-Jared-

Shit.

I couldn't even get through one evening without making her cry. What the heck was wrong with me?

"Don't be sorry for being yourself with me," I pleaded, her hand gripping mine perfectly. Despite all the contact I had ever had with any other girl in my life, this felt the most heavenly to me.

It was selfish of me to want more, but I did. I knew I couldn't. Not tonight.

I took a deep breath, preparing myself. She was so vulnerable in front of me. And now it was my turn.

"As long as I'll be myself with you."

She nodded and continued to watch me silently.

"I don't know if I told you this... But I've had trouble sleeping too."

Her eyes widened in surprise, but she kept holding my hand. "You do?"

I nodded, rubbing the back of my neck with my free hand.

I had only told my therapist about what I experienced in my nightmares. I didn't even tell my parents or Kristin - I knew they wouldn't understand or tell me I wasn't making sense.

I would definitely not feel like a hero after this. But something told me she wouldn't think any less of me afterward.

"Yeah," I sighed, dropping my hand from my neck. Here goes nothing. "After you got hurt, I kept having recurring nightmares. Sometimes, I didn't save you and you drowned. Sometimes... I was just in a pool full of dark red water and I couldn't find you."

I swallowed nervously, afraid to look over for her reaction. But I continued on.

"My parents had me see a therapist after I woke the whole house up three days in a row." I paused, unsure how to continue.

Ingrid shifted her body to face me. She placed her other hand on top of our intertwined fingers. "I'm so sorry you had those dreams."

"Don't apologize, it's not your fault." I shook my head and looked up to meet her eyes studying me curiously. "To be honest, it was the first 'true' emergency I've had as a lifeguard. I was scared shitless. I should be sorry. I'm the one who didn't do my job right-"

"Don't say that." I was surprised that she cut me off. Ingrid McKay was always patient and never interrupted people in school. "I'm here right now, today. Despite everything, I have the opportunity to thank you. I'm thankful for you and what you did."

Her cheeks were bright red and I could tell her own forward words terrified her.

I couldn't help but feel a smile grow on my face. "Well, thanks," I whispered bashfully.

We continued to rock the swing in silence, the neighborhood filling in background noise for us as the sun was setting. If things were different, I'd definitely be making a move right now.

The ambiance was perfect. I could tell she was into me as much as I was into her.

So why was I off my game?

"Can I ask you something, Jared?" Her timid voice pulled me from my thoughts.

"Yeah. Anything." I tried not to sound too eager. But I was sure I was failing.

This girl was turning things upside down for me. And I was liking it.

"This, uh...may be pretty awkward," she stammered over her words, avoiding my gaze. "But do you know...if I was hanging around any guys at school?" Her face looked pained and flushed as she asked. But I knew exactly what she wanted to know.

And it thrilled me that she asked.

"I only notice when you're with me."

I could feel my brain yelling "Kiss her, damn it!".

She laughed nervously, looking away. All I wanted to do was tilt her chin towards me and pull her into a kiss. I wondered what her lips tasted like. I had a feeling she never kissed anyone before and that excited me. She could be mine. Only mine.

I wasn't someone who usually had a complex about being someone's first. But she brought it out in me. Probably because she was the first girl who made me question everything I was in the first place.

Not only that, but everything I wanted to be.

"What are you thinking?" I asked, trying to push down the urges growing within me.

She had only seen me twice. I needed to slow myself down.

"I'm thinking about when you visited me."

I laughed self-consciously. Our "second" meeting was another time I made her cry. Great track record, Jared. "Yeah, I'm sorry about making you cry that time too..."

"No..." She breathed out, closing her eyes. "Before I woke up."

Holy shit.

"What?" My response tumbled out as I tried to reel in my shock at her words.

She could hear me?

"I don't remember everything - it's all kind of hazy. But I know you were there. Holding my hand." She nodded down to our hands. "Like this."

I was speechless. I studied her eyes, surprised to not find them looking away.

"I just remember you saying you were there for me." Her gaze revealed that she was feeling the same things as me.

How could something like this grow out of such a terrifying event?

What kind of messed up magnetic attraction was pulling us together?

And why were we fighting it?

I breathed out shakily, finding myself leaning in towards her.

This was it. I was sure of it.

"Hey! Make room for me!"

We both recoiled at the sound of her brother running towards us.

"Damn..." I mumbled, withdrawing my hand from hers.

Ingrid scooted over, patting the spot between us as her pink flush started to fade. "Uh... Hi, bud. Here you go." She peeked up at me apologetically as her brother took a seat with us.

I sighed, sneaking a peek at my watch to check the time. Better leave now, before I got any more worked up.

"You can take my seat," I offered as I stood up. "I should go before too late. I'm going to go thank your parents on my way out."

Ingrid's eyes widened, and it pained me to see how much she didn't want me to leave. "Oh... Yeah, that's a good idea." The disappointment was clear in her small voice.

"Feel free to text me whenever. I'm here for you." I nodded and turned away to leave, despite every nerve and fiber of myself protesting.

There was a good chance I would be sleepless tonight for an entirely different reason, but the thought of it didn't bother me.

I would sacrifice any and all sleep to keep texting her all night and planning the next time I could see her.