***

Pumapailanglang ang isang malamyos na musika habang kabadong naghihintay si Grey kay Noreen. He was wearing a nice suit. There were stars and the full moon in the sky. Maganda ang bihis ng hardin ng unibersidad kung saan sila nagtapos ng kolehiyo. Inarkila niya para sa gabing ito. May mesang nakahanda sa gitna ng gazebo para sa dinner. May maliliit at mababangong kandila sa pathway kung saan maglalakad ang babae. May arko ng bulaklak. May malalamlam na ilaw. May mga musikero na tumutugtog gamit ang violin at piano.

Higit sa lahat, may singsing sa bulsa ng coat na suot niya.

"Grey..?" mahina ang boses ni Noreen nang tawagin ang pangalan niya.

Nilingon niya ang babaeng bagong dating. She looked delicate and angelic in her pink dress and flat shoes. Malaki ang mata nito sa pagtatanong habang lumilinga sa paligid at bumabalik ang tingin sa kanya.

He was nervous. He was mesmerized. He was in love.

"What's this, Gregory? Ang sabi mo, magkita lang tayo... " mahina ang boses ni Noreen nang makalapit sa kanya.

"Yes. I did tell you to meet me here. Do you know why here?" tanong niyang hindi matanggal ang mga mata rito.

Pinid ang mapupulang labi nito. Alam niyang alam nito kung bakit doon siya nakikipagkita at kung para saan ang lahat ng nakikita nito. Noreen knows everything about him–about them. They both know she has a better memory when it comes to events, dates, and places.

"It's because this was where I realized that I'm in love with my best friend. And this garden was where you told me that you're in love with me, too."

Napalunok ito at nagsimulang magkaroon ng bakas ng luha sa mga mata. Napatango-tango ito. Of course, she remembers.

"You're with me all my life. Through all the ups and downs. During the most painful. During the happiest. There were a lot of things that I couldn't have handled right if you weren't with me. We are each other's fan and confidante. You know me best. So tonight, in this very same garden where we fell in love, I wanted to ask you..." kinapa niya ang kahon ng singsing na nasa coat pocket, inilabas, at binuksan.

Kumikinang ang bato ng singsing sa loob niyon. Bakas ang kaligayahan sa mukha ni Noreen nang makita iyon. Pero dagling napalitan ang saya ng ibang damdamin nang mapatingin ito sa kanya.

Something was wrong yet he asked her the question anyway.

"Noreen, will you be my wife?"

Lumunok ang babae. Ilang ulit itong tumingin sa singsing, sa kanya, at sa kalangitan na para bang naroon ang isasagot nito.

"Gregory... As much as I wanted to be your wife... I can't."

Hindi siya nakaimik. Anumang paghahanap niya ng mas mahabang kasagutan sa mga mata ni Noreen ay wala siyang mabasa. It's too absurd for her to decline. They both know that they should be together.

"Why?"

"I'm sorry, Grey. I cannot tell you now."

Tumalikod ang babae at patakbong umalis.

What was it that he saw in her face that night? What was it that made her refuse him? Fear? Worry? Doubt? Hanggang ngayon ay hindi niya alam.

Isang linggo matapos ang proposal, nalaman niyang aalis si Noreen patungo sa Paris. Inabangan niya ito sa airport na dala ang singsing. Her almost swollen eyes and her hunched shoulders told him that she had been crying, too. Before she boarded, he gave her the ring saying,"When you come back, I want you wearing this ring."

But before she did, Tonya happened.

***

Isinandal ni Grey ang ulo sa kinauupuan matapos mapatay ang makina ng kotse. Kababalik lang niya sa sariling bahay.

"Seven thirty tonight, I'll pick you up," sabi niya kay Tonya bago nito tuluyang mabuksan ang pinto para bumaba ng kotse.

Napatingin lang sa kanya ang babae. Hindi niya mabasa ang nasa mukha nito. Nahintakutan siyang nakikita niya rito ang nakita sa mukha noon ni Noreen.

"We will talk," dagdag niya pa.

"Ah..." sabi lang nito, ngumiti nang matipid, at bumaba.

Ibinaba niya ang salamin ng tagilirang bintana.

"Later."

Kumaway si Tonya sa kanya. Nakangiti ito pero hindi abot sa mga mata. Napabuntonghininga siya. He had hurt her in answering questions about Noreen. Pero gusto niyang malaman nito ang maraming bagay sa kanya; ang maraming panahon na hindi nito nasaksihan. His history includes Noreen.

He wanted Tonya to scold him for being insensitive. Instead, she said, "Ingat, Grey!"

Hinilot-hilot niya ang leeg. He was tired lately. Tired of keeping his feelings on guard. Tired of competing with Shaun. Tired of going home.

