***

Mabilis na pumanhik si Grey sa hotel room na tinutuluyan ng ina. Sunod-sunod ang katok niya hanggang pagbuksan siya ni Pearl na may hawak pang kopita. Napaurong ang ginang sa intensidad ng mga mata niya nang tumuloy sa pinto.

"Is it true?" Mabigat ang hugot niya ng hininga. "Is it true, Ma? You talked to Noreen before to refuse my marriage proposal? You meddled between us?"

Panay ang urong ng ginang habang panay ang hakbang niya palapit dito. Nahihintakutang nakatingin si Tita Marian sa kanila. Nakadantay ito sa dibdib.

"Stop scaring me, Grey!" galit na sita ni Pearl. Tumigil ito sa pag-urong at nagtaas ng noo.

"Is it true?! I'm asking you!" galit na sigaw niya.

"Yes!" anito at ibinato ang wineglass na hawak sa sahig. "It's true! And it's for your own good! I asked her to refuse and give you time. To wait for your career to fly before marrying you. Or else you would lose sight of your priorities and never reach your status today! She understood—"

Mahigpit niyang hinawakan sa braso ang ina. Nanginginig siya sa iba't ibang damdaming sumasalakay sa kanya.

"How could you! I never asked you to do that! I never asked you to meddle—"

"I am your mother!" sabi nito na binawi ang braso. "You don't have to ask me to do it for you! I did it because that's what's best for you! To help you fulfill all your dreams. To help you realize your potential without distractions! You love her so much! She would distract you if you marry her! I know!"

Nanlalaki ang mata ng ina sa pagsasalita. Ang kakaunting takot at pangamba na mayroon ito ay madaling nasapawan ng pinaniniwalaang tama. Napaurong siya at napatungo sa disposisyon nito. Sapo niya ang ulo.

Hindi nga siya kilala ng sariling ina. Noreen is never a distraction to him. She had been his strength. She had been his inspiration to make it through his parent's separation and his resolve in raising Portia. Her love and support for him made things easier. She always makes it easy for him to do what needs to be done.

Madilim ang matang tumingin siya sa ina. He could not believe what little faith her mother has for him. How and when did she morph into this kind of shallow woman?

"What now? You're telling me now because you're guilty with what you have done? Because you wanted us to stay together?" aniya. "Is that it?!"

"Yes, I am guilty! It's my fault so I want to make it right! And what's right is for you and Noreen to be together! That's what! You are made for each other! Kaya hindi ako nahiya noon sa kanya nang humingi ako ng pabor. Kaya rin hindi ako nahihiya ngayon na paglapitin kayo at ibalik ka sa kanya!" giit nito. "Because from back then until now, I'm certain that she's the right person for you. I only want you to be happy. She will make you happy! Kaya tigilan mo ang kalokohan mo kay Tonica!"

"Shut up!" sigaw niya. "It's not my happiness you care about! You're concerned about your peace of mind! You're guilty because you messed things up. Kung itinatama mo man ngayon ang sinasabi mong pagkakamali, dahil lang 'yon sa nakokonsensiya ka. Hindi dahil gusto mo akong maging masaya. I was sure back then that marrying Noreen would make me happy! If you didn't meddle, then I would have been a happy family man a long time ago! Pa'no mo 'yong hindi nakita, Ma? Now I'm sure I'd be happy and a little less crazy, if you are not messing with my brain!"

Nagsukatan sila ng tingin ng ina. Namumutla ito. Nahuhukot mula sa dati ay makumpiyansa at eleganteng pagkakatayo. She was trembling but her eyes were fierce. Hindi nito isusuko ang pinaniniwalaan kahit na magpaliwanag siya. It has always been like that with his mother.

Mapait siyang umiling.

"I thought I could still count on you as a mother, even with the distance and the time we spent apart. I was wrong." Kinagat niya nang mariin ang pang-ibabang labi. He might regret what he's going to tell his mother now, but there's no escaping how he feels. Tumulo ang luha niya sa bigat ng dibdib. "You... you are no mother to me."

