Chapter 25

"I have to go," Zion said.

"Oh. Okay."

"I'll see you later?"

I nodded. "Yeah. Maybe dinner? I mean, if you finish early?"

He nodded. "Of course. I'll text you when I arrive there."

I frowned. "I told you I don't need to know where you are every second of the day," sabi ko sa kanya.

When he arrived from his shoot for the summer campaign the other day, we talked about what happened. He reiterated that he'd love it if I message him first because it'd tell him that I'm thinking about him. Little did he know that I am always thinking about him.

He gave out a crisp laugh. "Yeah, yeah, that's what you tell me," he said tapos ay nagpaalam siya sa akin tapos kina Nikki at Gem. Nandito kami sa condo ko nakatambay. Kasama ko na talaga sina Nikki and Gem nung nagmessage si Zion. I didn't want to be the kind of person na inaabandona iyong friends dahil sa lalaki, so I told him na nandito iyong mga friends ko and that he's welcome to join. And he did.

"What?" I asked nang makabalik ako sa couch dahil nakaalis na si Zion.

Nikki shook her head. "Nothing."

Mas mabilis naman ang pagiling ni Gem. "Forever no comment ako."

Umirap ako. "Parang tanga," I said dahil ilang beses siya nagsorry sa akin about sa comment na sinabi niya nung isang araw. I mean, that was uncalled for, but I was over it already. Hindi naman kami tatagal as friends kung ililista ko lahat ng ayaw kong nagawa niya and vice versa.

"Basta kung masaya ka, masaya ako," Gem asid.

"Ewan ko sa 'yo," sabi ko tapos napatingin ako kay Nikki. "Ikaw? May comment ka?"

Umiling siya. "Nothing. You two look adorable."

Kumunot ang noo ko. "You use the word adorable passive-aggressively," I told her. We've been friends for years. I know when she's being sincere and when she's not. "Come on," I urged her. Meron pa ring konting after effect iyong hindi ko pagpansin sa kanya before. I resent myself for doing that to her. Hindi na tuloy siya kagaya before na diretso honesty agad.

"No," she said but I just gave her a look. "I mean, I wasn't using it negatively. You and Zion are like... baby ducks."

Mas lalong kumunot ang noo ko. "Baby ducks?"

"Maybe not baby ducks? But you two look a bit... awkward to watch?" she said. "Or maybe because we're here? I don't know how it is kapag kayong dalawa lang. Maybe I don't know what I'm talking about," Nikki added. "Next topic, please."

I tried to ask them again about this, but Nikki almost beg me na 'wag na naming pagusapan. It wasn't as if mapipilit ko siya if ayaw niyang magsalita. Mas lalo naman si Gem.

That night, nagkita ulit kami ni Zion.

"Nikki called us baby ducks," I said.

He was eating his salad nang mapatingin siya sa akin. "What? Did you just say 'baby ducks?'" he asked, confusion painted on his face.

I nodded. "Yeah."

"Okay... Why baby ducks?"

I shrugged. "Apparently, we looked awkward earlier," I replied.

"Awkward how?" he asked. "Did they expect us to makeout in front of them?"

Nanlaki ang mga mata ko. "We're still just friends."

He laughed. "Sure, sure," sabi niya. "But how were we awkward?"

I shrugged. "I don't know. Do you think we're awkward?" I asked him. "Do you feel awkward?"

Umiling siya pero kita ko sa mukha niya na may gusto siyang sabihin sa akin na hindi niya masabi. Ibinaba ko iyong utensils ko tapos ay tumingin sa kanya.

"Spill," I said.

"Spill what?"

"What you're thinking."

"I'm thinking about nothing."

"Zion."

"Arielle."

I frowned. "Come on. I thought we're gonna be honest?"

"I mean, I'm not awkward around you," he said.

"But?"

"But... but you gave me the list," he replied. "And no, I'm not complaining, but at the same time, I always have to remind myself of the things that I can and cannot do, you know? So maybe that's why they thought we're awkward? But it's really just me in my head. I just don't wanna mess this up, so I'm always reminding myself of the list."

I looked at him and nodded. "Okay. That makes sense."

"Because it's the truth," he said. "But do you talk to your friends about us?"

I nodded. "Yeah. They're my friends. Why?"

Umiling siya. "Nothing," he said, but obviously may iba pa siyang gustong sabihin. "Your food's getting cold," he added.

"Don't you want me to talk to my friends about us?"

"I'm not saying that," he said.

"So, I can talk to them about us?"

"If you want to," he replied.

"But you don't want me to?"

He once again sighed. "It's not like I can stop you," he said. "But I just feel like some things should just be kept between us," he added. "You don't have to tell them everything."

"I don't tell them everything."

He looked at me. "Nikki knows everything," he said. "That's why I received an earful from her."

"I mean... yeah. Maybe I do tell her everything, but she's my best friend," I told him. "I ask her for advice."

"Why can't you just talk to me? I mean, you're discussing me with her, so why not just discuss me with me?"

"It's not the same."

"Why? Won't it be better? I know myself better than her, anyway?"

Hindi ako nakasagot.

"Look, obviously I cannot restrict you from what you tell her but... I just feel like some things are better kept in private," he said. "I just don't feel comfortable about it, that's all."

"Okay," I said.

"Okay?"

"Okay, I won't talk to my friends about us."

"Thank you," he replied. "You can still talk to them, but not about everything."

"I understand."

