She knew what had happened.

And now, she couldn't sleep.

She had a vague idea why, but the Force surely would have worn her out.

After all, she had slept fine on the Razor Crest, minus the nightmare.

But at the moment, she felt restless. Din had insisted on taking the cot close to the door, just in case anything were to happen. He had also removed his helmet for the night, which meant she had to face the wall. Of course, that wasn't the issue.

She couldn't stop her heart and mind from racing.

The older she became, the more frequent the nightmares seemed to occur. She could hear it.

Your strong emotions will be your undoing.

Your strong emotions will lead to your death.

You would thrive so much more as a Sith.

You cannot protect them, they cannot protect you.

She heard it, over and over again. And tonight, the whispers and thoughts were especially loud, practically clawing at her. So, here she was, sitting upright and staring at the wall.

Frankly, she had no idea if Din was still awake or not, but she hadn't said anything to prove it one way or another. As much as she didn't want to ask what she was about to ask, and potentially weird him out, she couldn't sleep, and she needed someone to talk to, someone to help calm the thoughts racing in her mind.

"Din?" she whispered, back still turned. "Are you awake?"

"I am, mesh'la."

His voice sounded slightly different without the modulator, which only made (Y/N) smile slightly.

"It's going to sound silly, but I can't sleep," she whispered. "Too many thoughts in my head, and I'm worried about..."

"About?"

"I'm worried that when I do fall asleep, I'm going to have that same nightmare again—I don't know," she said, sighing. "I just don't want to be alone."

She could hear Din shift on the other cot.

"You're not alone."

(Y/N) placed her head in her hands.

"No, I mean—like—well, you know...alone, in the bed," she explained. "I never told you this, but when I lived on Coruscant, I—"

"What is it?"

(Y/N)'s shoulders slumped. "I had this stuffed animal I slept with, had it since I was fairly young." She rubbed her eyes. "And I know it wasn't living or breathing, but having it brought me comfort. I didn't feel so alone when I had it."

"Why didn't you bring it?"

"You know how my apartment was basically destroyed? Well, whoever broke in destroyed the stuffed animal, ripped it to shreds," (Y/N) replied.

At this point, she could tell Din was staring right at her.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

(Y/N)'s eyes remained on the wall.

"It seemed embarrassing at the time," she answered. "Kind of feel stupid for not saying anything until now."

"(Y/N)."

"Yes?" she whispered and could vaguely make out an outline of Din's shadow behind her.

"Is there something you're trying to say?"

(Y/N) groaned, pinching the bridge of her nose.

"Fine. Din, could you come get in this bed please?" she asked. "You don't have to of course, but I just thought I should ask—"

She stopped talking when the bed dipped beside her. She kept her eyes toward the wall as they both proceeded to get under the blanket.

"Sorry," she said, letting out a nervous laugh. "I'm sure I sounded so awkward."

"You're fine."

Both of them shifted slightly, trying to get comfortable, but the cot didn't leave much space.

"I won't turn over," (Y/N) whispered. "I promise."

"I know, I trust you."

Even though (Y/N) knew this to be the case, something about Din saying it out loud held way more significance. Despite Din's cold beskar not being the most comfortable thing to be pressed up against, (Y/N) could already feel the thoughts begin to slow down.

She took a deep breath, though it was interrupted by one of Din's arms draping over her waist. (Y/N) shifted slightly so her hair wouldn't be in his face.

Now, her heart was racing for a completely different reason, and she wasn't sure why. The thoughts were becoming more calm, but why was her heart still beating so quickly? Then, she realized he wasn't wearing his gloves, one of his hands absentmindedly grabbing hers.

"Din, I have a question," she murmured, feeling more relaxed.

Din simply grunted in response, clearly becoming drowsy.

"What does the word mir'sheb mean? And what does cyar'ika mean? I know I said I'd learn them, but I'm curious," she whispered.

Din let out a soft sigh, his breath fanning her ear.

"If I tell you, will you get some sleep?"

(Y/N) smiled. "Okay."

"The first word, mir'sheb," Din whispered. "It means smartass."

Eyes closed, (Y/N) snorted.

"I suppose that makes sense."

Din squeezed her hand in response.

