A/n chapter name is supposed to be spelt that way btw. It's a pun. And a paramore reference :)

I've never been to a killjoy funeral before, per se. I mean, i've seen killjoys get buried now and again, but i don't know how the fab four choose to go about the process. I'm about to find out though. 

We're all gathered outside, and by this point the sun is sinking in the sky, casting a beautiful golden glow across the sand and casting a feeling of peace over us all. I can't help but think it's the calm before the storm though, but that's probably my pessimistic thinking seeping through. 

Kobra's helping Silver out the door. She's got a whole bunch of wires sticking into her wrist where he's keeping her hooked up to electricity as a safety precaution. She relies on him heavily, as he guides her over to the freshly dug grave. I want to say something, anything, to try and make the pain more bearable, but i know better than most that there's nothing to be done. 

Only time is going to help them.

Neon walks outside then. She's been digging the grave with Jet for most of the day, and you can see some smears of mud along her otherwise perfect pearly skin. She drops to her knees beside the grave, where the body had already been placed. Nobody says anything as her shoulders start to heave and her perfectly smooth hands start to shake. 

I didn't know weather droids could cry or not, but that's  question i can now tick off my ever growing list. I feel awful, watching her sob, especially when Silver starts to quietly leak tears into Kobra's shoulder. He grimaces and squeezes her waist tightly, trying to give the little comfort he can, which isn't exactly much. 

"Did you want to say anything?" Party asks Neon, crouching down beside her with a forlorn expression. "You guys knew her best, after all." 

"Yeah, of course" Neon shakily gets to her feet and looks around at us all. The seven of us have formed a ring around the grave  - me, the fab four, and the two droids - as if creating some sort of protective circle. I don't let myself catch Party's eye as i know i'll start blushing, and that is not the sort of thing you want to be doing at a funeral, even if you didn't get to meet the person. 

I shake the memories of earlier out of my head and instead focus on Neon as she talks about how fearless Bolt had been, how she would give her life ten times over for the people she cared about and how sorely she will be missed. 

Silver says a little, not nearly as much as Neon, but then she's exhausted and sobbing, so it can only be expected. The guys all say a few words, and then everyone picks up a shovel and starts to cover the grave. We go slowly, not wanting to rush the process as nobody wants it to be over, for the goodbyes to be done and for everyone to have to then move on. 

As i help fill the grave i wonder how many times the killjoys have done this, how many friends they've had to put to rest forever six feet under. This doesn't help the vibe of the place, and the thoughts threaten to drag me down into the depressing atmosphere. 

"Come on" Kobra sighs, taking a hold of Silver "let's get you back inside. You need to rest and recharge up." 

"And you kid" Party places a hand on his younger brothers shoulder "no trying to pull an all nighter doing research. You'll wear yourself out and then you won't be able to think straight, let alone be of any help to Sil here." 

"He's right, i don't want you getting ill on my behalf" Silver sighs. Kobra just nods, still looking a little torn. He's getting more and more desperate to find a way to cure Silver and Neon's slowly decreasing energy, and to find a battery that will sustain them. 

"I mean in Kobra!" Party yells as they walk inside "i'm going to come check you're asleep in a few hours and if you're still up i'm taking away your comics!" Kobra stiffens a little at that, turning to throw a glare at his older brother (meaning that Party's won this round) before helping Silver the rest of the way inside. 

I watch the scene with a small smile before turning and picking my way towards the back of the diner. Ghoul and Silver have headed inside, whilst Party and Neon talk quietly by the fresh grave, still trying to come to terms with their friends death. 

I leave them too it and climb the ladder up to the roof, remembering how Party had said he liked to come here to think sometimes when it all got too much. I felt like i needed some time up here alone, and once i sit down on the edge, looking out at the sunset, i realise i was right. 

With a sigh i let my feet dangle over the side, watching the sun sink lower and lower until it seems to be kissing the very horizon of the desert, all the shades of golden oranges blending together. It all looks so beautiful, which is ironic compared to all the horror's i've had to witness. 

I don't know how long i sit there, just staring out at the world, but it's when the last few rays have all but disappeared over the edge of the sky that Party sits down beside me, red hair glowing in the evening light. He wordlessly hands me my jacket, which i gratefully shrug on just as a chill starts to settle in. 

"Hey" He moves a little closer, wrapping an arm around my shoulders. Now that we've slept together it just seems to have intensified every little action that passes between the two of us. The feel of his knee resting against mine is enough to make my toes curl in the best way possible. 

"You were right" i sigh after a moment, fiddling with the sleeve of my jacket as i speak "it's a good thinking place up here. It really clears your mind." 

"I know what you mean" he nods "you feel... separated from the world up here. You're reminded of the beauty of the desert, and life in general. Sometimes i really need that reminder too, especially after that." 

"I'm sorry you had to bury your friend. I'm sure i would've liked her." 

