Hey guys,

Decided to re-upload this fic as I figured there's still people that would enjoy it, and it's not really hurting anyone to have it online. I haven't done any re-editing or anything so there's probably still a few errors, but hope you enjoy :) 

These days i'm always awake before the sun. Weather it's an hour before i see the golden tip on it reach up over the horizon, or just mere minutes before it lights up the desert skies once again, i always manage to beat it. 

Call it security, but i like to think that i i don't miss out on anything the day has to offer. The big ball of radiation is the only thing that truly keeps me grounded, or gives me any sense of routine. I will rise just before it, and sleep just after it sets. Of course there are some nights when i will lie awake and stare at the moon, thinking about how even though it is the opposite of the sun, it still gets it's source of light from it, but those nights are rare. 

Normally by the time my head hit the makeshift pillow that is my fur-rimmed spare jacket, i am out like a lightbulb. It is to be expected after the days i have. When you are out in the zones, you can't afford to sit around and do nothing. Life is a constant blur of keeping yourself alive and dracs dead. 

I would be lying if i said i liked it any other way though. When i'm sprinting for my life or hijacking a drac car, even exploding buildings or just dodging a bullet, that's when i feel most alive. The adrenalin explodes through me, and whenever i'm not risking it all i find everything too boring and dull. Life is meant to be lived, and even without BL/ind i was never going to spend it wasting away in society's rules. 

The sun is about to rise. I can tell from the pinks, oranges and golds that streak across the horizon. I don't need a clock when i have the colours of the sky. Sunrise is even more beautiful that sunset - it's the start of a new day, new life and a signal to me that i've managed to see another one. I never know when i'm going to die, so i've learned to appreciate each sunrise as if it's my last.  

The light is streaking across the open desert and illuminating the various cracks in the window behind me. I'm currently standing outside the run down building i consider my home. I found it a year or so back, and it has been perfect for me. On the outside it looks like it's going to fall down at any given moment, making anyone think it would be insane to go inside. But once you're in you can see that the place is actually well structured and won't fall down unless you destroy any of the central beams. I keep it looking that way from the outside though, that way i know i'm safe and nobody will try and venture inside whilst i sleep. 

There was once an upstairs to the building, but that's now a crumbling mess of bricks and debry. The main room downstairs is where i sleep and live for the few hours i spend there a night. There's a small portable gas stove that i can cook some of the awful canned goods i get my hands on, depending on weather i have enough gas supplies. Eating that stuff raw is beyond vile, so i try and cook it when i can. Sometimes i even manage to get my hands on salt or other sauces to disguise the taste. Again it all depends on where i raid and how successful my day was. 

It's easier for the killjoys in groups, i think as i shove on my lace up black boots. They come up to my mid-calf and are perfect for running in. There's even a side pocket in the left boot where i've stuffed my ray gun - which is a mixture of bright blue and turquoise paint splatters. 

I'm a lone killjoy, and that in itself is a rarity. People out in the zones all live in groups, relying and helping each other. I have my reasons though, and like to live alone. I'll go to the bonfire parties and bars though. Hell, i put in a shift or two at one place not too far away. I know plenty of killjoys, most of them working for the fabulous four. 

Now those four i hadn't really met properly. I'd seen them from distances and had heard endless talk about them though. They were the big shots around in the zones, the fearless ones who didn't go a day without bringing down a squad of dracs or recruiting a few killjoy. Most people stuck in their ranks, a few others forming their own little sub groups, but everyone eventually reporting back to Dr Death Defying. 

That was what distinguished me as different. Whereas everyone else, no matter what their thoughts or opinions, would report back to Dr D and obey his commands, i had never even spoken to him. People told me endlessly to just go and see him. That then i could go on missions with other killjoys and even get some of the benefits back, like people to look out whilst i sleep and facilities to use. 

But every time i turn them down, never even giving them a reason. People don't need to know why, only that i'm not interested. If they were in trouble, i would help them out, but nothing more. I'm not interested in making friends, especially not letting myself have feelings for anyone else. If i don't care for anyone, then BL/ind will never have anything on me. If i don't have anything to lose, then i can never be a victim of emotional blackmail. 

The tip of the sun is now visible, a golden gleam that hurts my eyes to look at. It's seeing this sign that the day has begun that makes me turn and head back into my crumbling residence, dusting down my tight grey jeans and throwing my sleeveless black fake leather jacket (the real stuff would be too thick in such heat) over my blue, thin love sleeved t-shirt. There's all these patches sewn across the right side of the jacket, although the ones at the top are hidden by my electric blue curls of hair that fall down over my shoulders. 