"So, what does cyar'ika mean then?"

This time, Din was quiet for a longer period of time, and (Y/N) began to wonder if he had already drifted off. She doubted it. She opened her eyes, narrowing them in slight suspicion.

"Did you already fall asleep?"

"Sweetheart."

(Y/N) froze, eyes widening slightly at the sound of the word.

"Cyar'ika means sweetheart."

(Y/N) couldn't help but smile as Din pressed her further to his chest, and she wondered if she was just imagining his fast heartbeat.

"Goodnight Din."

"Goodnight, mesh'la."

And for once, the thoughts were calm.

For once, the thoughts were nearly quiet.

***

In (Y/N)'s opinion, the morning arrived too quickly. When she initially woke up, she realized there were no nightmares, or visions. That was a relief.

Her eyes were met with a blank wall, but small rays of sunlight were streaming into the room. But then, (Y/N) realized something else. She completely forgot Din had joined her the night before, and his soft snores were currently tickling her neck.

It was interesting. For such a supposedly fierce bounty hunter, he seemed like he was still out cold, and somehow she was awake before him.

Anyway, she was almost certain he was holding onto her tighter than the night before.

Why did they have to kill the krayt dragon?

Couldn't the three of them just stay here, sleep in?

Din's hand that was holding hers shifted slightly, and she could tell he was just waking up.

"Good morning," (Y/N) whispered, yawning.

Din groaned. "Morning."

"How'd you sleep?"

His voice was muffled slightly. "Slept well, you?"

(Y/N) smiled. "Slept well too. No thoughts, no nightmares."

"Good."

There was a comfortable silence between the two of them before (Y/N) sighed. She knew Vanth would be here soon, but maybe they could sleep a little longer...

"We should probably get up," Din muttered. "Vanth will be here soon."

"You're right."

If Din didn't know any better, his friend almost sounded disappointed. And frankly, though he didn't want to admit it, he felt that way as well. For a brief moment, everything felt normal. Well, as normal as it was going to get.

"I'll stay turned around while you put your helmet back on," (Y/N) said. "Let me know when you're ready."

Her heart sank slightly when Din moved, the comforting warmth before had disappeared. She heard of the familiar hiss of the helmet being put back on.

"I'm ready," he said.

(Y/N) turned over, eyes landing on Din first, and then the kid, who was snuggled on a pillow, a blanket draped over him. She bit back a smile.

Today, maybe today would be better than she had anticipated.

***

"How about you drive today," Din suggested once everything was situated on the speeder.

(Y/N) paused, eyes darting back and forth between Din and the speeder.

"Hm, not sure if that's a good idea," she said, laughing nervously.

Din sighed. "You weren't paying attention yesterday, were you?"

"Look, I was distracted yesterday."

"The never ending sea of sand is very distracting," Din replied, tone sarcastic.

(Y/N) narrowed her eyes at him and folded her arms. She couldn't tell him the real reason why she had been distracted yesterday, but she could tell he was waiting for an answer.

"I wasn't distracted by the sand," she muttered, kicking at a stray rock.

"Then what distracted you?"

(Y/N) turned away. "I refuse to answer anymore questions. Look, if you really want me to drive, I can."

Meanwhile, Vanth watched their interaction in confusion and mild amusement.

"I thought you said you weren't paying attention."

Technically, she had been paying attention. Just not to specific instructions. Surely, she could remember some of it.

She pulled her hair back. "I mean, I wasn't, but I think I can at least remember the handles and everything." She glanced up at Din. "After all, I'm a visual learner."

Vanth sighed, leaning against his own speeder.

"Not to break up whatever this is—" He gestured to the two of them. "But I'm going to ask one more time, is it a good idea to bring her and the kid along? I don't know how safe it'll be."

(Y/N) couldn't help but smile. If she could handle running from the Empire, surely a krayt dragon wouldn't be too bad, or dangerous.

"We've seen worse," (Y/N) replied, and the kid squeaked in agreement.

Vanth simply nodded, climbing on his own speeder. (Y/N) climbed on the other one, pulling her goggles on as Din sat down behind her. She started the engine just as Din placed a hand firmly on her waist. She glanced over her shoulder and smirked.

