I woke up the next morning and almost fell off my bed. I forgot that Anth and I had a little 'snuggle' party last night.

The scariest part was the awkwardness that would follow. Basically, when I woke up I saw Anth still sleeping. His arm was protectively around me, and I realized I probably just screwed everything up.

We had a nice acquaintanceship going. He'd be there if I needed him, and he introduced me to a great coffee shop. Now we certainly had to have 'the talk'.

I hated the talk.

It was always so awkward, and you'd kind of just stare at each other. It always started off with cheesy small talk, like the weather or something. You beat around the bush until one of you rips the band-aid off and discuss the thing you should've been talking about all along.

And I wasn't okay with that. I didn't want to have any weather talks or deep talks. I just wanted to go back in time and tell my blubbering self to get a grip, especially since it wasn't fair for Anth.

When I looked up at his face, he looked so peaceful and happy. You could probably guess that made me sick to my stomach, because I didn't want to ruin what we had going on.

And I knew how he'd take it. He'd assume we were buddy buddy or maybe more than that. He'd probably start texting me and trying to hold my hand, and yes it was my fault. But I couldn't help but feel like a black hole.

I sucked in everything good and destroyed it. Anth was a good--wonderful person, and that's why I'm terrible. I shouldn't have been so vulnerable, because now nothing will be the same. He'd hate me because he'd think I was toying with his emotions.

He deserved to feel that way, but I just couldn't think about it. I needed coffee. However, I was in that cheesy chick rom-com scenario. You'd think that whole trying to sneak out without waking anyone up was just in the movies.

Welp, I guess we were all wrong. See, if I woke up Anth, we'd surely have 'the talk', and I wanted to prolong that conversation for as long as possible. Procrastination is just a gene in my family, it should be classified as a disease if we're being honest.

So, now I had to find a way to wiggle away without disturbing sleeping beauty. You might be thinking, well Wyatt, why don't you just lay there and forget about the coffee.

My response is how creepy do you think it is for you to wake up to a grown man starring at you. Creepy. So no, I'm not just going to lay there and wait for Anth to wake up. That would be something he'd do, and last time I checked, I'm not Anth.

I realized if I did move he'd feel the absence of my body, which was a slight problem. Surely if he woke up to my screaming, he was probably a light sleeper. Then there was the fact the bed would squeak when I got off it....stupid old springs.

But--if I got out fast enough, he wouldn't see me. I already knew it was a ridiculous plan by the time I realized I was under the covers. Basically, I was trapped. I could always gently move his arm. Stupid need for coffee, I muttered.

So, I ended up staring creepily into his eyes while slowly moving his hand. It was like every time his face moved the slightest bit, my heart would drop to my toes thinking he'd surely wake up. But he didn't, which was good.

I placed his arm on his chest, holding my breath, and counted to five. No movements, that was a wonderful sign. I slowly rolled over, cringing at the creaking sound. I hesitated before looking at his face.......still asleep.

I was suddenly confused, surely he would've woken up by now. My luck was never this good. Now I was wondering if I was doing the wrong thing. I had to have done something wrong, there was no way something would go right for me!

But he didn't wake up, and the need for coffee increased. So, I rolled out of bed, checking on Anth's sleeping face yet again, before I ran to the door.

I tripped on my suit case, which I had placed in the center of the floor the night before. Of course my luck would've worn out by that time. I couldn't say I was surprised as the floor came too close to my face for my liking. An oof followed by a shit flew out of my mouth as I groaned.

I laid there in defeat, hoping that maybe my chameleon powers would manifest at that moment. But of course they didn't. I heard Anth shift on the bed, and a tired yawn followed. I heard him sit up, and I stayed quiet the whole time.

"Good mor--how'd you get over there? Why are you on the floor? Wyatt?" Anth asked, confused.

"Just forgot to give the floor a hug last night," I muttered, before getting up. Anth's dark hair was in a giant puff on the top of his head. His grey-brown eyes lit up in amusement, and I stood up kicking the bag to the side of the room. 

He was going to say something, but I cut him off.

"Coffee?" I asked quickly, and I wasn't sure if he noticed the nervousness in my voice or not.

Of course Anth smiled, "Yep! I'll be down in a few."

I nodded and hurried out of the room like my life depended on it, which it kind of did. When I entered the kitchen Nat was standing by the counter. She had a smug look on her face, coffee in one hand and the other on her hip.

