Chapter 06

"I don't really like mint flavored ice cream."

"Bold of you to assume that it's yours." Napaawang iyong labi ko tapos natawa siya. "Kidding," sabi niya. "I was gonna buy you ice cream, but this is the only flavor they had left. I guess it's unwanted or something. Had to buy it. Looked so lonely in the fridge."

God, why did you have to make him hot and adorable?! Sobrang deadly combination!

I was watching the movie on my bed bago siya magmessage sa akin. Weird kung lilipat kami sa may sala tapos sa carpet uupo. I thought it would bother me na nakaupo siya sa kama ko with his outside clothes, but I was just relieved na mukhang okay na siya sa akin ulit.

Hindi ako makapag-concentrate sa panonood ng movie dahil mas pinapanood ko pa iyong side profile niya. Hindi ko alam kung oblivious lang ba siya or hinahayaan niya lang ako na titigan siya. Also, might I mention how good he smelled?! Like literally gusto ko siyang gapangin at this moment kaya lang sinabi ko na sa kanya na may period ako kahit wala naman talaga.

"Holy fuck!" sigaw niya nung may jump scare sa movie. Napatingin siya sa akin. "You don't scare easily, do you?"

I just shrugged kaysa sabihin na paano naman ako matatakot sa movie na hindi ko pinapanood?

"What?" he asked nang matawa ako sa mga reaction niya lalo na nung padulong part na ng movie. Pwedeng-pwede siya maging meme, e.

"Nothing," I replied. "You scare easily."

"What do you mean I scare easily? It's a scary movie!"

"It's not."

He scoffed. "Yeah, right. You were watching me instead of watching the movie," he so casually said habang nakatingin sa screen ng laptop ko.

Nanlaki iyong mga mata ko. Lecheng 'yan! Kailangan pa ba niyang sabihin iyon if alam niya? Ano ang end goal dito? Mapahiya ako? Mahiya? Mamatay sa kahihiyan?!

"The audacity," I said when I was able to gather what was left of my confidence.

"I didn't hear a denial," he replied.

"I wasn't watching you."

"You were. It's okay. I'm giving you the permission."

Napaawang ang labi ko. "Wow."

"I know, right?"

"I'm speechless."

"Yeah. I tend to have that effect on people."

Oh, my god.

He chuckled. "Nah, I'm kidding," he said. "I wanted to ask if I had booger in my nose because you were staring," he continued. "Do I?"

I nodded. "Yeah, you do."

His eyes widened. "Really?!" sabi niya and I watched as this grown man panicked. Gusto kong matawa dahil ang bilis niyang tumayo mula sa kama ko at naglakad papunta sa CR. Not a few seconds later and he marched back. "Liar," he said when he realized that I was lying and making fun of him.

I just shrugged. He sat back on my bed. Hindi pa rin tapos iyong credits nung pelikula. Zion just grabbed the ice cream and began eating it again.

"You're not on a diet?" I asked.

"What do you mean?"

"You know Nikki, right?"

He nodded. "Your best friend?"

"Yeah," I said. "She's always on a diet. I just thought that since you're a model, too..."

Sumandal siya sa pader. "No, not really," he replied. "I'd been thin all my life. I'm actually trying to gain weight. My manager said I need to gain more. Eating is a chore for me."

"That's the dream," pabiro kong sabi.

He just smiled at me. "Guess so."

Oh, god.

May mali na naman akong nasabi.

"No offense to your manager, but you look good already," sabi ko, hoping na mabawi ko iyong sinabi ko sa kanya. I mean, hindi ba thin-shaming iyong ginawa ko? Kasi may fat-shaming? I should really stop commenting on people's body regardless.

"Thanks," sabi niya. "I need to gain more weight still."

"Can I ask why?"

"To book more gigs," he said.

"Oh."

"Left my entire life in France to pursue a modelling career here in Asia," sabi niya habang nakatingin sa ice cream niya. "Can't really do that and achieve nothing."

For a moment, hindi ko alam kung ano ang sasabihin ko. I hated that I was so afraid of disappointing him or making him mad or anything na wala na akong masabi. I hated when he didn't talk to me for weeks. I didn't want to say the wrong words again and ended up in that situation again.

Pero ayoko rin nung ganito na hindi ko masabi iyong gusto kong sabihin.

"How long have you been modelling?" I asked, instead. That's a safe question... right?

"Few months," sabi niya.

"Are you a print or runway model?"

"Prints mostly," sabi niya. "I do events sometimes. I'm hoping to get into runway soon."

"That's nice," sabi ko.

He shrugged. "It's fine."

He didn't look too happy sa career niya. I wanted to ask more about that, but it didn't feel like my place to ask. I mean, after all, fubu lang naman kami. Buti sana kung friends with benefits, e.

"How about you?" he asked.

"Me?"

He nodded. "Yeah. What do you do?"

"Virtual assistant."

"What's that?" he asked like he was interested—or maybe pretending to be interested just to fill in the silence. But I'd take it. I told him what I do. He was nodding. He was asking some questions. It was nice, but I really wanted to ask more about him, about his work, or maybe about his life in France before he decided to go here.

