Kabanata IV
Sixth

***

CLEOBELLE / SINCLAIR

Just what did I do wrong?

I tried my best, with the only way I think I could return. In the end, all my efforts were in vain.

I returned to the beginning instead.

I promised myself that I'd find another way to return.

However, for the second time, at the age of 21, I died at the hands of Duke Aslan; Allowing him to kill me.

Then I came back again at the beginning, in my third life inside this world.

By the time I reawakened my power, I ran away to just travel the world of Lumina. Afterwards, I died again at the hands of Duke Aslan at the age of 21 due to being discovered as the last witch.

In my fourth life, wherein I again returned to the beginning, I decided to just destroy the world. Then I let Duke Aslan kill me again like it's a habit already.

In my fifth life as Sinclair,  I became a saintess, just for a change. Then I healed a lot of people.

I knew people would repay kindness with betrayal, so I gave up being a saint since it didn't suit me.

Sitting on the throne, with a tired expression on my face, I was stepping on the filthy Emperor's head while waiting for Duke Aslan to bestow me with my fate.

"Okay, kill me now, my dear husband," I said like I'm merely going to bed.

I still don't get why I always end up being married to Aslan.

I'm so tired. I couldn't even remember my life before that much.

Who am I?

Now I'm in my sixth life and I'm tired of all of this sh*t.

Maybe I really died in my first life and this is actually hell, tormenting me eternally.

However, something is different this time. . . I came back earlier than usual.

"I despise your very existence," was what my birth mother said, looking straight in my eyes. With her clear crystal blue eyes, blank, cold and dead.

This is the first time I've seen Vespera alive, and the first thing I heard her say is she despises me.

Great.

"You'll be tormented your whole life as much as I did. Blame your luck being born as a witch out of all races," she chuckled coldly.

"Cleobelle," she called that name, making me freeze.

Nanayo ang mga balahibo ko roon.

"Right. . . I named you Cleobelle," she smirked. "It means misfortune in witches language. Fitting you more than what that mad Baroness named you," she continued.

I saw how sharp claws grew in her hands, and then she placed it on her chest.

"You will have a life filled with endless sufferings," ngisi nito saka kinitil na ang sariling buhay sa aking harapan.

Nakita ko kung paano niya hinugot ang sariling puso saka dinurog ito kasabay ng pagbagsak ng kanyang walang buhay na katawan.

I sighed.

Ipinatong ko ang aking palad sa kanyang nakamulat na mga mata saka isinara iyon.

"Sinclair!"

For the sixth time, I heard that commotion.

"Let's get this life over with," I whispered while looking at myself in a broken mirror of the basement.

***

I snuck out of the house that night to give Vespera a proper burial at least.

I was too preoccupied to do this in my first up to my fifth life.

I used a cart and took her out of the dumpster, where the Baron told his knights to throw her body.

Isinakay ko siya doon at tinakluban ng puting kumot saka dinala sa kailaliman ng gubat sa labas ng teritoryo ng Baron.

I'm sure she'll hate to be buried inside the Baron's estate.

Dinala ko siya malapit sa isang bangin kung saan makikita ang magagandang tanawin at kabundukan ng Pyropolis.

It's the place that nobody enters due to it being filled with demonic entities.

I have already memorized the safe areas by now. After all, it was my hiding spot every lifetime.

"Vespera. . ." I called her name.

Dahan dahan kong hinaplos ang kanyang maganda at payapang mukha. Malayo na sa mga sakit at paghihirap.

"Oh how I envy you," I uttered while my little hands combed her hair. "I wish I could experience peace as you do," I smiled bitterly.

I buried Vespera's body in that forest and planted a tree at the top of it.

But then I heard growls and howls from the evil entities residing inside the forest.

Right. I don't have to wait until sixteen to awaken my power. I have pretty much figured out how to do it on my own now.

I closed my eyes and focused solely on the life force I could gather. I focused on my core and decided to break the seal myself using all the life force I have absorbed.

It's a very painful process as my heart was beating rapidly. The voices in my head are killing me and I could hardly breathe.

I saw how my hair turned white and I could feel chills in my chest, as if it was going to explode.

Just as the demons surrounding me were about to attack, I raised my hand with a blank expression and unleashed my aether.

The monsters in mid-air and everything around me turned into solid ice, excluding the area where I buried Vespera.

"How beautiful," I smiled coldly as I gently touched the sculptures that I made using my aether.

Just like that, everything that turned into ice was broken into shards and vanished into thin air.

I hope this life will be a little bit better, at least.

Oh, I don't care anymore.

***

I returned to the Baron estate like nothing happened after that night.

I thoroughly cleaned up and fixed the basement using my reawakened power.

I built up a barrier so no one will hear or see me using Aether.

Pinunasan ko ang noo ko gamit ang aking palad saka nakapamewang na tinignan ang kabuuan ng basement.

Kanina lang ay ni daga ata ay hindi matitirhan ito. Ngayon ay maganda nang pagmasdan.

I'm too tired to run away for now. I always come back here after I die anyways.

"No one comes in this basement anyways," I uttered.

Lumins sees su*cide as a bad omen. They never set foot to places where someone took their own life, due to a belief that they'll be filled with unfortune their whole lives.

At some point I started to believe that, because of how unlucky I am.

"If my life will be filled with pain, then it better be a comfortable pain this time," I said to myself.

Humiga na ako sa malambot na kama at nang gabing iyon ay nakatulog ako nang mahimbing.

