Two Strangers

The day was tough for me. I have gone through another battle again, and not so thankfully, I survived. But as I recall my encounter with my parents while looking at the high and mighty building of the Cruz Empire, the guilt is beginning to drown me once again.

The movement of my hand never stopped ever since I've settled on the pavement near the drainage a few meters away from the building. The pain that was caused by the stunt I pulled earlier was making me sleepy and dizzy.

Isama pa ang ilang beses na pagkakauntog ng ulo kanina. But the pain doesn't even match what my heart is feeling right now. The regret, pain, guilt, and grief all came in together submerging me into a deep ocean of darkness.

"For real?! Magkaka-baby na tayo?! Magiging Daddy na ako?!"

Another ruthless smash on my heart hit me when his excited voice filled my mind. I could also feel my excitement during those times. But unlike him, mine was mixed with worry.

Dahil noon pa man ay naikonsidera ko na na maaaring mauwi sa ganito ang lahat. Noong una ay nagbabakasakali pa akong imposible at malabong mangyari. Pero ngayon na nangyari na, sobra-sobra ang nararamdaman kong pagsisisi na wala man lang akong nagawa para bumuo ng taliwas na resulta sa kung anong kinahinatnan namin ngayon.

"Miss, anong ginagawa mo riyan?" Nag-angat ako ng tingin sa nagsalita. Guard iyon ng Cruz Empire. "Miss Prescilla?" may bahid ng gulat na sambit niya sa pangalan ko.

"Loong time no see, manong," nakangiting bati ko sa kaniya.

Nakita ko ang panlalaki ng mga mata niya. "Ma'am?! Ayos lang po ba kayo?!"

Tumango ako habang nakangiti pa rin. "Okay lang po."

"Dito ka lang, ma'am, hihingi lang ako ng tulong," tarantang sabi niya. Hindi ko na siya nagawang mapigilan dahil agad siyang nakatakbo pabalik sa loob.

Dahil sa pagsunod ko nang tingin sa kaniya, nakita ko ang paglabas ni Harris. Gano'n kabilis na lumakas ang bawat pagtahip ng tibok ng puso ko nang makita siya katabi ang lalaking pamilyar sa akin. Nag-usap ang dalawa hanggang sa mauna nang umalis si Harris.

Unlike the other times that I've forced myself to him, this day was different. The memory of our lost child is stopping me from approaching him. I just went here to have a reminder of the scars that I've inflicted in him. I need to be here and punish myself for all the wrongdoings that I have made creating a disastrous life for the both of us.

Only if I wasn't weak and coward.

Kusang nagbagsakan ang mga luha sa mga mata ko nang muling mamayani ang sakit sa aking puso. Hindi ko na tinangka pang punasan ang mainit na likidong 'yon dahil nasisiguro kong sa bawat punas ay siya ring pagbagsak ng panibago.

Bagsak ang mga balikat na nagbaba ako ng tingin sa pulso kong nababalutan na ngayon ng kulay pula at malapot na likido. Ang sakit na dapat na nararamdaman ko dahil sa maliliit na hiwang ginawa ko roon gamit ang blade na lagi kong dala-dala ay hindi lubusang rumerehistro sa utak ko.

I just stared at it mindlessly while my hand continued what it's doing, repeatedly cutting the thin skin on my wrist.

"What the fuck are you doing?!"

Gulat na nagpatingin ako sa galit na pananalita ng lalaking nakita kong kasama ni Harris kanina. Ngunit hindi ko nagawang makahuma maski isang salita, nanatili lang akong nakatingin sa kaniya.

"Baliw ka ba?! Ha?!" galit pa ring sigaw niya.

Walang pagdadalawang isip na hinubad niya ang suot na amerikana at agad na ibinalot sa puslo ko upang patigilin ang pagdurugo. Maliit man kasi ang sugat na ginawa ko, malalim naman ang bawat hiwa no'n dahil sa talim ng blade na ginamit ko.

"I'll bring you to the hospital," pinal na sabi ng estrangherong lalaking ilang beses ko nang nakakadaupang-palad.

Hindi na ako nakatanggi pa dahil sa pagod na nararamdaman ko magmula pa kanina. Isama pa ang hilo na hindi na ako nilubayan.

Inalalayan niya ako sa pagtayo ngunit agad ding nabuway ang mga tuhod ko sa panlalabot na dulot ng mga nangyari sa akin sa araw na 'to. Agad na sinalo niya ako at pinangko matapos ay mabilis na naglakad patungo sa sasakyan.