But then he stood up.

"You'll leave?" I asked and immediately regretted it because I thought I sounded needy.

He nodded. "Yeah. It's almost 1AM. Oh, wow. Didn't know I stayed that long."

"Right."

"Hope you didn't have any other plans."

"What plans?"

He shrugged. "I don't know. Date or something."

"What?"

He shrugged again, but said nothing dahil lumabas na siya ng kwarto ko. Hindi ko alam kung susunod ba ako sa kanya. Of course, susunod ako. Kailangan kong i-lock iyong pintuan.

"Thanks for the movies," sabi niya.

I nodded. "No prob," sagot ko na para bang ako iyong nag-shoot nung pelikula para pasalamatan niya ako.

He just smiled and did this weird roger sign bago lumabas. I didn't know if I wanted him to kiss my forehead again or what. Or maybe not because that definitely made me feel things. I didn't need that confusion.

* * *

Zion and I met up a couple of times more.

Some times, it'd be quick.

Literally, iyon pala ang ibig sabihin ng quickie. Meron kasing one time na dumaan lang siya sa condo before his meeting. He literally got in the condo, made me put my hands against the door, pulled my hips towards him, pulled my shorts and panties down, put the condom on, fucked me for good five minutes, threw the condom in the trash, said thanks, and then left.

Suffice to say, not a big fan of quickie.

"Saya mo, ah," sabi ni Gem nung magkita kami.

I shrugged. "Saks lang."

"So, kamusta na kayo ni French model?"

I shrugged again. "Okay naman."

"May improvement ba?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, it's been what? Two months?"

"Three," I corrected her.

Natawa siya. "Alam na alam, ah," she commented but I just rolled my eyes at her. "Fubu pa rin kayo?" I nodded. "Okay ka lang sa ganon?"

I nodded although if I were being honest, of course I wanted more! Gustung-gusto ko kaya magtanong sa kanya minsan kung ano ang ginagawa niya, but I always stopped myself dahil hindi naman nagtatanong ng ganon kapag fuck buddy. I always had to remind myself kung ano ba ako.

"May question ako," sabi niya.

"Mabu-bwisit ba ako sa tanong na 'yan?"

Natawa siya. "Feel ko," sabi niya. "Pero itatanong ko pa rin," she continued and I rolled my eyes. "Ano'ng gagawin mo kapag nagka-girlfriend siya?"

Bigla akong nawalan ng gana sa kinakain ko.

For some reason, bigla akong nanlamig na para bang sinabi ni Gem sa akin na magugunaw na ang mundo kinabukasan.

"I mean, curious lang... Nabasa ko kasi kanina na 'why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free?'"

Tumingin ako sa kanya. "Kinukumpara mo ba ako sa baka?"

"You know what I mean!"

I remained silent. I had no right to be pissed at Gem because she's asking the right questions—the questions I asked myself at night pero hindi ko masagot kasi nadidisappoint ako sa sarili ko tuwing maririnig ko kung ano iyong sagot ko.

That I liked him enough to allow this situation to continue.

That I liked him enough to just take whatever he could give me.

"I mean, bakit ka naman niya bibigyan ng label if nakukuha niya na iyong perks, right?"

"I can say the same," sabi ko. "Nakukuha ko rin naman iyong perks sa kanya kahit 'di ko siya boyfriend."

Napailing si Gem sa akin. "Bahala ka."

I ended up silent the whole time. Hanggang sa makauwi ako sa condo ay masama lang iyong mood ko. Kaya naman nung magmessage si Zion nung ala una para itanong kung gising pa ako, I was hesitant na papuntahin siya rito dahil alam ko na wala ako sa mood at baka kung ano ang maitanong ko sa kanya.

But... Gem's right.

I was not happy with the situation.

It's been three months.

I'd be a fool kung papaabutin ko pa ng four months.

Me: I have a question

Zion5200: Shoot

Me: What are we

Zion5200: What do you mean

Me: Are we friends?

Zion5200: Guess so

Me: Friends who occasionally fuck?

Zion5200: Why the 20 questions

Me: Just curious

Zion5200: Okay why the sudden curiosity

Me: Because it's been three months

Zion5200: And?

Oh, wow.

Zion5200: Look, I told you what's the deal when we first met right

Hindi ko alam kung paano niya ako nagagawang paiyakin dahil lang sa chat niya. Mabuti na lang at hindi ko ginawa 'to sa personal dahil ayokong umiyak sa harapan niya. Ayokong magmakaawa sa harapan niya. Ayoko na maawa siya sa akin.

I deserve way better than that.

Me: Right

Zion5200: Are you mad

Me: No

Zion5200: You sure

Me: Yeah

Zion5200: You sound upset

Me: I'm not

Zion5200: Okay

Zion5200: Will I still see you or you want to stop?

I knew I would regret it... but I immediately removed him from my friends and deleted the app. I really needed to choose myself or I'd end up going crazy. 

**

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