***

Months passed by and I lived as quietly as possible inside the estate.

Hindi ako nagpakita sa kahit na sino sa pamilya ng Baron.

Why?

Because it's a bother.

I just did my job as a maid as quietly as possible, but it doesn't mean I will tolerate their bullsh*t.

"Linisin mo ang kwadra! Dahil diyan na nababagay ang maduduming bastardang kagaya mo!" pagsisigaw ng isa sa mga katulong dito.

I just looked at her straight in her eyes, not affected by anything she said.

Mukhang nainis siya lalo doon saka marahas na ibinato sa akin ang panglinis, ngunit agad ko iyong naiwasan.

"Bakit mo iniwasan?!" giit niya.

Nagdadrugs ka ba?

"Kasi ibinato mo sa akin," walang gana kong sagot.

"Aba sasagot ka pa! Wala ka talagang kwenta!" sigaw niya.

"Oh tapos?" blangko ang mata kong saad sa kanya.

"Bastarda!" galit na galit niyang saad.

Marahil ay dahil hindi ko ibinibigay ang reaksyon na gusto niya.

She wanted to see me cry and suffer. Why should I give her that?

Akmang sasampalin niya ako ngunit umiwas muli ako dahilan upang mawala siya sa balanse.

I used a bit of my aether and blew a tiny air in her direction.

Maya maya ay napasubsob siya sa loob ng kwadra diretso sa dumi ng mga kabayo.

"Papatayin kitang bastarda ka!"

Matinis siyang napasigaw doon kaya agad kong tinakpan ang aking tenga. Ngunit mukhang nagulat doon ang mga kabayong agad na sinipa siya palabas. Dahilan upang mawalan ito ng malay.

Nailing na lang akong nagpatuloy sa paglilinis.

Ganoon ang pangyayari sa araw-araw kong buhay sa loob ng teritoryo ng Emberwood.

The more the maids bullied me, the more unfortunate and embarrassing situations they met.

"It's because she's staying in that basement. Her b*tch of a mother is still with her."

"Nahahawa tayo sa kamalasan niya!"

Narinig kong usap usapan ng mga katulong.

"Sa tingin ko rin. Bakit ba kasi nandito pa din ang hampas lupang iyan! Nakakainis!"

"Right, and the way she looks at me creeps me out."

"Well she's that b*tch' daughter. They share the same eyes. When Vespera is alive, she has the same gaze as that child. Thinking about it still creeps me out."

Patuloy sila sa pag uusap tungkol sa akin. Hindi ko pinansin iyon saka dumaan na lamang.

After that, my days became a lot more peaceful.

Wala na talagang pumansin sa akin. Kaya naman ay nagagawa ko ng malaya ang mga gusto ko.

Everyday I train and everyday I get stronger and stronger.

"Where are you going?" one of the ice spirits that I summoned, asked.

I'm not sure how I was able to summon spirits. No witch in history could do that, but somehow I can. Probably plot armor for the villain.

"Pretend to be me while I'm away. I'll just go out for a walk," I uttered and snucked out of the Baron's estate.

Months' after she died, I decided to visit her grave.

Gazing at the forest's beautiful landscapes, I played with my hair, which turns white whenever my aether is active.

When I conceal it, my hair reverts to its original black color. Pretty cool, if you were to ask me.

"Duke Aslan. . ." I called his name.

The only character in this book that I couldn't seem to escape no matter what I do.

It seems like there's always a connection that binds us. Like our fate has always been intertwined throughout my every life.

Let's just think about it when the time comes. I'm still seven at this time.

Natigilan na lamang ako nang makaramdam ng malakas at pamilyar na presensya sa malapit.

Nakita ko kung paano natupok ang mga puno sa isang parte ng kagubatan na inilingan ko lamang. 

Nanatili akong nakahiga sa damuhan at pinagmasdan ang nagkikislapang mga tala.

Maya maya pa ay tumayo na ako upang umuwi, ngunit natigilan nang may matanaw na lalaki sa isang kumunoy.

He seems to be in his teens, and I can see a sword that he seems to be trying to reach to get out.

It's not everyday you'll see someone else in this forest.

I walked closer and stood up in front of him to see if he was worth saving, but I didn't expect to see that very familiar face.

Aslan. . .

What is he doing here? He seems to be having a hard time getting out.

Of course.

Ang kumunoy na ito ay nababalutan ng itim na mahika.

Even if he is powerful, he'll have a hard time because of his state right now.

I can see thousands of demons lying around that he probably killed.

Mukhang aksidente lamang siyang nahulog sa malalim na kumunoy dahil sa pagod at ngayon ay nasa dibdib na niya.

Nagkatitigan lamang kaming dalawa.

Should I let him die here? Should I kill him?

No, he'll still live. It's our shitty fate that'll intervene.

I sighed.

Hinawakan ko ang magkabilang kili-kili niya saka binuhat siya paalis sa kumunoy.

Now he's doing an awkward t-pose while I'm raising him.

Deja Vu?

Nakita ko kung paano namula ang buong mukha niya doon.

Though his feet are still in the mud, because he's obviously taller than me.

Nailing na lamang akong binuhat siya paalis sa kumunoy saka siya ibinagsak sa lupa.

"Done," sambit ko saka ipinagpag ang kamay.

Akmang aalis na ako nang bigla niyang hinawakan ang binti ko habang nakahandusay pa din siya sa lupa.

What now?