Chapter 13

"What?"

"Fabian kissed me."

"Oh. Was it good? Kiss lang?"

"Yes, kiss lang," I replied. "And it was good."

"That's great."

"I know..."

"Okay. Spill."

I sighed as I sat down on my bean bag. Bigla akong naging aware na ngayon lang ulit ako napahiga rito. Ewan ko ba. Isang beses lang naman nahiga rito si Zion, pero pakiramdam ko ay siya na ang may-ari nito. Na kahit gaano kasandali lang naman siya nandito ay parang ang tagal ng epekto niya.

"I mean, he's a great kisser... I think?"

"What do you mean you think? It's either he is or he isn't?"

"I don't know? It's not as if marami akong pwedeng i-compare."

"Too much tongue?"

"No."

"Too little tongue?"

"No."

"So, it's because he's not Zion?"

Agad akong napaupo. "No!"

Kahit hindi ko kaharap si Nikki ay para bang ramdam ko iyong pag-irap niya sa akin. She's in a shoot now, pero alam ko na kung nasa harapan ko siya ngayon ay kitang-kita ko iyong disapproving looks niya sa akin.

"Okay," she said, chuckling.

"I mean, it's normal naman, 'di ba? 'Di naman kailangan ng spark sa first kiss?"

O baka naman ako iyong may problema? Okay naman si Fabian. Masaya kausap. Mabait. Gentleman! He didn't even kiss me up until the third date. Hindi kagaya ni—

Tsk.

"It depends," Nikki replied.

"Depends on what?"

"You," she said. "I mean, babe, I can give you all the advice you want, but at the end of the day, you're the one dating him, not me. Your opinion of him is the most important, you know?"

I sighed.

She's right.

She really is my voice of reason—tapos si Gem naman iyong sigaw at kurot.

* * *

"What are you doing this Friday?" Fabian asked.

"Disney plus, I think?"

He chuckled. "Sounds like a solid plan."

"I know," sabi ko habang kinukuha iyong gamit ko sa locker.

"Well, if you change your mind, I'm going to a party this Friday, if you wanna come."

"A party?"

He nodded. "Yeah. A new batch of models arrived. We usually go to party as a way to bond," he told me. He gave me a smile. "I have a shoot to go to. Just message me if you'll go. We can go together," he added and gave me a kiss on the cheek bago siya naunang umalis.

Mabuti na lang at kinailangan niya nang umalis dahil hindi ko rin alam kung ano ang sasabihin ko sa kanya. I was okay with going to a party. I wouldn't even drink, so it wasn't as if I was worried that I'd be drunk. I was just worried when he told me that it would be a party with his co-workers.

Paano ba ako mabubuhay nito? One of my best friend's a model yet may model ako na tinataguan! And iyong current na dine-date ko ay model din. How would that work! Para kong binigyan iyong sarili ko ng bato na ipampupukpok sa ulo ko.

* * *

It was Thursday night when I finally decided to tell Fabian na sasama ako sa party niya. I couldn't always adjust my life around the possibility na makasalubong ko si Zion. Besides, ano naman kung makasalubong ko siya? No one knew about us. My friends knew about us, but I highly doubted that anyone in his life knew about my existence.

To him, I was just some girl he'd go to when he felt like getting laid.

That was all I ever was to him.

It's pathetic how I was letting him have this much power over me when I barely existed in his world.

So, I dressed up. I just wanted to make a good impression sa mga kaibigan ni Fabian.

Oh, God.

This guy.

This guy was willing to be seen with me in public.

With me.

In public.

In front of his friends.

And I had the audacity na kabahan dahil lang walang 'sparks' iyong first kiss namin?

We'd practice.

We'd practice again and again hanggang maramdaman ko 'yang sparks na 'yan. Kahit na ako na mismo ang magsindi sa sarili ko dahil mas gugustuhin ko na iyong sitwasyon na 'to kaysa iyong pakiramdam ko na isa akong sikreto na kailangang itago.

'Do I need to bring anything?' I messaged him on iMessage.

'Just yourself.'

'You sure?'

'Yes,' he replied. 'Don't worry. They're nice. You'll have a good time.'

'You promise?'

'I'll try my best to entertain you lol'

I was smiling at his last reply. This was a nice guy. I deserve a nice guy. I should actively choose a nice guy.

Pumunta ako sa condo ni Nikki para manghiram ng damit at saka magpa-ayos na rin. I just wanted to look good for Fabian. I knew that what he's doing is the bare minimum but I'd been treated like shit. What's wrong with appreciating being treated like a human being with feelings?

"Kinakabahan ako," sabi ko nang matapos si Nikki sa pag-aayos ng buhok ko. I told her na ayokong magmukhang nag-effort talaga kaya naman ginawa niya iyong 90s blowdry daw ang tawag doon.

"Don't be," she said. "Have fun. It's just a party. You've been to lots of parties."

"I know. Thank you."

She winked at me. "You're welcome," she said. "People there will be drunk, so it'd be easier to get along with them," she continued. "I mean, based on experience, it's easier to get along with foreigners. At least for me. They're less judgy as compared to Filipinos."

Binigyan pa ako ni Nikki ng ilang tips bago ako umalis pabalik sa condo ko. Doon ako sa unit ko naghintay. It was five minutes before 8PM nang magmessage si Fabian na nasa lobby na siya. Kakain muna kasi kami ng dinner bago pumunta sa party.