Bumuntonghininga siya bago lumabas ng kotse.

Una niyang pinuntahan ang kuwarto ni Portia. Natutulog ang kapatid. May balot ang paa nito sa tinamong sugat sa nabasag na baso.

Sunod siyang tumuloy sa guest room na tinutulugan ni Noreen. Ilang minuto siyang nakatayo lang sa tapat ng pinto bago kumatok at pumasok. Nag-iimpake ng mga gamit ang babae sa malaking maleta nito. Ihahatid niya ito sa 6 P.M. flight pabalik ng Paris.

"Hey..." sabi nito nang mapansin siya, "You're back. I thought you couldn't make it."

"Silly. I told you I will drive you to the airport."

Matipid ang ngiti ni Noreen. Walang sigla.

Tahimik siyang lumapit at naupo sa tagiliran ng kama. Pinanood niya ang bawat kilos nito.

"How's Tonya?" anito.

"She's angry."

"She should be. You're suffocating her, Grey."

Hindi siya kumibo. Of course his actions were obvious to Noreen. As always.

"Are you really going back? You could stay for another week," malumanay na sabi niya kahit alam nilang useless. Noreen is the type of girl who does exactly what she puts her mind into.

Tumigil ang babae sa pagtutupi ng damit.

"Just how kind and tolerating do you think I am, Mr. Montero?" may panunukso at pag-aakusa ang tono nito, "The time I asked of you is over. I have to go."

"I'm sorry," sinserong sabi niya. Wala siyang alam na ibang salita na puwedeng sabihin dito. "I'm sorry about Portia's behavior. I'm sorry for my actions."

Nagkaroon ng bikig sa lalamunan niya.

"I understand Portia, Grey. I left you. I hurt you. She's supposed to be mad at me. Kahit na sabihin pa nating wala pa siyang halos alam no'n. If she's not going to take your side, who else will? Kaya 'wag mo na siyang pagalitan. She just loves you so much."

"You tolerate her too much. Whatever the reasons are, she should not treat you like that," may diin na tugon niya. Halatado niya ang kagaspangan ng ugali ng kapatid kay Noreen. "And you–sort of–have my permission when you left. It's not like you just disappeared to nowhere without telling me."

Umupo sa tabi niya si Noreen.

"That's really the plan, Grey. If you didn't manage to ambush me at the airport, I should have disappeared without telling you."

"You wouldn't do that because you know that it's not right to just leave like that. You're my best friend."

Ngumiti si Noreen habang naiiling.

"Yeah. I'm your best friend," tumungo ito sandali bago kagat-labing tumitig sa kanya. "If you're trying to make me realize how stupid I was for refusing you back then, I am regretting now, Grey. I was stupid for refusing your proposal. Stupid for leaving you. And the dumbest of all, for making you wait for so long. I could have–should have–returned sooner..."

"You're not stupid, Noreen. I just... I failed."

"Yeah. Miserably," malungkot ang tinig nito. "You failed in ignoring Tonya because of your temper. You failed in neglecting me because of your loyalty. You're such a pain."

"I'm sorry."

"I know you all my life, Grey. We've been together since we were five. We grew up together. Fell in love together. Cried together." Nagsimula ang luha sa mga mata ni Noreen kasabay ng pagsikip ng silid, "And now... we will part. Just like this."

Wala siyang alam sabihin para aluin ito. Ni hindi niya magawang abutin ito o hawakan kaya ang kamay nito bilang konsolasyon.

"I always thought that I knew you," patuloy nito. "That's why when you told me about Tonya, I thought all we had to do was to watch and wait. I wanted you to be sure about your feelings for her so I asked for time."

Ang tinutukoy nito ay ang naging pag-uusap nila nang patuluyin niya ito sa bahay niya. He told her about his feelings for Tonya. But Noreen wanted him to try being with her first and to keep his distance from Tonya so he could be sure. He agreed.

"Naisip ko, baka masyado mo lang akong na-miss dahil ang tagal ko nang wala sa tabi mo. Maybe you were too lonely that you got attracted to someone who could easily get through your walls. It's pure conceit on my part. But deep down, I also know that if she could get through you and see your many tempers in such a short time, she is special. And she really is, Grey. Today, I found out how easy it is to love her." Nagkibit-balikat ito, "I actually love her."

Pinigil niya ang bara sa lalamunan. Huminga naman nang malalim si Noreen.

"Now, I also realized that the time I was asking was for myself. I was the one who wanted to be sure, because you weren't the type who gets confused for a long time. I wanted to be sure about your feelings for her because I could not believe it.

