Spring hits Oxford, and suddenly everyone wants to be outside. I don't know why this is. It's still quite chilly outside. But the sun is out. And just like back at home, by the time spring hits, everyone is sun deprived. We crave it like a drug and we're going through withdrawals. Like we've been drowning for months and suddenly we've been allowed to breathe again. And I have to admit, it does feel pretty fantastic. So much so that even I'm enjoying going outside again.

Elsie and I take a weekend trip up to Stonehenge with Harry and Graham. We take pictures like we're a group of tourists. And when we're done, we drive back into town and have some drinks at a local pub, where some of the greatest fantasy writers of the last century used to come together to share their stories. We can't drink because we're all technically underage, but we do enjoy some house-cooked nachos to share.

It's at the pub that Harry mentions his upcoming birthday party. It's a big one for him. His eighteenth. A legal adult in this country. But because he's the oldest in the friend group, he decides that he wants to have a party at his house outside of town. Elsie, being his girlfriend, is definitely going. But I politely decline. Or at least, I try to. But as soon as the words leave my mouth, everyone protests. I have to go. I can't miss Harry's birthday. Not to mention it's my first party here in this country.

But they don't understand. I've never been good with parties to begin with. They've always made me uncomfortable, and I always end up being the fish out of water. But ever since the party at Ollie's, I've been even more anxious about going to parties. In fact, I haven't gone at all since that night. And I really don't want to go to this one either, but after Elsie begs me to go, I finally cave.

A week later and we're on our way to Harry's party. Elsie looks absolutely gorgeous, wearing a pair of skinny jeans and a crop top sweater, her auburn colored hair braided to the side like something out of a Disney movie. She's all smiles all day, and I'm not entirely sure, but I think she's got big plans for the night with Harry. I saw a couple condoms in her purse, and while she does look excited, she also seems a bit jumpy. Anxious.

I want to ask her about it, and I know I should. But I have a sick feeling in my stomach all day, a feeling that gets worse with every minute that passes by. I should've never agreed to do this. Elsie is probably going to sneak away with Harry, leaving me alone feeling scared and awkward. She knows about the sexual assault. But she doesn't know that it happened at a party, and I can't tell her. There's only one person I feel comfortable with talking about that night, and seeing as he hasn't returned my texts all day, I know I probably can't talk to him about any of this.

That's another reason why I feel a bit ill. I've messaged Baker a few times today, but he hasn't responded at all. It doesn't even look like he's seen the messages. And despite the fact that he told me the bruises came from football practice, I can't help but think there's more to the story. The rumors of him getting into fights all the time fill my mind, and I worry that something's wrong. That he's hurt. I consider calling him, but I don't want to make things weird between us. It was bad enough that I called him that night while he was studying and interrogated him when he was with his little brother. If I bring it up again... well, it might give the wrong impression.

So I sit with the sick feeling as Elsie and I pull up into the driveway of Harry's house, where there are already a bunch of cars parked outside. I keep telling myself that it's going to be okay. Harry's parents are going to be there, and nothing bad can happen with parents around. It'll be fine. I'll be fine. Before going inside with El, I check my phone, hoping I'll see a message from Baker. Something that'll quell my nerves. But there's nothing. So I take a breath, close my eyes, and enter the house, El's arm intertwined with my own as we make our way through the crowd to find the birthday boy.

The music is loud, and even though there are probably over a hundred kids here, a chill runs down my spine. We find Harry in the kitchen pouring himself what looks like mixed drink. He beams when he sees us, then grabs a couple red solo cups and makes Elsie and I drinks as well. Elsie drinks hers quickly, probably to give her some liquid courage. But I don't drink mine at all. I don't want to be under any sort of influence tonight. I just want to get this over with.

"Happy birthday," I say to Harry, hoping my smile doesn't look like a grimace. He grins at me as he slips an arm around Elsie, who presses a quick kiss to his cheek.

"Happy birthday, love," she says sweetly, and he gives her a little squeeze. The three of us stand around chatting for a while. And at some point, Graham joins the conversation. His eyes are on me tonight, and they're a bit glazed over. He's drunk already. I can tell by the way he's moving. By the things he's saying.

"Elsie," Harry says finally, turning to look at his girlfriend, who's face is flushed from the alcohol she's been drinking. "Darling, do you want to get some air with me?"