We talked about other things after that. We even went to the mall to catch the last full show of some movies. It was a pretty good night. He walked me back to my condo and told me na aalis ulit siya for some out of town shoot. It was fine with me since I could catch up with work. Ewan ko ba. Kapag alam ko na nandito lang siya sa tabi-tabi, my mind has this urge to ask him to hangout with me. Nakaka-focus lang ako nang maayos kapag alam ko na physically malayo siya sa akin.

It's so hard to navigate things like this—more so na nagpromise na ako sa kanya na hindi ko masyadong kakausapin sila Gem about us. Dapat talaga lumandi na ako nung elementary pa lang ako, e. E 'di sana expert na ako by this time.

* * *

It was Friday night and sa Sunday pa iyong balik ni Zion. Gem said na gusto niyang lumabas since mababaliw na raw siya kakaisip kay Erick kaya naman pumayag kami ni Nikki kahit na ayaw naming lumabas ngayon kasi traffic at maraming tao considering na Friday. We agreed na sa Greenfield area na lang tumambay para at least walking distance lang. We ended in some bar. Kumakain lang ako para hindi ako magkwento sa kanila dahil feeling ko kapag walang laman iyong bibig ko ay magkkwento ako. Ewan ko. Nasanay na ako na lagi akong nagsasabi sa kanila.

Maybe Zion's right—some things should be kept in private.

"Sa tingin niyo ba nagooverthink lang ako? I mean, sabi naman ni Erick, nagulat lang din siya," Gem said.

Sinabi niya sa amin iyong tungkol sa latest nila na paguusap ni Erick. Apparently, there's an ex-girlfriend na bumabalik sa eksena at kausap ni Erick. Model din pala iyong babae at nasa same city sila ni Erick. There's some kissing involved. I did ask Gem kung ano ang gagawin niya if bumalik si Erick sa Manila tapos magsorry. She said she'll think about it, but that translated to she'll accept him again.

Now, I wished I didn't hear about the kissing thing kasi tuwing makikita ko si Erick, iyon na agad ang maiisip ko.

Zion's probably right... I mean, at least iyon bang tipong kung alam mo sa sarili mo na hindi pa pala final, 'wag mo munang sabihin sa friends mo iyong mga kalokohan na ginawa ng jowa mo? Kasi kapag bumalik ka, sino ang mukhang tanga? Ikaw rin naman.

Tsk.

Akala mo naman ang talino ko e sa POV ni Gem at Nikki, tangang-tanga na siguro sila sa akin.

Relationships are so hard to navigate.

Bakit ba 'di pwede na mainlove na lang tapos happily ever after na?

I remained silent as Nikki was the one who gave advice. Turf naman niya 'yan. Feel ko katangahan lang din ibibigay ko na advice kay Gem kapag ako iyong nagsalita.

"You? What's up with Zion?" Gem asked nang matapos si Nikki sa pagsasabi ng dapat niyang gawin.

I shrugged. "Okay lang naman."

"Oh... Okay," Gem said. "So, 'di ka selos 'don sa babae?"

Kumunot iyong noo ko. "Babae?"

Gem nodded. "Iyong nagcomment sa picture ni Zion?"

"Anong picture?"

Gem went to Zion's profile sa Instagram at pinakita sa akin iyong latest photo ni Zion na kakapost niya lang a few hours ago. It was him sitting on the sand, wearing sunglasses, at nakatingin diretso sa camera.

And then there was a comment from a certain Camille aka iyong new follower ni Zion nung last na shoot niya.

camdssnts: i told you to post the other one

Agad na napa-arko ang kilay ko.

"Ngayon mo lang nakita?" Gem asked.

I had to straighten my back. "Nope," I replied. "Nakita ko na kanina."

"And?"

"And what?"

"Okay lang sa 'yo?"

I shrugged. "It's just a comment," I replied although a small part of my brain was already overthinking this like how come that girl had the fucking audacity na magcomment ng ganon sa picture ni Zion? I mean, clearly, they had to be close or somehow close para magawa niya 'yon, right?

"Okay..." Gem said. "Good for you—oh, shit."

"What?"

Umiling si Gem. "Nothing."

"Ano?"

Tumingin siya sa akin. "Nawala iyong comment," she said. "I mean, baka binura lang nung babae, right? Baka sinabi ni Zion na may jowa siya?"

I reached for the glass and poured myself a drink. I told myself I wouldn't be drinking, but guess who's fucking drinking tonight because apparently, I couldn't even talk to my friends about this.

When Gem left for the bathroom, tumingin ako kay Nikki.

"Do you think Zion's gonna cheat? I mean, he's not my boyfriend yet I know..."

Nikki shrugged. "Babe, a guy who wants to cheat will cheat. It's not really up to you. Most of the time, it's not even about you," she said. "Just go ask him when you talk to him."

"Baka isipin niya nagdududa ako."

"Well, you are."

"Parang ang hassle naming dalawa."

"I told you, two baby ducks," she said. "You two have no ducking idea about how to handle a relationship. You'll screw up a lot, but if you two really like each other, trust me, you'll find a way to make it work."

Pagbalik ni Gem, ako naman iyong nagpaalam para pumunta sa CR, but instead of going to the bathroom, lumabas ako para tawagan si Zion. I waited for him to pickup the call.

"Zi—" pero hindi ko man lang natapos ang sasabihin ko nang marinig ko iyong boses ng babae na sumagot sa tawag ko. 

**

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