Inihilamos niya ang palad sa mukha para matakpan ang mga mata. Saka siya tumalikod. Now he understands why Tonya cries while hiding her eyes. It's hard to keep looking at things—at people—with so much tears. Nasisira at umaalon ang imahen. Nagpapabigat sa bawat luhang pumapatak. Hindi niya kayang tingnan ang ina nang malaglag ang balikat nito at tuluyang humagulgol.

"Oh, dear... I only wanted what's best for you..." humihikbing sabi nito sa kanya. "Can't you understand that? Grey..."

Nang hindi siya lumingon ay nagbago ang mga salitang naririnig niya.

"I am so sorry, Grey..."

Nanghihina ang loob niya sa pakiusap nito. Pero hindi na niya magawa pang pumihit pabalik at magbigay ng pagpapatawad. Right now, he couldn't look at her. And he has to go to Noreen.

***

"Grey!"

Pagkagulat ang nasa mukha ni Noreen nang bumungad sa palapag ng silid na tinutuluyan nito. Umayos siya ng tayo mula sa pagkakasandal sa pinto. Pinagala niya ang mga mata sa papalapit na babae. Pumayat ito. Lumalim ang dati nang malalim na collarbone. Namumutla maging ang labi. May eyebags na bibihira itong magkaroon.

Nang magtagpo ang mga mata nila, wala sa loob nitong naikuyom ang kamao.

"You surprised me," alanganin at hindi makangiti na sabi nito. Lumapit ito at binuksan ang silid. "I didn't know you'd be here. Kanina ka pa?"

Nawawala ang mga salita sa kanya kasabay ng napupunit sa dibdib niya. Nakasunod lang ang mga mata niya rito. He couldn't even move to hold her.

"What's wrong?" nag-aalalang tanong nito nang lumingon sa kanya. "Come in. You don't look good."

Tahimik pa rin siya hanggang nang nasa loob na ng silid.

"You're starting to creep me out. What's happening?"

She forced a smile. Huminga naman siya nang malalim.

"Why did you refuse my marriage proposal before?" mababa ang tono na tanong niya. He was keeping distance. Ayaw niyang umiyak o manghina nang hindi pa naririnig ang katotohanan mula sa mga labi nito. He wanted to be able to hold her without breaking down when he finally asked for her forgiveness.

"That's... in the past, Grey," mahina ang tinig na sagot nito. Nag-iiwas ng tingin sa kanya. Kumukurap.

"Just tell me why. I wanted to know."

"Do you want me to make you cof—"

"I don't want anything, Noreen. Just answer my question."

Sa halip na sumagot ay sinalubong nito ang mata niya. Pilit na binabasa roon kung ano ang problema o ang mali. She knows him so well she might succeed in reading him. He held on what little composure he had left.

"It's for... me, 'di ba?" sagot nitong nag-iwas ng paningin. "It's for my dream to study in Paris. Because I received a—"

"You're lying."

"That's the truth—"

"Stop lying! Don't lie for me. You're hurting me and yourself," giit niya. "I'm going to ask you again. Why did you refuse?"

Malamig ang katahimikan sa pagitan nila. It was unfamiliar, too. It used to be so easy to talk to Noreen about any ugly truths.

"Noreen."

"That's the truth, Grey."

"Noreen!"

"That's the truth! That's what happened, okay?! I wanted time! I wanted to realize my dreams and go to Paris! I—"

"I know all about it!" magkalapat ang ngipin na sabi niya. "Don't protect me from it, goddamn it! I'm not that special!"

Nakita niya ang paglunok nito. Ang pagdaan ng talas ng sakit sa mukha nito—sa mga mata. Habang siya, nalulusaw ang puso niya.

"Don't protect me from it. Tell me everything! Demand! Be a brat and demand! You don't have to lie or keep a farce!"

"Para saan pa?! Tapos na tayo, Grey! I don't see the use of telling you all about it!"

"Then at least tell me about it because I have the right to know!"

