Goose pressed herself against me, stretching out and arching her back as I tickled her behind the ears. She sighed and nudged her head into my hand, demanding more scratches and attention from me. I complied and continued to scratch her ears but I didn't take my eyes off of a spot on the wall in front of me. If I looked to either the left or the right I would see Mum's face staring at me and that was too much.

In the few days since I had learned of Mum's death, I had done nothing but lay in bed and stare at the wall. Goose relished in me being inside so much and often spent her days pushed up against me, begging for attention. Jonathan and Barbara left me alone for the most part, occasionally popping their heads around the door to offer me something to eat. I always declined and spent the days nibbling on sweets from my birthday.

I hadn't cried, I hadn't screamed, I hadn't done anything I thought I was supposed to do when a loved one died. When my grandmother died, Mum couldn't even look at a carrot without crying, but I hadn't shed a single tear. Instead, I stayed in bed and stared at the wall, numb to all of it and ignoring the world around me. Lying there, I couldn't help but wonder if there was something wrong with me because I didn't cry. A small voice at the back of my head asked whether I even loved her. I never said it the last time I saw her.

A small knock at the door pulled me from my thoughts and Goose perked up a little, peering over me to see who was standing in the doorway. I remained staring at the wall.

"Sybil? Are you sure you don't want anything to eat?" Jonathan's voice washed over me, but it sounded muffled and distant, as though he was speaking through a closed door, but I knew he wasn't.

"I'm sure."

"You know, you can't live off of lemon bonbons, no matter how hard you try."

I furrowed my eyebrows and rolled over, staring at him. "How'd you know about the bonbons?"

"The sugar shows up on Goose's fur. She had a handprint in sugar on her yesterday." He laughed.

"No, she didn't."

"You're right, I guessed and apparently guessed right." He stepped into my room. "At least you're saying more than two words to me."

"So you tricked me?"

"Think of it more as gentle persuasion, although I'm not above a good practical joke."

Jonathan laughed and crossed my room to sit on the edge of my bed, a plate of toast in his hand. I ate the toast but tried not to let on that I was hungry. He was right, I couldn't live off lemon bonbons and I was almost out of them after eating a few every day for four days. My stomach ultimately betrayed me and growled loudly at the smell of the toast and butter that had been smeared on it.

Upon hearing the growling of my stomach, Jonathan handed me the plate of toast and I sat up. Goose, also smelling the toast, sat up and stared at the plate, no doubt trying to work out how she could take it from me. I nibbled on the corner of the toast, savouring the flavour of the butter for more than I should have. Toast had never tasted as good before, but after nothing but lemon bonbons, I was sure anything would have been appetising.

I ate in silence, occasionally tearing off a small piece to throw at Goose so she would stop staring at me. Jonathan stayed perched on the edge of my bed, looking around the room and occasionally giving Goose a scratch. He didn't speak until I had finished eating.

"Well, that was progress. Half a piece of toast is better than lemon bonbons."

"I ate more than half."

"You gave a lot of it to Goose." He smiled. "I'm just glad you ate it; Barbara wanted to ask for the doctor since you weren't eating."

"I haven't had much of an appetite," I muttered.

"I know. She's just worried about you. We understand that this is going to be difficult, but neither of us wants you to become unwell because you aren't eating. A little bit of food might help, as would leaving this room every once in a while."

"But I do leave the room."

"Only to go to the bathroom." He raised an eyebrow at me. "Look, I'm not going to force you to do anything, but a bit of fresh air might help and I know for a fact that Jigsaw and Juliet have both been missing you. They look so excited when I approach to feed them and then get upset that you're not there. Only Romeo is indifferent."

"He doesn't like me."

"Romeo doesn't like anyone. He's a very temperamental horse." He smiled and took the plate from me. "Listen, why don't you have a bath, freshen up, and meet me downstairs. We can go and see the horses, I could use a hand mucking them out since trying to muck out three stables with only one set of hands is tiring. Plus, the horses would love to see you."

"Was this the plan all along?"

"Maybe it was. Just think about it. I'll wait for an hour."

"Alright."

Jonathan stood up and headed towards the door. "Oh, and that bath wasn't much of a suggestion and more of an order. You need a bath."

"Rude."

I picked up a pillow and threw it at him, watching him disappear through the door before it hit him. The pillow fell to the floor with a light thud and Goose stood up, stretched and went to sniff it out of curiosity. I dropped my hands on my lap and turned to look at the family photograph Mum had sent for my birthday.

We all looked so happy with life, none of us could have guessed what Youlurked around the corner and what fate would have in store for us. If I had known what would happen when I got on that train over a year before, I would have told Mum I loved her rather than brush her off just for trying to look out for me. I would have hugged her beyond the point of embarrassment, kissed her on the cheek, and written almost every week if it meant I could have more time with her. There were so many things I should have done, but I didn't.

