Epilogue

The strobe lights were dancing and they were making me feel dizzy—dagdag mo pa iyong lakas ng tugtog na para bang tambol sa dibdib ko.

God, hindi na talaga ako sanay sa ingay? Not that I was ever used to the party scene in the first place. Kaya lang naman talaga ako nakakapunta sa ganito ay dahil kay Nikki.

Speaking of the birthday girl—

"Happy birthday!" sabi ko kay Nikki nang finally ay makita ko siya.

"Thank you," she replied. "I told you that didn't have to come."

"And what? Miss this party that your boyfriend threw for you?"

She rolled her eyes. "Again, he's not my boyfriend—"

"Yet," I said, cutting her off.

"Whatever."

Tumawa ako. "You've changed," I said. "I mean, not necessarily in a bad way," dugtong ko.

Nikki used to go to a lot of parties pero hindi naman siya laging lasing. She was just always out and about. And now she said na she prefers to hangout with the guy who's not her boyfriend.

She scoffed. "Ew," sabi niya tapos napatingin siya sa isang gilid dahil may tumawag sa pangalan niya. "I'll see you later."

I nodded. "Yeah, yeah. Go ahead and mingle, birthday girl. Masyado ka ng nakakulong sa love nest niyo ng not jowa mo."

She faked a gagging noise. "Shut up," sabi niya bago naglakad palayo.

I smiled at some of the familiar faces. I just stood there as I quietly enjoyed my mocktail. Nagsabi naman na ako kay Nikki na aalis ako by 11PM. I really like going to bed early so that I can start my day early. Mas productive kasi talaga kapag ganon.

Kinuha ko iyong phone ko nang maramdaman ko iyong pagva-vibrate nun. Hinihintay ko iyong message ni Gem. Sabay dapat kaming pupunta rito, pero biglang may kailangan siyang gawin. Baka nasa labas na siya.

"How did you know the birthday girl?" rinig kong tanong ng kung sinuman. Agad akong napatingin sa pinanggalingan ng boses kahit hindi naman ako sigurado kung para sa akin ba iyong tanong.

My lips parted when I saw who it was.

"H-hi," I said as I stared at him wide-eyed.

He gave me a smile.

I'd been seeing that smile on some billboards, but nothing ever beats seeing that in person.

"Hi," he replied. "So, you're a model, too?" he asked.

"What?" I asked, confused with this conversation.

Napahawak siya sa batok niya. "You don't remember."

"Remember what?"

Umiling siya. "Nothing," he said.

Alam ko na dapat sumagot ako, pero para bang hindi gumagana iyong isip ko. I was just staring at him. Did I drink alcohol tonight? Hindi naman ata? I remember very distinctly na mocktail iyong inorder ko.

"You're here..." I said when I managed to string along the words.

He nodded. "Yeah."

"For a contract?"

"Three months," he replied.

"Oh... Nice," sabi ko na lang dahil hindi ko alam kung ano ang sasabihin ko.

I thought about the things that I'd tell him kapag nakita ko siya... I did that kahit na hindi ko alam kung magkikita pa ba kami. Because he said things before about him keeping in touch, but he never did. And it wasn't as if he had the responsibility to keep in touch.

"I'm sorry," he said.

Kumunot ang noo ko. "About what?"

"I said I'll message you every now and then, but I never really got into it."

Bahagyang napaawang iyong labi ko.

Oh.

So, he knew.

He didn't just forget about me.

I forced a smile on my face. "It's fine," I replied. "It was better that way, if I were being honest."

"It was?" he asked.

Tumango ako. "You know the saying out of sight, out of mind?" I asked. "Not that I totally forgot you existed, but I don't know... I was able to get back on my feet quicker than I could've possibly did if you were messaging me every now and then—reminding me of your existence."

"Out of sight, out of mind..." he said, slightly nodding his head.

"Yeah," I replied. "You never heard of that saying?"

"No, no, I heard about it."

"Oh. Okay, cool."

"I'm right here," he said.

Kumunot ang noo ko. "What?"

Muli siyang umiling. "Nothing."

"You're being weird," I said.

Bahagya siyang natawa. "I am, am I not?"

I nodded. "Yeah," I said. "So, Nikki invited you?" He nodded. "You talk to her?"

"Sometimes."

"Hmm..."