She nods her head enthusiastically, and I have a feeling the air in question isn't actually air at all. Together, the two of them disappear down the hall, and that sick feeling in my stomach gets worse as Graham takes a small step closer to me. I should leave. I need to leave. But I don't want to leave Elsie. What if something goes wrong? Besides, she drove us here. It's her parents' car. I can't just take it and ditch her at this party.

"I think I need some air too," I mutter to Graham, who gives me a half drunken smile as he nods his head. I take a step away and make my way to the backyard. The cool March air stings my face, distracting me for a moment and allowing me time to breathe. I suck in the air, enjoying the feel of it filling up my lungs. But it all seeps away like sand in a sieve the moment I turn around and see that Graham has followed me outside.

"What are you doing here?" I ask him, my usual annoyance of him giving away to the early stages of panic.

He shrugs his shoulders. "I dunno," he replies, his words coming out slurry. "I just thought we could hang out tonight. Since Harry and Elsie are in his room 'getting some air' and all."

I shake my head. "I don't really want to hang out with you," I say. "I don't even like you."

He bursts out laughing, and my face grows hot. "You can't dislike me that much. We're always hanging out."

"I'm always hanging out with Elsie," I reply as I wrap my arms around my body, protecting myself from the cold. From him. "And she's always hanging out with Harry. And Harry's always hanging out with you."

A cocky smile spreads across his face as he moves closer. "Thus, you're always hanging out with me. We're always together, Summer. And you feel this, right? The tension between us?"

This isn't happening. "No," I say with a shake of my head. "No, I don't feel anything toward you except annoyance." He takes another step closer, and I shudder. "Please stop."

"Stop what?" he asks me, his eyes aglow with mischief. My stomach lurches as I take another step back into a wall. Nowhere to go. Nowhere to run. And this all is so sickeningly familiar. So much so that I start to fear I've fallen into one of my nightmares. The ones I don't tell anyone about. "If you give me one night, Summer, I can wipe that scowl off that pretty face of yours."

He presses his palm against the wall beside me, and flashes of that night start flooding my mind. Ollie pinning me against the wall. Ollie licking my neck. Ollie sliding his hand up my shirt. Ollie kissing me too hard. The smell of him. The taste. The feeling of his fingers making their way down my pants. And suddenly it's all too much. The memories. The familiarity of it all. And I don't know what else to do. Baker isn't here to rescue me this time. So I do the only thing I can think of. I start screaming.

"GET AWAY FROM ME!" I scream so loudly that the smile on Graham's lips instantly falter. "DON'T TOUCH ME!"

Every inch of my body is shaking as waves of nausea crash through me. Graham removes his hand from the wall and takes a step away, his eyes wide with shock as I start to hyperventilate. "Whoa, Summer. I... what's going... are you ok—?"

He reaches his hand forward, but I shake my head. "DON'T TOUCH ME!" I repeat, and he freezes.

"Okay," he says softly, taking another step away. "Okay, I won't touch you. I'm sorry. I don't... I wouldn't ever touch you without... without permission." Tears are flowing freely down my cheeks now as I struggle to breathe. "Summer, hey... whoa. It's okay. It's okay."

"Leave me alone," I somehow manage to choke out. "Go away."

He winces and looks around, as if checking to see if there's anyone who can help diffuse this situation. But there's no one else here. We're alone outside. "I don't want to leave you like this," he says, and I hear a bit of fear in his voice. He takes in a breath. "Okay, tell you what? I'll just stay here. I won't come closer. I won't touch you. But I'll wait for you to catch your breath."

"I need to call... I need...." Baker. I need him. Ollie... no... not Ollie... Graham. He nods his head. "My phone. I don't know where it is."

"What's your number?" he asks as he pulls his phone out of his pocket. "I'll call it."

I shake my head, suddenly remembering where I put it. "No. It's in Elsie's bag. I didn't want to lose it."

He holds his phone out to me. "Use mine then. Call whoever you need to call. If you want someone to take you home... I can—"

I don't even give him a chance to finish his sentence before I'm snatching his phone out of his hands and pulling up the dial pad. I'm not sure if he has long distance calling or not, and right now I don't care. With quaking fingers, I dial Baker's cell, hoping he'll answer a call from an unknown number. A few rings sound in my ear before I hear his deep voice on the other end of the line say, "Hello?"

Tears flood my eyes again. "Baker," I cry. And just like that, the sobs are back.