"Think you can handle a little speed, Mando?" she teased, and then she turned back, tightening her grip on the handle bars. "Hold on tight."

And then, they took off.

During the ride, Vanth took the time to explain how he came across the armor in the first place. And though he wasn't a Mandalorian, the reason why he used the armor was to take care of the people of Mos Pelgo. It was for a good cause.

So, despite his somewhat flirtatious manner and comments, he seemed like he truly meant well. All he wanted to do was protect them. And so, when he finished his story, (Y/N) knew then and there that they could trust him.

Eventually, the four of them drew closer to the canyon. Din lowered his helmet to (Y/N)'s ear.

"You said you couldn't drive a speeder."

(Y/N) shrugged. "Guess I'm a fast learner too." She winked at him. "I suppose I was paying attention more than I thought I was."

They slowed down once they reached the canyon, and Vanth held up a hand to signal for them to stop. (Y/N) pulled her goggles off and looked around. A chill ran down her spine as a howl echoed through the canyon, followed by a low growl.

Din had already climbed off of the speeder, and (Y/N) checked to make sure the kid was doing alright.

He had his rifle drawn, and (Y/N)'s hand immediately flew to the hilt of her lightsaber, just in case. She could only hope Vanth hadn't noticed. After climbing off of the speeder, she made sure to position herself a couple of feet behind Din as the growling grew louder.

Vanth also had his rifle drawn, and that's when (Y/N) saw it, a four-legged creature with large jaws. It took a moment, but (Y/N) realized she recognized those creatures.

One of the only upsides from her last trip to Tatooine was she had met Tusken raiders and had met these creatures last time as well. It had been dusk when they found her.

At first, she had been a bit startled, only because she had woken up a couple of minutes prior. She had spent a few days with them, and they had helped her learn their language while she was there.

More of the creatures stepped out from behind the rocks, but (Y/N) decided to remain completely still. She felt calm.

Suddenly, Din let out a deep bellow, and the sound echoed throughout the canyon. The creatures froze, glancing up at Din. (Y/N) raised her eyebrows. He set his rifle back on the speeder, grabbing one of the snacks they had packed for the kid.

Vanth's eyebrows knitted together, as if he was about to protest this. (Y/N) moved her hand away from her lightsaber and could only trust that Din knew what he was doing. In fact, she knew Din could handle this fine. After a few more grunting sounds from Din, the creature happily bounded up to him, earning some scratches and pets from him. (Y/N) couldn't help but smile at the sight.

Then, her eyes trailed up the rocks until they landed on three hooded figures emerging from the shadows. While Vanth seemed to visibly tense at the approaching figures, (Y/N) relaxed, letting her shoulders slump slightly.

Din slowly stood to his feet and began talking to them, using specific hand gestures to communicate. Though (Y/N)'s knowledge on the language was somewhat rusty, she understood enough for the time being.

It didn't surprise (Y/N) that Din also knew their language. She was aware that he knew multiple languages.

Vanth fidgeted slightly before harshly whispering, "What's he doing?"

(Y/N) glanced at him, smiled, and put a finger to her lips, silently telling him to wait. Once the interaction ended, Din turned back to (Y/N) and Vanth. (Y/N) gave Din a knowing look.

"Hey partner, you want to tell me what's going on?" Vanth questioned, tone cautious.

"They want to kill the krayt dragon too," Din and (Y/N) answered simultaneously.

(Y/N) was almost positive Din was raising his eyebrows at her from under his helmet. Without talking, he pulled the hood of her cloak over her head once more. He turned back to the Tuskens, having one more brief conversation with them before heading back to their speeder.

"For tonight, we'll follow them to their camp," Din said. "We'll make a plan and find the krayt dragon in the morning."

(Y/N) shrugged. "Sounds good."

Vanth didn't seem as keen on the idea, but reluctantly followed, getting back on his speeder. Din glanced down at (Y/N).

"I didn't know you knew their language," he said.

"I mean, it's pretty rusty now, but I remember it somewhat," (Y/N) answered, hopping back on the speeder. "Could've sworn I told you that."

Din sat down behind her, his hands finding her waist once more. He had been doing that a lot more as of late, and (Y/N) wasn't entirely sure what the reason was. Obviously, it made sense when they were on the speeder, but what about the other times?

