I'm still shaking a few hours later, the image of Baker's bloody face still in the back of my mind. My stomach is tight from puking on my way home, and my hair is still wet from the shower I took to get the stench of vomit off my skin. For a couple of hours, I wait, hoping my parents will come home so I can tell them what I saw. Maybe they can do something about it. Something to help Baker and Ian out of that awful situation. But I don't want to tell them around Ian, which means I can't talk to them over the phone. So I sit in my room and wait, my eyes burning with tears as I replay that moment again and again in my head.

My parents text me saying they're going to be a bit longer. They're having dinner in downtown Coeur d'Alene and want to know if I want them to bring me anything. There's no way I can eat right now. I'm too nauseous. So I just tell them no thank you, and they write back that they should be home around nine o'clock. I check the time. Only seven. Great. Two more hours. Just two more hours until I can get their help.

Just as I set my phone down on my desk, I hear a tapping on my bedroom door. At first I think it's just the tree outside scraping against my window, but when I hear it a second time I look up and nearly have a heart attack when I see someone staring back at me. It's Baker. He's wearing his hoodie up so that it covers his head, and he gives me a tiny wave. I jump to my feet and slide the window open, stepping back to let him inside.

He stumbles in and leans back against the wall. I place on hand on his shoulder, and then gently pull back his hoodie with the other. His face is swollen and shiny, and parts of it are already turning an ugly shade of purple. His lip is busted and still bleeding some, and there's dried blood caked under his nostrils from his nosebleed earlier. My hands fly to my mouth in horror at what I'm seeing.

"Oh my God," I whisper, tears burning my eyes. I want to say more, but I can't. There's nothing more to say. He closes his eyes when my fingers touch his hair, and then winces slightly when they go down his face. A tear falls down my cheek as weeks of suppressed emotion come out all at once. When he hears the sound of my sobbing, his eyes fly open and his lips pull into a frown.

"Shh," he says softly, wrapping me up in his strong arms. "Summer, it's okay. Really. It looks a lot worse than it feels." That's a lie to comfort me. It has to be. Because the way he looks, I know he can't feel good. I know he has to be in a lot of pain.

"Is this why you're always hurt?" I ask thickly through my tears, wiping my eyes with the back of my hand. "Is this why you're always covered in bruises?" He just stares at me without answering, but his silence is answer enough. "God, Baker. I don't... why do you... have you tried to get help?"

He sucks in a breath as he nods his head. "Yeah. When I was a kid, someone called CPS. They took me away and made my dad take some stupid parenting classes. But in the meantime, I ended up in foster care. Then, once he passed the classes, they sent me back home. And things didn't get better."

I'm shocked by this news. "And no one ever bothered to come check to make sure?" I ask, horrified. He shakes his head, and I feel like I'm going to be sick again. "Why don't you tell someone?"

He shrugs his shoulders. "I... I don't want to go back to foster care. Last time, they put me in a home that was... not great. I was just a kid, Summer, but I learned a lot real fast." I give him a questioning look, and he sighs as he closes his eyes and says, "I was sexually assaulted by one of my foster parents' kids. And when I tried to tell someone about it, nothing happened except I got in trouble for lying. So no, I don't want to go back to foster care. And I sure as shit am not going to let Ian end up there."

"So what," I ask, removing my hands from his body and wrapping them around myself protectively. "Are you just going to continue to live with that man until—"

"Until I turn eighteen," he interrupts. "And then I'm going to fight to get guardianship over Ian. I've been taking pictures for years. Documenting every incident. He hasn't hit Ian yet, mostly because I won't let him. He gets mad at him though, and when he does try to hurt him, I step in and take the brunt of it. No one is going to touch my brother. Not on my watch."

I shake my head, unable to believe what I'm hearing. "Baker... a guardianship. I... that's expensive, right? Like, there are legal fees. How can you even afford that?"

He gives me a tiny smile. "I've been working at the skating rink for three years. And before that, I would mow lawns or walk dogs or babysit. I'd do whatever I could to make money. I've been stashing it away since I was in middle school. And I've only ever used it to pay for gas and car insurance. I steal food when I need it, or I Get food from the food bank."

"Your dad doesn't feed you?" I ask, feeling sick again.

He scoffs and shakes his head. "Summer, my dad is a fucking criminal. He does temp work sometimes, but he gets most of his money by stealing from others. That's why I never wanted you to meet him. I didn't want to take that chance with you. And I didn't want him to know I was seeing someone."

I nod my head and avert my eyes. "Guess that's easier for you now, huh? Since we're broken up and everything."

A groan escapes his lips as he moves toward me and takes my face in his hands. "I didn't want to do that. But it was getting so much worse, and you had all these questions. I knew you wanted to meet my dad. I knew it was eating away at you. But I couldn't allow it. Wouldn't allow it. So... so I said what I said. I didn't want to pull you into my shit life, so I said whatever I needed to say in order to end things. But I was hoping to come back for you when it was all said and done. If you still wanted me."

My mouth falls open in surprise. "So what's the plan then?"