"Summer?" he gasps. "What's wrong? Are you hurt? What's going on?"

I shake my head, because no, I'm not hurt. But he can't see me. So I say, "No. I'm just...." I look at Graham for help.

He nods his head and presses the speaker button on his phone. "Hey. Um... hello?" he says.

"Who is this?" Baker asks, a mixture of desperate and angry. "What the fuck is going on?"

Graham swallows hard and replies, "I don't know. We're at a party together. Things were okay. And then we went outside, and I...." He hesitates, clearly unsure if he should explain what he was trying to do. Then he sighs and says, "I was making a move. And she just started freaking out."

"Making a move?" Baker says slowly, like he doesn't understand what those words mean together.

Graham sighs. "Yeah. Making a move. You know... shooting my shot."

"Did you touch her?" Baker asks, and his voice is suddenly dangerous. Like he's about to reach through the phone to choke the life out of Graham.

"No!" Graham replies defensively. Then he looks at me pleadingly, like he needs me to explain what happened. But I have no words. I'm still struggling to breathe. "I didn't lay a finger on her. I didn't even have a chance."

"Summer," Baker says, and his voice is soft again. "Summer, are you still there?"

"Yeah," I gasp, because it still feels like someone is squeezing the air out of my lungs. "Still... here."

"Okay good," he replies. "Where are you?" I stay silent, because talking is too much for me right now. "Never mind. I want you to go home, Summer. Go back to your host family's house. Then video chat with me. Okay?"

"'Kay," I say, even though I don't know how I'm going to get home. Elsie is upstairs shacking up with Harry right now, and I do not want to get in a car with Graham.

"If I don't hear from you in thirty minutes, I'm calling this number back," Baker says, and it's almost like a warning. I wonder what would happen if I didn't call him. Or if Graham just blocked the number. What would he do?

"I'll make sure she gets home safely," Graham says, and I look up at him with panicked eyes. He clarifies. "I mean... I'll call her host family. I'm friends with Elsie. I know her mom and dad. I'll see if one of them can pick her up."

"Great," Baker responds, but there's an edge to his voice again. "I'll be waiting for you, Summer."

I nod my head as Graham hangs up the call before opening the messaging platform and texting someone who looks like Amelia. His face is tense, and I can't tell if it's from stress of annoyance. Once he sends the text, he slides the phone back in his pocket and runs his fingers through his hair. Then he breathes a sigh and gives me a half smile before he says, "I didn't know you had a boyfriend back home."

His words surprise me, because Baker is not my boyfriend. But the sharpness in my chest is so painful that I don't have the ability to respond. So I just stand there, trying to catch my breath, as Graham nods his head and looks away. We stand in silence for a few minutes as I desperately try to maintain my composure. A while later, Graham looks at me again and says, "Amelia is coming to get you. I told her you got sick. Bad food. So you don't have to worry about ruining El's night."

I give him a tight grin. "I'm... sorry," I say, because I am. I don't know what the hell happened tonight, but I am sorry it happened.

He responds with a sad smile and says, "It's okay. You don't have to be sorry. If anything, I should be saying sorry to you." My eyebrows shoot up in surprise at his words. He explains. "I shouldn't have tried to push you. I mean, I never would've done anything to you without your consent or... you know. I mean... I'm a player, but I'm not an asshole. I wouldn't have hurt you. I'm sorry you thought I would."

I should explain to him that it's not even really anything he did. It's all Ollie and that night coming back to haunt me. But thinking about what happened last year is too much for me to handle right now. So I just shake my head, not knowing what else to say. Not even sure I could explain it if I wanted to.

When his phone goes off, he checks the message and sighs. "Amelia's here. Out front. Do you want me to walk you out?" I shake my head, and he gives me a tight grin. "Okay. Take care of yourself, Summer. I'll see you at school. And tell that Baker guy... I don't know. Fuck. Tell him I'm sorry. For upsetting you."

"Okay," I say, and without another word, I run through the house filled with kids drinking and having a good time and make my way to the front yard, where Amelia is parked and waiting to take me home.

Author's Note:

Oh man, poor Summer! My heart really breaks for her in this chapter! And Graham... well, maybe he's not so bad after all, huh? Let me know what you all think in the comments! Be back with the next chapter as soon as I can write it! Stay safe and healthy until then, my dears!
XOXO,
~Aly