"That's the third new thing I've learned about you," Din muttered.

(Y/N) patted his hand before reaching out to grab the handle bars of the speeder.

"Let's just hope I don't crash the speeder."

Din poked her in the side.

"You're right, you're right. I'll have Peli to deal with if I do that. Besides, I was joking," she said, starting the engine. "Sort of."

***

That night, everyone sat around the fire at the Tusken camp. Din sat on a crate, and the child sat between his feet, leaning up against the crate. (Y/N)'s eyes remained focused on the dancing flames in front of them. Vanth still appeared a bit uneasy.

(Y/N) wasn't paying attention to Din's conversation. The thoughts had come back, the ones that had kept her up the night before.

The Tuskens pulled out two dark melons, breaking both of them open. A dark steam rose from both of them. They handed one to Vanth, and then one to (Y/N). The thoughts dulled for a moment as she stared at the melon in her hand.

Vanth turned to Din. "What am I supposed to do with this?"

"You drink it."

(Y/N) vaguely recalled drinking one of them the last time she was there. No, it didn't taste good, she remembered that much. But, regardless, she needed to drink it if they wanted the Tuskens' help, and she didn't want to be rude.

So, she took a sip, tried her best to ignore the taste, and swallowed it. She paused, and then smiled at everyone, who happened to be watching her too.

"Thank you," she said. "That was...lovely."

Clearly, Vanth could hear the hesitation in her voice.

"Well, now I'm convinced," Vanth muttered sarcastically, glaring at the melon in his hand. "It stinks."

"Do you want their help?" Din asked.

"Not if I have to drink this."

(Y/N) pinched the bridge of her nose. Then the atmosphere became more tense, as the Tuskens were offended that Vanth rejected their drink. As they continued to raise their voices, Din stood up and blasted fire from his vambrace to silence them. (Y/N)'s eyes widened.

"It has a flamethrower too?!" she gasped, and the child cooed happily.

Din managed to calm everyone down. "Now, how do we kill it?" He used hand gestures to communicate with the Tuskens as well.

As the night went on, the Tuskens retreated to their tents for the night. (Y/N) sighed, glancing up at Din.

"Well, that was intense," she said, leaning against the crate. "Mando?"

He turned around on the crate so he was completely facing her. He leaned closer.

"What?"

(Y/N) grinned. "I want flamethrowers."

"Absolutely not," he answered, letting out a huff of laughter. "That would be a hazard."

(Y/N) leaned closer. "Oh? And my lightsaber isn't?"

"You know how to use it."

"And I could learn how to use that," (Y/N) said, gesturing to the vambrace.

A comfortable silence fell over them, minus the child playing with the sand. (Y/N)'s eyes darted back to the fire for a moment.

"(Y/N)."

She hummed in response at the sound of Din's voice.

"I wanted to ask a question."

(Y/N) turned away from the fire and back to Din, a small smile on her face.

"Okay, what's your question?"

"I have a question about something you said last night," he said. "You said something about needing to find balance. What did you mean?"

(Y/N) gazed at him for a moment before nodding her head in recognition. She let out a nervous laugh.

"I've been sort of nervous about telling you," she said, staring up at the sky before turning back to him. "So, there are various kyber crystals of various colors, which determine both the meaning and color of the lightsaber you receive. Every crystal is matched with a person for a reason, it's not random."

Din's helmet tilted down at her.

"I at least know about the different colors."

"Oh, alright then. If you know about the different colors, what does the color of my lightsaber mean?" (Y/N) asked, holding her lightsaber in her hands.

She tilted her head slightly, stifling a laugh when he went completely silent.

"It's okay if you don't know. I'm just messing with you," she said. "If I tell you what it means, it might clarify what I said about balance last night. Do you want the simple answer, or the detailed one?"

"Detailed."

(Y/N) nodded. "Alright, for safety reasons, I'm not going to activate it right now. As you know by now, my lightsaber has a purple kyber crystal. Purple typically means the holder possesses more uncertainty, walking a thin line of the light and dark side." She took a deep breath. "It was really difficult finding information about them, the purple lightsabers I mean. Apparently they're more rare. When I originally acquired it, or rather, earned it. I was given vague pieces of information."