I froze, sensing the trouble in the air.

"How'd you sleep?" She asked, not able to hide her smile.

"Fine," I said curtly.

She raised an eyebrow at me, a knowing smile on her face, and she handed me a cup of coffee.

"Just so you know, Mom's making blueberry pancakes with confectioner sugar on them," Nat said looking down at my pajamas. "UFO version."

I sighed, gritting my jaw, "I'm only wearing them because you got them for me and they're comfy."

"Um hmm," Nat smirked. "If you find someone who can tolerate you for more than five seconds, and they love you, they need to propose to you on the moon."

I rolled my eyes, "I'm not that big of a fan anymore."

"Um hmm, I bet you have glow in the dark stars on your ceiling," she smirked.

Jokes on her, they're in my closet along with a model of the solar system, not that I was going to tell her that.

"No," I said, sipping  my coffee.

Nat smiled, "So--nothing happened between you and--"

"No!" I said quickly, already starting to get annoyed.

Nat proceeded to raise an eyebrow, "Well--just so you know, I heard you screaming last night."

I started to grind my jaw, feeling the anger and embarrassment rush through me like a spark of electricity.

"And I walked toward your room to make sure you were okay. I heard you stop and walked back to my room. However, I woke up early this morning and went to check on you..." she trailed off, taking the time to relish in her moment of knowing something. "Just so you know, it was really adorable. I wish I had a--"

"I can't believe you just invaded my privacy like that!" I snapped, angrily. "And just so you know, I don't even like him! Okay! I just happened to have had a rough night, like you'd ever care! So shut the hell up cause you don't know anything!"

And like I said before, I'm a black hole. Of course luck would have it that Anth entered the room right when I exploded at Nat. Nat's face turned bright red in embarrassment, and she looked like a little kid. I saw Anth's smile falter a little, and I set my cup down hard on the counter cause I had to do something.

My Mom walked in, all smiles, singing, "Who wants PANCAKES!"

We all looked at her, and she lowered the plate, mumbling, "Oh boy."

"I'm going--" I said, not finishing my sentence, while heading upstairs.

"Wyatt!" My mom called after me. "You just got here. Just--eat? Please?"

"I'm not leaving!" I snapped at her. When her eyes flashed hurt, I said gently, "I just need to clear my head. I'm going on a run."

My Mom knew me well enough to know that 'going on a run' meant that I needed to do something before I'd fully explode and do something I'd regret. 

In my room, I chucked a pillow at the wall. It didn't exactly make me feel better, because nothing broke. There wasn't the satisfying smack, but I didn't want to break my parents' house. I was more irritated when I realized Anth didn't pack any athletic clothes, because in his mind you had to dress formally to see your parents.

I wanted to scream, but I ended up stealing my Dad's clothes. He wasn't that much taller than me, so they'd work. I pulled on the T-Shirt and sweat pants, and I hurried out the door.

I knew they watched me slam the door and leave in an angry hurry. I didn't care, not one bit. I started to jog, and felt the annoying pain flaring on my right leg. The doctor told me I always had to stretch before physical activity, and I had to go slower if I stopped for a long period of time.

But right now, I didn't mind the pain. It was fine, actually, it was great. Sure, I was sweating profusely because of the long pants, but I was okay with it. I didn't own a pair of shorts, and I remembered when I tried wearing them after the incident.

The looks from people were too much, and it made me angrier than I was when I found out I no longer had a leg. I got rid of all my shorts that summer, and ever since I've never worn any. I guess you could say I was embarrassed or insecure about it, but it didn't change the fact I hated it.

So, about halfway through my run, I had to stop and walk. My right leg was screaming to stop, and I was tired. This, of course, made me angrier. I just wanted to keep on running and never come back, but I knew I'd have to face my problems sooner or later.

Walking back, I saw how everything in my neighborhood changed over the past years. The O'Daniels repainted their house, and Carly and Jake seemed to finally have had the kid they've always wanted. They moved in when I was in my Sophomore year, and they were friends with my parents even though they were younger. They had trouble getting Carly pregnant, but they had a swing set in their front yard and a scooter lying in the driveway.

So, I assumed that they finally had a kid. It was crazy how much people could change in several years, but I realized I probably changed a lot in that time too. For one, I was probably a lot angrier. But thinking about the past made my head hurt, especially with how much I couldn't remember.

