so this is a short and crappy update but valentine's day is this weekend and well i'm just gonna tell my story and how I feel through Peter  (also let's just say there's no Peter and MJ) 
TW: anxiety, not self harm but like sorta idk how to describe it but there is some blood

Peter woke up early Sunday morning, completely forgetting what day it was.

Fucking Valentine's Day.

He groaned and decided to just go back to bed when FRIDAYs happy voice came through the roof.
"Good morning Peter, Mr. Rogers has asked me to alert you that breakfast is ready."

Peter rolled his eyes and sighed, throwing on a big black hoodie and trudging down the hallway and into the kitchen.

He gave a small smile when he saw Steve standing by the oven, with Tony's arms around him. The two were smiling as Steve added another heart shaped pancake to the stack on the counter.

Peter sat down at the table surrounded by the other avengers. Clint was on the phone with his wife, Wanda and Vision were holding hands, talking to Bucky and Nat (idk let's go with that ship cause i don't like Bruce + Nat) about their Valentine's Day plans.

They all smiled when they saw Peter and said good morning to which he replied with his fake peppy attitude.

God he fucking hated Valentine's Day.

Steve walked over with the stack of pancakes and placed them in the centre of the table. Everyone dug in, eating silently before Steve started the conversation Peter was dreading.

"So, what's everyone doing today?"

Clint was the first to reply,
"I set up this gazebo in the woods for Laura, we're gonna have dinner there and watch the stars."

Then Wanda,
"Me and Vis are going out for dinner, then out to see a movie."

And Bucky,
"Me and Nat are gonna go for a walk by the lake and watch the sunset."

Finally Tony,
"Well I'd say what me and Steve are doing, but Peter's virgin ears are listening."

Peter grimaced and rolled his eyes. They all chuckled, and Peter shook his head.
"Ya know the sound proof walls don't do much when you have super hearing."

Steve and Tony's faces paled while everyone wheezed with laughter. Tony frowned, trying to change the subject.

"By the way what are you up to today kiddo?" He asked. Peter looked down at his plate, the pancake crumbs suddenly becoming very interesting.

"Oh I'm probably just going to hangout with Ned or MJ or something i dunno." He replied.

He was lying.

Ned and Betty had been dating for a few months now, same with MJ and Brad. Peter used to see them everyday, but now that they were in a relationship they never even bothered with him.

He used to text them, try to get them to hangout but their answer was always one of two variations:

P: "Wanna hangout?"
N / MJ: "Sorry i have plans with Brad / Betty."

Or, the one Peter hated the most:

P: "Wanna do something today?"
N / MJ: "Sure whatever I don't care."

He was so sick and tired of always being the second choice. The 'backup' friend. Yes I know when you're in a relationship, you spend a lot of time with your partner, but that doesn't mean you ditch your single friends completely.

What was worse, is even if they said yes sometimes, Peter could tell they didn't want to be with him. They would rather be with their boyfriend / girlfriend. Also they never made an effort to reach out to him or make plans. It was always Peter who had to start the conversations, or make the plans and get everyone there and home.

He hated it so much. He just wanted to feel wanted, appreciated, liked. When his friends started acting like this it only made his anxiety worse. He constantly needed reassurance that his friends didn't hate him, but now that they were cutting him out for their relationships, he felt like they hated him even more.

"I'm just gonna go to my room for a bit, you guys all have fun today." Peter said as he got up, putting his plate and fork in the dishwasher.

He made his way into his room, locking the door behind him. He walked into his bathroom and dropped to the floor.

He never understood why, but laying on the cold bathroom tiles helped him calm down when he felt an anxiety attack coming on.

He cried and pulled at his hair, angry at himself for being jealous of what his friends had. He was a horrible friend. He should be happy for them, because they're happy, but all he wanted was for things to go back to how they used to be.

He hit his head on the bathroom floor a few times, not too hard but hard enough to make the bad thoughts go away so his brain could return to numbness.

He didn't realize but he had subconsciously been shredding the inside of his mouth. He did that whenever he got too anxious or stressed out. It's kinda gross but he would chew and bite the inside of his cheek until the taste of blood made him sick, or there was nowhere left to bite that wasn't shredded already.

He stood up, looking in the mirror to see how deep the cuts were in his mouth. He grimaced as the blood stained his tongue and teeth. He spit out as much of the blood as he could then did this other weird thing to bring himself back to earth.

He rinsed his mouth with water, wincing as it stung a bit, then took his fingers and pressed on the cuts. It stung really bad but the pain felt good for some reason? He wasn't sure why but that action signalled the end of an anxiety spell and he could easily put his mask back on and continue with his day.

He left the bathroom, and flopped down onto his bed. He pulled out his phone and scrolled mindlessly on Tiktok for hours, until everyone was back home.

Sure Valentine's Day was over, but it's not like anything would change. He was still as lonely as ever, and he knew he would always be the second choice.

Okay what the hell was that. That was such a bad chapter like only 2 lines of dialogue, the rest just me ranting about how I feel haha sorry guys.

Anyways yeah it's been rough not gonna lie. Ned and MJ, kinda represent my two friends who really just ditched me for their boyfriends. I am so happy for them because they're happy and they deserve to be happy so much, but I'm just jealous a bit.

I had a i dunno, something, with a guy and it would've been great because we're a friend group of 6, 3 guys 3 girls and there's two couples so far. I really really liked the other guy and apparently he liked me too. But of course the other 4 tried to force him into making a move on me and he got scared and now I'm more single than ever. :/

Also lucky me I have to go back to sick kids hospital next month for another MRI because it's been 10 years as of today since my accident. I dunno why but they still think something in my brains gonna explode or something haha who knows.

Anyways that's my rant for the day, if you're still reading i just wanna say I appreciate all of you so much, you've really made my days better since I've come back. The fact that people enjoy the shitty stuff I write makes me so happy.

Okay god i need to shut up now, anyways thanks for reading i hoped you enjoyed bye!
Oh and happy fucking Valentine's Day !
-taco