"I couldn't believe it how you were waiting for me for so long and yet, she could just make you fall easily for her. I thought that if your feelings for her weren't that serious, I could always make you come back to me. Kasi mas marami tayong pinagsamahan. Kasi mas magkakilala tayo. Mas matimbang ako... Mas matimbang dapat ako." Nagbaba ito ng mata, "Gosh, this is pathetic of me."

Hinawakan niya ang kamay ng babae. Pinisil.

"I know you only let me stay here with you because you care too much. Am I right?"

Tumango siya. Malungkot na nakatingin dito.

"Can I assume that you missed me, too?" anito.

"I missed you, silly. You know I do."

"Liar," malungkot na sabi ni Noreen. "Lagi kang late umuwi."

"I'm sorry. I just needed a little rest away from you and Tonya. I'm aware how I'm hurting you both. I don't want that to be a twenty-four hour thing."

"Stupid. We only hurt because we love. And love is a twenty-four hour thing, Grey. When we're awake, we daydream. When we sleep, we dream."

"You're right."

"You're also letting me visit you on the set because you wanted me to know and observe Tonya, right?"

Tumango siya. He wanted Noreen to know Tonya, so she would understand for whom he was breaking a promise. He knows-quite conceitedly too–that Noreen will understand.

Malungkot na ngumiti ang kaharap.

"You couldn't neglect me completely so you let me stay here. Such an old-fashioned guy. Yet, I also hoped that while I was here I could make you turn to me again. I waited for you to completely ignore her and try again with me. But everyday, I saw how you couldn't. You crave for her attention like a child. And you're oftentimes jealous but can do nothing about it. It's funny and painful to watch, Grey."

It was painful how Noreen could read him like a book. Tonya with Shaun drove him mad but he chose to stay quiet. Wala siyang karapatang pigilan si Tonya na sumama sa lalaki dahil nasa tabi pa niya si Noreen. Pero hindi rin niya mapigilan ang sariling nakawin pabalik si Tonya.

"I know you this well, Grey... that it confuses me why..." pumatak ang luha ni Noreen habang nakatungo sa mga kamay nito, "how... it was so easy for her to take you; how it was so easy for you to choose her over me."

"I'm sorry. I really wanted to stay true to what I promise you. But I fell for her without a clue. When you came back, I've seen myself weak and out of control. I'm weak against her. I navigate towards her. I... I don't know how to explain it."

Nagtaas ng mata sa kanya ang babae. She was smiling with a painful smile–like he was both funny and cruel at the same time.

"You're so honest it sucks," lumunok ito, "This is harder than I thought. It's hard letting you go."

Nagsikip ang dibdib niya nang sunod-sunod na pumatak ang luha ng kababata. Noreen is very special to him. He hated causing her pain but he shouldn't lie. Wala rin naman siyang maitatago rito. She deserves someone who sees how special she is and adores everything about her.

"I was so sure that I could wait for you. You're the best and yet..." bumuntonghininga siya, "I'm sorry I can't keep my promise."

Umiling si Noreen. "I made you break it, Grey. I shouldn't have made you wait that long. We should not make people wait just because they will." Pumikit ito nang marahan habang humihinga nang malalim, "And the fact that I was late to return and that the timing sucked, meant it wasn't meant to be. It's cruel but it's fate. Who am I to get in the way?"

"You're one of the most beautiful person I ever met, Noreen. I will always wait for you to be okay."

"It will take a while, Grey," parang naghabol ito ng hininga habang patuloy ang patak ng luha. "As much as I wanted to know how you will end up with Tonya, I have no guts to watch. It pains me here." Inilapat nito ang kamay sa gitna ng dibdib. "So to remain the beautiful person you admire, I have to endure. I have to take my time. Kasi baka isang araw maisip kong dapat ako pa rin ang mahal mo. Tapos, tubuan ako ng sungay and before I knew it, I was a full-time, full-pledged villain. I don't want that for myself."

Kinabig niya ang babae at niyakap. She's soft, warm, and kind. He wanted her happy and yet... he's making her cry.

"She's a great girl, Grey," bulong nito. "I'm happy for you."

"Shhh..." he hushed, "Stop talking now. Just hug me and cry."

"Gosh! You're too bossy, Gregorio," bulong nito bago kumapit sa likod niya, "And I love you so much. I love you so much. I love you..."

Yumugyog ang balikat ng babae sa braso niya. Naramdaman niya ang pagtakas ng lakas nito at ang paghahabol ng hininga. Nabasa ng mainit na luha ang balikat niya habang papalakas ang ingay ng pag-iyak nito. She cried with all the broken pieces of their promises. He held her steady, in silence, the way he should. He owed her for being honest and being cruel. But he couldn't do anything about it because they both understood that he couldn't love her the same way again.

Noreen knows him best. But he loves Tonica. #