When I saw  the familiar withered brick house with white trim, I realized they probably were growing more concerned the longer I stayed away. Begrudgingly, I entered the house, shutting the door nicely behind me. I walked up the carpet steps, and saw my family sitting around a table eating pancakes and laughing.

The laughing stopped when they saw me, but my Mom smiled.

"How was it?" She asked kindly, her green eyes sparkling.

"Fine," I said, looking at the table and not seeing Anth.

Nat seemed to realize who I was looking for, and said politely, "May I be excused?"

My parents shrugged, nodding. My dad was reading the paper while drinking his coffee, glasses on his nose.

Nat walked up to me in her fuzzy slippers, and took my elbow. She crinkled her nose at my sweaty clothes, shaking her head.

"So, I'm guessing you're wondering where he is?" She said, eyeing me sadly.

I rolled my eyes, "No, I was wondering if my imaginary friend Phillip was here." 

She gave me a look, sighing, before saying, "He left a few minutes after you did. He said he wanted to check out something while he was in town? I'm not sure, but he seemed pretty upset. Maybe you should call him?"

I felt this pang of guilt, but knew he probably needed to blow off some steam.

"I'm going to shower," I said, walking away from her.

Nat sighed in frustration, "You can't avoid all your problems forever."

"I'm not avoiding them, I'm taking care of myself. Isn't that what you all are yelling at me to do? Gosh," I groaned, irritated. They always changed what they wanted me to do, and it was confusing. One moment they'd want me to have fun and mess around, and the next they'd complain about me not being serious. 

Nat didn't say anything, but gave me a look of disapproval as she entered her room.

After showering, I sat down on my bed, phone in hand. He didn't text or call me, and he certainly didn't leave a note or anything. What if he left and just didn't come back? I wouldn't blame him, but I still didn't feel okay.

Especially because he didn't tell me where he went. Last time we got into a fight he was drunk.....and I felt this gnawing feeling in my gut. Would he really resort to alcohol after that? I felt my worry and guilt increase, but I didn't call him.

I paced around my room, starring at my phone while thinking. I summed up I was being absolutely ridiculous, and I should just call him. I was acting like some drama queen, making this whole thing this giant ordeal.

So, I called him.

"Hey, you've got Anth! Sorry I couldn't get to the phone right now, I'm probably doing something awesome!" There was laughter. "Kidding, anyway, I'll try to catch you later! Have a good day!"

And then the infamous beep followed.

Great. Voicemail.

I tried three more times and got the same result. I decided to try messaging him.

Me: Anth? Where are you?

Nothing. I probably came across really possessive and obsessed.

Me: Anthony

Me: Where

Me: Are

Me: You

Me: You know, I'm getting really annoyed

Me: You know what? You want to give me the silent treatment! Wow, how mature of you

Me: I can't believe this. You know what? You can got to hell for all I care!

Me: Anth?

Me: Look, just tell me where you are, okay?

Me: You're kind of freaking me out.

Me: Anth?

Me: ANTHONY?!

Me: Look I'm sorry

Me: Anth?

Me: Just tell me you're okay

Me: Please?

Me: Anthony?

Eighteen messages and five phone calls later, Anth still hadn't responded. I was stressing out right now. He could be anywhere! What if he was hurt? What if he was drunk and passed out? Sure it was only ten in the morning, but still.

I found myself pacing and running my hands through my hair. I ran to Nat's room, thinking maybe she'd remember where he went.

"Do you remember where he said he was going?" I asked, opening up her door.

"KNOCK!" She shouted, throwing a pillow at me.

"Natalia! Please, just tell me!" I pleaded.

"You're really worried, aren't you?" She asked, a secret smile on her face.

I gave her an annoyed look, and I could've sworn my eye twitched.

"He said something about some bookstore and music sho--"

"kay thanks!" I said, cutting her off with the slam of her door.

I ran into my room, thinking there had to be a photo of that place. After about ten minutes of analyzing every photo I found the one. It was lying at the bottom of my closet crumpled for no reason.

In it, Anth had his arm around my shoulder and Becca was next to us. We were sitting on a bench outside of this bookstore. Next to it was a record shop called Harmonies and Melodies.

I grabbed my dad's car keys, calling, "I'll be back! Love you, BYE!"

I'm not sure my dad noticed since he was so engrossed in the book he was reading. I started the mini-van, and I was off. I had Harmonies and Melodies typed in the GPS, and I was there in about five minutes.

It was then I got a message.