Nagsimula nang bumigat ang talukap ng mga mata ko ngunit nakakuha pa rin ng lakas ng loob para magtanong. Kung para sa kaniya ang tanong ay hindi ko na alam dahil sa unti-unting pagdilim ng paningin ko.

"Kung mamamatay ba ako, mapagbabayaran ko na ang mga kasalanan ko?"

"You won't die," he said with a promise. " I won't let you."

Pagak akong natawa. "Puwede bang huwag na lang?" mapait na bulong ko.

Sa kabila ng kawalan ng lakas nagmulat akong muli ng mga mata upang hanapin ang pigura ni Harris. He was still in his building, talking to his guard, while looking at me from a distance.

With my last inch of consciousness, I kept looking at him, wishing that those eyes carry worry for me. How I dearly wish he's the one who's carrying me.

But I know it won't be like that. Baka nga wala pa siyang pakialam.

Ginising ako ng matinding sakit na nararamdaman ko sa iba'ti bang bahagi ng katawan ko. Wala na sa memorya ko kung saang punto ako nakatulog sa pinaghalong pagod at sakit na naramdaman ko bago ako nauwi sa ganitong sitwasyon.

Pinanatili kong nakapikit ang mga mata ko nang makarinig nang pag-uusap ng dalawang lalaki mula sa malapit na distansya sa akin. Dalawa sila ngunit iisang tinig lang ang pamilyar sa akin. Ang isa ay hindi ko mapagsino ngunit nang marinig ang mga sinasabi niya ay doon ko natukoy ang kaniyang propesyon.

Even with my eyes closed, I knew where I was. The coldness of the room, the intoxicating smell of medicine, and the familiar mattress where my back rests steady, I knew that I'm at the hospital.

"She has bruises on most parts of her body and I think it came from bumping excessively to a hard object. She also has a deep cut on her forehead, and there were cuts on her wrist too. From what I've seen from it, this isn't the first time that she did this to herself. I saw a lot of healed wounds from both wrist and her neck. May nakita rin akong mababaw na sugat at base sa mga nakita ko mukhang binalak niyang gilitan ang sariling leeg. Or at least know the feeling of it because the cut wasn't that deep to be stitched," the doctor explained, probably to the man who brought me here.

"Is she suicidal or something?" tanong ng lalaki na puno ng kaguluhan at mahihimigan nang pag-aalala.

"Based on what I've seen of her physical state, most probably yes. I suggest you bring her to a psychologist. I'll refer you to one. She might be having depression that led her to do these kinds of things." I heard both of them sighed.

"Is there a way to make her stop?"

"Talking helps. Emotional instability impacts suicidal tendencies. Keep her company and make her happy, help her overcome and recover," the doctor answered in a mellow voice.

"Thanks, bud. Talk to you later."

Silence followed the sound of the door closing, the doctor probably left. I've already missed the right timing to open my eyes. I don't even have the courage to see the surroundings now knowing that I will be greeted by a man who saved me for the second time.

I don't know him, not even his name. He is just a bar owner that I met. I don't even know if he remembers me or he really is just a gentleman for bringing me to this hospital, for saving me again.

"Enlighten me, lady. Why were you cutting your wrist?" he asked dangerously.

I stilled and was caught off guard with his question. Not because of the fact that he knew I was awake, but because of the way he sounded.

His voice was coated with thick worry and anger. But I couldn't understand why he was feeling those towards me or my situation. Hindi naman namin kilala ang isa't isa. Pangalawa o pangatlong beses pa lang naming nagkikita kung tutuusin. We don't even have any background about each other but the way he acts says otherwise. His concern confuses me and I couldn't come up with a reason why he is exerting this time and effort for me.

I slowly opened my eyes. It was a bit blurry at first until the white ceiling of the hospital room became clear on my vision. Dahang-dahan at maingat ko siyang nilingon at agad kong natanggap ang nanunuri niya mga mata at salubong na kilay.

His eyes held worry as he looked at me as if deciphering what's going on in my complicated mind. "Tell me," he commanded.

"Why would I? I don't even know you," masungit na sagot ko.

"You may not know me by my name but try to, at least, remember the red car that I sacrificed just to save your ass," he replied sarcastically.

"Thank you, then," walang buhay na sagot ko. "I don't owe you anything. Ikaw ang nagharang ng kotse mo sa harap ng sasakyan ko para pigilan ako. Hindi kita inobliga na iligtas ako. At kung isusumbat mo lang din naman, sana hindi mo na ginawa para wala na akong utang na loob sa 'yo, 'di ba?"

