The Phonecall

"Mind telling me what's happening?" tanong ni Waldo nang tabihan niya ako ng upo.

Pinanatili kong nakatutook kay Ezra ang paningin ko na kasalukuyang nakaupo sa sahig kaharap ang babasaging center table. She's busy with the coloring books that she brought from their house. It has been thirty minutes since she started coloring yet, her attention didn't falter.

Kanina ko pa siya pinagmamasdan, kinikilala ang malaking pagkakahawig niya sa kaniyang ina. I was bewildered by the truth that Katiya already has a child. Parang noong nakaraang magkasama kaming namimili at bahagyang napunta sa usapan tungkol sa pagkakaroon ng anak ang paksa naming dalawa. Malinaw pa sa memorya ko ang pagtanggi ni Katiya sa ideya ng pagkakaroon ng anak.

Pero ngayon, nasa harapan ko na ang tila maliit na bersyon niya.

Life is full of surprises indeed. May it be a positive one or negative. Hindi natin malalaman kung ano ang nakatakdang mangyari hangga't wala pa sa tamang oras. I just wish that whatever reason Katiya has for leaving her child behind would not be a hindrance to give Ezra the whole family she wished to have. Kahit para na lang sa bata.

"What if I know who Ezra's mother is?" lutang ang pag-iisip na tanong ko.

Naramdaman kong nilingon niya ako ngunit nanatiling na kay Ezra ang paningin ko. "You've gotta be kidding me."

"I wish I was. But she admitted to it already." I heaved a sigh, wanting to give myself peace.

"Katiya?"

I nodded my head as an answer. "You really have no idea?" Inilingan niya ako sa pagkakataon na ito. "Should we tell Galan about it?"

"Galan knows of course. He's after her for the past years. Masyado lang magaling magtago ang kaibigan mo kaya hindi mahanap-hanap ni Galan." Waldo plopped his body on the sofa we were both sitting at. "I just really hope that they would reconcile."

Nagsalubong ang kilay ko nang pumasok sa isip ko ang personalidad ni Katiya. Sigurado akong mahihirapan si Galan na baguhin ang isip ng babae. Si Waldo na rin ang nagsabi, ilang taon na rin niyang hinahanap ang si Katiya. And from my experience, it would really take a huge amount time and effort to make Katiya break her own principles.

"Do you know where she is right now?" nananatiyang tanong niya.

Matalas ang mga mata na hinarap ko siya. Ang pag-aakusa ay naroon ngunit malaking bahagi ng isip ko ay hindi na magawang mainis sa katotohanang nandito ako kasama siya. Ang galit na nararamdaman ko noong unang araw na namulatan ko ang lugar na ito ay hindi ko na mahanap sa sistema ko ngayon.

"Paano ko malalaman kung nandito ako?" kunwari ay galit na saad ko.

He grinned at me mischievously before encircling his arm around my shoulder for him to pull me along with him. Ang dating to tuloy ay nakaakbay na siya sa akin habang pareho kaming nakasandal sa inuupuan naming dalawa.

"You'll forever be here, my queen," he said, wriggling both of his eyebrows.

Hindi katulad ng sayang nababakas ko sa boses niya, pinaghalong lungkot at takot ang idinulot sa akin ng mga salita niya. Alam ko na ang panandaliang kaginhawaan at sayang nararamdaman ko ngayon ay matatapos din. I know that what we have right now was just a temporary escape bound to come into an end one day.

Lalo na sa sitwasyon ko ngayon na pinaghahanap pa rin ako ng mga magulang ko. I have no freaking idea how I would be able to free myself from them. Kahit anong gawin ko nahahanap at nahahanap pa rin nila ako. Cutting ties and connection with them would never be enough. Marami silang paraan para buntutan ako na hindi ko na alam kung paanong pagtatago pa ang gagawin ko para lumaya mula sa kanila.

"You know that this isn't permanent, right?" mahinang tanong ko.

Humigpit ang hawak niya sa balikat ko at ramdam ko ang pagtutol mula roon. "I could make it permanent only if you'd want to."

"One of these days, my parents would break the peace filling this place. They would haunt me until I surrender my freedom to them." Pagod na tumingala ako, naghahanap ng sagot na papawi sa kaguluhang pumupuno sa isip ko. "Hindi malabong alam na nila na nandito ako. We just need to wait for them to fill the empty cans with their noise. And when that day comes, I would be left with no choice but to flee once again."

