When the room was quiet again, Lui Wei still stood where he stopped.  He didn’t want to go back to see if Bai Yu was alright and he was unable to take a step forward.  The look on Queen Ame’s face made his heart feel stuffy. She looked sad and lonely. Tears threaten to fall, but with one breath, she hid her sadness and loneliness.  She swallowed back her tears and replaced it with a Queenly demeanor.

“Leave us.”  Lui Wei ordered.  

Once they were alone, Lui Wei didn’t know what to say to her.  He didn’t know how to begin to apologise to her and thank her for being lenient on Bai Yu. Her act of attacking Ame was a death sentence in itself.  Once again, his Queen was being considerate to him, giving him face again. He didn’t know what to say to her.

“Ame…” Lui Wei spoke softly but was cut off by her.

“King Husband.  This Queen understands that Concubine Bai Yu is someone you hold dear inside of your heart.  This Queen knows that you have grown up with Concubine Bai Yu and there experiences with her that no one, but the two of you know about.  This Queen has accepted Concubine Bai Yu’s place beside King Husband’s side. This Queen has considered all of this and accepts this as this Queen’s fate.  This Queen has also worked hard to help King Husband. This Queen has paid more attention to the Concubines in the back palace and taken care of King Husband so King Husband does not have to worry about the back palace.”  

“I know.”  Lui Wei said softly as he spoke informally towards her.  Looking at a woman, who he truly cared about, who was sad and trying to hide it was heartbreaking to him.

“But this Queen will no longer tolerate the disrespect that Concubine Bai Yu shows towards this Queen.  If she keeps doing this, it will give others a reason to act the same way and disorder will ensue. This Queen is trying to make this work for all of us.”  

“I know.”   Lui Wei took several steps towards her wanting to comfort her.  Wanting to apologise to her and thank her. “Ame --”

“You should go check on Concubine Bai Yu.  Talk to her. Let her know you still love her and care about her.  Let her know that her learning manners and palace laws are for her own good.  Make her understand.”

“Ame --”  

“Go.  We all know who you love, who you cherish and who you favor without Concubine Bai Yu reminding us.  The rest of us women, living in the back palace, do not hold a candle to her. She is your childhood love, your first love, she is someone who you can never forget.  You should go comfort her and talk to her so she can understand.”

“Ame…”  

“Go.  I want to be alone.”

Lei Wei closed his hands into fists and walked away.  The words ‘I’m sorry’, ‘thank you’, 'I care for you' and ‘I like you’ could not come out of his mouth.  It was stuck inside of his heart and it was unwilling to be unleashed. With each step further and further away from Ame, he felt their distance widen.  

His steps became heavy and he felt he was being squished by a mountain.  Lui Wei looked up and saw the two man made mountains where they had their first spontaneous public display of affection and all he could remember was the smile on her face and the warmth in her eyes.  

Lui Wei turned around and ran back to his Queen Wife.  He couldn’t leave like this. All their time spent together, understanding on another, listening to one another, would become meaningless if he didn’t fix this.

When he entered the receiving room it was empty.  All of her servants were nowhere to be found. He quickly walked to her bedroom and stopped.  Ame was sitting on her bed with her hands covering her face as she quietly cried.

“Ame.”  Lui Wei softly said as he walked up to her.  

Ame jumped at her name being called and saw that it was him.  She quickly wiped her tears and got off her bed and ran towards the window.  Her back was facing him, because she didn’t want to see him. She didn’t want him to see her struggles and her tears.  

Lui Wei hugged her from behind and kissed the side of her neck.  

“Ame.  I’m sorry…. and thank you… for everything.”

Lui Wei held her cold body close to him as she silently cried.  His Queen Wife, who always thought about his needs. Who was always considerate towards him and those he cared about.  She was having a hard time managing the back palace, while he was having a hard time managing the government. Why was it that he didn’t consider that she was having a hard time at all?  Why did she hide her struggles, her sadness, and her loneliness from him? Why couldn’t she trust him enough to show him her vulnerable side?

Is this her way of showing him, her love?  But because he held Bai Yu so close to his heart, she was not willing to admit her love towards him.  Lui Wei felt a warm feeling all over his body, knowing that his Queen Wife loved him. By being considerate towards him and those he love, it was her way of showing her love.  Lui Wei smiled and kissed the back of her head.

“As long as you are my Queen, I will make sure you will never be disrespected again.  As long as you breathe, you will always be my wife.”

Raine looked pass her tears and out the window.  She felt a slight pain in her heart. She was so close!  Why couldn’t he just say he loves her? She had to try harder.

Raine turned around and buried her face inside of his chest.  It was time for her to continue to reel the fishing line in that caught the big fish, Lui Wei.

“If not for me, you wouldn’t have to suffer so much.”  Raine cried softly as she spoke. “Because of my family, you always have to face them head on. Never turning your back on them, for fearing that they will uprise against you.  Because of my family, I became Queen, instead of your beloved Bai Yu. If she was Queen, you wouldn’t have so many misunderstandings between the two of you. You wouldn’t be so sad.  Or have heartache. I should never have been born.”

“Don’t say that.”  

“Fine, then I should have been born a boy.  Then that why I wouldn’t be Queen. Then Bai Yu would be your Queen and you wouldn’t have to be so wary of me and my family.”  

“If you were a boy, I would still have to be wary of you.  You have so much talent, you would have followed your grandfather and become a famous scholar and minister.”

Raine shook her head no.  

“If I was a boy, I would have been a traveling musician.  I wanted to travel and see the world. Eat delicious food and see how other people live.  All my life, all I’ve ever heard were talks about war or government. I hate hearing about them and I hated the lessons my teachers taught me.  The only thing that gave me peace was music and reading. When I played my instruments, I could finally feel what the musician felt when he wrote the song and I feel free.  When I read a book, I am no longer who I am, but the character inside of the book and I feel as if I’m on an adventure.”

Lui Wei was silent, he didn’t know what to say to her.  Just thinking of his Queen Wife on an adventure, playing her instruments for others to hear  and traveling without protection, while others have their eyes on her, made his heart tighten.  With the thought of someone else touching and holding her, it made him feel angry. Now that he met such a wonderful woman and made her his Queen Wife, he could never let her go.   

“I’m sorry I was born.”  Raine muffled into his chest.  

“I’m not.”  Lui Wei answered her.  “I’m happy you were born female.  I’m happy that you became my wife.  I’m happy that I have you standing by my side as my Queen.  Although you are not the Queen I chose, you are the only one who is most suited and worthy of the role.”

“If that is the case, then I am glad I was born a female.  I’m glad I became Queen so I can stand by your side and help you. I’m glad that I married you and became your wife.”  Raine said as she leaned back then up to kiss him.

Raine kissed him passionately, however inside she was angry.  She was so close to her goal… and yet, she was so far. What can she do next, but to tumble into bed with Lui Wei, in hopes to bind him closer to her.  

Her body began to move restlessly which in turn made his body yearn for her.  That afternoon, she made him forget about his beloved, Bai Yu and instead call out her name, over and over.  

TBC