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Chapter 3 - Think Positive

"Hey Nat? Want to go for a walk?" I hear my father call to me from downstairs.

My mind instantly goes back to when I was twelve; the last time we went for a walk. Dad has been busy helping out my mom the past few years and here we are. I'm fourteen now.

"Yeah, sure. I'll be down in a sec." I reply putting the notebook I got many years ago inside my pillowcase. I head down the stairs and Dad tosses me a peanut butter granola bar; just like always... Well, back when this was a regular 'always' thing... Now it's more like a flash from the past.

I look up at my father and laugh lightly; he does the same back, but I can tell he's not feeling it.

I think back to what I wrote in my notebook just a few moments ago...

He's lost his smile, glow, humor; basically his whole personality the past few years. Mom hasn't really talked since the day before my thirteenth birthday. Sometimes she screams random things to no one in particular, but I really don't consider that talking... It's never understandable on what she says.

My father has to watch her like a hawk. One day she kept slamming the door on her hand hard consecutively and he literally had to pick her up and carry her away from the door which made her scream unknown words again to who knows who.

There was also this other time where she just kept banging her head on the wall; not like in a stressed manor and only done once or twice. This was like banging her head as hard as possible into the wall multiple times, not stopping.

I remember asking her if she was okay. I remember my father saying to not worry and just go up to my room so he could calm her down.

It really scares me.

I don't want to be scared of my mother, but I am.
  
  
"Ready?"  He says running his hand through the top of my brown hair pulled back in a high ponytail.

"Yep." I say and open the door.

We do our old normal walk down the street, over the guard rail, through the rocks and trees in the woods and end at our old spot by the fallen tree and small lake. Parts of the tree have rotted away over the years I notice now, but it's still there. Even though we've not walked this path in at least two years neither of us have forgotten.

I don't think we ever could.

As the old usual we walk in silence. But what I don't remember is that it was an awkward silence like this.

That's because it never was. It was a calm relaxing silence. This; this is weird; terrifying to be more clear.

I can't help but feel that something's wrong. All of a sudden my father asks me to go for a walk again after we haven't in three years; what could it mean?

'Calm down Nat. You're just paranoid. He probably just wanted to rebuild the bond you two have lost in the past couple years.' That little voice in the back of my head reassures me.

Yeah. I'm probably just paranoid.

I just can't feel that there's something behind that awkward silence; like there's something he's hiding from me.

We head over and sit on the fallen tree still in silence. Now I know for a fact something is up. Usually this is the part of the walk where we talk, laugh, joke, play around, basically just not sit in silence.

"Dad?" I take a deep breath. "What's wrong?" I ask so quietly I question if even I heard me.

"What makes you think something's wrong?" He mumbles quietly, turning his head to me slightly. I see few tears gather up under his eyes, but they are very faint.

I give him a look and he sighs. "You are always so observant and curious," he mumbles. "Just like you're mother was." I see a stray tear go down his face; making its travel down his cheek, around his chin and dripping off onto his knee making a tiny little round darker wet spot on his jeans.

"Dad?" I hear the worry in my voice. My head begins to pound as my heart pounds out of my chest and my hands begin to sweat. "Dad what's wrong?!" I almost yell out of panic.

"Nat. Please promise me you will stay calm. It's not good news." He sighs.

"Dad it's hard to stay calm when you are literally terrifying me right now!" I yell rushed.

"It's your mother." He sighs as another tear goes down his cheek. "Her doctor and I have been meeting three times a year for about seven years now. I would give him updates on her and he would evaluate if she needed to be.. He and I agreed it's time to put her in a," he takes a deep breath as more tears fall. "A mental hospital."

My heart sinks; my head pounds; my knees go weak and if I wasn't sitting I'm sure I would fall.

"How could you?" I barely hear myself say. I don't remember my brain processing the words, but somehow my mouth said them.

"How could you?!" Sobs wrack my body. "You-- you always said we could help her, that she'd be okay! WAS THIS ALWAYS THE PLAN?! TO PUT HER IN A MENTAL HOSPITAL AND KEEP ME IN THE DARK ABOUT IT FOR ALL OF THESE YEARS?! HUH?!" Anger takes control of my body as I sob.

"Nat--" he starts.

"DON'T YOU "NAT" ME! HOW COULD YOU NOT TELL ME?! WE COULD HAVE HELPED HER; THEN MAYBE SHE WOULDN'T BE IN THE STATE SHE IS NOW!" I sob.

"Natalie." He sighs. "I wish I could have told you. It's just that-- it was easier not to. You may not understand, but it's not the easiest thing to do; tell your daughter that her mother is slowly going insane. I don't want to send her away either, but it's safer. With us she may kill not only herself, but even us. The post traumatic stress has taken her over and she has gotten violent; you've seen it. It may not be forever; she's going to get the help she needs. If she gets well enough she may get to come back home someday. It kills me to say it but it most likely won't be very soon, but maybe someday. We just have to look at that positive aspect. Okay?" He wraps his arms around me in an embrace and I feel his tears soak in the back of my shirt.

"When-- when do they come t--to take her?" I choke on the words.

"In five days they're going to pick her up at the house."

"Does she know?" I say quietly even though I'm sure she doesn't know.

"Honey, she's not sane enough to understand. But no, we aren't suppose to tell her."

"Okay." I mumble snuggling into my fathers shoulder; my tears soak his shirt.

"I just want you to know it's okay to be upset; I am too. We both will miss her dearly. Just don't think of it like she's gone or dead. Think of it like she's just away for a little while longer than usual but will be back someday soon."

"Okay." I say still snuggled in his shoulder.

As I fall asleep the words 'think positive' float through my head.
      
    

A/N-

Hey humans!

So I really haven't talked at all yet on this story...

So as some of you may know from my other fanfic "The Truth After Allegiant" or TTAA for short, I call you all humans (idk why or how I even started that but just roll with it) and usually put an authors note of some type at the end of each chap. They aren't mandatory to read, but I'd appreciate it even if you just skim through them; I do usually keep them short so yeah...

I also usually put the number of reads at the end of each authors note along with how I end each note just for fun and for when I go back and be like "Oh on chapter whatever I have blah blah blah reads" and for the people who may want to see how many reads I get between chaps or whatever.

Now for the way I always say good bye to you all.... *cue drum roll*

So anyways...

146 reads!! <4

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