"Yeah, you would've. In a way i'm glad you didn't meet her though. It would've just been more pain for you to have to go through. And it's obvious you've already had your fair share when it comes to losing people." 

 I stay quiet for a moment, thinking over his words in my head. I know that it's the right time to talk about it all now. I was never ready before, but right here on the roof with Party? Well i've never felt closer to anyone else, not like this. And if i can't trust him, then there's no point in even going on. Luckily i know that putting my trust in him is a safe bet, so i decide to go for it. 

"I'm ready to tell you" I look over at him and see that his eyebrows have shot up in surprise "about my story. If your deal still stands." 

"Of course" he murmurs, moving closer to me and giving me his full attention. "You wanna go first? Get it off your chest?" 

"I think it would be best" I push my hair over my shoulders so i won't be tempted to use it as a curtain. I want to be honest with Party, and to do that i'm going to have to be vulnerable and accept that, instead of trying to build up walls whenever i can. With a deep breath i start, deciding to go from the 2012 fires. 

"When the fires hit, i grabbed my little brother and we ran for it. Our parents were already dead and i knew we had to get out before we got turned into just another zombie civilian or even killed. My little brother... his name was Morgan and he was younger than me by a year and a half." I have to pause for a moment then. I haven't spoken his name in so long that it takes a moment to get use to the feel of it on my tongue. 

Party just rubs the palm of my hand with his thumb, letting me take my time. 

"For a while we were okay. We walked for weeks, trying to find others. Eventually we set up a little camp. We didn't have much, but slowly we started to beg and steal our way. Morgan got those maps off a drac in the middle of a fight. He was like that - he could kill three dracs and still find the time to rummage through their glove box." I gave the smallest of chuckles. 

"We managed. We killed as many dracs as we could, we stole food and even found a well. Our camp turned into a base, and when i found an old motorbike he managed to fix it up for me. That's why the bike's so important to me, why i felt we had to go back for it and why i got so mad when we left it behind that day."

"Anyway, as time went by we got too cocky, too careless too. One day there was a whole squad of dracs driving through. We thought we could handle them - we'd taken out big groups before, but never to that extent. Morgan saw it as a challenge - hell, so did i. But there were just too many, we were swamped. We had our backs to the wall when he died. One of them shot him right in the chest and he just.... crumpled. I didn't even get to say goodbye before it was over." I had to stop then as a sob escaped my lips. 

Party just pulled me to his chest and hugged my tightly, letting me grab hold of his jacket. 

"I went crazy after that. I just saw red. I took down all the dracs there and shot them all twice. Even then i wasn't satisfied. I ended up burning their bodies in a massive bonfire and just crying by it. I buried Morgan's body the next morning and did the only thing i could think to do - i shut down the emotional side of me. I just stopped feeling, stopped caring for anything and anyone. I just couldn't handle having to go through that again so i figured i wouldn't ever leave myself vulnerable to that pain."

"And then you met us." 

"And then i met you." I concluded. I'd never spoken about Morgan to anyone before, but it felt strangely therapeutic to do so. Like i had finally cleared my chest of the pain deep rooted within it. Don't get me wrong, it still hurt to think about him, just maybe not as sharply. 

"I was lucky. I got my brother out alive. We've had a few close calls but Kobra always manages to pull through" he starts quietly "it was my parents that i lost. My dad was lost to the pills, but my mom kept us off them. She had her suspicions. When it came down to it, we all tried to run, but my dad was too brainwashed. He tried to hand us over, so my mom had to create a distraction whilst me and Kobra ran for it." 

"I'm sorry about your parents. I'm sure your dad would never have done that if he was even a fraction of his former self." 

"Yeah. Well i guess we've all seen too much. Not just you and me, but every killjoy out here. We've all had our narrow escapes, seen loved ones die and had to kill others to get to where we are now. I guess some people are just more heartbroken that others." 

"You help" i blurt out. "With the pain. It helps to have you around. You just seem to numb it, even for a little while." 

I half expected him to think i was being dramatic or moving too fast, but he just leaned down and pressed a kiss to my forehead. 

"I'm glad" he murmurs, and just like that our conversation is over. We've both poured out hearts out, and it's drained us a little to have to re live the emotions and memories that we've been suppressing for so long. So we slip into a comfortable silence until it's too cold up on the rooftop, and we have to make our way inside before people start to worry. 

"Sleep with me tonight?" Party asks as we reach the corridor. "Not sex or anything, just share my bed. You don't have too but... i'd like it." 

"Sure" I take his hand in mine and let him lead me into his room, which is pretty similar to my own, but theres splashes of paint and tons of doodled figures all over the walls. I can't see them in detail as it's too dark, plus i'm too tired to try and decode his art. 

So instead i just fall onto the bed, closing my eyes as he climbs in beside me and wraps an arm around my waist, burying his face in my hair as we both drift off to sleep.