Waldo took a heavy sigh. And when he let go of his breath, he pulled me closer to him and caged me in between his arms. "Don't think too much. I'll protect you as much as I could. I won't let them take you away from me."

Hindi na ako sumagot pa. Maging ako ay hindi sigurado kung ano ba ang mangyayari sa akin. I could feel my parents' presence even though they're far from me. Itago ko man, ramdam ko na ayaw ko nang lisanin ang lugar na ito. I became attached to this place even without me noticing it.

Pero anong magagawa ko? My parents were so damn serious about getting me back in our family. Kung ako ang tatanungin, ayaw ko nang bumalik sa kanila kahit kailan. I would rather be alone than to let myself suffer seeing the ones who made me lose my child. The terror I've got from that night... I don't think I would ever be able to recover from it.

I would still wake up from my sleep, crying for the death of my baby. All the excitement I felt carrying him in my womb was now replaced by pure horror. I could not even imagine myself as a mother anymore. Sobrang takot ang idinulot sa akin na para bang kung dadating ako ulit sa punto na magiging ina ako ay hindi aayon sa akin ang mundo at hindi ko magagampanan ang tungkulin ko.

"Is it time for a hug?" the little voice of Ezra interrupted the silence.

I tried to move away from him but he just tightened his embrace, making me immovable. I tried to at least turn my head to face Ezra who has a puzzled look, watching the both of us.

"Wann join us, baby?" Waldo offered, making my heart beats in disapproval.

I wanted to shake my head but I also don't want to hurt the feeling of the kid by showing her that she's unwanted. Hindi lang ako komportable sa ideyang mapapalapit sa isang bata lalo na sa naging karanasan kong hindi maganda.

I looked away, slowly that she wouldn't be able to notice. Maybe Waldo felt that that's why she covered the top of my head using his hands. Naramdaman ko ang paggalaw niya hanggang sa pumaikot sa katawan ko ang maliit na bisig ng bata.

"Would I also be able to hug my mommy like this?" she wondered.

"Of course. Your Daddy's doing his everything to look for you Mommy," oag-alo ni Waldo sa kaniya.

I also wanted to give her assurance that she'll be able to be with her Mom again. But that would just be telling her pure words, not a promise.

"Ezra?" a manly voice from afar said.

Mabilis na kumaawala sa amin si Ezra matapos ay nagtatakbo patungo sa direksyon ng bagong dating. "Daddy!" magiliw na sigaw niya patungo sa direksyon ng ama.

I freed myself from Waldo to properly see Galan who was now carrying his child using his one arm. With his powerful strides, Galan made his way towards the vacant seat beside the one Waldi and I were sitting.

Malalim ang ilalim ng mga mata niya. Hindi katulad ng huling pagkakataon na nakita ko siya bago siya umalis noong nakaraan na maaliwalas ang mukha niya, ngayon ay parang pinagbagsakan siya ng langit at lupa. He obviously looks tired and defeated.

"Still no progress?" tanong ni Waldo sa kaibigan.

Galan let his daughter sit on his lap while he rested his back on his seat. "Not even her shadow."

Nagkatinginan kami ni Waldo, parehong tinatantiya kung ano ang dapat na sabihin sa kabila ng mga nangyari sa maikling oras lang ng pamamalagi ni Ezra rito. He reached for my hand, as if telling me that he'll support me in whatever decision I'll do.

I diverted my gaze at Galan and his child again. He was looking at his daughter with his loving eyes as if Ezra is the most precious thing in this world for him that no matter how hard it might be for him, he'll do everything to make her happy.

"I know her."

I saw him flinch with my sudden remark. Mula sa anak ay inilipat niya ang tingin sa akin. Confusion was evidently showing in his eyes but hope was starting to make its way. He kept his mouth shut, but his eyes were the one who was seeking for confirmation.

"Katiya."

Galan rose up from his seat. "You better be telling the truth," he said dangerously.

Mariing napalunok ako ng gapangan ng kaba ang dibdib ko. The first impression I had about him was still the same. The dominance and power he had were still there. He still gives me chills and his attitude still scares me. But seeing Galan as a Dad with his child on his lap made him a bit softer. Naroon pa rin ang tapang at bagsik ngunit mas lamang na ang lambot at pag-iingat dahil sa presensya ng anak.