"Para saan? Para makonsensiya ka at piliin mo 'ko? Para maawa ka sa akin? Tama na! Tama nang ako lang ang naaawa sa sarili ko! What I have done before, I did not just for you but for me, too! To serve myself because I'm playing the good girl! That's just it, Grey! Get over it!" sigaw nito sa kanya.

Nang akmang tatalikod ito ay hinawakan niya ito sa braso. Iniharap niya sa kanya.

"You brat! Did you get over it? Did you really? Hindi ka umiiyak? Hindi ka nasasaktan nang mag-isa? Hindi ka nanghihinayang?"

"Hindi!" anitong may takot sa mga mata at pilit binabawi ang braso. "Let go of me!"

"I won't! You're lying!" aniyang inilapit ang katawan dito.

"I am not!" matigas na sigaw nito at humakbang paatras.

Nagtiim ang panga niya. She's lying to him! His Noreen, his ever considerate and kind Noreen, always lies to protect the people she loves. She would say she's okay so no one worries. She would cry alone so as not to burden anyone.

The more she hurts, the more she perfects her façade.

"Bakit ka umaatras kung hindi? Are you afraid of me?" aniya.

Iniangat nito ang noo. "No!"

Pinakatitigan niya ang babae. She's hard to crack. Hindi ito aamin. Hindi magde-demand. Hindi manghihingi o magpapaawa. But if she wouldn't do any of that, then who is he in her life? What is his use?

"Let go of me, Grey," mababa pero may sita ang tinig ng babae.

"Oh, yeah?" nanggigigil na sabi niya. "Hindi ka na nanghihinayang? Hindi ka na umiiyak? You're not blaming yourself for what happened?"

"No! I am not!" matigas na sagot nito at nakipagsukatan ng tingin sa kanya.

She looked convincing enough that it scared him. Why does she choose for him to be someone who hurts her? Hindi naman iyon ang gusto niya. Hindi iyon ang silbi niya!

He has to break her façade.

"You brat!" aniya rito at hinatak ito palapit. He crushed his lips to hers. Hinapit niya ito. Mahigpit. Feeling hurt as he did so.

She fought back like a tiger. Tumama ang kuko nito sa braso niya. Sa leeg niya. Hindi siya nagpatinag. Sa tuwing mailalayo nito ang mukha ay hinahabol niya at sinisiil niya ng halik.

In his head, he was praying that she would stop acting tough because he was at his limits.

"Stop!" sabi ni Noreen nang maitulak siyang palayo.

No, he won't stop. He kissed her more. Hard. That their kiss tasted like blood in his mouth.

"Stop..." humihina ang puwersa na sabi nito.

More. He needed to push her more.

"Stop this..." mahinang bulong nito sa pagitan ng pagsalakay niya. "Stop, Grey..."

He tasted tears in her lips. Automatically, he stopped. Binitiwan niya ito at tumalikod. Nanghihinang napasandal si Noreen sa pader at nakayukong umiyak. Itinakip naman niya ang palad sa mukha habang bumubuhos ang luha.

"Liar," he accused her. "You said... you would forget. Na kaya mo. Why did you have to lie to me?"

Parehong nanginginig ang mga boses nila.

"Because I can't tell you... that I can't," nanghihinang sabi nito habang sumisigok. "I can't need you. But I do. I can't want you. But I do. I can't tell you it would kill me to forget you." Panay ang punas nito ng luha sa mga mata. "Ayokong maging selfish. Ayokong pilitin ka sa hindi mo gusto..."

Lumapit siya at nanghihinang hinawakan ito sa magkabilang balikat.

"Are you dumb? You can be selfish with me. Like always."

Mapait nitong iniangat ang luhaang mga mata sa kanya.

"Walang always, Grey. Even if we try, it's not the same. Even if I told you about the past, about what I had given up for you... even if I regretted it so much... would it change your mind? Would you love me again? May magbabago ba sa isip mo at sa desisyon mo?"

Naglapat nang mariin ang mga ngipin niya. Sinuntok niya ang pader sa tagiliran. Gusto niyang magwala at sumigaw pero ubos na siya sa sakit na nararamdaman.

