The three mile drive to the airport from Cedar City allowed me to enjoy the cool breeze and lightly scented air from the sand on alpine mountains, savor the sun beaming down a vibrant yellow like spinning buttercups reflecting off my cheeks.

I was going to miss the busy warmth of my hometown, miss the waxy leaves from the honey locusts lining the streets, the towhee birds singing all day as pedestrians smiled like they floated by you on the wide apart sidewalks.

Since Jared had insisted on giving me a lift in his weather-beaten Subaru, I had no choice but to put up with his bad mood. He was against me staying with the Lockes for a few weeks, even if it had been five months since Isobel found me.

She had kept her word and visited often, taken me for expensive meals and shopping for clothes while she detailed her life with my parents. But I sensed she was holding back. She even admitted it, eventually, claiming she would feel more comfortable going into specifics if I came to stay with her and her children for a while. She needed to be in familiar surroundings to dredge up the difficult past. I chose to understand and take a risk for once in my boring life.

"Oh, I almost forgot," Jared said without looking away from the road. "T.J.'s waiting."

"Waiting? Where?"

"At the entrance. Maybe even in the terminal."

T.J. wasn't just a colleague anymore. He was a good friend, but also a hot blooded high school sophomore with a romantic interest no longer just staring me in the face. And I happened to like uncomplicated, straight forward relationships. I liked the simplicity of having my own space. I wasn't exactly predisposed to dating. I wasn't exactly normal.

"But I didn't tell him exactly when I would be leaving. This was sup..." I stopped short to look at Jared's mouth twitch. His silvery grey eyebrows rose even higher.

"You told him, didn't you?" I groaned.

"Could it hurt to explain why you're leaving your perfectly good home to meet with a bunch of strangers without seeing him?"

I could hear the leniency in his voice, detect the restraint to go on with a much sharper tongue. I tried to ignore it and enjoy the view instead of answer his judging questions, watch my hometown rush by as a stream of mountains, lakes and periodic benches. But it made me realize how a few weeks were probably going to feel like light-years away from a return. Yet I had to do this. I had to take a leap.

"Maybe T.J. could talk some sense into you," Jared droned on, mumbling something else as he cut corners and drove too carelessly for a usual road-travelling perfectionist.

I ignored the grumbling. It was the only option I had when he deliberately picked at my nerves.

"Look, Crissy, I don't think you know what you could be getting yourself into." He turned the radio down, but his voice still blended in with my inner thoughts, someplace where I slipped into a vault from the left cortex of my brain, a place where I absorbed my visions, rather than the disturbances going on outside my head, a haven where I imagined sipping coolie and taking picnics in the Artesian Well Park, eating ice cream on a diet Sunday and bingeing on full fat potato chips the rest of the week.

"Are you sure you're even ready for this?" I heard him say in the background.

"I'm sure," I said, walking, in my mind, on the shoreline trailhead.

But if I was to be honest, I wasn't that ready. I didn't want to have to leave downtown Trolley Square or the Sandy City Amphitheatre, nor my favorite Canyon restaurant east of Mill Creek, or the ski lodges in Deer Valley. Not even the chocolate salsa in Provo. And darn it, definitely not speed skating at the Olympic Oval. I especially didn't want to leave Jared and T.J. A big part of me wanted to stay and expect the usual.

"Crystal, are you even listening to me?" He switched the radio off. I had to reassure him, and properly.

"It's just for a little while, Jared. Everything will be fine, just like you said." I disbelieved the weak sureness of my voice.

"I know I did. But why chase this now? I thought you were settled, feeling independent. Couldn't you have waited a year or...two?"

I'd waited long enough in my opinion. And I thought Jared knew why I didn't need any longer to make a decision. I assumed it was obvious I needed a change to the current course of my life, that I had been taking steps back instead of forwards, living among ghosts that shielded a familiar face; that I was becoming the same and indifferent, a sheer lie and a living fraud.

"It's important that I stay with her, Jared. Meet the rest of the Lockes. You know I can't move on properly unless I do this."

He had wanted to come with me, but I chose to stick with my stubborn decision to fly solo. We both knew he couldn't leave the bookstore to T.J. to run alone, anyway.

"I'll take my chances." I shrugged, clutching my handbag for support.

"You know I've never told you this," Jared said after a while. "But Selma wanted me to tell you something."

"She did?"

He nodded. "She predicted this would happen."

I had known Jared's wife. She had died a year ago of a terminal illness. I also knew she'd had a sixth sense and could predict a child's sex before it was born, guess a number from the national lotto and sometimes help the police to locate a murder weapon. But I never knew she saw something for me. Maybe something wrong. Something serious enough to hide.

"Oh," I said nervously.

I couldn't stop shaking. I'd been having uneasy feelings and strange dreams of my own since meeting Isobel, but had tossed them aside, blaming them on paranoid excuses, an inexperience to such fear and dramatic change.

"Before she...passed on," Jared chose to say. "She saw West Virginia in your future."

"And?" I pressed. Since I knew that part.

"She saw many around you"

"There must be more."

He didn't say anything, just carried on driving, biting the inside of his cheek.

"What else did she say, Jared?"