If there was one thing I knew for certain, it was how mad Mum would be if she knew that I had spent so long in bed and hadn't had a bath in six days. Mum cared a lot about cleanliness and she would probably have frog-marched me to the bathroom and forced me into the bath. I couldn't help but smile at the image and I knew Jonathan was right. Even if I didn't join him at the stable, I could at least have a bath.

Pushing the blankets off my legs, I grabbed my robe from the floor and stood up. The cold air hit me immediately so I slipped the robe on and padded across my room. Goose followed me into the hallway and to the linen cupboard where I grabbed a towel before heading to the bathroom. I locked the door behind me and started to run the bath, Goose watching curiously. She had a habit of watching me in the bath and once tried to get into the water. After that, she just sat on the floor and watched.

Once the room was full of steam and the bath full, I derobed and stepped in, allowing the steam to envelop me. The water washed over my skin and had an almost calming effect on the thousands of thoughts running through my head. Mum always said that baths were good for thinking or just being and I never understood what she meant until I sat in that bath and closed my eyes.

A feeling of calm washed over me as if the water was taking all my problems away with every small wave or movement. It helped to relax my mind and the tense feeling I held in my body that I had never noticed before. The water gave me a better sense of clarity, a clearer head. Perhaps Jonathan was right, maybe a bit of fresh air and a chance to see the horses would make a bit of a difference.

"What do you think, Goose? Should we go and see the horses?"

Her ears perked up but she didn't say anything, it would have been strange if she had.

"I think you're right."

She tilted her head at me and I smiled a little. I washed my hair, scrubbed my body with Barbara's soap and stepped out of the bath, watching the water disappear down the drain. After drying myself with a towel, I pulled my robe back on and left the bathroom, heading back to my room with Goose close at my heels.

I changed into my slacks and a simple blouse before running a comb through my hair so it would look a little less like a tangle of branches. Goose eyed me curiously, as though wondering why I was dressed and not curled up in bed as I had been for the past few days. Knowing I couldn't put it off for much longer and that my hour to meet Jonathan would be running out, I slipped my feet into my boots and left my room, heading downstairs for the first time in days.

The low hum of conversation travelled up the stairs as I crept down them, missing the spots where the stairs had a slight creak to them. Neither Jonathan nor Barbara noticed me when I appeared at the bottom of the stairs, but both of them noticed Goose when she came bounding after me in search of food. Jonathan turned and stared at me, smiling when he realised his plan had worked.

"I knew toast would work. Sometimes, a piece of toast slathered in butter is all a person needs," he said.

"It's nice to see you up and about, Sybil," Barbara said.

"It was probably overdue, my legs are a little stiff."

"Mucking out the stables will soon put that right. Come on, the horses will be very excited to see."

"I'll get some sandwiches ready for when you're finished, if you think you can eat them, Sybil."

"Sure."

Barbara smiled and Jonathan held his arm out to the door, allowing me to go first whilst he followed. Goose chose to stay behind and try to beg for food off of Barbara.

The sun momentarily blinded me as I stepped out the front door, I had to blink several times before my eyes would adjust to the stream of light. For September, it still felt a little warm but there was a slight breeze in the air that cut through the heat and it didn't feel as sticky as it used to. Having spent the past few days in a dark room, I had forgotten how bright the sun could be or how the warmth would feel on my skin.

Jonathan and I followed the track down to the stables where the horses were waiting to be mucked out. It usually meant that they were put in an empty field to be mucked up and they couldn't hide their excitement at getting the chance to snack on the grass. Jigsaw poked his head over his stable gate, watching us as we approached. I noticed the movement in his ears when he saw me, the slight shake of his head and the whinny that followed. It didn't take long for Juliet to do the same. Romeo, as usual, just stood there and watched.

"I told you they missed you," Jonathan said.

"They're just excited to be mucked out, that's all." I lightly stroked Jigsaw's nose before doing the same to Juliet.

"Don't be so sure. They're usually excited, but not this excited.

"If you say so."

We started to lead the horses from the stable and over to the field with Jonathan taking charge of Romeo and me moving Jigsaw and Juliet. When I untied the rope that allowed me to lead Juliet to the field, she nudged my neck with her nose rather than run off to enjoy the grass. I smiled a little and stroked her again, feeling the warmth of her hair against my neck. She had never acted like that before.

"I think she's trying to tell you something."

"What?"

"That everything's going to be alright."

I looked at Jonathan.

"I know it might not feel that way, Sybil, especially not now, but it will. You just have to give it a chance and Barbara and I, along with Alec, Eva, Enid, and Mark will all be here for you no matter what. You'll always have us."

I knew that to be true, but I wouldn't have Mum and that hurt more than anything.

~~~

A/N - The Penultimate chapter is here!!! A little later, but I forgot it was Wednesday again xD The sequel book will be going up hopefully in the next week so you can add it to your reading list for when the first chapter goes up, but more on that soon!

Questions! Are you glad Sybil is up and out of bed? Was Jonathan right to trick her? Is he right about the horses?

Comment below!

First Published - April 7th, 2022