hey i'm not back just figured i would add a little update to what's been going on this past week. don't read this if you want it's just complaining and tw for self harm.

basically my mom found out. i was an idiot and decided to wear shorts not realizing they rode up when i sat down and she saw them.

i remember her crying as she asked me if i was cutting myself and i had a full on panic attack. it literally felt like my whole world collapsed. the things i had been keeping a secret for like 3 years now were going to come out and to the one person i didn't want to find out the most.

anyways she called someone idk who but they told her to take me to the hospital so she did. i was there for like 5 or 6 hours, spoke to some mental health nurse and they sent me on my way with like 300 worksheets and workbooks and the kids helpline number.

since then everything's gone to shit. i'm being put on meds, which isn't that bad i guess, i'm not allowed to drive the car because apparently they think i'm gonna crash and kill myself if i do. my mom hid all the knives in the house, and i'm not allowed to stay home alone.

not only all that but she barely ever leaves me alone anymore. i'll go to my room for like 10 minutes to watch a show and she's on my back saying i need to go outside and be more productive.

i know she's just trying to help because she's worried about me but i'm so fucking tired. i've had to lie to my friends about where i've been and why i can't go swimming and why i can't take the car  and i just don't want to anymore.

i wish i could just tell them what's happening but my mom said it's not a good idea and they'll judge me and not want to hangout with me anymore.

i also got rejected from my dream school which is fucking amazing.

got my first dose of the covid vaccine too and felt like absolute shit for 2 days after.

anyways i guess that's my life update for you all.

feel free to message me if you ever need to talk.

bye
-taco