"Katiya is a friend of mine," paglalahad ko ng totoo.

"Do you know where she is?" umaasang tanong niya.

"She rarely talks about herself. Not even her residence. I could only give you her number."

I bit my lower lip when a sudden surge of nervousness attacked me. Panigurado akong magagalit si Katiya kapag ginawa ko iyon. Galit ang sasalubong sa akin pero mas lumalamang ang kagustuhan kong matulungan ang mag-ama.

"Please," pakiusap niya.

"I'll talk about her first."

Hesitation crossed his eyes and I know for sure that the same was reflected on mine. Hindi ko na siya hinintay na makapagsalita pa. Tumayo na ako at nagtungong muli sa kuwarto ni Waldo para kunin ang cellphone kong iniwan ko roon.

I sat down on his bed and stared at my phone as if it would give me an answer to my problem. I contemplated for a long time. Long enough to make Waldo follow me.

Problemadong nag-angat ako ng tingin sa kaniya, nanghihingi ng tulong sa problemang kaya ko namang solusyunan ngunit takot akong panghimasukan. Wala akong ideya kung ano ang maaaring isipin ni Katiya oras na tawagan ko siya. She might get furious. And I don't want us to have an ill relationship.

Pero anong magagawa ko? Gusto kong tulungan iyong bata na biktima lang naman ng sitwasyon. I'll just be the bridge, even though I may be crossing the line.

"I'll just accept her anger with open arms," I said, trying my best to sound nonchalant.

Waldo sighed and took a seat beside me. "Don't think too negatively about it. You're doing the right thing, honey."

Ako naman ang napabuntong-hininga matapos ay walang lakas na napasandal sa balikat niya. Gamit ang nanginginig na mga kamay ay binuhay ko ang cellphone ko. Nang mahanap ang numero ni Katiya ay mabilis na tinawagan ko na iyon bago pa man ako tuluyang balutin ng takot.

"Katiya," kabadong saad ko.

"Napatawag ka?" malamig na tanong niya, natural na boses na siyang madalas ko nang naririnig mula sa kaniya ngunit kakatwang ngayon lang ako dinapuan ng kaba.

"Would you be mad if I would give your number to Galan?" kabado at pilit na nananantiya na tanong ko sa kaniya.

"Anong klaseng sagot ang gusto mong marinig? Iyong totoo o iyong ikagagaan ng loob mo?" naghahamong tanong niya sa akin pabalik.

I shut my eyes tightly at the same time that I was convincing myself in my mind that what I was about to do is right.

"I want an answer that would work best for Ezra," sinserong sagot ko.

Katiya sighed on the other hand. And for the first time since I met her, I felt a bit of exasperation from her. I heard her repeatedly cursed on the other line, letting out his frustration subside.

My patience was tested by the long pause between us. Pero imbes na madaliin siya ay matiyaga kong hinayaang mamayani ang katahimikan sa pagitan naming dalawa, binibigyan siya ng pagkakataon na timbangin ang nararamdaman niya.

Subalit bago pa man makapagsalitang muli ang kahit na sino sa aming dalawa ay naagaw na ng palahaw na iyak ng bata ang atensyon ko, maging ni Waldo at Katiya na kausap ko.

Nagkatinginan kami ni Waldo at wala pang tatlong segundo ay malakas na bumukas na ang pintuan ng kuwarto at iniluwa ang luhaang Ezra na nagtatakbo patungo sa direksyon ko.

"I-Is that my M-Mommy?" tanong niya sa pagitan nang paghikbi.

"Ezra!" habol ni Galan para pigilan sana ang anak ngunit huli na.

"I want my Mommy!" sigaw ni Ezra. "You promised me, Daddy! I want my Mommy!"

My eyes immediately went blurry with tears. Basang-basa na ang pisngi ng bata at namumula na rin ang buong mukha niya maging ang dalawang tainga dahil sa patuloy na pag-iyak. Gusto ko mang mag-iwas ng tingin sa kaniya ay hindi ko magawa dahil napako na sa kaniya ang mga mata ko.

I could feel nothing but pity towards the kid. She was aiming to get my phone but Galan was stopping him. It feels like my heart is being torn into multiple pieces as I continue to watch Ezra catch her breath. Galan tried to soothe his daughter but it had no effect on her.

