I spend most of the weekend in bed pretending to be recovering from some illness, all the while trying to convince myself that I'm not falling for my number one rival. El and I don't talk much, as she spends most of the weekend out with Harry. My guess is she's trying to give me some space. I'm not sure if she's talked to Graham about the other night, but I hope she hasn't. I really don't want to explain why I freaked out like I did. She knows I was sexually assaulted last year, but she doesn't know the details. No one does. Except Baker.

Baker. He's texted me several times since the other night, checking in on me and just trying to spark our usual banter. I play along as best as I can, but talking to him makes me nervous now. And when he calls it's like I can barely speak. His voice leaves me feeling breathless and wanting, and I'm so desperate to get home to him now that I wish I teleport straight to him. But it's spring, and I still have another month left until I can leave.

After spending the entire weekend hiding in the bedroom, I find myself dreading going back to school. I worry about running into Graham and seeing his pity face. But I'm surprised when, during lunch, Elsie and I sit away from the boys in a corner table by ourselves. She opens her lunch bag without a word, pulling out her sandwich and crisps and setting them in her lap before opening her soda can.

This is the first time we've been together since before the party, and I'm a bit surprised to see how red rimmed her eyes are. Almost like she's been crying. A lot. And this is the hard part about having friends for me. I never know how hard to push for answers. When to ask the questions that need to be asked and when to give space. She sniffs as she takes a bite of her sandwich, and I decide to throw caution to the wind.

"Are you okay, El?" I ask as I take a bite of my own sandwich. She doesn't answer, so I continue. "I just... you look kind of upset. And we're not sitting by the boys. Is everything okay with you and—"

"We broke up," she replies, and I'm so shocked that I almost drop my lunch. After a small sniff, she adds on, "On Sunday."

"What happened?" I ask, and I scooch closer to her, putting my hand on her arm in a very Beth-like way. "You guys seemed to be doing so great."

She nods. "We were. But he kept putting all this pressure on me. You know... for sex. He's been hinting at it since we got together, but his birthday kind of triggered the whole thing. When I asked him what he wanted, he said the only thing he wanted was sex. So I bought some condoms, you know, thinking I could do it. That I was ready. But during the party, when we were alone together in his room, I just kept thinking how wrong it felt. And I know it's not supposed to feel great the first time. But it was all just so awkward. And I decided that I didn't want to go there. That I wasn't ready."

Oh no. Poor Elsie. "And how did he take the news?" I ask, worried.

She shrugs. "I don't know. At first he seemed okay. Frustrated, but okay. I even thought he was being supportive. But then on Saturday, when we were kissing in the back of his car, he tried again. I told him I didn't have any protection, but he said it was fine, because he brought some. Which just upset me, because I felt like he wasn't respecting me at all. So I told him I still wasn't ready, and he got angry. We had a row, and then he said if I wasn't willing to take the next step in our relationship, then he wasn't interested in a relationship at all."

"El," I whisper, giving her arm a little squeeze as a tear slides down her cheek. "I'm so sorry. I didn't know."

She nods her head as she sniffles again. "It's all right. You were sick all weekend, so I didn't want to bother you. I needed time to process it anyway. Let it sink in, you know?"

"I get it," I reply as she rests her head on my shoulder. I suck in a breath of air and say, "Are you at the point where I can call him an asshole, or is it too soon?"

She chuckles through her fresh tears. "Definitely not too soon. He is an arse. I mean, I can't believe I actually almost shagged him."

I smile. "I'm glad you didn't. It's a big deal. Something you should do because you love someone, not because they're pressuring you into it."

"You're right," she says, but she still sounds so devastated. "But you know, the stupid part of me just keeps thinking, if I would've slept with him on his birthday, then I wouldn't be such a mess right now. And again, I know... that's dumb. But it's true." She shakes her head, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand. "I just thought he cared about me. I really, really did."

She starts sobbing now, and it breaks my heart. "I know it hurts right now," I say soothingly as a tear slides onto my shirt. "But it won't hurt forever. And someday he'll regret it. Maybe not today or tomorrow, but it will happen. Because you're a catch, Elsie. You really are. And if he can't see it, well... then I guess he can go fuck himself, right?"

A teary laugh escapes her lips as she nods her head. "Right." Then she takes a shuddering breath in an attempt to regain her composure. "So how did things go with Graham the other night?" she asks, her voice still shaky but a bit more controlled. "Did you guys...?"

I shake my head. "Absolutely not. Graham is not my type. I mean, he's an okay guy. But he reminds me of my ex. And I'm not interested in dating players. We hung out a little, but I actually ended up leaving early. I... wasn't feeling well." Not exactly a lie, I think to myself as she gives me a sympathetic smile. "It turned out okay though. Caught up on some sleep. Got the rest I needed."

"Good," she replies. The bell rings, signaling the end of lunch. She looks down at her sandwich and frowns. "I didn't even get to eat anything. Actually, I've barely eaten since Saturday night. I'm hungry but so nauseous."

"I felt that way when Ollie and I first broke up," I tell her. "But trust me when I say that I am much better off in the long term. You'll see that you are too. And Elsie, I promise you, someday some guy is going to sweep you off your feet. And he won't have to pressure you for anything. You'll just... want to."

I may be talking about the unknown man of her future, but I'm thinking about the known one in mine. How careful Baker has always been with me. Gentle, even. But our banter makes everything so much fun, and I feel so unbelievably safe with him. My heart aches at how much I miss him, and I wonder if he misses me this much. I hope so. And not for the first time since realizing how I actually feel about him, I find myself longing to be back home with him. My heart races at the thought of our reunion, which right now is only just a few weeks away.

