It's really confusing. I am torn between the fact that I hate when someone is reading over my shoulder and the surprise of spotting the actor anew. Once again there is no way to edit, erase, correct or stress in front of a blank page: I have to make a nice sentence right now, with retort, humor and class. In English.*

-I'm always cute.

HAHAHAHAHA, says the Dragon. You suck!

-Oh yeah, I'm pretty sure! He says with a not quite serious expression. May I?

-Of course, please, have a seat.

He grabs the stool next to mine, and takes his phone to show me that the buzz goes further than my pages. I am as uncomfortable as he's relaxed. I don't want him to talk to me, I don't want to find out he is different from how I've imagined him. He can't be straight, comfortable in his celebrity status and happy in his relationship. It's impossible to discover him like this. I don't even dare looking at him.

Three sips of champagne.

He changes his mind about taking a shot and then lean towards to see my tablet's screen. He smells bio soap.

-If you want to follow me on Twitter, it's @dylanobrien.

-I am following you since the beginning of my writing journey, what bothers is that you never post unless it is a crazy fan boy message when the Mets are playing.

-I am following you since your editor revealed where you got the inspiration for the character of "Kilian O'Hara". I am following you on Snapchat as well, and as a matter of fact, you don't post anything either.

I am wishing for a huge trapdoor to open under my feet so I could disappear from this globe. Like now.

-There's no point resisting, surrender to the temptation. You are dying for this since you came yesterday...

It's true, I will not hold for much longer. I have to finish my glass in a Princess Kate-like manner.

-Surrender. Don't resist. Let it go.

I throw a subtle glance at him, he takes his drink and dexterously wipe the foam off his mustache with his tongue. The desire inside is too intense, I can't take it anymore. I hit the counter, my breath is short, and beg the bartender in a rushing tone:

-An IPA please!

He places the glass in front of me and I raise it towards O'Brien suggesting a "cheers". I quickly drink the first two sips, one to cool my mouth and the other to get rid of every unwanted sour or sweet taste. The third sip is my favorite, I can feel the fine bubbles on my tongue and the surprising perfume is unleashed as if it was hidden within the bitterness of the hops, it's the one that makes me realize I will order another one anyway.

Pint versus pint, I feel completely jacked up against the Black Panther on my left. We exchange a glance containing as much curiosity as shyness.

What kind of conversation do you have with someone you don't know but whose sexual prowess has been precisely detailed by your hands? I told myself that I would assume until the end but I feel ashamed and uneasy with him. I have the feeling of being caught in the act. He breaks through the silence after swallowing a huge shot of beer.

-Brittany really loved your novel. She's the one who told me about it, the rumor about the identity of Kilian had already began but they didn't talk much about it.

-How about you? Did you read it? I ask him with the feeling of a first prolapse.

-Not yet but I have a copy right next to my bed, he answers with a look full of complicity.

-I could have signed for both of you.

-I'm the hero, it's worth all the autographs, don't you think?

-You are not exactly the hero. Let's say you are the second main character.

-His glass is almost empty, you should go faster to take another one with him? We are here? This late afternoon drink is fun after all?

-You are here to promote "American assassin"?

-Not yet, we start with Europe in a few weeks, I'm here for some shots. Just like you do when a tattoo is done. After, I have to go to Budapest and Turin for the same reason because the essential parts of the movie have been shot there. I will stay to enjoy it a little bit and I'll go back to New-York to start the marketing.

-Where do you live?

-I'm from New-York but I spend a lot of time in California because Teen Wolf have been shot there and The Labyrinth in New-Mexico. But it's always nice to see the big apple. Friends, family and just the city... he says dreaming and emptying his glass.

-I'll go to New-York in a few weeks, maybe, I say drinking in a way that would make the Duchess of Cambridge puke.

-Really? You've been before?

-Yes but it's been a while. I went up the World Trade Center the last time.

-When do you go? You want another drink?

-Yes, and she's having it with you. Now she's relaxed, you'll see how funny she can be sometimes.

-Thanks but no, I'll finish this one and go upstairs, I have a busy day tomorrow.

-I guess. I leave you right now, I have a book to read. We'll talk about it around a second beer if you want?

-She's delighted. You can't even imagine. Tell the sir how happy you are!

-Yeah, if we bump into each other again, why not?

Two "wish you a good night" later, I'm face to face with my tablet and my notifications. The Dragon is laughing stupidly and it irritates me. I breathe deeply and read Nicolas' pathetic and sordid messages. Of course, it ended with the classic "I've been wrong, I shouldn't have told you such horrible things, I didn't mean it. I promise, I will do what it takes for your forgiveness when you come back. I know there's nothing between you and this guy and you don't sleep with your editor. You are my princess, you know babe, come back to me. I love you."

I finish my beer without any pleasure. Just one message and my day is fucked up. My feelings are quite ambivalent, I'm appeased because he's no longer mad at me but at the same time I'm desperate because I know everything will become the same again and nothing will change. I feel like staying in this hotel my entire life. I'd like to be stuck here, sentenced to live a perpetual signing session, eat Fish & Chips and finish the day drinking an IPA with my character in this bar's dark atmosphere. It would be my ideal "Groundhog day".

On the elevator, the Dragon restarts.

- "Yeah, if we bump into each other again, why not?" did you hear yourself? You think Princess Kate did so much when William asked to have a second beer with her?

-What does it have to do with me? He didn't flirt with me! I had a drink with a business contact. Who's younger. Taken. And I have someone. What are you thinking about?

-A "business contact"? AHAHAHAHAHAHA!! When I think it started with a Wattys, I'm just dead! You won the "dishonest "category? Between your man who's certain that Anastasia is a guy and you, who have a drink with your character calling him a business contact, I swear, you are hilarious. We should contact Will Ferrell.

Co-starring with Will Ferrell sounds as exciting as going back to Paris to me. My conscience is overheating my ears. I go to bed praying to fall asleep fast but the Dragon is back, whispering next to me and I don't sleep.

-I'm not really your conscience, I'm the result of your anger, yourbitterness and your frustrations. I'll leave when you resolve all of this. Butuntil it happens, I'm having a lot of fun.