"Hey," sabi niya nang makita ako na naglalakad palapit. He stood up and kissed my cheek while his hand was placed on the small of my back. When he first did it, medyo nagulat ako, but I was already used to it.

"Done with work?" I asked kasi nagmessage siya sa akin kanina na hindi siya sigurado kung makakarating siya on-time dahil may pinapaulit sa kanya na set. I said that it was fine. At least nagsabi siya na may posibilidad na ma-late siya at hindi iyong bigla na lang siyang hindi nagpakita.

"Yes," he said habang naglalakad kami papunta doon sa resto. We decided to just eat around the area para mamayang mga 11PM e mas madali ng kumuha ng ride.

We talked while we were walking. It was... peaceful. Hindi naman siguro kailangan nung sparks na 'yan. Kasi aanhin mo iyong sparks kung may kasamang stress? Kinikilig ka nga pero nagooverthink ka naman? Mas pipipliin ko 'tong kalmado lang.

It was around 10PM nang matapos kami sa dinner at almost 11PM nang makarating kami sa venue. There was a line, but we managed to get inside first. It felt nice—like we're some VIP.

"If you want to go home, just tell me, okay?"

I nodded. "I can go home myself. You can stay here and bond with your co-workers," I told him kasi iyon naman talaga iyong purpose nung party na 'to. Party, but still work-related. Ayoko naman makagulo roon.

"I'll still see them plenty of times," he said and I just smiled. He'd really leave this party para samahan ako na umuwi.

Luck really favors the brave! Kung hindi ako naglakas ng loob na ayain siya magdate, wala kami sa posisyon na 'to. It's weird how one thing could literally alter the direction of your life.

Fabian introduced me to different people. Some of them were already a bit drunk, but they're mostly nice. Hindi ko nga lang sigurado kung matatandaan ko lahat ng pangalan nila dahil ang daming pinakilala sa akin ni Fabian.

"I'll just go to the restroom," sabi ko kay Fabian.

Ayoko naman maging KJ kaya uminom ako ng cocktail. Hindi naman ako malalasing dito kasi kanina ko pa tinitipid iyong isang baso ng amaretto.

After ko sa CR, dumiretso ako sa bar para bumili ng tubig. I decided to stay there for a while dahil nagve-vape iyong ibang mga kasama ni Fabian and hindi ako fan non. Hindi ko rin naman sila pwedeng sabihan na itigil iyon.

"Arielle."

Napatingin ako kay Fabian na nasa harapan ko na ngayon. "Hey," I replied. "Just got myself water," I continued, showing him the bottled water that I just bought.

He nodded. "I'll introduce you to someone," he said.

"Who?" I asked. Ang dami niya na talagang pinakilala sa akin ngayong gabi! Hindi ko na tanda iyong pangalan nila and I doubted na tanda nila iyong sa akin kasi lasing na sila rin. Itatanong ko na lang ulit kay Fabian iyong pangalan nila kung sakaling magtagpo man ulit ang landas namin.

"My roommate," he said.

"You have a roommate?" I asked kasi nasabi niya dati na wala siyang roommate. Based sa kwento niya, usually ay dalawa sa isang unit, pero mag-isa lang siya. Tinukso ko tuloy siya na favorite siya since naka-solo room siya. He immediately said no kahit na nasabi sa akin accidentally ni Nikki na itong si Fabian daw ay paboritong model nung isa sa mga top designer ng Pinas na sikat din internationally. Humble masyado.

"Yes," he replied. "He just got back from a stint in Turkey."

Tumango lang ako dahil hindi ko alam kung ano ang sasabihin ko roon. I just walked with Fabian. His hand was on the small of my back, leading me to wherever we were headed.

"Hey," tawag niya roon sa isang model na hindi ko na talaga tanda iyong pangalan. Kung wala lang lovelife si Gem ngayon, for sure mag-eenjoy iyon dito. Sabi nga niya, Afam paradise.

"Yeah?"

"Have you seen Zion?" Fabian asked.

Agad na napatingin ako sa kanya. My forehead creased. Lasing ba ako? Was I imagining things? Was I hearing things?

"He was just here—" sabi nung lalaki. "Oh, there he is," he continued, looking behind us.

Oh, fuck.

Fuck.

Fuck.

Fuck!

"Zion," sabi ni Fabian habang nakaharap na siya roon at nanatili akong nakatalikod. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang gagawin ko. I just wanted to go home. It had been fucking months since I last saw him! And I knew that we'd probably see each other again, but definitely not like this!

I felt Fabian's hand on my waist again.

Shit.

Nakita ba ni Zion iyon?

"Arielle," pagtawag ni Fabian sa akin.

Fuck.

Huminga ako nang malalim. It wasn't as if I could run now. Not when he already said my name in front of Zion. But then again, maybe he already forgot about me. Kasi ako lang naman iyong nagbigay masyado ng kulay sa kung anuman ang nagkaroon kami.

We were barely a thing.

Barely.

Muli akong huminga nang malalim at saka humarap sa kanya. I hated how I saw the surprise in his eyes when he realized who was in front of him.

So, he didn't forget about me.

He still knew who I was.

But no one but us knew about us.

As far as anyone's concerned, we were strangers.

"Hi, I'm Arielle," I said as I offered him my hand. "You're Fabian's roommate, right?" I continued as I stared at him and held my breath as I breathe in the sight of him once again. 

**

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