Kevin and I left for Manila that afternoon.

Hindi ko alam kung saan pumunta si Lee at Brad dahil hindi ko sila nakita pagkatapos namin mag-usap.

While I was packing my stuff, a soft knock on the door made me stop.

The person didn't even wait for me to say to come in.

It was Tracy.

She doesn't look mad anymore.

Nagsorry siya sa nangyari.

Inamin niya na nakakita siya ng opportunity nang makita niya kami ni Lee na pumasok sa iisang stall sa CR.

"I know hindi ko dapat ginawa iyon pero nagseselos kasi ako kay Ate Lee."

"But Tracy, para na kitang kapatid."

"Alam ko," Naiyak siya.

"Kaya nga nahihiya ako sa ginawa ko. Nagkagulo tuloy kayo."

"It doesn't matter. At least now, no one has to hide."

"Blessing in disguise I guess?" Pinilit niya ngumiti.

"Yeah."

Nagpaalam na siya pero bago lumabas ay nagsorry ulit sa nangyari.

***

On our trip back to Manila, Kevin confessed something.

Sinabi niya na pakana pala talaga ni Tita Marga na magsama kami ni Lee sa isang kuwarto.

He was on it the whole time.

Gustong patunayan ni Tita Marga kung mahal talaga ni Lee si Brad.

"Why did she do that?"

"Kasi nga ayaw ni Tita kay Brad. Mayabang nga kasi di ba? Tsaka pareho kami ng iniisip na project lang ni Brad si Lee."

"But it's not up to Tita Marga to decide what Lee wants. What if the opposite happened? Paano kung si Brad ang pinili ni Lee at hindi ako?"

"Kaya nga mabuti na lang na ikaw pala talaga ang mahal ni Lee di ba?"

Hindi ako makapaniwala na pinanghimasukan ni Tita Marga ang lovelife ng pamangkin niya.

Pero nangyari na ang mga dapat mangyari.

Nagkaaminan na kami ni Lee.

We still love each other.

That was what matters.

***

Three days after makabalik from that long weekend, I received a text from an unknown number.

I miss you.

May kutob ako kung kanino galing pero gusto ko makasigurado.

I asked Kevin for Lee's number.

Imbes na sabihin ay shinare niya sa akin ang contact information ng pinsan niya.

It was the same number from the one who just texted.

"I miss you too," I replied.

***
Kung hindi siya nagtext ay wala akong plano na guluhin siya.

May mga bagay pa siya na dapat ayusin.

When I didn't see her that afternoon at Tita Marga's, I left a note on the bed to tell her I was leaving.

I told her that if she was finally free, she knew where to find me.

Hindi naman kasi ako nagpalit ng phone number when we broke up.

When she didn't text for days, I thought maybe she change her mind.

Baka pagkatapos humupa ng bagyo, narealize niya na ito pa rin ang gusto niya.

Siguro hindi niya talaga kaya na panindigan ako.

This made me sad.

But I always knew that this was a possibility.

Ayoko maranasan ni Lee ang walang pamilya.

My family disowned me when I told them I was a lesbian.

I have been estranged from them for years.

It could get very lonely and I miss them sometimes.

But I couldn't force them to love me especially when they said to my face that I was not worth their love.

That their lives would be better without me in it.

I dealt with my choice.

No one reached out to me for years.

To me it meant that they could live with their hate.

***

The long weekend, the moment I dreaded, turned out to be a time of revelations.

I didn't expect it to turn out that way but what I thought was a bad idea opened a whole new chapter for Lee and I.

But the days turned into weeks.

I wanted to see her but Lee begged me not yet.

Marami pa siyang inaayos at ayon sa kanya ay ayaw niya na madamay ako.

"You suffered enough when we were together. Let me take care of things for now."

Hindi na ako nangulit.

Si Kevin ang tinanong ko.

Pinagtapat niya na hindi madali ang pagbibreak ni Lee at Brad.

He was furious and pushed her for answers.

Hindi alam ni Lee kung paano napagdugtong-dugtong ni Brad ang pangyayari.

Bigla na lang nito binanggit ang pangalan ko.

Nang hindi agad nakasagot si Lee ay nag-assume siya na tama ang hinala niya.

Lee thought it would be better if she was honest with him.

Kaso lalong nagalit si Brad.

Hindi matanggap ng ego niya na ako ang reason kung bakit iiwan siya ni Lee.

"She had to move out of her condo," Kevin looked worried.

"Punta ng punta si Brad doon kahit diyes oras ng gabi. Winarningan na ni Lee ang security na huwag siya paakyatin pero minsan nakalusot ito sa kanila. Nagulat na lang si Lee nang makita niya ito na nakatayo sa tapat ng pinto."

"Is she okay?" Fear crept in my heart.

The last thing I needed was for Lee to get hurt.

"Gusto lang siya makausap ni Brad. Buti na lang at naging maayos ang huling pag-uusap nila. Sinabi ni Brad na iyon na ang huling beses na guguluhin niya si Lee."

"Did he do what he said?"

"Oo. Pero nagdesisyon pa rin siya na lumipat. Kahit pinanghawakan niya ang sinabi ni Brad, mahirap na nga naman. Baka magbago na naman ang isip nito at puntahan na naman siya sa condo."

Lee didn't tell me anything about this.

Perhaps she didn't want me to worry.

But after learning of what happened, I called her up.

She told me everything.

"Lee, I don't know what you're aiming for but if we're going to do this again, I want you to know that I'm with you all the way. You don't need to protect me. I can handle myself."

"I've put you through so much already, Sid. If we're going to start over, I wanted our second chance to be stress-free."

"You know the chances of that happening is slim, right?"

"But it doesn't mean it can't be done?"