She glanced up at the sky, and then back at Din.

"Supposedly, I am someone who has to use much more mental concentration in order to achieve balance, and strong emotions can be useful, but they can also, well—" She paused, taking another deep breath.

"What?" Din asked. "What is it?"

"I told you about those thoughts, right? Well, sometimes, there's just this small moment where I feel tempted by the dark side, it's only small, but it's there." Her voice become more quiet, scared to hear what Din would say in response. "Sometimes I can feel it pulling on me, those voices trying to drag me with them. I don't—I don't want you to think I'm—well—a monster."

Din was quiet for a moment, brushing some sand from his pants as he thought about what she had said.

"Do you remember when we met?"

(Y/N) paused for a moment before nodding.

Ironically, when (Y/N) and the Mandalorian had met, it had been the midst of chaos.

She had, as usual, been laying low, working as a bartender in a secluded area in an attempt to avoid being caught. Regardless of it simply being a job to pass the time, she took it seriously.

Most days the bar was fairly calm, much to (Y/N)'s relief, but there were certainly evenings which tested her patience. And that day, the day they met, was one of said days. One thing she dealt with here and there were the fights which would break out.

On more crowded days, there was a little more tension in the bar, which typically led to a small fight breaking out. When fights broke out, things were damaged, and (Y/N) was not about to clean up that mess.

So, what did she do?

Stop the fight before it reached that point, of course. She'd leap over the counter and step in between them, grabbing both of them and dragging them outside.

"Fight all you want," she snapped, a hand on her hip. "But not in my bar!"

The day she met Din had been a particularly rough evening in general. Between a terrible headache in the morning and a rather pushy customer up at the bar, her patience had nearly run out.

So, when a fight broke out that evening, (Y/N) had to convince herself not to use the Force in order to end it. Obviously, she couldn't do that.

Once again, she had hopped over the bar, and marched her way over to the fighting customers. This fight had been more heated than the last one she had to deal with. So much so, that one of the customers had decided to turn around and fight her instead.

Just what she needed...

As the other customer attempted to join in, someone had yanked them back, leaving (Y/N) to take care of the one facing her. When it was all said and done, (Y/N) and the stranger tossed both of the customers outside.

(Y/N) had groaned and slammed the door behind her. As she turned to thank the stranger for helping out, she was greeted with a face full of armor.

She looked up, realizing a Mandalorian had helped her out. Maybe some people were intimidated by the armor, the shiny beskar that covered him from head to toe. And yet, (Y/N) didn't feel that way at all. Instead, a big grin spread across her face as she looked up at him.

"Thank you for the help," she said. "Don't think I've seen you here before." She backed up slightly and held out her hand to him. "I'm (Y/N)."

She gazed up at the stranger, waiting for him to respond as she let her hand linger. He waited a moment, and eventually reached out to shake her hand.

"Mando."

"It was the smile."

(Y/N) tilted her head.

"Intimidation is something bounty hunters pride themselves in," Din said as both of them took in the stars above them. "But that day, after the fight, when you looked at me and smiled—" He paused briefly. "You've never viewed me as monster, right?"

"Never."

Din's helmet tilted down at her. "Right. I don't view you as a monster either."

(Y/N) smiled softly, eyes closing as Din pressed his helmet against her forehead. But in her head, her thoughts were racing again. Sure, Din didn't see her as a monster now, of course he didn't. She hadn't given him a reason to view her as one.

And yet, she feared going down that path again...the anger, the uncontrolled fury that surged through her veins. She could only hope she never embraced that side again.

After all, she wasn't worried about Din seeing her as a monster currently.

She was worried, that as he continued to learn more about her, and as they faced more dangerous situations together, he would eventually feel the opposite way.

She worried and wondered if the thoughts about the dark side were right. She sighed, making herself comfortable next to Din and the kid under the stars. Neither him nor the kid viewed her as a monster, and she wasn't.

She wasn't one, right?

That was still something she was trying to figure out. 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Author's Note: 

So, that was Chapter Four, with a little more backstory. I'm still researching lore and essentially what each kyber crystal represents, so I tried to be accurate. Definitely still learning about all of it though! 

 Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Thank you!