"I know nothing would change." Tumitig ito sa kanya at bumuhos lalo ang luha, "Kilala kita. You can't lie..."

This was his chance to be of use to her but he didn't know what to tell her. He didn't know how to console her.

"Even your kiss now..." patuloy ni Noreen, "tells me I'm not the one for you. So why do have to be that cruel to me?"

Nakalatay ang sakit sa magandang mukha nito, sa luha nito, sa hukot nitong pagkakatayo. It was tearing him apart because he was the one who put her through that.

"I lied to at least save my pride. Can't I do that, Grey?"

Umiling siya.

"You lied to cry alone. To regret alone. To blame yourself for everything that had gone wrong. I know you well, too. You will lie to protect me."

"Grey..." nakikiusap ang mga mata ni Noreen, "Tama na..."

"Walang tama na, Noreen. Wala ngang mababago kahit na sabihin mo sa 'kin. Because those six good years already passed us by. There's nothing I could do to give that back to you. Or to change it. This heart..." aniyang pasuntok na tinukoy ang sariling dibdib, "won't listen to my conscience. Or my regrets. Or my anger.

"Even if I wanted to give this heart back, I couldn't. I couldn't change it back to love you because it had been snatched and locked away by her. You're right. I'm cruel." Pumatak ang luha niya sa pagitan ng bawat salita. "But even if we can't go back to the past or that I can't promise you my heart again, if I know the truth, we could at least regret together. I want to be with you and hold you while you cry. You could punch me. I could listen to you rant. You could demand anything and I would try to do it. We could argue. You could blame me. Then, maybe, I could cry properly, too. Maybe, I could be sorry properly, too. Don't take that away from me."

Napailing ang babae sa mga sinasabi niya.

"You're hoping I could let you go just like that?" anito.

He smiled painfully. "I'm not just hoping. I know you will eventually learn to let me go just like that because I'm no good for you. Still, I wanted to be with you while you're hurting. It's unfair for you to cry alone. It's unfair for you to be all alone while thinking of all the things we have shared together. It's unfair for you to regret alone. You have been there for me through all the times I was broken. I wanted to be with you while you are. Kahit na gaano ka-pathetic ang hinihingi ko! Kahit na parang tanga ang iniisip ko! I'm already unfair to you. Don't be unfair to yourself, too.

"Magalit ka! Umiyak ka! Ask me all your questions! Throw me all the pain! Magwala ka sa harap ko! Exhaust all the hurt and hate you feel. Dump everything on me. Not to make me feel good and save me from my mistakes and from what I could not be, but for you to feel a little less terrible." Hinawakan niya ito sa balikat at tinitigan. "It's for you to discover yourself again. For you to live again."

Nanginig si Noreen sa mga kamay niya. Pagkatapos nitong tumitig sa mga mata niya, umiyak itong lalo. Malakas. Maingay. Yumakap ito mang mahigpit sa kanya.

"How could you be like this, Grey?! How could you..." sigaw nito habang nakasubsob sa kanya at nakakapit sa braso niya.

They cried together for hours.

When her face and eyes were swollen with tears and when he was weak with the ordeal, she asked him, "What if... what I want from you is to stay with me? Will you do that?"

Nakatingala sa kanya si Noreen. Panay ang punas niya ng luha sa mukha nito.

"Grey..." nakikiusap ang mga mata nito, "will you stay... with me? Here?"

***

Five days later.

Walang tawag o text galing kay Grey. Walang balita.

Ang puso ni Tonya, unti-unting nanghihina. Something happened. Nararamdaman niya. Gaya ng lamig, lungkot, at hungkag na pakiramdam ng paparating na ulan kapag makulimlim ang langit.

Isang hapon, nang makiusisa siya sa tindahang malapit sa kanila ay nakita niya sa diyaryo ang isang balita.

Renowned director Gregory Montero to marry his childhood sweetheart, the fashion expert, Noreen Garcia?

May larawang kinunan mula sa isang ballroom hall sa Berlin kung saan magkayakap ang dalawa. Noreen was wearing an engagement ring. #