Anth: Hey, I'm okay....heading back. Can we--talk?

Great. Just great. Of course he decides to respond when I've left the house.

Me: I'm at music store b back in 5

Anth: What

Me: Nat said u went to music store.

Anth: So y r u there?

Me: U weren't answering

Anth: .......So?

Me: I didn't know if u were okay

Anth: ?

Me: *Sigh* I'm driving....do u want me to die

Anth: Maybe

Me: Geez

Anth: I'm kidding

Me: R u tho?

Anth: =|

Me: Stop distracting me

Anth: K

The dreadful 'K', ouch. People only use that when they're pissed at you, which I'm not surprised about. It still hurt my pride though, not going to lie.

When I pulled into the driveway, I saw Anth sitting on the step. The feeling of dread slowly increasing in my stomach, and I hesitated before parking the car. It was kind of like when you get a bad grade or do something, and someone calls your parents. You know they know, but you still act like you didn't know they knew. And you kind of prolong the conversation, feigning surprise when they bring up the conversation. That's kind of how I treated the whole Anth thing.

I noticed he was wearing one of my short sleeved shorts, and the sweatpants from last night. I probably should've lent him my dad's clothes. They probably would've fit his stupid tall frame better.

I shoved my hands in my jean pockets, wearing the plaid shirt he made me bring. My hair wasn't combed, and I could practically sense my hair looked like a giant puffy honey bomb exploded.

I dragged my feet as I went towards him, still not looking at his face. I concentrated on his boots, hoping if I memorized every detail the tension would dissipate.

"Wyatt," Anth said, clearing his throat.

I knew Anth was standing up, purely business. But I didn't really want to look at his face. Sometimes, in life, you had to do things you didn't want to do. So, I looked up at his face after sighing.

"Anth," I copied, shoulders slouching.

Somehow we both started walking at the same time, it was like an unspoken command. We just walked in silence for a little while, listening to the birds and the shrieks of kids playing outside. I relished in the feeling of the wind ruffling my hair, and still we didn't say anything.

I knew Anth was watching me, waiting for me to say something. But I didn't know what to say. It was a moment where sorry just didn't really work, and it was like I no longer knew English.

Anth sighed before saying, "I'm sorry if I ever made you feel like you had to like me or something. I didn't--"

I cut him off, annoyed that he felt that way.

"Anth--it's not your fault. I-I say things I don't mean when I'm angry or something. I don't know. I like you Anth, I do. You're cool, awesome. But I just--Nat was talking about things that I just don't want to discuss. I got angry and snapped. It's what I do," I shrugged, kicking a stone.

Anth didn't say anything, and I felt increasingly uncomfortable. Someone needed to start talking, and I knew he was waiting for me to say something else. I looked up, and he was looking at me intently like he was waiting for me to elaborate.

I sighed, "Do we really have to do this? Just can't we forget about it. It's not like anything big happened. It's not like someone died or something. It doesn't even matter."

"But it does to me. Don't you get that? Not everything's about you Wyatt. And this is important," Anth said, and I noticed the edge in his voice.

"How is this important?" I matched the edge in his voice with my own irritation.

"It matters because what you did wasn't okay. You just don't play people like that. You don't make them think that you like them, and then completely talk about the whole thing like it didn't matter. Like I just don't matter. You just don't do that," Anth shouted, shaking his head.

I was at a loss for words, and I probably looked like a fish. I was staring at Anth with my mouth open in shock.

"And you don't get to do that either. You don't get to act like I'm the bad guy, like how I feel is so shocking and outrageous," he ranted.

"Anth--"

"Just shut up," he interrupted, voice sharp like a knife.

I didn't say anything for a while, but felt the guilt bubbling up in me.

"I only said it because I didn't like Nat in my business, okay? I do care about you...you're like my only friend outside of Mike--"

Anth snorted, rolling his eyes.

"I know I made a mistake, but that doesn't mean you get to act like an asshole!" I snapped, feeling the rage building up inside me. "You caught me in a moment where I couldn't think. You know how you are when you drink, well that's how I am after an episode. I'm vulnerable, scared, and just a mess. You have to understand that I just needed someone, and you happened to be there. I didn't want to hurt you--I don't. But Anth, I just don't know what to do half the time. I just--I'm lost."

He still didn't say anything.

"And I just--you don't like me. You like the idea of me, you like the guy you knew. I'm not that guy. I don't even know who he is," I whispered sadly, looking up at him.

