Chapter 14

Zion was staring at my face, but I was just trying to breathe. My hand was still extended and any time now, alam ko na magtataka na si Fabian sa reaksyon ni Zion.

"Nice to meet you," I added, hoping that this time, he'd accept my hand. Kasi bakit naman hindi? He was the one who wanted this, right? I still remember him asking me not to tell anyone about us. This was me not telling anyone about us. So, why wouldn't he just cooperate?

"Likewise," he replied, taking my hand, but I drew a sharp breath as he held my hand while looking straight into my eyes.

I hated how one single touch of his could affect me like this.

Mabilis kong binawi iyong kamay ko at saka tumingin ako kay Fabian na nasa tabi ko lang. I gave him a weak smile. The music was loud, so I intentionally placed myself closer to him and speak close to his ear.

"I wanna go home," I told him because I knew myself and I knew that I couldn't be around Zion. Not this time. Not when I had alcohol in my system. Because sober me could barely handle the thoughts of him—me with alcohol in my system would just crumble at the sight of him.

And I knew it was unfair of me, but I couldn't control how I feel around him.

If I could, I would just delete him from my system because he's driving me crazy without even lifting a finger.

"Are you okay?" Fabian asked.

Tumango ako. "I'm fine, just tired," I replied. "Been a long day."

"Okay," he said. "I'll just find Ann and say that we're leaving," he said, pertaining to his manager.

Mabilis akong umiling. "No, you should stay. I'll just book a ride," sabi ko sa kanya dahil ayoko na umalis siya rito dahil lang sa akin. He's still having fun with his friends. Besides, hindi naman niya ako girlfriend. We're just dating and seeing how things would go.

"Okay..." he said but I immediately felt guilty dahil kita ko na medyo disappointed siya sa sagot ko. Ayoko lang naman na umalis siya kasi work-related event 'to.

I smiled. "I'll see you tomorrow?" I said instead. "If you're not too hungover."

A smile appeared on that disgustingly gorgeous face of his. "Yeah, I'm not even really drinking," he replied and I knew that dahil kanina ko pa nakikita na halos hindi pa bawas iyong hawak niya na baso ng whiskey.

"So, breakfast tomorrow?"

"Brunch," he said.

I chuckled. "Because you'll go to the gym first?"

"Yeah..." he said like he was embarrassed.

"Okay, I'll see you tomorrow," sabi ko sa kanya.

Fabian, being the gentleman that he was, walked me outside. Sinamahan niya ako na maghintay hanggang maka-book ako ng ride and he'd stay hanggang makarating sana si Kuya kung hindi lang siya biglang tinawag dahil may naghahanap sa kanya.

"Send me the details of the ride," sabi niya bago umalis.

"I will," I replied. "Have fun."

"Will try," he said before he kissed my cheek and went inside.

Tahimik akong nakatayo roon habang naghihintay ng sasakyan. I kept on staring at the screen of my phone as if makakatulong iyon sa pagbilis ng pagdating.

I just... needed to get out of here.

Because I hated how thrown off I was at the single sight of him.

It had been months—why was I still so affected at the thought that we're in the same room breathing the same air?

"So, you and Fabian?"

Halos mahigit ko ang paghinga ko nang marinig ko ang boses niya. It was insane how even if years might pass, pakiramdam ko ay alam na alam ko pa rin ang boses niya.

I would always be reminded of the things that he used to whisper in my ears.

Huminga ako nang malalim bago ako humarap sa kanya.

"Excuse me?" I asked, pretending that I didn't hear him the first time kahit na siguro pati pagbulong niya ay kaya kong marinig.

"Fabian," he said.

I didn't want to stop and drink in the sight of him. It's still him. It's still Zion—the same old guy who told me that he wanted nothing more from me and denied knowing me.

He's that guy.

Bakit ba ako nanghihinayang sa kagaya niya?

Why was I constantly pining over someone who treated me like shit when there's a perfectly nice guy who's doing everything right?

Umayos ako ng tayo.

"What about him?" I replied, looking straight into his eyes because the one way to get used to this... to being around him... is to get used to him. There's no shortcut to this madness.

"You're with him?"

"Yes," agad na sagot ko.

He just nodded without saying a word.

"Why?" I asked even though I knew that I shouldn't. I shouldn't be having this conversation with him in the first place. He had no business knowing my business.

"Nothing," he replied. "He doesn't know that..." sabi niya at napahinto.

"That what?" I asked bravely.

"That we know each other," he said, putting his hands in his pocket.

"No," I said.

"So, you're lying to him."

I cocked my head to the side. "You're the one who told me not to tell anyone that I know you," I said.

Tumingin din siya sa akin. Fuck those eyes. Bakit ba sa tuwing tumitingin siya sa akin ay ang naaalala ko ay kung paano niya sabihin sa akin na buksan ko iyong mga mata ko at tignan ko siya?

"Did you memorize everything that I told you?" he asked arrogantly. There was a small grin on his face. Why was he enjoying this when I was holding on to every little fiber not to crumble in front of him?

"It was easy," I replied. "We barely talked."

Agad akong nakahinga nang makita kong halos nandyan na iyong sasakyan. I wanted to be out of here. I wanted to be away from him as soon as possible.