He sighs and releases my face as he leans up against the wall for support again. "Well, I have several thousand dollars saved up, buried under a bush in my backyard. Once I graduate, and once I get guardianship over him, I'm leaving. Getting the fuck out of dodge."

"Baker," I cry, and my heart is heavy and full of sadness at the awful situation he's in.

He reaches for me and pulls me against him, brushing my hair with his fingers as I look up into his stormy gray eyes. "Summer," he whispers. "I'm so sorry. I'm sorry I broke up with you. I'm sorry you had to see that today. When I saw you on my doorstep this afternoon, I was just... disgusted. I didn't want you to know about that part of my life. I wanted to protect you from it."

"I don't understand," I reply, my throat getting tight. "You could have told me. I would have done everything I could to help you. I still want to do everything I can to help you. Let me talk to my parents and see if we can pull some of my trust fund money out early."

He smiles sadly and shakes his head. "I can't let you do that, Summer," he says. "That money is yours. It's for school or an apartment or a down payment on a house later. It's not to help some guy you've known for just over a year."

"But I love you," I say, and the smile falls from his face. "I know. I know I've never said it before. And I know this probably isn't the best day for you to—'

"No, no," he says, cutting me off as his eyes glaze over with tears of his own. He swallows hard and closes his eyes. "When you have someone who is supposed to love you and care for you beat your ass on a regular basis, sometimes... sometimes you don't feel very loveable. Before Ian came along... well... it was a lot worse. I was alone and dealing with it by myself, with no one else in the world to see or love me. And then he was born, and I swore I would do anything to protect him from all this. It hasn't always been easy. Most days... I don't think I'd be here if it wasn't for Ian, Summer. I think...." He closes his eyes and sucks in a breath before saying, "I think I probably would've killed myself a long time ago."

His words tear me up inside, and the only thing I can think to do is lean forward and press my lips against his. He winces, and I remember his lip is busted and swelling. So I move my lips gently against his, and he follows my lead. But it takes moments for the kiss to heat up into something more. He's hungry for... something. I don't know what it is. Love, maybe? To feel something other than pain? Whatever it is, he's kissing me like he's never kissed me before. He's not holding back like he usually does. And it's like a fire has ignited within me, blazing in my soul and traveling down, down, down.

And in this moment, I know. I want to do this. I need to do this. To make him feel something more than what he's feeling right now. To show him he's capable of being loved too. My fingers find the hem of his bloodied sweatshirt, and I pull at it. He doesn't waste a single moment as he reaches down and yanks the hoodie off his body with his undershirt. And that's when I see... his chest is covered in bruises of all different shades, ranging from light purple, to dark blue, to black, and to yellow. This is his secret. This is what he's been hiding from me. From the world.

"Summer," he groans against my mouth as I undo the button of his jeans. His gray eyes are dark, but he reaches for my hand to stop me. "No," he says breathlessly, and my eyes widen as my chest heaves with want. He closes his eyes, swallows hard, and shakes his head. "I... can we not do this tonight, baby?" he asks, and the question sounds like it pains him.

My eyes widen in surprise. "But... but I want to," I say, unable to believe he's stopping now. His face falls as he sits up and scoots away from me, and the surprise morphs into something like hurt. "I... why do you do this?" I ask, the tears welling up in my eyes. "Why, Baker? Why do you always hold back?"

His head falls into his hands as he starts to shake. "You don't understand," he whispers, and I shake my head, trying to fight the anger building up within me. "I don't know if I want to because I want to, or because it all hurts so much. I can never tell. And I love you too much to do this without knowing for sure."

I jump to my feet and start pacing the room, running my fingers through my hair. "That doesn't make any sense, Baker," I snap, unable to even look at him as my cheeks blaze with heat from what we almost did. From what I so desperately want to do. "You love me, but you don't want to have sex with me because you don't know for sure if that's what you want? So what, are we just never going to do it? Are we just going to slow kiss in the back of your car forever?"

He cringes as he looks up at me, and I'm horrified to see he's crying. "No, of course not. But... I'm a little... scared of this step," he admits, and I stop my pacing to look at him. "I need to make sure it's happening for the right reasons, okay?"

I shake my head. "But it is," I tell him, my voice whiny and pleading. "Baker, it is for the right reasons. I love you. I want to do this." He stares at me, his mouth hanging open slightly as I wrap my arms around him, pressing his cheek against my chest. "Let me do this. Let me help make this better. I've never done it before, but I can if you just—"

"That's what I'm taking about, baby," he says, cutting me off. "I don't want to do it to take the pain way. I want to do it because I love you and it's right. This... this clusterfuck of a situation isn't right, Summer. Can't you see that?"

My lip quivers. "But... but I don't want you to leave again," I mumble, a tear sliding down my face. "If I can make your pain go away, then you won't leave, and—"

He shakes his head. "I'm never leaving you again," he interrupts, brushing my hair out of my eyes so he can look into them. "You don't have to do this for that reason. You don't have to do this to ease my soul. My soul is eased just being with you. Don't you see that?"