"I don't want to go back to class," Elsie says all of a sudden, pulling my attention back to the here and now. "I want to go out and get a shake and some chips." She hesitates for a second before turning toward me and asking with big green eyes, "Want to bunk off with me?"

"Bunk off?" I ask, confused.

She nods. "Yeah. Bunk off. Skip class." I tense at the idea, because I have never ditched class in my life. The only school I've ever missed was when my dad died, and my mom forced me to take a week off to process my emotions. And that week off cost me the top spot in class. Skipping doesn't sound appealing at all to me. But then I remember that this is an entirely different school, and their records are completely different. I can't think of how this could negatively impact my grade point average back home. And as much as Elsie needs a day off, I realize I do as well.

"Sure," I reply as a smile begins to take shape on her face. "But I've never done it before, so you'll have to take the lead here."

"I've never done it either," she says, and an anxious ball forms in the pit of my stomach. "But it's all right. We'll figure it out together. Come on." She gets to her feet, and I hesitantly follow her through the crowd and out the double doors.

I keep expecting someone to stop us, but sneaking around is actually surprisingly easy. We hop in the car, Elsie taking the wheel before we drive out of the student parking lot and onto the street. My eyes keep drifting toward the mirror, expecting to see someone follow us. But there's no one. It's just the two of us. And Elsie swears we'll be back before Lily gets out of school and we have to pick her up. So I do my best to relax as we drive away from campus.

Since we have to be back in a couple hours, we don't go too far. But we do go into town, where we spend the rest of the afternoon going in and out of shops. I kind of wish we could do some actual sightseeing, but as usual, there just isn't enough time. We poke our head into a bookshop called Blackwell's, where I search for something to read on the flight back home. And then a thought enters my head, and I find myself perusing the cookbook section, hoping to find a nice souvenir for Baker to take home with me.

When I find a book with 100 different ways to make mac and cheese, I smile and add it to the small collection in my arms. We leave the store after paying for our books and head straight to an ice cream parlor, where Elsie orders a strawberry shake, and I order a vanilla one. Then we drive over to a place I've wanted to visit since arriving in Oxford a couple months ago: The Bodleian Library. My jaw falls open when we walk inside and I see all the shelves lining the walls filled to the brim with books.

"I feel like I've just walked into a scene from Beauty and the Beast," I say as my wide eyes take in the beauty all around me. The books are ancient, and the smell... I don't think there's a sweeter smell in the world than old books. My fingers trace the spines one at a time as I stroll through the different aisles, wishing more than anything that I could share this moment with Baker. He spends so much time in the library that I bet he would love this too.

Elsie nods her head. "It is pretty incredible," she mutters as her hand freezes on a book written in Latin. She pulls it off the shelf and starts to read it, and I wonder how much of it she can understand. Probably a lot, seeing as she's been making the dead language her main focus for the last several months.

We spend so much time in the library together that we almost forget to go back to pick up Lily. Elsie pulls up to Lily's school just as the final bell rings, and we both breathe a sigh of relief. Lily hops in the backseat, and the three of us head back to the house. No one knows we skipped the second half of our classes for the day. No one but the two of us. Amelia makes dinner, and when she asks us about our day, we focus only on the classes we attended.

When it's time for bed that night, I send Baker a text message that says, "I skipped class today. Can you believe it?"

Less than a minute later, he replies, "I don't believe it, actually. No way you, of all people, would ditch."

"Who are you talking to?" Elsie asks when she walks in from brushing her teeth and smiles at me.

I shrug my shoulders. "Just Baker. Telling him about how we skipped school today. He doesn't believe me."

She giggles as she plops down on the bed and says, "You should call him so I can corroborate your story." I freeze as the smile I was wearing just moments ago melts off my face like snow on a warm day. "What? I've already met Beth. Sort of."

"Well, yeah," I reply, trying to think of a reason not to call Baker. "But... you know... he's not much for talking on the phone. We mostly text."

Elsie rolls her eyes. "I hear you talking to him in the bathroom all the time," she says, and shit. I didn't know she could hear those conversations. I didn't know anyone could "Come on, Summer. I promise not to embarrass you or anything."

I shake my head. "No, it's not that. It's just...." What? She looks at me expectantly, waiting for my answer. The truth is, I'm so caught up in my feelings for him that I don't want anyone else listening to our conversations right now. I'm afraid I'll give myself away, and I'm not ready to for anyone to know that I'm harboring feelings for my number one rival. "Not tonight. It's late, and I'm kind of tired after today."

She huffs a sigh. "Fine. I guess you're right. It was kind of a busy day." I nod my head as she slips down under her blankets and turns off her nightstand light. "Thanks for today. I really needed a break from everything." She's quiet for long enough that I start to think she's drifting off to sleep. Then I hear her voice from across the room say, "I can't believe Harry broke up with me because I wouldn't have sex with him."

"His loss, El. Remember that," I whisper into the darkness.

"I know," she replies as she slides down under her blankets. "Doesn't make it any easier though."

"No, it doesn't," I say, knowing full well how she's feeling. Ollie broke up with me for the same reason almost two years ago, and it broke my heart. "But you'll find someone someday who treats you the way you deserve to be treated."

"You think so?" she asks, and I hear the tears in her voice as she sniffles from her bed.

"I know so," I reply, and I smile to myself as I think of Baker and what he said to me the other night. About how I deserve someone who treats me right. And I wonder if he knows how badly I want that someone to be him?

Author's Note:
Only a few more UK chapters to go! Are you as excited as I am for Summer to get home? I hope so! Next chapter coming very soon! Stay safe and healthy until then, my dears!
XOXO,
~Aly