"We talked," he said.

"About what?" I asked. "About how I should tell no one about us? About when you'll see me next? Or about how you said you were clear from the beginning that you're interested in nothing but hooking up?"

Halos habol-habol ko ang hininga ko nang matapos ako. I wanted to act cool in front of him. I wanted him to think that I was good with the fact that we ended, pero sino ba ang niloko ko?

I blocked him.

And I blocked him for a reason.

Kasi alam ko na kung hindi, palagi kong titignan iyong account niya. Palagi kong titignan kung nasaan siya, kung may kausap ba siyang iba. Para lang akong tanga na aabangan kung kailan siya magdedesisyon na ibaling ang tingin sa akin.

"Arielle—"

"My ride's here," I told him. Muli akong humugot ng malalim na hininga at tumingin sa kanya. "Can I ask for a favor?" tanong ko habang nakatingin sa kanya.

Hindi siya nagsalita.

But his eyes... why did his eyes have to speak volumes?

"I'll tell Fabian about... us," I said.

"What about us?" he asked.

"That we used to hangout."

Pagak siyang natawa. "Hangout?"

"Yes," I said. "What the fuck do you want me to tell him? That we used to hangout at 2AM? When you decide that you're horny and you want to get laid?"

He shook his head as I saw his jaw clench. "I don't know."

"Just..." I said when I saw the car pull over in front of us. "Just please don't destroy this for me, Zion. I will tell him. He's a good guy. And I deserve a good guy," I continued as I took a step and took another one and didn't look back because that's the only way I knew how to get away from him.

'You already on your way home?' Fabian messaged.

Huminga ako nang malalim.

This is how I deserve to be treated.

Iyong may pakielam sa akin.

Iyong interesado sa akin bilang tao.

What the fuck was so wrong with me that I couldn't get over that one guy who treated me horribly?

'Yes,' I replied. 'Enjoy the party.'

'Message me when you're home,' he said. 'I will try although as you saw, they're all already drunk.'

'Get drunk too haha you can do it.'

'Gym tomorrow.'

'Gym addict :P'

'I need it for work haha'

Fabian and I exchanged message hanggang sa makabalik ako sa condo. Hindi ko alam kung paano siya nageenjoy doon sa party kung ako pa rin iyong kausap niya. Ayoko naman na sabihin sa kanya na 'wag na akong i-message kaya magkausap kami hanggang sa kusa na akong makatulog.

This is how it's supposed to feel—easy and light.

I should stop overcomplicating things.

* * *

It had been three days since that night that I saw Zion. Hindi ko pa rin nasasabi kina Gem at Nikki iyong nangyari. I felt like a coward hiding in my condo. Hindi ako makalabas dahil sa takot na baka bigla ko siyang makasalubong. Suddenly, this freaking area felt smaller!

This was my dream neighborhood and now, I couldn't even walk around!

'Doing anything later?'

'Nothing if I finish my work early,' reply ko kay Fabian.

'Wanna have dinner?'

'Okay. What are you thinking?'

'Zion asked me to make pasta. I'll make some.'

Fuck.

Did Zion ask him to invite me over?

What game was he playing?

'Very Italian of you.'

'Haha I know. I make good carbonara I think.'

He's nice, good looking, respectful, and he can cook. I must've been dropped a lot as a child because why was my mind always going back to that guy who only wants to see me at 2AM?

'Okay. Around what time?' I asked.

'I'll be finished cooking at around 7PM?'

'Do you need some help?'

'Yes please.'

Maaga akong natapos sa ginagawa ko. Hindi ako makapagdesisyon kung ano ang isusuot ko. Hindi ko alam kung bakit ako kinakabahan dahil kung si Franco lang, he'd seen me at my worst kapag nasa gym ako lalo na kapag upperbody day. Heck, nakita niya na nga akong nakalumpasay sa sahig dahil pagod na pagod na ako. It's really a wonder that he's still dating me kahit nakita niya na akong mukhang nasagasaan.

I settled with wearing a cutoff denim shorts, white shirt, and white crocs. For some reason, I decided to bring wine kasi ayoko naman na makikain lang ako.

"Hey," Fabian said nang sunduin niya ako sa lobby ng condo niya.

So... dito siya nakatira.

I had wondered for a long time kung saang banda siya nakatira. All I knew was that he's near, but I didn't exactly know where.

"Here," I said and handed him the wine.

"You didn't have to," he replied. "But, thanks."

"I'll be taking home some carbonara. You better make a lot," I told him and he laughed at sabay kaming naglakad papunta sa elevator.

Fabian was telling me something about his work, but my mind kept on counting the floors hanggang sa makarating kami sa floor nila. I really tried to give him my undivided attention because he deserved nothing less.

Agad akong natigilan nang buksan ni Fabian iyong pinto at bumungad sa akin si Zion na walang suot na pang-itaas.

"I thought you'll be home later?" casual na sabi ni Fabian habang naglalakad papasok. Tumigil siya at humarap sa akin. "Feel at home," he told me but I couldn't move an inch in my direction.

Nakatingin sa akin si Zion.

"Yeah, Arielle, feel at home. My home is his home," he said mockingly as he continued to walk around half-naked because that's the kind of asshole that he is. 

**

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