Plus side: I got an A on my chemistry test. Down side: So did Baker. Don't get me wrong, I want him to do well. He's become one of my best friends. But with every second that we spend together, a tiny voice in the back of my head tells me that he's still top of the class. He's still my rival. And I worry that those moments of light, almost indistinguishable flirting are just mind games he's using to knock me down a peg or two. Around him, I feel like I'm always trying to keep my guard up. But one smile or laugh, and it shifts down again. It's confusing.

Which is why, when school ends for break, I plan on welcoming the small hiatus from our study sessions. Distance. I need distance. But even though I know it's what I need, it doesn't seem to be what I want. Whenever I get a notification on my phone, I check it immediately to see if it's from him. Most of the time, it's Beth. But when it is him, it sends my heart pounding all over again. Usually one simple text leads to a conversation that can last hours. And the more time that goes by without one of these conversations, the more I crave them. It's hopeless.

We have a small Christmas celebration at my house. My stepdad makes breakfast as we unwrap our presents. My mom got him a nice video camera, which he uses to film the entire morning. He got us both matching necklaces with a small laser glass engraved picture of us all together from Thanksgiving. My mom cries as she puts it on immediately. I'm not an emotional person, but I find the gift to be very touching. I leave in a few days for five months, and I'm already starting to feel a bit homesick. I'm going to miss them when I'm gone.

I get a new laptop/tablet combo, phone, and Bluetooth watch, which I know is their gentle way of telling me to keep in touch while I'm away. Silly, because I have every intention of calling them every day. It'll be weird, being without them. But it's an adventure of a lifetime. And it'll look fantastic on a college application. We exchange a few books, which is tradition in our family. And once we're all done, Beth comes by to exchange gifts as well.

I smile when I unwrap the present she brought. A small participation trophy with my name on it. "You are such an asshole," I say with a smirk.

She throws her head back and laughs. "I had to. I mean, I'm impressed. You didn't miss a single day of our morning runs. Thought it was well deserved."

I shake my head. "Too bad you can't say the same thing about our study sessions," I reply, knowing full well she barely dodged getting grounded again when she came home with mostly Cs. "How are you going to survive without me next semester?"

She heaves a sigh. "I don't. Consider my social life gone." Now I laugh as I hand her the gift I got her. She opens it quickly, tearing through the paper like a child. Then her mouth falls open in surprise when she sees the crossbody sling backpack I got her. "Oh my God, Summer. Are you serious?"

I roll my eyes. "Well, someone had to replace that tattered mess you call a bag at some point. Besides, maybe you can use it for, you know... actual books."

"Okay, now you're being ridiculous," she replies, and I just shake my head. Then she throws her arms around me, pulling me into a tight hug. "God, I'm going to miss you, Lumen."

I squeeze her back. "I'm going to miss you too," I say, and I mean it. Wow, today is already so much harder than I thought it would be. I leave in a couple days, and as much as I was looking forward to it a few months ago, I'm now starting to dread it. "But hey, I just got a new phone and stuff. So, you know... call me, okay?"

She laughs and shakes her head. "I have what time it is in the U.K. right now. I'll probably just end up waking you up or something."

"I don't care," I say. "Seriously. I don't. Call me whenever, okay? Don't leave me hanging half a world away. I'll never forgive you."

A soft smile curves her lips. We spend afternoon together with my parents. My mom keeps getting weepy, which I find a little awkward. But I get it. Even I have a small lump in my throat at the idea that, in a few days, I'll be thousands of miles away from everyone I've ever known, living in a house full of strangers. Not to mention I'll be going to a new school with people I've never met. And making friends isn't exactly easy for me. In seventeen years, the only friends I've managed to keep are Beth and Baker. I doubt I'll do better over there.

Beth leaves just before her family Christmas dinner, and I tell my mom that I'm going to go upstairs to pack. But the reality is that I was packed a long time ago. I just need some time to myself. And as soon as the door closes, I let the tears fall. I'm going to miss them all so much that it's starting to physically hurt. My fingers squeeze the necklace my stepdad got me, and I wonder if my mom is already doing the same thing downstairs.

A notification on my phone alerts me to a new message, and I pull it up to see a text from Baker asking what I'm doing. I tell him that I'm just getting my stuff together, and he asks me if I can meet up with him. Says he has a Christmas present for me. And there it is again. That familiar flutter in the pit of my stomach. Ugh, what's the matter with me? I should say no. I'm busy. I'm packing. I need to get ready for my trip. But I can't. It's almost like my fingers have a mind of their own as I write him back asking him where he wants to meet.

A few minutes later, I'm sitting in my car, driving to McEuen Park in Coeur d'Alene, blasting the heater and checking my reflection in the rearview mirror at every stoplight. I seriously must be losing my mind. Baker is my number one rival. Top of the class (currently). I should hate him. I should be doing everything I can to beat him. But when I spot him on the swings in the park fifteen minutes later, a beautifully wrapped red box sitting beside him, I can't help the smile that spreads across my face.

He's wearing a dark hoodie and a pair of blue jeans. There's six inches of snow on the ground, but he's sporting a pair of sneakers instead of a winter coat. His hands are red as they grip the chains of the swings, and I have this strange desire to hold them in my own. To help him warm up. His eyes glow when he sees me, but he doesn't get up from the swings. There's no one at the park but us right now. I'm honestly surprised it's even open. I don't say a word as I sit on the swing beside him and start moving.

