AN/PLEASE LISTEN TO THE SONG ABOVE FOR CLEAR SKIN, THANK YOU AND PLS VOTE, COMMENT AND SHARE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

~2 weeks later

Numb.

That's how I feel right now, even as hot coffee spills onto my lap.I still feel so numb. It's just a dull pain that shoots up my scolded leg.

Some of it spills over the edge and descends quickly, disappearing somewhere into the traffic below us.

I met Rose at an abandoned building's roof, she's the one burning me with her hot beverage.

We're sitting on the ledge under the tequila sunset, the sky's getting darker. We've been sitting here for a while because my cowardly ass didn't want to break the news to her.

The stars are becoming much more visible.

Baby cradled under one arm and ready to kill me with the other, Rose is pissed off at me.

I gave her half a billion dollars from the money I stole from Ryan.

She's mad because I'm refusing to leave him.

 I haven't found him yet.

It's been two weeks and I haven't found him,and I'm still looking.

"You stupid girl! You have no idea what you're doing!"She yells at me, wounding me with her words.

But, looking at my unbothered state she huffs and looks around, stands up slowly and walks away.

Silently.

I watch as she retreats with her little boy. 

Somewhere safe I hope.

At least she'll be safe and wealthy again.

I sigh and let all the tears fall down my cheek. Looking down at the arithmetic designs on the concrete below my feet.

My heart aches so bad and I don't know what to do.

I caused this.

 I messed up and I don't know how to make it better.

It's all my fault that Ryan's probably in anguish right now.

He doesn't deserve any of this, I should've just left when I had the chance. 

Zac hasn't slept in six days,trying to find his best friend.

Amber and Asher are undergoing psychology right now. 

Mia is with Zac trying to help as much as she can,but I know she's hurting too.

She just doesn't want to show it. 

Like a mule she's mute in this situation.

I'm just here trying hard not to fall down that dark hole called depression again.

I know what it's like to fall, and it's happening all over again.

Reasons why I shouldn't be alive in the first place flood my mind.

Lena has been buried inside my subconscious but she reminds me everyday why my existence i so pathetic.

I'm Angel now, forever and...

I only have myself to blame for my unhappiness.

I've always been alone, I'll always be alone.

I can't help thinking that, by now...

What if Ryan's not...

What if he's dead?

He's been missing for so long and we can't find him. 

All military facilities have been searched and nothing. Prisons...nothing.

No sign of him anywhere.

And it's all because I can't accept the fact that I was loved.

And I took it for granted, I destroyed it.

Set fire to it and swallowed the flame.

Now I know that  I'll never be loved because I'm worthless and pathetic.

My quiet sobs grow louder and now I'm struggling to breathe.

It's not new.

I'm used to being suffocated by the thought of having to carry on to the next day.

I stand on the ledge and feel the wind against me.

I'm light compared to it.

It's powerful and grandeur compared to my paperweight self.

My cheeks and neck are cold from the growing moisture.

My hoodie is growing moist too.

The same hoodie from the day I met my second abuser. The same one from the day Liam showed me his true violent colors.

Wonder what he's been up to. I haven't seen or heard from him since we had our awkward meeting.

I bet Ryan killed him. 

I chuckle slightly at the thought. Ryan killed him for me, this entire time I just thought that Ryan just acts over protective for himself.

All the times he'd beat up the guys that'd do as little as look at me.

I thought he was getting into fights about me not for me.

It's kinda funny you know?

I had my bodyguard right next to me, he'd do anything for me but it's just me, me and my broken self barging into places where I shouldn't be.

And what he gets in return is a selfish, stupid and worthless girl. 

A girl that carries a spirit of death and confusion and conflict wherever she goes.

He's probably dead because of me.

It's not new to me though.

I wish I could see him now, embrace him and tell him that I'm sorry, that he deserves better.

Then I'd kill myself in front of him. Well..because I couldn't live with myself knowing that I've hurt him so bad. 

I'd love to hear his ocean deep voice, feel his breath against my neck and his lips tease my skin.

Hear him say my name, "Angel."

Me knowing the amount of damage I'd done to him, I'd realize that it's partly his fault for letting me in.

Giving me a reason to live. Making me feel love and easing my pain.

I'd yell at him, "You kidnapped me Ryan. Sent me to a school for criminals. You forced me to be your girlfriend. All I wanted were pancakes. Pancakes! Is that too much to ask?"

But this isn't what I wanted.

This is what I was afraid of when we were in Venice.

The amount of time we spent together, getting to know each other.

Bad things happen when I grow close to people. 

Nisha's dead.

Liam was sent to prison and could be dead.

My dad's nowhere to be found. 

Again.

I should've left when I had the chance before I'd gotten attached to so many people.

My whole life has been a series of bad decisions, which all amount to where I am now.

Shattered

Broken.

Bruised.

Used and irrevocably gone.

I sniff twice and look at the gorgeous lights around me, the buildings around me.

The people below me, the vehicles and imagine couples hand holding.

Why is it that traffic flow never stops and I'm here, going backwards and stopping?

That's just it, life goes on.

I'm not the center.

It's foolish of me to think that everybody will stop for me.

I admire the courage these people have.

To carry on smiling, and laughing and...just have fun.

Moving so fast without thinking of tomorrow.

I'm infatuated with the idea of jumping.

Feel the wind in my hair,violating every crevice as I tumble gravity pushing me down.

The impact of my body hitting the ground, violently kissing the asphalt.

To have my body shatter to pieces yet have the exterior stay in tact.

To finally feel the weight of a billion boulders off my shoulders.

I'll bleed out on the asphalt and all eyes will turn to me, judging and panicking.

My skin will be a ghostly pale white, my body will grow cold and I won't need oxygen.

The warmth will leave my body and my heart will stop beating.

And I'll finally stop breathing.

The pain will be excruciating I imagine, but it'll dull.

The pain will finally go away.

This dark cloud which hangs over me will go away.

It's exciting to think of the release.

I'll die with a smile on my face.

Everyone I have ever loved will finally be at ease.

I won't hurt them any more, they won't be bothered by my existence anymore.

All of their problems will be gone.

I want to see the world before I go.

I never planned this, but in some way...

It had to end like this right?

I lean forward and close my eyes.

Breathe in deeply and exhale my last breath and...

...

 Fall.

AN/Hiii MY LOVELIES!!!!!!!!!HOW'D YOU LIKE THE ENDING?!LET ME KNOW IN THE COMMENTS!!!!!