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Yesterday was fine, yesterday was great even! I should be on top of the world, I should be feeling like nothing could stop me!

But I don't. If anything I feel like I'd been sunk into the deepest part of hell and there's no getting out.

I mean, seeing McKayla, Tracey and Andrew's happy faces isn't helping! Even when I'm just online, scrolling through, I can see McKayla's big grin while Andrew presents her flowers, and Tracey squealing at the sight of it all.

There's no way that I wanted to go outside today, again. Especially since there's probably a good chance I'd run into McKayla.

But staying in my room the entire day was no fun either! Sure I could spend the day organizing my room, but I'd always done it a few times.

So I walked out and headed towards the kitchen to whip up some cupcakes, that's one of the things to do when you're bored.

I was even planning on trying a different recipe out like red velvet cupcakes with heart shaped sprinkles and cream cheese frosting, nothing super out of there, but something fun for me to try.

And as I was getting the stuff out, mom came down the stairs in a light blue robe with small diamonds on the big fur part, yawning and smiling.

"Mm, hi baby~" Mom said, she placed her elbows on the table as I began to mix the dry Hey mom, how are you?"

"Oh fine, just had to sleep in today. When it's the weekend, it seems to the be the only time where I have some piece of mind." She chuckled, "What about you?"

"I'm making red velvet cupcakes, would you like some when I'm done baking them?"I asked, Mom smiled, "Chile, the day I don't want some is the day I'm dead."

We share a laugh as Mom went to the pantry and grabbed a big bottle of wine and poured herself a glass for her to drink as I finished pouring the batter into the cupcake mold and placing them in the oven.

Mom slowly poured her wine into the wine glasses, as they're called and slipped them a bit, but in her eyes, she looked tired, exhausted even, but she looked over at me and smiled, but her tired eyes were closed, so I couldn't see it anymore.

then it was just quiet as I began to clean up the kitchen and washed the dishes before an idea popped into my head.

"Would you like to watch some tv?" I asked, Mom tapped her chin, swishing that wine into her cup before a smile crinkled up.

"Yes, I'd like that..."

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The oven said "Ding!" I said "Yes" and then mom said "Be careful!"

I placed my black oven mugs and picked up the tray of red muffins and placed it on the table, mom got up from the couch and walked over towards the table as I whipped up some frosting.

"How about you let me help. I have some pretty good experiences underneath my belt." Mom proclaimed proudly, I shrugged and handed her the  piping bag  and watch her do it.

Her first attempt wasn't great, it wasn't in a round circle shape and then the next cupcake she made a cute heart shaped one, and then she kept making pretty funky looking frosting designs.

I couldn't help but smile and laugh as Mom playfully rolled her eyes and tasted the cream cheese frosting with her finger.

After that, I sat down with mom, with a pink milkshake in my hand as mom drank her wine, I turned on the tv and just watched whatever was playing.

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The movie that was playing today was, unfortunately, a romantic movie. The charming main guy with perfect hair, the sweet bookworm girl with the perfect hair, even though she's "ugly" with the bad glasses and the super tacky plaid jacket, because how dare she not look like a super model.

I could feel my eyes rolling, I even looked over at mom who placed two fingers to her forehead, shaking her head in annoyance.

"I don't understand."

"Don't understand what?" I asked, Mom placed her drink down and sighed. "Well, I don't understand what they're trying to teach. They've teaching girls like you that you need to be in this certain way to get a boy. Buy a boy ain't gonna solve all of your problems. And changing for someone who wouldn't do the same for you, isn't right."

"Mmm, yeah..." I slipped the drink, "I get it."

"And," Mom continued, "I wouldn't be happy to know that some girls would see this and think they'd have to change themselves for their approval."

She sipped her wine, not so subtly looking my way as I drank my milkshake.

"Well... maybe she thought she had to change, to be more mature and all, and maybe it didn't work out well, maybe the people she changed for just left her behind... and her best friend wasn't nice, she liked her boyfriend way more..."

Mom spat her drink a bit before her eyes softened a bit, she awkwardly reached out her hand and placed it around my shoulder and pulls me in,

"Thanks..." I sniffled, wiping some tears as she kissed my forehead and sighed, picking up a cupcake and taking a bite out of it.

She smiled as she placed it back. "I know you'll think I'm saying this but you're smart, you're beautiful and you can do and be whatever you can be. As long as it what you want to be." She held my face and stared at me with her eyes as she pulled me into a big hug.

I sighed and hugged her back as the movie on tv kept in playing on and on.

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-Dear Diary-
-I spent the day on the couch, hanging with mom while watching teen girl movies and a bunch of brain-junking reality shows.-

-I'd never though I'd hear her laugh so hard at all of the crazy drama that went on, of course she told me to never say all of the mean stuff they said, but I made sure I wouldn't do that.~

~I do feel better now, better in a few days, but I'm super worried about going back to school tomorrow. I mean,  the school turned into McKayla's FanClub over night.~

~Ugh, if I happened to see that Jade again, I'll have to hand it to her, she was right, I shouldn't have ever trusted McKayla.~

~Oh well, I can't stand here thinking the worst, I might as well hope for the best and prepare for the worst. That's how anyone can really survive in middle school.~