We sit together in comfortable silence for a few minutes, enjoying the sound of the cold wind as it brushes our cheeks. Then he takes a shaky breath and says, "When do you leave?"

"In a few days," I reply, my heart starting to fall into my stomach. "I'll be in England on New Years. Getting to know my host family."

He nods his head and continues to swing softly beside me. "Sorry for dragging you out today. You were probably celebrating with your family, huh?"

I shrug my shoulders. "We were pretty much done. Had a simple breakfast and opened presents. Beth stopped by too. But it's been pretty relaxed. You actually messaged me at the perfect time."

He frowns as he looks down at the ground, and I can't quite read the expression on his face. "It's gonna be a long semester without you," he says so softly that his voice is almost carried away with the wind. "But you're coming back?"

I nod. "Yeah. In May. Right as school is getting out here, I'll be back."

"Okay," he says, and he swings in silence for another minute. I look ahead at the snow, taking in the glittering blankets on the slides and stairs. I wonder if they get snow like this in England? I've never thought about it before. They probably do. I mean, at least you see snow in all the old Christmas movies. Didn't they have snow in The Holiday? That was in Surrey... where my grandparents live.

"I think I'm going to do it," I say, and he turns to look at me. His cheeks are red from the cold, and his eyes are a bit glazed over. "Um. Visit my grandparents. I haven't called them yet or anything to confirm. But I think I'm going to do it."

He gives me a sympathetic smile. "That's good, Summer. I hope it works out for you. That they're good to you there."

His teeth are starting to chatter a bit, and it concerns me. "Are you okay?" I ask, and he grins. "Seriously, Baker. You look like you're freezing. How long have you been here? Your lips are blue."

"I'm fine," he replies, but he doesn't answer the question. Then he takes a breath and says, "I got you something. I mean, you know that. That's why you're here."

It's not the reason I'm here, but I can't tell him that. So I nod my head. "Yeah. I... I'm sorry, but I don't have anything for you. I just... with my trip coming up... I didn't...."

He shakes his head. "It's okay. I wasn't expecting anything. I just wanted to give you something. For your trip. Something to help you think of me while you're gone." He stops swinging all of a sudden and bends down to pick up the box. "It's not much. Just something small. I wasn't even planning on getting it. I was at Figpickles with Ian the other day, and I saw it. And it just kept sitting with me. So I went back to buy it a couple days ago. I hope you like it."

He hands me the box with shaking red fingers, and I know I'm not going to care what's in it. There's no doubt in my mind that I'm going to love it. I unwrap it carefully, my heart racing with anticipation. And when I open it up and see a little duck plushie I smile. "Catcher in the Rye." I say, and he nods his head.

"The book that brought us together," he says as I lift the duck out of the box and hold it to my chest. "I was kind of worried you wouldn't get it. But... I should've known better."

"I love it, Baker," I whisper. And suddenly I'm overcome with a feeling of absolute dread. For so long I've looked forward to this trip, but now... I don't want to go. I can't admit it out loud, but I'm going to miss him. I miss him so much already that it hurts, and I haven't even left yet. "Email me while I'm gone," I say, and it's not a question. I need to hear from him. I can't stand being half a world away for so long without a single word from him.

He nods. "Every day, Summer. I promise."

We don't say anything else. We just continue to swing back and forth, watching as the sun slowly slips away, blanketing the sky in a cool darkness. I don't want to leave, because I know this is goodbye for a while. And somehow this one hurts the most. Because something is happening here. Something neither of us are willing to admit. Something I'm still afraid of. And the moment I get up off this swing and leave him behind, I know I'm taking a chance that it won't be the same when I get back. It's a change I don't know if I'm ready for either way, and the thought makes me squeeze my duck a little tighter.

It's not until my mom calls that the silence is broken. I stop swinging and answer the phone, telling her I'll be home shortly. Then I take a breath and get to my feet. Baker follows me to my car, carrying the empty box for me so I can hold my duck close to my heart. And when it's time to leave, I don't hug him. I can't stand to be so close for such a short amount of time, and then nothing for almost six months.

I lift my hand up in a wave and say, "Thanks for the duck. I really do love it."

He smiles, but it doesn't reach his eyes. "I'm glad. Take care, Summer. See you in May."

I nod my head, and without another word, I slide into my car and make my way home, trying to swallow the lump in my throat as I watch him fade from my rearview mirror. It's going to be a long six months.

Author's Note:
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!! Man, I can't tell you how exciting I am that 2024 is OVER!!! I'm so ready for 2025! My New Years Resolution is the write 1000 words a day, and the first day was a resounding success. Hopefully the next 364 days will be just as successful. YIKES!

What a bittersweet chapter! This is the last we'll see of Mr. Scott for a while, but don't worry! It's not the last we hear from him. Next few chapters will be about Summer's trip. It's five months long, but I plan on only writing a few chapters about her stay in England. I have to say, I'm having so much fun writing this book. Hopefully the next chapter will be done in a few days!

Let me know if you have any New Years Resolutions in the comments, and I'll be back very soon. Stay safe and healthy this year, my dears!
XOXO,
~Aly