"It's hard to explain."

"Why? Am I...dead?"

"No." He gasped, turning to look at me like I was already a corpse.

"Abducted then?"

"NO!"

"Then what?"

I thought about it for a moment, since he seemed interested in watching the jam of traffic.

"Am I sold to Bangkok?"

There was a lot I hadn't considered. But those kind of abductors preferred blondes. I was dark haired, considered boring and ordinary compared to a Barbie thin Playboy bunny. I couldn't be sold. I was too opinionated.

"No." Jared tsked. "No, you're not dead, buried, abducted or even probed by the United States government."

I looked around me. We were still sandwiched in traffic. It seemed as though even Salt Lake City was trying to stop me from getting to the airport.

Jared turned in his seat and took my hands into his. "If I tell you, you have to promise to think twice about this."

"Okay." I nodded, wanting him to just hurry up and get on with it.

"Well do you remember that day at work when you fell from one of the sliding ladders and broke your ankle?"

"Yes."

"Do you remember how you couldn't crawl to the door to the basement and yell for help?"

"Yes," I said, all the more confused.

"Do you recall the pain you suffered? How helpless you felt?"

The fear in his eyes was enough to make me want to back out from making him tell me.

"Do you remember how long you couldn't walk without your crutches?" he continued.

"I do. But just tell me, Jared. I think the suspense is giving me a brain leak."

He looked at me sternly. "Now don't panic. Nothing's set in stone."

He was turning worryingly pale.

"Jared what is it?"

He blinked a few times, squeezing my hands. "Crys, you're..." He swallowed. "Crys you're...broken."

"Broken?" I scowled, my voice hoarse. "As in...snapped...in half?"

He shook his head.

"Severed from the head?"

"No," he shot out, clearly disturbed by that description. "I mean like a mirror with no face. No soul. No future. Just a...darkness always prevailing." He shuddered. "You also had blood red eyes. Selma could see someone kissing you and then you were being burned. At the time I thought she was reading the messages all wrong; that her illness and medication might have been making her hallucinate."

My mouth curved into a smile as I thought about all the things I had imagined in the time it had taken him to tell me the useless prediction. He was right, Selma had been imagining it.

Jared just frowned at my smirking, and let go of my hands to grip the steering wheel.

"Sorry, Jared. But that didn't make any sense. It's not like breaking an ankle."

He stared out of the window blankly. A car beeped from behind.

"You promised to think twice," he muttered.

"I have. You really had me going."

"But you still insist on leaving?" He ignored more beeps.

"This is the only way."

He revved the engine and yanked the clutch. "Then there's nothing more I can say," he finished flatly.

He drove the rest of the way in silence, taking the longer, congested routes and choosing detours from Liberty and Rose Park and the usually quiet Marmalade district of Capitol Hill as a way to perhaps keep me from getting to the airport on time.

The sun beat down on the windscreen and warmed the leather seats. My hands still stung a little from Jared's tight grasp. I told myself I had nothing to worry about; that there was a bad conclusion for everything in his rulebook.

When we finally reached the airport parking lot, T.J. strolled over with his usual open expression. The one that said, "I'll stare at you until you give in and let me take you on a date."

His ash blond hair was a curtain to his uncomfortable grimace. His pale blue eyes darkened with what I guessed was disdain at my current choice of actions.

"Need any help with that?" he asked as I pulled out my small bits of luggage from the trunk.

"I'm good, thanks," I said, heaving one bag onto my shoulder.

I let Jared take the rest of my belongings and wheeled suitcase toward the sliding door entrance. "I'll meet you inside," he said. He wouldn't look at me or strain another smile.

T.J. either didn't notice the tension brewing in the air or was avoiding having to question it. "I think it's real brave of you to do this," he eventually said, taking the bag that had been drooping my left shoulder. "It takes guts," he added, with a grin.

"Try telling that to Jared while I'm gone," I said with a smile that wasn't forced.

T.J. had a way of unwinding me, making me easier to deal with. It was probably why I didn't want to disappoint him by telling him I could never be his girlfriend; that he should never want to be with me anyway. How I was baggage, a heavy loaded gun.

"He gets it," he said, simply. "Why d'ya think he's allowing it?"

I huffed, wanting us to stop talking about Jared and his need to keep me captive.

"So...," T.J said, nervously, blocking my path. "Think we can talk for a sec?"

"About what?"

"I think you know what." He ran a hand threw his floppy hair.

I looked at my watch. "I have a plane to catch T. I'm not sure if -"

"It won't take that long," he said, shoving his hands in his jeans pockets and kicking away a stone.

I peered around the parking lot, at the light posts and a boy in a wheelchair being lifted into the back of a car, anything to avoid seeing T.J. squirm and make me feel like a queen bitch.

"About last week," he began. "At Joel's party."

"I don't remember much from that night," I muttered.

"You must remember something," he said, staring at the ground.

"I don't even remember leaving." It was the truth.

"You weren't that z'd out, Crys."

"No, but I was pretty drunk."

"Well, the kiss meant something to me," he said in a hurry, trying his best to look at me. "Even if you're choosing to forget it."

