust adds.

"If I'm the only one who can read this Orb, then it's my destiny to read it. Think of how the kids at school will feel when they learn about what a hero I am. I'll be famous and the world—no, wait, both worlds will love me. And no one will ever be mean to me again," declares another new me.

"You may be right, Ego, but we we're wanting Self-Esteem, maybe Self-Worth," Reason says. "Thank you for your input, but you can go."

Reason waits, but when no one else shows up, she says, "Agatha, I want to talk to Self-Esteem. She's in there. Let her out."

"I can't do this."

"Doubt, we've heard what you have to say. Let Self-Esteem speak," Reason demands.

A small, sickly me materializes but doesn't say anything.

"Self-Esteem, I knew you were in there. Do you have anything to say?"

"Of course not!" Auntie interrupts when she reappears. "This is stupid. You don't possess any Self-Esteem. Look at you. Look at you!"

Reason glances at Auntie and then at Self-Esteem. "I do have Self-Esteem. I'm looking at her. See how much bigger she's gotten in the few days we've been in Ashra."

Hope jumps up and down excitedly. "Imagine how much bigger she'll get if we stay and help them!"

"I can be trained," Self-Esteem murmurs. "I'm the only one who can read the Orb. And if my mother did it, then I should do it too."

With that, a sizable me comes forth and declares with conviction, "Then I've made my decision. I'm a Knight. I'll train as a Knight trains. I'll help these creatures and I'll stop a war!

Reason chuckles. "Who knew we had so much Pride?"

With that, everyone disappears.

I'm alone.

I can't wrap my brain around what just happened. Did I hallucinate that or did all those Agathas really sit in front of me? When the fuzziness clears, I'm elated, almost light-headed. I'm different, like I'm changed on the inside. It's as if I now know how to think better.

I wobble when I stand. This is the first time I've ever had to give someone good news. I can't wait to see Jonah's reaction. 

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Thank you, Elissa Sanchez for the excellent drawing of Agatha. My very first of her. It's just how I pictured her.