"Yes, but we were never that kind of people who started on the right foot. Remember the night of Kevin's birthday? You drank so much and threw up on my feet."

She laughed.

"Whatever it is you need, I am here. Just say the word, Lee. I will be there."

A month later, I got a nice surprise.

***

"Tol, di ka pa ba tapos diyan?"

Nakatayo si Kevin sa gilid ng cubicle ko.

"Konti na lang at tapos na ang report ko."

Hindi ko inalis ang tingin sa computer screen habang nakikipag-usap sa kanya.

"Tara na. Di pa naman deadline di ba?"

"Hindi nga pero gusto ko matapos na 'to. I don't want this hanging over my head during the weekend." Binilisan ko ang pagtatype.

"Sid, hinihintay na tayo ng mga kasama natin sa bar. Let's go," Hinila niya ang computer chair.

Muntik na ako malaglag.

"Tangina, Kev. Are you that thirsty?"

Tawa siya ng tawa.

"Ang tagal mo kasi. Halika na."

"Fine," I pulled the chair back to my desk.

I typed the last part of the report, signed it then emailed to my boss.

"You can be a jerk sometimes," Asar na sabi ko habang tinatanggal ang blazer na nakasabit sa upuan.

"Ikaw naman workaholic," Depensa niya.

"Kung hindi kita susunduin baka mamaya ka pa umalis."

"How did you know?" Mapang-asar na tanong ko.

"Tara na," Hindi niya pinansin ang sinabi ko.

"Maga-alas-sais na," Inangat niya ang braso at tiningnan ang relo.

"Di pa naman magsasara ang bar, Kev. Huwag kang atat," I sling the leather crossbody bag over my head and followed him out the door.

Habang naglalakad sa parking lot ay may biglang pumaswit.

Isa ito sa mga pet peeves ko.

Hindi ako lumingon.

Pero umulit na naman.

Si Kevin ang lumingon.

"Tol," May tinuro siya.

"What?"

Ngumuso siya.

Lumingon ako at nakitang nakatayo sa gilid ng isang van si Lee.

Lumakad siya palapit sa akin.

She was holding a bundle of yellow, pink and white mums.

It was her big smile that captivated me the most.

"For you," Inabot niya sa akin ang mga bulaklak.

"What are you doing here?"

"I came to see you. Ayaw mo ba?"

"Siyempre gusto ko," Bigla ko siyang niyakap.

Mahigpit, mainit.

Iyong tipo na hindi na siya pakakawalan.

May tumapik sa balikat ko.

"Tol," Nakangiti si Kevin.

"Iwan na kita."

"Okay lang?"

"Oo naman. You have some catching up to do," Makahulugan ang ngiti na binigay niya kay Lee.

"Sira ka talaga," Sinuntok siya ni Lee sa balikat.

"Kita na lang tayo sa Lunes."

"Sure. Have fun. Say hi to Danica."

"Okay. Insan, ingatan mo si Sid ha? Huwag mo na siya ulit sasaktan."
"Oo na. Di mo na ako kailangan paalalahanan."

"Good," Nagthumbs up siya.

***

"Ba't di ka nagsabi na darating ka?" Tanong ko pagkaalis ni Kevin.

"Then that would ruin the surprise," Lee took my hand and held it tight.

"Is everything okay now?" I asked as we walk to my car.

"Oo."

"You're free na? I can date you?"

"Yes. Not only that."

We stopped in front of my car.

"Sinabi ko na kay Mommy ang tungkol sa akin. Sa atin."

"Anong sabi niya?" Kinabahan ako.

Ito ang gusto kong mangyari noong kami pa.

Pero ngayon na ginawa niya na ay natakot pa rin ako.

Alam ko ang gamble na ginawa ni Lee.

This kind of thing, the freedom to claim what is yours, always comes with a hefty price.

"Hindi niya ako kinausap ng isang linggo."

"I'm sorry," Hinigpitan ko ang hawak sa kamay niya.

"Kinausap siya ni Tita Marga. Pinaliwanagan niya ni Mommy."

"Anong nangyari?"

"Nagalit din si Mommy sa kanya. They had an intense exchange. Ang sabi ni Mommy, iniwan niya ako kay Tita para alagaan at palakihin ng maayos. Sinabi ni Tita na ginawa niya naman iyon. Kung hindi niya ako kayang tanggapin, hindi naman ako mawawalan ng ina dahil anak na rin naman ang turing sa akin ni Tita."

"Anong sabi ng mommy mo?"

"Ayun. Nahimasmasan yata siya. Pagkatapos ng isang linggo, tumawag siya sa akin. She asked for time and understanding. Nagsorry din siya kasi dapat siya talaga ang nag-alaga sa akin at hindi si Tita Marga. Marami siyang pagkukulang sa akin at kahit pagdating sa materyal na bagay ay hindi siya nagkulang, she didn't get to fulfill most of the responsibilities of raising a child."

"Si Tita Marga? Kinausap niya na?"

"Oo. Nagkaiyakan pa nga sila eh."

"It's good that they're okay now."

"Kaya nga eh. These past two months took so much out of me."

"Is that why you lost so much weight?"

"Oo. I don't know if it was a good thing or not. Kilala mo naman ako. I was never ashamed of my body."

"I know that," I fished the key out of my blazer.

"So?" Tiningnan ko si Lee.

"Where do you want to go?"

"Somewhere only we know?"

I nodded.

Lee walked around the car towards the passenger door.

When we were both finally inside, she placed her hand on top of mine.

"Let's go home, Sid."

I switched on the engine.

But before I do anything, I turned towards her.

Without the dread that I carried in my heart since we broke up, I kiss her.

There was no fear this time.

Just the promise that the coming days will be filled with possibilities.

THE END