"I'm not choosing to T. I was out of my mind. I had no logic. I couldn't even walk straight."

"So you do remember something?"

I winced, regretting what I'd just said. He looked hurt and dejected.

Plus he had me. What could I have said? I remembered the kiss, but felt nothing; still didn't.

"Sorry, T. It's all I have."

I didn't know how to deal with it. I didn't know how to cope with other peoples' emotions or my own.

I tried to get by him, but he gripped me by the arm and turned me to face him. "Don't you feel anything for anyone, Crys?" he ground out. "Don't you feel anything like the rest of us?"

He actually shook me.

I gasped, trying to free myself. He was hurting me.

"Every day I see guys checking you out, Crys. And every day you act like you don't notice."

"T, let go!"

"You know, at first I thought you were just shy or something. Insecure. I even thought you might be playing hard to get." His eyes blazed and his teeth clenched. I'd never seen this side of him. I hadn't known he carried so much anger because of me. "Now I just think you're emotionless," he carried on. "Empty or half full. I mean..." He blinked a few times and cringed. "Maybe you vouch for the other team."

"What? Look, T, I have to go." I managed to pull away and grab my luggage.

"But I'll wait," he said, helping me, quickly composing himself and becoming the kinder T I knew and preferred. "I'll wait if that's what you're expecting of me," he added too close to my face. "And I'm ...sorry for the way I reacted just now." He smiled tightly.

I stepped away before he could lean in any closer and catch me off guard and kiss me like the last time. Unrequited desires weren't on top of the list of predicaments I needed to face.

"It's fine, T. See you soon."

With a smile, I walked away from everything I needed to forget.

~ * ~

Lowering my head, I made my way along the cramped aisle of seats, bumping feet as sweat trickled onto my hand held luggage.

"Can I help?" a blonde airhostess asked as she grabbed my things. Before I could respond, she asked to see my ticket.

"That seat's just over here," she sang in a bright, sparkling voice.

I followed after her, doing my best to smile at the other passengers who were breaking from a private discussion to monitor my clumsy steps.

"Here it is!" she sang even higher. "Seat 101."

She crammed my bags into the top bay then turned to face me. "Can I help you with anything else?" she asked with an over-confident smile, brushing her hands together as if dirt had infected them from my things.

"No, thanks," I said, collapsing into my seat. I didn't have any company beside me. Not that I cared. I wanted to sleep my way to another state.

"Can I get you something to drink?" She bent forward until we were eye level.

"Um, just water, please."

"Napkin?" She smirked.

Were they serving food already?

"I -"

"For your face."

I touched it. It was wetter than I thought.

I nodded.

She re-appeared quicker than I could swallow, holding out a large, white cellophane cup and a blue napkin.

"Thank you."

"If you need anything else, don't hesitate to raise a hand."

She smiled right on cue and tapped her heels down the aisle. I wondered if she had any help for crazy ideas.

As I held onto my seat, I tried to get comfortable, but couldn't. I was too scared of the flight; most of all, the landing.

"Excuse me," a woman said in front of me, turning in her seat to smile like she'd known me all her life. "First flight?" she asked in an accent that sounded Scottish.

I nodded and drank all of my water.

"Here, have a macaroon," she said, holding out a candy bar.

I sensed she was trustworthy, so accepted it and took a small bite. It was soft in the middle and crispy on the outside, kind of like a Baby Ruth, but without the added crunch. It was good, too good not to accept another two bars.

"Flying on your lonesome?" she asked.

"Yes. You?"

"Oh, I fly alone all the time," she said, then sipped on her glass of red wine. "Goin' anywhere special?"

"Just visiting an...old relative."

"Ay." She nodded. "The oldest can be best."

"How about you?" I asked, to be polite.

"Hmmm, I've a rich boyfriend in Albemarle who has a wee weak spot for the older woman." She winked. "Twenty-five," she whispered. "Can ya believe it?"

I nodded. Although I didn't think it was a question.

"Names Edine, by the way."

She called for the stewardess to fill her glass.

"Crystal." I held up my cup for some more water.

Edine looked at me with circumspect, clear green eyes that had a mischievous squint. "You know, you've got soul collecting eyes." She pointed at me.

"Excuse me?"

"They pick up a lot." She grinned. "Emotions 'n that."

"I don't know," I muttered, getting uncomfortable for a different reason.

"Come on, try me. What d'ya see?"

"Um..."

"Behind my face, through the eyes like. Go on, you know what I mean."

"Uh..."

"You can see it, can't you? I know you can."

The pressure was making me sweat even more.

"Um...Uh...Cou-ra-geous?"

"And?"

"A little over...opinionated?"

She smirked. "Keep going."

"...Sensitive."

"And?"

"...Sincere."

"There, ya see. Soul searching eyes."

It was true. I was good at reading some people, but I only knew those things from talking to the woman. Her face was kind, open and warm, also dignified, with too much make-up, unsymmetrical features and hair too big and off color and orange under the bright lights.

"I'd say you've collected a bit in your time, though," she added. "Too much I'd say. I think it's time you let go of all that baggage, honey. Make some room for the new arrival."

New arrival?

With a grin she turned away, ending the strangest conversation I'd ever had.