I throw my arms around him, and he squeezes me, holding me against his bare chest. "I love you," I reply thickly, burying my fingers in his hair to pull him closer. "I love you, Baker. So much."

A sob escapes his lips. "I love you too," he replies, and he cover s my mouth with his own again. And I know, even though we aren't having sex tonight, that I've just given him a huge chunk of my heart. The same heart that, earlier today, was left in pieces by his cruel, protective words. We fall back on my bed together, and he holds me in his arms for the longest time while we shed silent tears. When we're don't crying, he kisses my forehead as I slide my fingers against his bare, bruised chest.

"Why?" I ask him some time later.

"Why what?" he asks hoarsely.

"Why does he hurt you like this?"

The silence lasts so long that for a while I think he's actually fallen asleep. Then he sighs and says, "I don't know. He just... he gets so angry. Most of the time it's not even over anything I did. It's just shit he thinks I did. Sometimes I'm covering for Ian, like I said. But sometimes it's nothing. Today... I don't know what triggered it. I think it was the lack of presents under the tree. Or maybe it was that I even bothered setting the tree up at all."

"Why did you?" I ask.

He shrugs his shoulders. "I don't know. I think... well, I had your present, and I wanted it to sit under a tree. I bought it before, you know?" I nod my head, because I know he's talking about before we broke up. "But even though I knew I couldn't give it to you, I didn't want to take it back. I think I hoped I could give it to you someday."

I smile, my eyes closing against his chest. "Is that why you gave it to Ian to give to me?" I ask.

"What do you mean?"

My eyes fly open as I turn to look at him. "You gave the gift to Ian to give to me, right? I mean, it was under my tree this morning. I opened it. That's actually why I went to your house in the first place. I was going to give it back to you and tell you to fuck off."

He winces at my words, then sighs. "No. I didn't give it to him. I didn't even know he took it." Then he smiles slightly and sighs. "Little shit. Looks like he was playing matchmaker."

I shake my head, but I can't contain the smile widening on my lips. "Maybe giving the gift to me was his gift to you."

Baker laughs against my hair. "Maybe. I can't say I'm disappointed by the result. Although the timing could've been better."

I nod my head, my mind drifting back to the abuse I now know he's suffering at the hands of his father. "My parents can help you, you know. They can get you out of there."

"You can't tell anyone, Summer," he whispers, and I cringe, knowing he was going to say that. "Seriously. If anyone else finds out, then I'll go back to foster care. Or Ian will. And I can't have that. I won't."

A sigh escapes my lips. "Maybe... maybe it won't be like before," I say hopefully. "If he does end up in foster care, maybe he'll end up with a good family."

"Not a chance I'm willing to take," he replies as he runs his fingers through my hair. "I have this under control, Summer. Pretty soon I can file for guardianship, and then everything will be better. Just give it time."

I shake my head and sit up in bed. "You honestly expect me to keep this a secret?" I ask, horrified. He nods his head, and my mouth falls open. "Baker, I can't do that! I can't let him keep hurting you! I love you!"

He smiles as he reaches up and brushes a strand of hair out of my eyes. "I love you too. So much. More than I ever thought possible. But you have to trust me on this. Trust me that I have a plan. That I'll figure it out." He pauses for a second as he watches me, blazing a hole in the back of my head with his gray eyes. "Summer... do you trust me?"

"Well, yeah," I reply hesitantly. "But—"

"Then promise you won't tell anyone," he says, interrupting me. I bite my lower lip reluctantly. "Summer, please. You can't. Do you trust me?"

The thing is, I do trust him. I've trusted him since that day last year when he saved me from Ollie Thompson's arms. I love him. I'd do anything to help him. But it just feels really wrong to hold this in. To keep this a secret. He's staring at me with such intensity, pleading with me to keep my mouth shut. I bite my lip again, and finally, after thinking for a few more seconds, I nod my head. He lets out a breath, and I wish I could be as relieved as he is right now. "But I withhold the right to speak up if things get too bad," I say. "And you have to be one hundred percent honest with me from this moment forward."

He nods his head. "I swear to you, Summer. I promise. I will never keep anything secret from you again." He leans forward and kisses me again, harder. I know he thinks this is over. This conversation has reached its end. But as his lips move against mine, all I can see are the bruises covering his chest and back. The cuts on his face. The swelling. The busted lip. I love him, and I'd do almost anything for him. But I don't think I can do this. I don't think I can risk his safety. But is it really risking his safety? Or would I just be making this worse if I spoke up? These are the thoughts plaguing my mind as Baker sneaks out the window and hour later, hoodie back up, as he runs through the darkness. Meanwhile I'm stuck dealing with the mental torment of my own thoughts. Thinking over and over again... what is the right thing to do? And wondering deep down if this is one of those situations that just doesn't have a right answer.

Author's Note:
This chapter used to be very different, as in the original version, Summer and Baker did actually have sex. But after much thought, I decided it just didn't feel right with the story. So I changed it. I hope you like this version, and I hope you understand these changes as the story progresses. Let me know what you think. I'll be posting a new chapter soon. Stay safe and healthy until then, my dears!
XOXO,

~Aly