I double check my ray gun is fully charged, knowing i will most probably end up using it at some point in the day, before i head out of my makeshift home, my senses immediately snapping into overdrive. My eyes look everywhere for any signs of movement, and only when i'm completely satisfied do i turn and walk over to my motorbike. 

Most killjoys ride in trans ams - a cheap but powerful car that is ideal - but i couldn't be bothered to lump a big car around when there's only one of me. That's why i have the motorbike. I stole it from a drac and spray painted it the same shades of blue and turquoise as my gun. It works perfectly and has never broken, plus it can go real fast when i need it to. 

I kick it into ignition and pull out onto the dusted highways. I tend to spend my days cruising around until i spotted any unwelcome dracs to take care of, often calling in for supplies or consulting my map to see if there was anywhere i could attack or hijack. Right now i'm heading over towards the gas station, the familiar building soon looming into sight. 

I don't need fuel, but it's often worth checking in here to see what's on offer. It's owned by two killjoys named Atomic Beat and Scarlet Detonator - but i call them both Atomic and Scarlet for short. Atomic is a man with shaggy blonde hair, and Scarlet is a woman with a dark brown choppy bob and a feisty personality. The two of them are together, and will often go out of missions to battery city. They steal as many goods as possible and bring them back to their little shop, selling them off for next to nothing and just being friendly in general.

They're the sort of people you could get close to without realising you were doing it, so i keep the conversation polite, but nothing more. I don't want to become best friends with them only for them to die on me. 

"Spark!" Scarlet grins as i enter the shop. My full killjoy name is Spark Killer, but nobody tends to bother speaking both names around here. Instead people's names get shortened, but i am happy being Spark to everyone. "How are you doll?" 

"Fine" I shrug, looking over at the shelves. "Have you been re-stocking?" 

"We went yesterday" Atomic speaks up from where he is placing bottles of beer into the cooling rack. "And we managed to hit up a few different spots, so take your pick m'lady." He sends me a grin. The two of them have always been overly friendly to me, thinking it is unhealthy of me to isolate myself from everyone and everything. 

"You guys got any more gloves? mine are all frayed around the wrist.." Scarlet gestures to a box on one shelf where a couple of pairs of fingerless black gloves are piled up. I pick one pair up and try them on, flexing my fingers before picking up my ray gun and testing the grip on it. 

"We'll give them to you for two carbons" Atomic calls over as i smile down at them, liking the way they fit against my skin. "And we'll throw in a couple of these mints we got" he slides a green packet over the table. 

"Deal" I hand them a few carbons and shove the mints in my jacket pocket, figuring i might as well have peppermint fresh breath as i kill dracs. "How's business around here anyway?" I'm not normally one for making conversation, but i'm willing to make an exception for these two. 

"It's fine" Scarlet shrugs. "Oh, we had Jet Star in here earlier, he came to pick up some beers and rope. Then we had a couple of people fuelling up, but apart from that its been reasonably quiet." It's as she speaks that the radio on the desk crackles to life, her hand instantly reaching out to turn up the volume as i gather my things. 

"This is Dr Death Defying" the voice booms, and i linger to see if there's anything i should know about on my journey. Atomic comes closer as Dr D continues "there's been some dracs spotted heading into zone six, but the fabulous four are on it. keep your guns close killjoys." The radio crackled again, signalling the end of the transmission. 

"Tell me something i don't know" I stated with an eye roll, heading for the door as i did so. 

"Spark, are you sure you don't want to stay here until all the dracs are gone?" Scarlet frowns after me. "I know you can take care of yourself, but you are on your own out there. And that bike isn't the sturdiest of things." 

"I'll be fine" I shrug away her concern. "Anyway, see you around." 

They watch me go, but i don't turn back. I can't let myself get attached to them, no matter what. They're just nice people that i sometimes talk to, but i refuse to let them be anything more. Instead i jump back onto my bike and start to speed down the highway, thinking back to the dracs. 

I can hear gunfire up ahead of me, and for a moment i stop my bike, pulling over and debating weather to go and help. On one hand i should, seeing as we were on the same side. But then i don't want to go in and help where i'm not wanted. I never work with anyone else. 

Even so, i can't just ignore the fight that is going on up ahead. The thrill lover in me has me back on my bike, speeding down the last mile until i can clearly make our the swarm of dracs, and the four figures battling them. 

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I hope you all enjoyed the first chapter! 

~ Headfirst for Helena