We both stopped in front of my parents' house.

"If I didn't like the you you are now, I wouldn't still be here," he said, staring into my eyes. 

I sighed, "No, you think you like me, but you don't Anthony. You like the guy I was. You like the me that would spend time with you and Becca. You liked the me that wasn't as fucked up as I am now. You liked the guy in those photos! I'm not that guy! And I'm tired of everyone treating me like that person somehow still exists, because I don't remember him! I don't even know him! And that hurts more than anything." 

At this point I was shaking. It was a mixture of frustration and depression, and I saw Anth's gaze soften. I was practically screaming everything I've ever thought or felt, but it was like no one could hear. Like everyone was wearing headphones and listening to what they want to hear.

Anth's brown eyes were conflicted. I could tell he didn't really know what to do. Here was me, this crazy mess of a person, and he didn't know whether to let me talk it out or to comfort me. I could care less what he wanted to do or what he did.

In the end he gave me a hug, and I completely lost it. I started sobbing, feeling the guilt and lost feeling consume me. Anth just held me, and it was good. He was a rock, and I needed someone to hold me down. To keep me in place before I screwed everything up.

I felt him sway a little like a rocking chair. I slowly calmed down, and I knew I was a lot for someone to deal with. I was like an emotional roller-coaster. One second I was all smiles and the next I was all scowls, cruelty, and tears.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, and I felt the quiet, low vibration of his voice.

"Me too," I spoke softly as we stood there.

If anyone walked by, they'd be severely confused, and I wouldn't blame them. Hell, I was confused just standing there. I felt Anth rest his head on the top of mine, and I sighed pulling away.

I knew he was probably hurt, but I needed to stop things before they got worse. I just needed to keep one friendship outside of Mike. In all honesty, I don't think you roommate should count as a friend. It's not like you choose to be friends with them. You kind of just have to if you want to not destroy your apartment.

"Thanks for driving me here and coming. I really appreciate it," I said, figuring someone had to talk through the silence.

Anth nodded, "Anytime."

The way he said it pained me. It was like the obligated 'anytime' with a hint of disappointment behind it. I know he wasn't trying to, but it made me feel like shit.

I was going to say something, but Nat was leaving the house.

"Oh. There you are," she said, kind of awkwardly.

"Where are you going?" I asked, raising an eyebrow at her.

"I'm going to see a friend," she said casually, walking over towards Dad's car. "Knew he left the keys in here."

"Which friend?" I demanded, suspicious.

"Just a friend. I'll be back for dinner," she said.

I stalked over towards the car, ready to grill her for details. This didn't sound like a 'friend', this sounded like a guy thing. I felt Anth's hand on my shoulder and froze.

I turned to look at him to demand what the hell he was doing, and Nat was pulling out of the driveway. I was going to yell something at her, but Anth's grip tightened as he waved bye to Nat.

"What the hell was that for?" I demanded, scowling, as Nat drove off.

He sighed, looking down at me, "Wyatt, you gotta let her experience things. Seriously, she's what? Sixteen?"

"Fifteen," I said, narrowing me eyes at him.

"Exactly, if some guy does hurt her, I'm sure you'd be the first to know. Just let her live a little and she'll like you a lot more," he said.

I glared at him, "Yeah, but the thing is, you don't have a younger sister. Guys are jerks, and they're just going to--"

"Wyatt," he said. "You need to let her make her own mistakes."

"But--"

He gave me a look that made me shut up. I still was scowling.

"If he hurts her, I'll decapitate him," I threatened.

"I wouldn't put it past you," Anth smiled slightly, which caused me to smile.

"Finally, someone knows who they're dealing with," I joked.

Anth shook his head, chuckling, "Whatever you say."

"So, what do you want to do?" I looked into his brown-grey eyes.

He shrugged, "I don't really care."

I raised an eyebrow at him, "There has to be something you want to do in this place."

"Well, I guess, if you wanted to..." he trailed off, kind of unsure.

"I'm willing to do anything," I pointed out.

"Anything?" He asked, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.

I gave him a you've-got-to-be-kidding-me-I-don't-have-time-for-this look, and he laughed.

"I'm kidding," he said, playfully nudging me.

"So what is it you want to do?" I asked, sighing.

"Come on, I'll show you," Anth took my hand, and pulled me to his car.

"Don't make me regret this," I smiled.

"I can't make any promises," Anth smirked and pulled out of the driveway.