"Do you wanna go someplace else?" he asked while staring into my eyes.

My eyes widened.

His eyes widened, too. "No, not what I meant," he said, with panic in his eyes. "I just meant outside since the music is so loud here."

Tumingin ako sa phone ko. Wala pa namang message si Gem. If nagmessage siya, mas uunahin ko 'yon.

"Yeah, sure," I replied.

Sabay kaming lumabas. I wanted to look at him, but at the same time, I didn't want to and I didn't know how to. This was so weird. Oo, alam ko na magkaibigan sila ni Nikki, pero hindi ko alam na pupunta siya ngayon. Ni hindi ko nga alam kung nasaang parte siya ng mundo. I purposely did not check his instagram account.

And then this.

"So... what's up?" I asked awkwardly dahil hindi ko alam kung ano ang sasabihin. Nakatayo lang kami sa may parking. Medyo naiilang ako dahil nakatingin siya sa akin. I wanted to make a joke out of it, but I didn't know how to. This guy just has the ability to render my brain useless at times.

"Nothing much, really. Just work."

"Yeah. I've been seeing your face a lot. Congrats."

He gave me a small smile. "Thank you. You? You're done with your masters?"

Agad na kumunot ang noo ko. "How did you know that?" I asked because I was a hundred percent certain na hindi ko sinabi sa kanya dahil hindi naman kami naguusap.

He looked panic for a second and then straightened his back. "Nikki told me," he said.

I arched my brow. "Nikki told you?" I asked him.

"Fine. I asked Nikki," he replied.

"Why?"

"Because."

"Because what?"

"I just want to know what's up with you."

"Why didn't you ask me yourself?"

Hindi siya nakasagot agad, pero nanatili sa mukha ko iyong tingin niya. This reminded me of the time na nagusap din kami sa mismong lugar na 'to. Only then, emotions were high. Ewan ko. I felt like we're still rehashing things, but the only thing that was different was that I could control my emotions better. I could still get emotional, of course, but I have a better handle on myself now. I also practice saying things in my head first before I verbalize the words.

"Were you worried I won't be able to move on if you talk to me?" I asked him.

He took seconds to answer before he shook his head. "No, I was worried for myself."

Agad na kumunot ang noo ko. "What?"

"Because if I talk to you, I'll keep on wanting to talk to you, you know? It's just so easy to talk to you. Even when times were bad before, it's just easier to say the words with you."

"But," I said.

"But..." he replied with a sigh. "But I knew that we needed the time and the distance and that it would be good for us."

Tumahimik ako.

I knew that he's right, but that didn't make the pain I felt before hurt any less.

"Just that the timing before was never right, you know?"

I shrugged. "Probably."

"Nikki said that you're doing so well."

"I am."

"I'm so proud of you."

"Thank you."

My phone vibrated.

Nandyan na si Gem.

"I have to go to my friend," I told him. Ayoko papuntahin si Gem dito dahil alam ko awkward pa rin siya kay Zion.

He nodded. "Are you free tomorrow for brunch?" he asked.

Natawa ako. "What?"

"Brunch," he said.

"I heard you. I'm not deaf."

"You. Me. Brunch."

"Okay... As friends?"

Umiling siya. "You and I both know by now that we can never be just friends," he said.

Muli akong natawa. "I admire the confidence," I said but I knew that he's right. There will always be this... tension between us. We're just lying to ourselves by saying that we can be just friends. We'll never be just friends.

"Thank you," he said. "I'm right, tho."

I shrugged. "If you're talking to Nikki, she must've told you that I'm also seeing someone else."

He nodded. "Yeah. The guy from masters."

"She didn't tell you the name?"

"I didn't wanna know. Didn't wanna humanize the enemy."

Natawa ako. "Whatever," I said. "But I'm seeing him."

"Not exclusively, right?"

"Nope."

"Great. So, brunch?"

"You're serious about this brunch?"

"Among other things, yes."

"What different will this brunch be from all the other brunches we had before?" I asked as I stared straight into his eyes.

It's just so bizarre.

We started at this very place before.

And we're here back again.

Like we've gone full circle after everything that happened.

"We know better now," he said.

"And that's enough?"

He nodded. "Feelings were never the issue between us, Arielle. Trust that now, we can actually make it work," he said like a promise and I believed him that this time, we will finally work.