I know that I have to act indifferent when it comes to him. I should not invest any time and interest with our interactions because it means nothing at all. This was just something that any other man would do given that they'll be in his shoes. Nothing that I should put colors on.

I slowly sat on the bed and fixed my hospital gown. I don't know for how long I was asleep, all I know is I slept for more than what I was used to. Masyado yatang na-miss ng katawan ko ang malambot na kama kaya humaba ang tulog ko nang hindi sinasadiya. .

Kahit maliit at kaunting kilos lang ang ginawa ko ay agad kong naramdaman ang sakit sa iba't ibang bahagi ng katawan ko. Agad na bumungad sa akin ang hindi lang iisang pasa sa magkabilang braso ko.

I looked like a wreck.

"What happened to you?" he asked.

"Tumalon ako mula sa umaandar na sasakyan para magpasagasa," sagot ko na puno ng sarkasmo. "Okay na?"

Ang talim ng tingin niya kanina ay unti-unting nabura. Nawala na rin ang pagkakakunot ng kaniyang noo habang tinitingnan ako. "What about cutting your wrist?" he asked instead.

Pairap na inalis ko ang tingin ko sa kaniya at binalingan ang kamay na may swero. Dahan-dahang inalis ko ang karayom na nakaturok doon kahit na nurse ang dapat na gagawa no'n.

Hindi naman niya ako pinigilan at pinanood lang ako sa ginagawa. Nang matapos ay tumayo na ako at hinarap siya.

He still has the same expression on his face as he bows down to look at me. I didn't bother to take my eyes away from him even though a part of me was screaming for me to walk away.

"You could've died with what you did last night," he emphasized.

"Hindi ako magpapakamatay," iretableng sabi ko na sinabayan pa nang muling pag-irap ko sa kaniya. "I know what I was doing. I don't intend to die. I'll stop my car when the tip of it kisses the barricade. Ikaw lang naman ang madumi ang isip."

"And what about last night?" taas kilay na tanong niya.

"Last night was a punishment."

Nag-iwas agad ako ng tingin. I knew that last night was different. It wasn't part of my plan. Nangyari lang dahil sa ginawang pagkuha sa akin nila Mama.

And that demon reminding me of what had happened months back didn't help at all. Naging sunod-sunod ang pasok ng nga memoryang masasaya at masasakit sa akin ngunit mas nangingibabaw ang hapdi sa puso ko dahil ang sentro ng mga memoryang 'yon ay ang anak ko na hindi ko man lang nagawang isilang sa mundo.

My story would've been different if I fought for what was right. But I didn't. And it made my life a living hell now that Harris left me.

Hindi ako umaasang mapapatawad niya ako gayong ang mga impormasyong alam niya ay hindi isang daang porsyentong totoo. I know how my parents play their game. I'm very familiar with how they move their chess pieces to destroy something that would get in their way.

They always play dirty, and bloody. I wouldn't be surprised to know if they twisted the things that Harris knew about what happened to our baby.

"Punishment for what?" he asked with a confused voice. "Did you do something that deserves to be punished?"

I looked at him again, but my face now was drained from any emotion just like how my heart became numb all of a sudden. "I did something that deserves my death. And you should not involve yourself with me if you don't want to be dragged down with my mess."

Bumdha ang pagtataka at kaguluhan sa mukha niya dahil sa naging sagot ko. Pero ang linawin ang magulo kong eksplanasyon ay hindi ko na tinangka pang gawin dahil alam kong hindi na niya kailangan pang malaman ang mga bagay na 'yon.

We should just remain as strangers, it would always be better that way. Dahil habang tumatagal na nagkakaroon kami ng koneksyon sa isa't isa, mas napapalapit siya sa akin at maaaring may gawin na naman ang mga magulang ko para lang makuha ang mga gusto nila.

Ayoko nang may idamay na naman sa magulong mundo ko. I've learned my lesson and I now know how to play their games head on. Hindi ko na sila hahayaan na makapanakit na naman ng ibang tao.

"Saan ka pupunta?" agap niya nang simulan kong maglakad.

"Magbibihis," tipid kong sagot.

"At bakit?"

"Uuwi na ako. Mas mamamatay lang ako kung mananatili pa rin ako rito," masungit kong sagot.

Hindi siya agad sumagot. He just kept on staring at me without opening his mouth to speak. Maybe he's still in confusion with everything that I blabbered earlier.

He sighed first before speaking, finally. "I'll settle your bills. Hintayin mo ako rito, ihahatid na kita sa bahay mo."

"Great, because I don't have a single penny to pay for my fees," sarkastiko kong sagot.