"What should I do now, Katiya?" halos pabulong na tanong ko.

I felt like all of my energy had been sucked out of my body all of a sudden. Seeing a kid cry for her mother hurts me. Kung puwede lang akuin ang sakit ay ginawa ko na ngunit maski ang pawiin ang sakit ay hindi ko magawa.

"Katiya..." pagkuha ko ng atensyon niya.

Muli siyang bumuntong hininga hanggang sa wakas ay nagsalita na. "Ibigay mo sa bata, kakausapin ko."

Para akong nabunutan ng tinik. Hindi maitatangging gumaan ang pakiramdam sa narinig. "Thank you, Katiya," taos pusong pasasalamat ko.

Binalingan ko ng tingin si Ezra na halos nakahiga na sa sahig habang ang ama ay pilit siyang itinatayo. "Wanna talk to your mommy?"

Mabilis na tumayo siya at lumapir sa akin. "C-Can I?" humihikbing tanong niya.

I tried to give her my best smile as I nod my head in approval. Inilahad ko ang aparato sa harapan niya ngunit imbes na kuhanin iyon mula sa kamay ko ay tiningnan niya ang ama niya na para bang nanghihingi ng permiso.

Nahawa ako sa ginawa niyang pagtingin kay Galan kaya maging ako at si Waldo ay napatingin din sa kaniya. He has this bothered look on his place but it was relief was greater.

Tumango siya sa anak niya, binibigyan ng permiso na tanggapin ang tawag. "Go ahead, baby."

Dali-daling kinuha ni Ezra ang cellphone sa kamay ko ata agad na itinapat sa tainga niya. "M-Mommy?" Pinunasan niya ang magkabilang mata niya gamit ang likod ng kaliwang kamay niya. "Are you my Mommy?"

Nag-iwas ako ng tingin sa kaniya nang hindi na makaya ang bigat sa dibdib ko habang pinanonood siyang nasasaktan kausap ang ina. I was greeted by Waldo's warm smile. He immediately hugged me while tapping my back as if calming me down.

"You did good, honey," bulong niya sa tainga ko.

"Do you think Katiya would get mad?" kabadong tanong ko.

"Talk to her later. I'm sure she'll understand," pagpapagaan niya ng loob ko.

Sumilip ako para makitang muli si Ezra. She was now in his Dad's arms once again while still busy talking to her mother at the other line.

"I don't want to lose the only friend I have, Waldo" takot na bulong ko.

Waldo's warm embrace became even warmer when he started planting small kisses on top of my head, reminding me of his presence. "Was that the reason why you're having a hard time deciding what to do earlier?" nangangapang tanong niya.

"She's the only one I've got and to lose her would damage me even more."

An image of an emotionless Katiya flashed in my head. But despite seeing her face void of any emotions, I could still feel her warmth. I could still find comfort from her and the belongingness I've never felt towards anyone, not even from my family.

Hindi man si Katiya ang mabuting taong nakilala ko. Hindi man siya ang may pinakabusilak na puso sa buong mundo. Siya lang ang taong naglaan sa akin ng oras at panahon. She was the only one who accepted me and made me feel like I still have value, that I could still be someone's friend. Katiya was the only way who stayed, unlike everyone who keeps on running away.

"She'll understand. I'm sure Katiya will," pag-alo niya sa akin.

I couldn't be certain about what Katiya would feel about this sudden happening about her and her child. Sa mga nakalipas na buwang nakakasama ko siya, puro galit lang ang nararamdaman ko mula kay Katiya. But I know for sure that it wasn't directed towards Galan. Ang nasisiguro kong intensyon lang niya ay ilayo ang sarili niya sa mag-ama.

Katiya's ready to be a criminal anytime just to avenge the unfair loss she suffered. And maybe that was the reason why she wanted to distance herself from her supposed family. For Galan and their child not to be tainted by the dirt she's so ready to give herself.

"Huwag ka nang masyadong mag-alala," bulong ni Waldo direkta sa tainga ko. "Katiya would never abandon you because you did the right thing. And you have me. I would never leave you, never in this lifetime," he continued with his words full of sincerity and promise.

And even though there was security in his words and he was the one who said it, a part of me still couldn't believe it. I could still feel that this wasn't the end. Something was still bound to happen.