He shook his head before storming out of the room.

Nang makasigurong nakaalis na siya ay nagmamadaling inayos ko ang buhok ko at agad na nagbihis. Hindi na ako nag-abala na pumasok ng banyo sa kakamadali. Mabuti na lang talaga at nandoon lang sa sofa ang damit ko. Sa kabila nang hirap na gawin 'yon ay napagtagumpayan kong maging presentableng muli na para bang hindi ako naglaslas kagabi.

I don't want to prolong the minutes that I am staying with him. Less connection, less attachment, and less possibility of my parents harming him.

I know how far my parents could go just to make me a successful heiress for their empire. They want to make people kiss my feet and be a slave for me, to serve me as if I am a royalty. They want me to rule the empire that they are about to leave for their retirement. But I don't want their dirt to be passed down on me. I'm already a sinner of my own.

Nagpalinga-linga ako sa magkabilang bahagi ng pasilyo ng ospital upang makasigurong wala ang lalaki para mapigilan ako. Tahimik at mabilis na lumabas ako ng kuwarto at agad na nagtungo sa exit ng ospital. Lakad takbo na ang ginawa ko para mabilis na makaalis sa lugar.

"Hey!"

Mabilis na napalingon ako at agad na nanlaki ang mga mata nang makita ang lalaki na naglalakad na ngayon patungo sa direksyon ko.

"Shit!" I hissed in frustration.

Mabilis na tumalikod ako sa kaniya at tuluyan nang tumakbo palabas. Mabuti na lang at malapit na ako sa exit kaya hindi na ako nagawa sitahin pa ng mga nurse sa ginawa kong pagtakbo.

I forgot that I was experiencing body pains because of my eagerness to escape from him. I couldn't even understand why he's helping me and why he's so persistent about it.

"Come on! Don't run, you're still in pain!" he shouted once again.

Hindi ko pinansin ang pagsigaw niya at mas nagmadali pa sa pagtakbo. I didn't even know where I should go. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang maaabutan ko oras na umuwi ako.

I am just hoping that my parents would let me slip even just for a couple of days more, or a month maybe. Sana lang talaga at makapagtimpi sila na huwag akong guluhin.

I need to push through with my plan, and my parents interfering with it doesn't help at all. The more I see them, the images of my broken state appear in my mind like a reminder of what they did to my life.

"Watch out!" he shouted again.

Naiinis na nilingon ko na siya sa pagkakataon na ito. "Just leave me alone!" I shouted back.

"Move!" he commanded, full of urgency.

Naguguluhang pinagmasdan ko siya na ngayon ay tumatakbo na palapit sa akin. May pagmamadali sa mga kilos niya at tila may pipigilan na mangyari.

And the siren of the ambulance coming from my back made me realize why he wanted me to stop. I was about to make a move towards my left but he was quick to reach me and immediately pulled me with him towards the opposite direction.

"Careful," he whispered while keeping my stance steady with his sturdy arms wrapped around my waist.

His veiny arm came into my sight. He's only wearing a black shirt, black cap, and cargo pants. A different attire to what he was wearing last night.

He gripped on me more tightly making me feel his hard chest when the rushing medical staff walked past us with their busy feet and hands.

Nagkaroon pa ako ng pagkakataon na makita ang pasyenteng sinasagip nila. The patient was a kid and he's bleeding so hard on his head. On the side of the moving stretcher is a woman who's holding tightly at the small and vulnerable hand of her child.

Nanikip ang dibdib ko sa awa at panghihinayang na sabay ipinaramdam sa akin nang nasaksihan. Awa para sa mag-ina na may kinahaharap na pagsubok. At panghihinayang para sa akin na hindi katulad ng ginang ay nawalan nang karapatan na mahawakan ni ang daliri ng kuko ng anak. Her eyes were pooled with tears as she continuously whispered her love for her son.

I looked away when I felt my eyes get blurry with the sight in front of me. Mabilis na kumawala rin ako mula sa lalaki na agad din naman akong binitawan. He at me and grabbed me by my wrist, the one I didn't cut, in a gentle manner.

Far from the way people used to grab me whenever they held me. So different with the way my mom would dig her nails on my skin. Way different with the forceful hold of Harris on me.

"Don't argue with me this time, woman. Ihahatid kita, maliwanag ba?" seryoso, bagaman nag-aalala niyang tanong.

Wala sa sariling tumango ako bilang sagot. Hindi dahil may nararamdaman akong kakaiba para sa kaniya kundi dahil naninibago ako sa pag-iingat na ipinapakita niya.